Chapter Six
Amelia
I woke up feeling… disturbed. Disturbed by the dreams, the emotions I had felt. I realised I was becoming eager for sleep so I could catch another image of the dream boy/man’s face. I was definitely losing my mind. I blamed my mental state on the fact my grandmother’s memorial service was happening soon.
I wasn’t really sure why we were going through with it. Byron wasn’t interested, so he paid some woman to look after everything. Opa hadn’t returned, so he clearly wasn’t bothered. My cousin Jeremy hadn’t come back at all, even though we’d lost a family member, and that said it all really.
In fact, I was the only one looking forward to it. There hadn’t been a proper funeral and no real chance to say goodbye. The memorial would hopefully erase all of those memories.
The morning was hectic. Guests’ incessant knocking at the door made me feel as though we were running late. Vaguely familiar people turned up, some not familiar at all, but all of them a piece of Mémère’s past. And Opa’s.
In the end, Nathan dragged me to the community hall early. I could tell by the look on his face that he was tired of getting his hopes up every time the doorbell rang. Every single time we both started, thinking it might be Opa, but he never showed. So we sat in the community hall as people swiftly moved things around in preparation.
“We should probably help,” I ventured.
“We’ll only get in the way.”
I stared at my brother, unable to look away. Only a couple of seats from me, and yet he felt light years away. There had always been a distance between us. Aside from the protective big brother act, he never really showed me his heart. Once he started turning into a werewolf, the gulf only expanded.
Then Perdita came along, and he directed his attention completely toward her. Even before she knew he cared, she was all he cared about. I thought pushing them together would bring us closer, but all it did was shove me onto the sidelines, yet again. Since Mémère’s death, I had felt completely alone. I knew he cared about me, but sometimes he forgot I existed. He was the closest family I had, though sometimes I felt as though I’d lost everyone the day Mémère died.
Byron turned up at the community hall and came over to us, but we might have been three strangers. A constant tension filled the air, along with uncomfortable silences or awkward conversations. I didn’t want the atmosphere to touch me, but it clung on tight, and I couldn’t shake it off.
A dark-haired woman approached Byron, asking for a moment of his time. Her eyes were hungry on his, but he didn’t seem to notice. Or rather, he chose to ignore it. He had closed off his heart a long time ago, even to us. The brunette had directed most of the work for the service. I had no idea what her name was, and she never once met my eyes.
“Can you two greet people who turn up?” Byron asked before turning away from us.
With a heavy sigh, Nathan stood and hauled me up after him. “Let’s go welcome the natives.”
“Not just natives,” I reminded as I followed him.
People attending the memorial trickled in, and most of them getting this look on their faces when they took in the colours in the room. Widening eyes, bemused whispers; it became a little predictable really.
I was surprised to see Abbi approach with her parents. Nathan had told me that most of his classmates would be at the match, instead. Abbi smiled weakly, but her eyes brightened when she turned to Nathan. He led her and her parents to their seats, and I followed Nathan to the front of the room.
“What’s the deal with her?” I whispered, trying not to look around.
“She’s a good friend. I keep telling you that.” He looked annoyed at my question.
“She likes you?” I felt the waves of anger roll off him, but when he spoke, he was completely calm.
“As a friend. That’s all. Why do I feel as though you’re accusing me of something, Amelia?”
“I’m not.” I bit my lip. “I just… Perdita’s my friend.”
He lowered his voice, his eyes stern. He suddenly reminded me of Byron, and I had to swallow a hysterical giggle. “And Perdita’s my mate. Nobody can come between that.”
His jaw twitched, and I thought he might keep going, knowing his comment was directed mostly at me, but he was suddenly distracted. He turned around, and there she was at the door. Perdita. For once I was glad he forgot about everything else when she was around. I hadn’t liked his tone when he said my mate. Too possessive. Too… unlike Nathan.
He moved toward her without another word, and she stepped toward him at the same time, apparently unable to contain herself. Watching them gravitate toward each other was kind of beautiful, in a really sad way, considering they both knew their relationship would end tragically, one way or another. The way they felt was so obvious in how they looked at each other, and I scrambled to take my camera out of my bag and get a shot of them greeting each other.
