I mustn’t feel excited at the thought of seeing Thanos, she commanded herself, the note dropping to her side. If she allowed her affection for him to grow, deceiving him, and then betraying him, would be so very hard to do. And she loved Rexus. How could she even consider such an invitation from the enemy they a few days ago jointly despised?
Accepting Thanos’s invitation was dangerous, too, Ceres knew. Just yesterday the queen had ordered they not see each other outside of practice, and here Thanos was openly defying her command. Had he no fear?
It didn’t seem so.
Had he really agreed to marry Stephania to save her life? Ceres marveled. It was the kindest thing anyone had done for her. Too kind, in fact.
She should tell him it was too much of a sacrifice.
Yes, that was what she would do: accept his invitation and tell him, after which she would remind him that he had agreed not to see her.
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
This will not end well, Ceres thought as she walked down the winding staircase from her room, her handmaiden leading the way. With sweaty hands, and a heart that refused to beat at a reasonable pace, every few seconds, she’d stop and almost turn back to her chamber. There, it was safe. There, Thanos wouldn’t visit her, and she wouldn’t hate herself for accepting his invitation and for being untrue to Rexus.
She stopped at the bottom of the stairwell and peered down the hallway at the dozens of marble columns that lined the passage, the handmaiden continuing on. The ceilings seemed as high as mountaintops, the floor smooth as a lake on a quiet day, and the mural paintings covering the walls depicted former kings, queens, beasts, and nature.
The handmaiden, now several feet in front of Ceres, turned around and waved.
“Well, come on then,” she said. “Or perhaps you are too sore?”
She was sore, yes, but that wasn’t the reason she wasn’t moving. However, she knew she needed to do this so she pulled her shoulders back, took a deep breath, and strode forward.
Once downstairs, the handmaiden led Ceres outside and walked her through the courtyard and to the side of the palace.
They arrived at a separate building, the face of the library having six marble columns. In front was a small fountain with a statue of the queen at the top, the queen’s steely gaze looking down at Ceres.
Even here she is watching, Ceres thought.
“Is there anything else I can do for you before I leave?” the handmaiden said with a smile.
Ceres shook her head and watched as the girl sauntered off.
“Ceres?” she heard behind her.
She turned to see Thanos standing there, a white toga draped around his body, his dark curls combed back neatly. Although more formal-looking than usual, it was a good look for him, Ceres observed. She tried not to like it too much.
“I almost didn’t recognize you,” he said.
“I look…not like me,” she said, twisting her hands into knots.
“You look exactly like you, just a little cleaner,” he said, the slightest look of amusement in his face.
He leaned in and inhaled.
“And you smell good,” he said.
Of all things to notice, she thought, irritated, though she couldn’t stop her heart from beating a little faster.
“Did I not before?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Not as much as a girl,” he said.
“Well, don’t get used to it. In the arena, I’ll still not smell like a girl.”
He laughed heartily, and that made Ceres even more irritated at him.
“Shall we?” he asked, holding his arm out for her to take it.
Without taking his arm, she walked right past him and up the stairs toward the library. She heard him exhaling sharply behind her.
Stepping inside, Ceres gasped when she saw thousands upon thousands of scrolls stacked into wooden shelves on every wall. She had never seen so many writings in one place—the other library she had studied at was much smaller. Oh, how she would love to sit in this room for days and weeks and months and soak up all the knowledge that was in here.
The room was hot, the scent of wood and parchment inundating the musty air, and on the sides, by wooden tables, in between marble pillars, sat scholars dressed in togas, writing. There was a hushed reverence, and Ceres felt giddy to be here.
In the center of the library an elderly man stood at a marble slab, hunched over a scroll as he read. His head was bald, making his large ears more pronounced, and he had penetrating blue eyes that sat over a long, beaky nose.
He looked up and smiled, and immediately, Ceres knew she would like him.
Thanos walked in behind her and placed his hand on the small of her back, heat collecting there as he gently pushed her forward toward the old man.
“Ceres, meet Cosmas,” Thanos said. “He is the royal scholar, among other things.”
“I am honored to meet you,” Ceres said with a nod and a slight curtsy.
“The honor is mine, my dear,” the old man replied, his smile widening as he took her hand.
“What other sorts of things?” Ceres asked.
Thanos rested a hand on Cosmas’s shoulder, his eyes filled with tenderness.
“Counselor, teacher, friend, father,” he said.
The old man gasped a laugh and nodded.
“Father, yes.”
Cosmas rolled up the scroll in front of him, but even though Ceres itched to know what was written on it, she didn’t quite dare to ask to read it, thinking it might not be acceptable.
“You would never have known it, but you should have seen Thanos when he arrived at the castle,” he said in a voice that sounded like it might crack any second. “He was such a scrawny little thing, one would never have thought he would grow up to look like a god.”
Ceres laughed. Thanos stepped behind the old man and tapped his ear. Ceres nodded, realizing the man was hard of hearing.
