Nikolai frowned at the closed door. When they were done here, he was going to have a talk with Sergei. He didn't mind his men spoiling Vivian—God only knew that he did—but giving her Type II Diabetes by twenty-five wasn't in anyone's best interests. "You need to eat a real meal."
"Later," she said and gripped his waist with her legs. She dropped her gaze to her lap with embarrassment and shame. "You're not leaving until you tell me what I did wrong last night."
Nikolai ducked his head and tilted her chin until their gazes met. Peering into her eyes, he asked, "What you did wrong? Vivian, you didn’t do anything wrong. I'm the one who fucked it all up."
"What do you mean?"
"I scared you. I got too intense. You asked me to stop."
"I didn't ask you to stop. I asked you to wait. I just…I wanted to take a little more time to enjoy it all."
Nikolai blinked. Had he misread her that badly? "Shit. Vee—I thought I'd broken your trust in me or terrified you by behaving like an animal."
"Well, I thought maybe you were having problems because of…" She hesitated and nervously chewed her lip. "Because of what happened to you when you were little."
The shock of hearing her mention his molestation nearly knocked him off the stool. He'd suspected that Lena might have let her read that threatening letter that had been left on the yacht but this was the first time he'd had it confirmed. The next time he saw Yuri he was going to kick him right in the fucking balls for not warning him and allowing him to be blindsided.
Unable to bear her curious stare, Nikolai pushed aside her legs and slid off the stool. He turned his back toward her and tried to get a grip on his wildly vacillating emotions. Shame and humiliation soured his gut while the strangest sense of freedom invaded his chest. It was one less secret between them.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."
Not wanting her to feel guilty, he turned to face her. Already two shiny rivers dripped down her cheeks. He shoved aside the stool and wrapped his arms around her. "Vee, it's fine. I'm glad it's out."
She burrowed closer. "I wanted to tell you so many times but I didn't know how to bring it up. Lena sent me a picture of that letter. I read it, and I told her to destroy the photo and the letter. I knew you wouldn't want anyone to know."
As he caressed her back, he realized that she'd known for months. Not once had she treated him any differently. "It doesn't disgust you?"
She pulled back and stared up at him with disbelief. "Why would you ask me that? I fucking love you. All of you. What someone did to you when you were little doesn't make you less worthy of being loved, and it sure as hell doesn't give people the right to ridicule or ostracize you."
He didn't know if she'd ever declared her love for him so stridently. Swallowing the knot clogging his throat, he admitted, "I find it difficult to be touched by most people. I don't mind when Yuri, Ivan or Dimitri do it."
"And me?"
He kissed the tip of her nose. "I crave your touch."
"If you need time, I'm really good at waiting."
He chortled with amusement. "Vee, I think we've waited long enough." He brushed the long strands of hair framing her face behind her ear and wiped the tears from her face. "Don't cry for me. Not over this. I survived—and I refused to let those monsters have any power over me."
"So last night…"
"Last night was all me. I had it all so perfectly planned, but you came in there and you were so fucking sexy. Once I had my hands on you, my brain short-circuited. I had to have you. I couldn't wait." His jaw clenched at the memory of her hands stroking his cock. "I wanted to make love to you—but I'm not sure I know how."
Vivian's eyes widened with confusion. "But you've had sex—"
"I've had plenty of sex," he interrupted. "It's not the same. I've only ever fucked a woman. That's not what I want with you. Before you, it was always about the quickest way to find release. It was rough and dirty and hard. I don't want that with you. I want it to mean something."
She gulped and licked her lips. "Well, you know, maybe someday we could try it that way? Because that actually sounds really hot."
Nikolai laughed and was glad for the moment of levity. "I'm sure we will."
She gripped his hands. "Look, I guess, in a way, we're both virgins."
His lips twitched with amusement at the very thought of being considered pure or inexperienced. "You might say that."
"So we just…we take it slow." With a mischievous grin, she added, "And even if you totally screw it up, I won't know right? What else do I have to compare it to, Kolya?"
He snorted with amusement. "You really know how to encourage a man."
She brushed her silken pout against his mouth. "Just shut up and kiss me already."