They touched hands, both of them brightening as one, but the camera also picked up her dad behind her, and he looked entirely unimpressed. He was polite to Nathan, but I could see the tension in his jaw and how difficult it was for him when she walked away. His blond girlfriend, Erin, laid her hand on his arm as he stared after Perdita, and he turned his gaze back to Erin, true love softening his expression. I tried to hold in a sigh. I wanted that. That look they all reserved for the person who held a chunk of their heart in his or her hands. I wanted someone to look at me like that and to love me like that. But I didn’t even have familial love anymore.
As I took my seat, I realised Abbi had that same look of longing on her face when she watched Perdita and Nathan together, and I almost felt sorry for her. She never had a chance.
Perdita seemed pleased to see me, although her cheeks reddened as she took in the room, and she automatically hid behind her long, auburn hair. All eyes were on her, always her. She might have been the least assuming person I knew, but when she and Nathan were together, everyone craned their necks for a good look at them. I wasn’t sure if it was to see if Perdita’s and Nathan’s feelings were for real, or to gawk at a mismatched couple. But their intensity for each other grabbed everyone’s attention and didn’t let go, as if everyone drank up what the two projected to each other. Of course, the attention made Perdita uncomfortable whenever she became aware of it. Which didn’t happen too often; she was usually too zoned in on Nathan to think about anyone else. At the service, she noticed, and she squirmed in her seat until she had me as nervous as she obviously felt.
I tried to get her attention, to make her feel better, but she was leaning against Nathan, so she didn’t need me for anything. I stared at a point on the wall, hoping I would get through the memorial, when all of a sudden I felt Nathan’s anger like a spike, so strong that it seemed to hit even me. Perdita winced as his grip on her hand must have tightened, and I glanced back to see what had grabbed Nathan’s attention and anger.
Byron. Jeremy.
Opa.
My heart sang in my chest, but my grandfather didn’t even look at me as he took his seat. All feelings of elation left me, and I tried not to stare at him. Why wasn’t he happy to see me? The memorial service began, and I tried to pay attention to the stories told, but I couldn’t because I was confused. I couldn’t ignore the man who’d taken care of me as a father for all of those years, though he didn’t seem to be that man anymore. He didn’t even look the same. His ordinarily short silver hair had grown long. His beard was almost beyond the irritatingly scratchy stage. But it was his eyes that got to me. They had no depth, no feeling and were blank, bloodshot eyes which took us in as if he didn’t recognise us. I barely controlled the shiver that ran through my body. What had happened to us?
In the end, I managed to listen to some of the stories, feeling a certain kind of unexpected bliss at the idea my grandmother wouldn’t be easily forgotten by other people besides myself. Afterward, most of us took all of the vibrant plants that decorated the room to the graveyard. I was glad to see Abbi d
idn’t join us. The fact that she was friends with Dawn was all the reason I needed to be glad. I would never forget how they treated me on my first day at school.
On the way to the graveyard, I heard some “old biddies,” as Perdita called them, openly mock us for the “performance,” but I didn’t care. They meant nothing to me. They couldn’t hurt me.
My family could.
I tried to take my grandfather’s hand, a movement I’d made a million times before, but he shrugged me off and edged away, leaving me feeling as though a bucket of ice-cold water had been thrown all over me. I tried to speak to Nathan, but he brushed me off as well, tightening up with a rage I couldn’t explain. Tired of everyone, I stuck by Perdita, who seemed as annoyed by Nathan as I was. I liked that about her. She could still be bothered by him, and she didn’t automatically run after him when he acted like a… like a… werewolf.
My grandmother had been too submissive on the rare occasion Opa was being unreasonable. She’d give in without a fuss and wait for the sweetness and light to come back. I had always assumed her easy forgiveness was a symptom of the curse. Now I wasn’t so sure. Then again, I wasn’t sure of anything anymore. The uncertainty seemed to clog my pores, making it hard for me to follow through on a thought.
Perdita still managed to irritate me, putting on her sceptical face when I mentioned leaving flowers on old graves. I didn’t want to be forgotten; why would anyone else? It bothered me that she still had that narrow-minded reaction to anything new, despite everything that had happened. She would see so much more to life if she could open her mind. I supposed I should have gone easier on her. After all, something supernatural was going to kill her before her time. Maybe her denying what was out there helped her cope.