“Thanos may have told you, but he lost his parents when he was but a babe. Such nice folks they were,” Cosmas said, shaking his head, his lips tilting downward.
“I’m sorry to hear,” Ceres said, glancing at Thanos, but Thanos said nothing.
The old man picked up the scroll, but before he could put it away, curiosity overcame Ceres, and she pushed her hesitation aside.
“May I read it?” she asked, forcing her voice to be louder than usual so Cosmas would hear her.
Thanos’s eyes widened, and he had a look of disbelief on his face.
“What?” Ceres asked, feeling a little embarrassed from his stare.
“I guess…I just assumed you couldn’t read,” he said.
“Well, you assumed wrong,” she retorted. “I love studying everything I can get my hands on.”
Cosmas laughed and winked at her.
“Although this isn’t the largest library in Delos, it is the oldest and carries the writings of the greatest philosophers and some of the best scholars in the world,” Cosmas said. “You are more than welcome to study anything in here.”
“Thank you,” Ceres said, letting her eyes scan the scrolls. “I could live in this place.”
“Hold on,” Thanos said, his eyes narrowing, his expression filled with skepticism. “What is it you have you studied, exactly?”
“Mathematics, astronomy, physics, geometry, geography, physiology, and medicine, among other things,” Ceres said.
Thanos nodded, a look of wonder, and perhaps even a look of pride in his eyes, Ceres saw.
“Thanos, why don’t you give the dear a tour of the rest of the library, and we can study when you return?” Cosmas said.
“Would you like to see it?” Thanos asked.
“Of course,” Ceres replied, bubbles of excitement rising within at the thought.
Thanos offered his arm again, but just like before, she sauntered right past him, not taking it. He rolled his eyes.
First Thanos took her to the study room, then a lecture hall and a meeting room, before finally showing
her out to the library gardens.
They walked in silence on the stone path, past statues of gods and goddesses, manicured bushes, vine-covered pillars, and endless beds of brightly colored flowers. A gentle breeze delighted her face, the scent of roses stirring into the air.
At the back of her mind, she remembered there was something she had planned to say to Thanos, but with him here, she couldn’t seem to recall what it was.
“I must admit, I was quite shocked when you started to list off all the philosophies you had studied,” Thanos said. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you at first.”
“Well, in your defense, most commoners aren’t schooled, and most royals think they know everything about everyone, so how could you have known?” she said.
He chuckled at the jibe.
“I’ll be the first to admit I am ignorant in many things,” he said.
She glanced at him sideways. Was he pretending to be humble? She couldn’t tell.
“How did you become learned?” he asked, clasping his hands behind his back as he walked.
“My father’s best friend was a scholar, and the scholar would let me sneak into the library and read. And more often than not he would even sit down with me and teach me,” she said.
“I’m glad there are some reasonable men out there, encouraging women to study,” he said.
Ceres glanced at him again, trying to assess if he were being genuine in his remark or not, thinking he couldn’t possibly be.
“Cosmas is one of those men. If you would like, I could have him continue to tutor you.”
Ceres was unable to repress an ear-to-ear smile.
“I would like that. I would love that,” she said.
They walked on a while longer until they came to a half-circle of marble pillars. Thanos bid her to sit on the stone bench, and after she sat down, he sat next to her. When she saw the city and the sea beyond, she sighed, for it was so beautiful.
“I didn’t realize your parents died when you were young,” Ceres said.
He looked out across the city, his nose wrinkling slightly.
“I don’t remember them, although I have heard quite a few stories about them from Cosmas.”
He paused and pressed a hand next to hers, resting on the bench, their pinky fingers touching.
She couldn’t help but notice how her stomach fluttered.
“I do often wonder what they were like, and especially what it would be like to have the love of a mother,” he said.
“How did they die?” she asked, her voice soft.
“It’s uncertain, but Cosmas thinks someone murdered them.”
“How horrible!” Ceres exclaimed, placing her hand atop his without thinking.
Realizing what she had done, she was about to pull her hand away, but Thanos grabbed it before she could and held it tight.
They sat like that for a moment that seemed to span eternity, hearts beating strong, breaths ceased.
She would not look into his eyes, she told herself, for she knew if she did, something would happen. Something terrible. Something wonderful.
He placed a hand underneath her chin and lifted it so she had no other place to look but into his eyes.
And all of a sudden it was as if all the air had vanished from around her and she felt warm, warmer than she had ever felt.
His dark eyes flicked to her lips, and some unseen force drew her to him, pulling her away from her resolve to stay away, pulling her away from Rexus and all she had ever held dear.
With a soft smile, he lifted a hand and stroked her cheek, and Ceres could not for the life of her look away. He leaned forward, his lips finding her throat, so soft.
She took in a staggered breath while her hands knitted through his thick dark curls. She found his lips, warm, soft, and she moved hers across his, slowly, tingles spreading through her, and all that had ever been and all that was, was no more.
“Thanos!” Ceres heard, a female voice, bringing her back to reality.