As he captured her mouth, Nikolai doubted this was going to end with one simple kiss.
*
There was no way this was ending with one kiss. I might be the inexperienced one in our marriage but I knew what I wanted—and I was getting it. Right now. Right here.
When his tongue delved between my lips, I pushed his jacket off his shoulders. He shrugged out of it and tossed it aside, narrowly missing the wet paint on the palette. I had a feeling he didn’t care if he ruined it.
"Wait," Nikolai said with a surprised laugh as I started yanking on his tie. "Here?"
"Here." I jerked his tie free and let it fall to the floor. "Who knows when we'll get another chance?"
My question seemed to win him over. While he claimed me with a demanding kiss, Nikolai toed off his shoes and started unbuttoning his shirt. I ran my hands along his exposed chest, careful of the still healing wound in his shoulder, and shoved the shirt off his body. As it fluttered to the floor, Nikolai grasped the bottom of my dress and tugged it toward my waist. "Lift your bottom."
He didn’t have to tell me twice. I hurriedly complied with his order and soon sat in just my undies and the tights I'd worn to keep my legs warm. They didn't stand much of a chance with Nikolai. In four quick jerks, he divested me of the dark tights. My bra took him all of five seconds to remove. Only my panties remained.
Nikolai glanced around the room. I could tell he was looking for a suitable place to ravish me. Finally, he settled on the drop cloth. Picking me up, he said, "It won't be the most comfortable spot."
"I don't care." I really didn't. I was on fire now. My whole body burned with desire. "The door?"
Nikolai took me down to the floor and kneeled at my feet. "It's locked. We're safe."
From prying eyes maybe but from the shadowy threats against us? Never.
Refusing to think about the nightmare that awaited us, I grasped his belt. "Take this off. I want to feel you again. All of you."
His sexy grin made me shiver with anticipation. Nikolai stood up just long enough to unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants before shoving them down his legs. He stepped out of them and discarded them in the growing pile of clothing on the edge of the drop cloth.
Leaning back on my hands, I watched him strip out of his black boxer briefs. I couldn't believe he had even more tattoos hidden beneath the dark cotton. His thighs were marked with prison symbols and the ink trophies of robberies done right.
But it was his stiff cock that really held my attention. I didn't have anything to compare it to other than the few dirty movies Lena and Erin had dared me to watch over the years. Straight off, I could tell that he was uncut and different than most of the guys I'd seen in those porn flicks. Long and thick, his erection promised to be a difficult obstacle for this first time.
As if sensing my fear, he promised, "We'll go slowly. Very, very slowly."
Like a sleek jungle cat, he lowered himself to the drop cloth and crawled toward me. I giggled like crazy as he peppered ticklish kisses up my thighs and across my hips. When he encountered the first scar from the night he'd shot me, he faltered. I lifted my head to watch him. There was no mistaking the guilt marring his handsome face.
He reverently kissed th
e three puckered scars dotting my belly and chest. In between each kiss, he whispered sweetly to me in Russian, calling me his love, his sweetheart, his sun. I closed my eyes and relished the feel of his mouth on my naked skin.
Though this was nothing like the way I'd imagined my first time, I knew this was the way it was always supposed to be. There weren't any candles or rose petals or fluffy white bedding but I didn’t need any of that. I just needed Nikolai.
As he made love to my mouth, I sifted my fingers through his thick hair. He palmed my breasts and masterfully played with my nipples. Each tweak and tug made me gasp and arch into him. My breasts felt so heavy, and the ruddy, swollen peaks practically buzzed. Nikolai soothed the rawness of his slightly rough play with his wicked tongue.
"Kolya…" His name left my lips on a pleasured sigh.
The hand that had been sensually tormenting my breasts slowly glided down the front of my body, riding the sloping curve of my belly to the vee between my thighs. His smoky gaze held mine as he lightly petted my bare sex. My heart beat so hard and fast I could hardly hear anything but the whoosh of blood against my eardrums.