On the way back, Byron beckoned me to walk next to him. All five of my family members grouped together, but we had no closeness or unity.
“Be polite to the guests,” Opa said under his breath. “And let’s hope this is over as quickly as possible.”
“This is supposed to be special,” I blurted in surprise.
He turned his head to glare at me. “There is nothing special about this exposure.”
“Mémère would have liked it,” Nathan insisted, and I felt grateful for the support, particularly when the scorn coming from Jeremy’s direction was enough to last me a lifetime.
“It’s about time you all faced up to the fact she’s gone,” Opa said bitterly before speeding up to speak to Jeremy alone.
Nathan and Byron exchanged glances that seemed to say they knew what the other was thinking. Walking between them, I was left out, yet again.
The tension only increased at home. The people, our neighbours, all wanted to nose about and see how we lived. And we put ourselves on show. For what? I had no idea. I didn’t have much time to consider it because Opa demanded an audience with all of us, including Perdita. It was clear to me how much he had changed. Byron looked as though he could barely contain himself, but he said and did nothing. A part of me shriveled up inside, because I didn’t recognise my grandfather anymore. I had hoped Byron would fix things and make everything go back to normal, but perhaps that wasn’t possible.
Byron kept quiet, even as Opa acted like a stranger and insulted people. Only Nathan spoke up, which got us kicked out of the not so happy reunion. We didn’t learn anything except the fact that Jeremy had been in Turkey. Oh, and Opa had somehow had his body possessed. At least I hoped that was the reason he was acting so coldly toward us.
The cause of Nathan’s bad mood soon revealed itself. He’d gotten into his head that Jeremy was some kind of cradle-snatching pervert who had set his heart on Perdita. Jeremy laughed it off, but he had been staring at Perdita. I knew why, and the reason was not because he wanted her for himself. No, everyone wanted to see the one who had stepped up and taken action in the face of danger. She was the heroine of the piece, the one who hadn’t fallen apart at the seams.
So when he made fun of her, I laughed. And I wasn’t ashamed. I wanted someone else to know how it felt to be seen as the helpless little girl for a change.
The conversation bored me, or so I pretended. I couldn’t bear listening to Nathan and Jeremy go on and on about how freaking awesome it was to be a werewolf. Up until recently, becoming a werewolf was that one thing out of my grasp that I’d desperately wanted, but not anymore, not since I saw firsthand what werewolves were capable of doing. I wasn’t part of the gang, so I dragged Perdita away, though the others seemed to barely notice.
I tried to make conversation with her, but she was so on edge that her nerves played on mine, until I had to hang out with her family to calm down.
“Hey, Mrs. Rivers. Oh, wait, that’s wrong. Isn’t it?”
Perdita’s grandmother grinned at me. “It’s Mrs. Devlin, actually. But you can call me Ruth.”
“Can I get you a drink or food or anything?”
“No, but thank you. This has been a really lovely day, Amelia. I’m sure your grandmother would be very proud of the way you’ve handled yourself today. She certainly made sure you were brought up well.”
Her words were meaningless platitudes, but I had to look away to wipe the tear from my eye. I felt relaxed being around people who had no idea werewolves existed. Perdita was paranoid all of the time, and then there was the guilt. How I wished she would get over the whole murder issue. I was frustrated watching her suffer at her own hands. After all, she took down the bad guy. Wasn’t that how the story was supposed to end? Weren’t we supposed to get some kind of happy ever after?
Um, no.
Maybe the lies hadn’t ended. I glared at my grandfather who spoke to Perdita. How did I know they were keeping me up to date on what was going on? I was Amelia, the afterthought or the kid who had to be wrapped up in cotton wool. Take your pick. I wanted to feel something other than regret or loneliness. I wanted to know if I should be afraid or not. Byron kept reassuring me, but I was aware that he never left me alone. My entire world had changed, and I didn’t know how to move on from that. Apparently, neither did Perdita.
I watched her from afar as she fidgeted at her bracelet and twisted her hair, her eyes darting from side to side as if an attack would come at any second. The girl was a nervous wreck, which made her almost impossible to be around.