She turned her head to see Stephania standing there, her lips pinched together tightly, tears in her eyes.
Thanos gave Stephania a hard glare.
“The king needs to see you,” Stephania snapped.
“Can’t it wait?” Thanos asked.
“No, it is of an urgent matter,” Stephania said.
Thanos exhaled a slow breath, an expression of disappointment in his eyes. He stood up and bowed toward Ceres.
“Until next time,” he said, and marched back toward the library.
Feeling quite embarrassed, Ceres rose to her feet and was about to leave, but Stephania stepped in her way, eyes seething.
“You will stay away from Thanos, you hear? Just because you are dressed as royalty doesn’t mean you are one. You have nothing but commoner blood running through your veins.”
“I…” Ceres started, but she was interrupted.
“I know Thanos likes you, but soon he will grow tired of you the way he does every commoner. And once you have given him what he wants, he will throw you out of the palace just like he did the other girls.”
Ceres didn’t believe Stephania for one second.
“If he has so many other girls, why do you want to marry him?” she asked.
“I don’t have to explain myself to a lowlife like you. Stay away from my future husband, or I will find a way to make you disappear, do you understand?”
Stephania started back toward the library, but then she turned to face Ceres again.
“And just so you know,” she said, “I will be telling the queen about all that I saw.”
CHAPTER TWENTY TWO
Thanos paced nervously back and forth outside of Ceres’s door, his hands sweaty, his throat dry, his armor too restrictive and hot. Nothing felt right. Nothing was right. Although he realized he had no choice other than to accept his uncle’s orders, he knew Ceres would not understand and that she would be hurt and quite possibly hate him for it. And the worst part was, she would be in the right to do so. Even he despised himself for agreeing to do as his uncle had commanded, and he wished there was some way out of this nightmare of a predicament.
Thanos wiped the sweat beading on his brow, and cursed silently.
It was idiotic to pace about here like a drunken fool, he knew, for the king had commanded him to leave immediately, so there was no time. But Ceres deserved the truth from him even if it would cause a mountain of a rift between them. Even if his greatest fear came true—that she would never want to see him again.
Never.
He squeezed his eyes shut as the horror of that thought settled in. And then he realized there was another reason he was here. A huge part of him needed to see her again, in the event he was killed.
He shouldn’t think of matters he had no control over, he reprimanded himself.
He gritted his teeth and knocked on the door, and once the new handmaiden opened, he stepped inside.
Right when Ceres saw him, her face went pale.
“Thank you for freeing Anka and for allowing me to have her as my handmaiden,” Ceres said.
He glanced at the girl and nodded toward Ceres.
“Of course. Ceres, may I have a word?” he asked.
Thanos noted that Ceres’s shoulders went tense, and an unsettled look in her eyes verified she knew something was terribly wrong.
“Of course,” Ceres said.
“Perhaps we can take a walk,” he said.
They went into the hallway and climbed the stairs to the rooftop, a warm breeze tugging at his hair. From here, Thanos could see the entire capital, houses built as if on top of each other, and he could even hear the riots on the streets.
He stopped at the veranda and faced Ceres. She was so beautiful, he thought, her white dress blowing in the wind, her strawberry blonde hair moving with the breeze. But it wasn’t her beauty that made him adore her so. It was her thirst for life and learning, and the passion she carried for the people and things she loved.
He took a deep breath
and looked her in the eyes before he spoke.
“King Claudius has ordered the royal army to annihilate the rebellion,” he said.
Her lips squeezed together ever so slightly, and she turned away from him, looking across the city.
“Was that what the note was about?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“And since you are in your armor, I assume you will be one of the ones enacting the king’s orders,” she said.
He didn’t want to say, the words feeling like molasses in his throat.
“I wish I didn’t have to, but I have no choice, Ceres,” he said.
“One always has a choice.”
Her voice was flat, but it was greatly constrained, he could hear, and he knew with certainty all she wanted to do was scream at him.
“How can you say I have a choice? You have no idea what it’s like to live beneath the king, his eyes always scrutinizing you, the threat of death always looming around the corner.”
“My brothers are out there!” she yelled, tears welling up in her eyes. “My friend Rexus. Will you kill them if you see them? Will you slay the very ones I love?”
His chest filled with a dull ache, seeing her upset, when all he wanted to do was to make her smile and make her feel safe.
“I realize you are angry—” he said.
“Because they are my people!” she shouted. “They are your people, too, Thanos. Can’t you see you are fighting for a corrupt king, for oppression? Is that what you really want?”
Clenching his fist, he remained silent.
“You will be fighting against exactly what it is you yourself are trying to escape. Don’t you see?” she said.
He knew she was right, but he had to do this or the king would have no qualms about throwing them both back into the dungeon, like he had threatened when Thanos tried to object.
He gripped the railing, clutching until his knuckles turned white.
“I have to do what I don’t want to get the things I desire more.”
She stood rigid as a board, her beautiful emerald eyes widening, her mouth open in shock.