Overcome with heat and the slightest panic of embarrassment, I buried my face against his neck as Nikolai gently explored my secret place. He was so incredibly careful as he parted the delicate folds to reveal my clit. Already that tiny pink pearl throbbed incessantly.
"Can you tell me what feels good?"
I squeaked nervously. The thought of voicing the way his fingers felt as they circled my clit was too much.
"Look at me," he ordered gruffly. He softened the harsh edge of his voice with a tender kiss. "If you can't tell me, then show me. Let me see your face."
When he spoke so commandingly to me, there was no refusing him. I clutched his sides but didn't break our intense gaze. Surrendering to my husband, I lost myself in the strength of his embrace and the love reflected in his eyes. His fingertips swirled around my clitoris, massaging the bud with the lightest pressure.
As he nibbled my lower lip and touched his tongue to mine, Nikolai slid his fingers a bit lower. He gathered some of the slick nectar seeping from my core and used his slicked fingers to change up the sensation. I whimpered and gripped him tighter. My core wobbled violently as bright white frissons unfurled deep inside me. My thighs flexed as I chased the wicked sensations he evoked just by rubbing my clitoris and kissing me dizzy.
Our mouths were separated by mere millimeters. We shared each other's breaths. His were relaxed and calm but mine had grown shuddery and almost panicked. He gazed down at me with such wonder and affection. It was if I was the most beautiful and precious thing he'd ever seen.
His fingertips circled with more pressure and at a faster speed. Even if I'd wanted to hold back, there was no way to stop my impending climax. Blissful bursts rocked my core. Head thrown back, I rode the rapturous waves. "Nikolai!"
"Vee." He bent down to lock his lips along the curved and exposed edge of my throat. I cried out with surprise as he bit down slightly, marking me as his. The sharp pinch accentuated the delicious trembling emanating from deep within me.
As my climax began to fade, Nikolai shifted until he was on top of me. He drove me crazy with punishing kisses, the kind that left my lips swollen and my toes curling with delight. The fingers that had been massaging me into heaven slid lower and penetrated me ever so carefully.
"Is this all right?" Nikolai gazed down at me with such concern in his eyes. "Tell me if it's too much."
"Don't stop," I begged, loving every second of his two fingers spearing me. He worked them into me so gently, just an inch or so before retreating. As he prepared me for his hard cock, Nikolai savored my mouth. When his thumb started to rub my clit, I nearly died. "Oh God!"
He chuckled. "Not quite."
I laughed but his hand felt so damn good that it turned into a low moan. "Nikolai, please…"
"Tell me what you want, Vee."
"I…I don't know what I want."
"I know what I want." He suckled my nipple while his fingers penetrated me again and again. Breathing heavily, he admitted, "You're even wetter and tighter than I'd imagined. I've dreamed about this, about burying my cock in your pussy. I imagined the way it would feel to sink into you again and again, to feel you gripping me like a fist and milking my cum."
My pussy fluttered around his thrusting fingers as he described all the dirty things he wanted to do to me. "Ah!"
He nipped at my breast. "Do you want me to take you now?"
"Yes." I was ready. I wanted him inside me so badly I could taste it. "Yes."
Nikolai planted a hand next to my head before widening my thighs by moving between them. I shook now that the moment was upon me. In a few short moments, I'd know all the secrets of womanhood. In a few short moments, I'd discover what it meant to share something so incredibly intimate with the man I loved.
The evidence of my excitement left his fingers shiny as he removed them from me. Gripping the base of his erection, Nikolai lined up our bodies. Without his digits deep inside me, I felt so empty and ached for him to fill me again. I wrapped my legs around his hips and caressed his chest. "I need you."
Covering me with his bigger, leaner body, Nikolai captured my mouth and thrust forward. There was nothing easy or gentle about the thrust that impaled me. I cried out as he pierced me and sank deep inside my virgin passage. My body protested the sudden invasion of his long, thick shaft but Nikolai pushed forward until he was fully sheathed inside me.
"Forgive me," he murmured, his voice pained. Kissing me lovingly, Nikolai didn't move. He held perfectly still so I could acclimate to the strange sensation of being stretched around his thick cock. Sweetly and softly, he whispered to me in Russian and told me how much he loved me.
When his tongue tangled with mine, I began to relax. The throbbing down there started to lessen. I concentrated on the way his rough palms felt gliding over my breasts and stroking my arms.
As our kisses grew more heated and sensual, Nikolai moved experimentally. I hissed the first time, the burning stretch still too much for me to enjoy, but Nikolai tried again and again. He trailed his fingertips down my face as he pulled back until just the very tip of him remained buried inside me. When he pushed forward again, I gasped and clawed at his back.
"Soon," he promised. "It will feel good soon."
With each slow, gentle stroke, he gathered more of my wetness on his cock and eased the sliding thrusts. I moaned as the wicked sensation of his cock gliding in and out of me left me trembling. "Yes."
Nikolai moved deliberately, his strokes long and deep and unhurried. He slipped his fingers between our bodies and found my clit. He touched the super-sensitive pearl, and I gasped and twisted away from him. Gripping his wrist, I panted, "No, it's too much."
"Sh," he hushed gently. "Let me."
I held tight to his wrist but didn't stop him as he framed my swollen clitoris between his fingers and began to gently rub it. The intense, nearly overwhelming feeling began to fade. Suddenly, it felt really, really good. "Kolya!" I arched into him thrusts. "Don't stop. Please. Please."
I wanted to come again so badly. I wanted to experience a climax with him inside me, stroking all the right places. My body began to rhythmically clench him, squeezing his rock-hard shaft to wring every last ounce of pleasure from his thrusting cock. "Oh. Oh!"
"Da." He swallowed my passionate cries with ravenous kisses. "Da."
He seemed impossibly harder and longer now as his thrusts grew faster and rougher. I scratched at his back and chased the promise of ecstasy that was just beyond my reach. Nikolai shifted the angle of penetration—and I shot off like a rocket.
"Kolya!" His name echoed off the ceiling and walls but neither one of us cared. We were lost in the wondrous ecstasy of our first coupling. Rocking together and clutching, we enjoyed the wickedly sinful sensations of a shared climax.
A few seconds after I exploded with pure bliss, Nikolai followed me over the edge. He slammed
deep inside me and jerked roughly as his blazing seed seared me. "Vee," he whispered with such awe. "Vee."
For a long time, neither of us dared to move. We shuddered in each other's embrace, content to share the rippling aftershocks. With a loud, satisfied groan, Nikolai fell off me and rolled onto his back. He dragged me into his arms and cradled me tightly to his chest. "God, Vee, that was good. So good." He caressed my back. "Are you all right? Did I hurt you badly?"
"You didn't hurt me—and it was amazing." I had tears in my eyes as the wonder of it all consumed me. That was so incredibly worth the wait.
"Thank you," he whispered.
"For what?"
"Sharing this with me." He sifted his fingers through my hair but stopped abruptly. "You have paint in your hair," Nikolai said with a laugh.
"Do I?" I reached up to touch the area he played with and encountered the tacky wetness. "Great."
Nikolai kissed my forehead. "Purple streaks are a good look on you."
"Uh-huh."
"Better you than me."
"You've probably got paint all over your back by now."
He grunted. "As if you could tell with all the ink covering me."
"That's a good point."
He slid down a little and rolled onto his side so he could peer into my eyes. "I truly am sorry about last night. Can we start over? Wipe the slate clean?"
I pushed up onto my elbow and traced one of the prison tattoos on his neck. "Yes."
"I don't know that we can ever be partners in the way Dimitri and Benny are but I can try to let you in more. There are some things I can't—shouldn't—tell you."
"I understand that. Frankly, there are probably things I don't want to know. Just don't shut me out like you did today."
Nikolai ran his finger over my lower lip. "I won't. I need you now." He kissed me lovingly. "More than ever."
Chapter Twenty-One
A few hours later, Nikolai made his final tour of the house before heading upstairs to join Vivian in bed. He deliberately took his time because he wanted to draw out the anticipation of making love to her again. He hadn't been able to wipe the smile off his face since they'd emerged from her studio. Their first day as a married couple might have started off on the wrong foot but it was ending on the right one.