Not that I could talk. I was as angry as Nathan. A growing aggression snaked around my body, suffocated me with its intensity, and squeezed the happiness from me. I wanted to scream, and make someone listen so I could demand answers. I was the kid nobody was paying attention to, and I could only hear answers they felt I should hear. That sucked.
Ruth tensed next to me. “What on earth is your grandfather doing?”
Coming back to earth, I watched him grip Perdita’s arm while she twisted to get away.
I had no idea what was going on—as usual—but I had a feeling I needed to distract Ruth. Words, though, wouldn’t rise to my lips. Once again, I was ineffective when needed, the story of my life.
Perdita ran off, shouting something, and my grandfather followed her with a creepy smile on his face. Ruth frowned at me, but before she could speak, the screaming started. For a second, I froze.
“Perdy,” Ruth choked out.
“I… I’ll check on her,” I stuttered, then saw the shock and confusion on the faces of the people around me. Some of them ran outside in the directions of the screams, and I followed. Blood spread in a pool on the ground, and Perdita screamed at my grandfather.
My mouth watered.
Horrified, I held my breath, but I was still affected. I could almost taste the tang of blood on my tongue. I knew Perdita would never forgive me because her father lay on the ground, so badly injured from a werewolf attack that he couldn’t get back up. She caught my eye. She was so angry, and I did nothing because I could have sworn she saw the guilt in my eyes.
Everything happened in a mad rush after that. People ran around, their voices confused and frightened as they discussed wild dogs. The ambulance and
police showed up. Nathan’s pupils dilated rapidly as his wolf fought for control. Byron finally sent him indoors. I couldn’t handle much more of the chaos and tension.
Everything that was happening was my fault. The werewolves had come for me in the first place. Also, I had wished ill will on Perdita. My wish had come through in ways I had never wanted.
“Opa! What’s happening?” I asked, relief flooding through me at the sight of him striding toward me. He would fix everything.
“Not now.” He literally pushed me aside.
I searched the house for Nathan, but I found him in a rage, and his anger terrified me enough to send me running away from him. I sobbed as I curled up on the sofa, but Jeremy ignored me, his stance tense as he waited for everyone to leave. Even Nathan didn’t say a word when he finally came downstairs. And then we all gathered together, the entire family. I watched their faces and saw the hate, distrust and betrayal. I was so confused. Opa made it sound as if he’d wanted the female wolf, who had stalked Perdita for months, to attack her dad, but that couldn’t be true. No matter what had happened, I couldn’t believe my Opa would ever want another person to be hurt for any reason. So why did he order Nathan to stay away from Perdita?
I knew I couldn’t face her. She would see the guilt in my eyes and sense the things I had done to wrong her. I had wished her pain. I had wanted to taste the blood. Some instinct deep inside me had longed for it. What was I turning into?
I hated myself.
Nathan ran off, and I was sent out of the room as if I were a child. I hung around outside the room and listened in on Opa’s conversation, but I wished I hadn’t. His explanations only made everything worse.
“None of this makes sense,” Byron said. “Why would you allow them to attack us if you knew they would come? Why wouldn’t you warn us? Ensure that we kept people away from the house?”
“They need to think we’re distracted by today. That we’re easy to get to,” Opa replied earnestly.
“And at least we know they’re around now,” Jeremy added.
“If you thought she’d come for him, then why allow him to be here at all? Why did anyone have to get hurt? Have you any idea how much more complicated this makes life here for us? All eyes are on us. We can’t make a move.” Byron sounded furious.
“We won’t be sticking around after this,” Opa said. I gasped. I didn’t want to move. Not again. Opa must have heard me because he rushed from the room to confront me.
“What are you doing?” he shouted.
“I… nothing. I’m waiting for Nathan,” I stuttered, for the first time in my life truly afraid of my grandfather. He made the most of his height, inching toward me menacingly as if I were the enemy.
“Get upstairs.” The growl rumbled in his throat, and a shiver of something new ran through me. As if compelled, I turned around and ran straight upstairs. I couldn’t stop myself. I hid in my bedroom until Nathan returned to his own room. I listened to him pace, and I flinched as something was flung at the wall and landed with a loud thud.
I worked up the courage to knock on Nathan’s bedroom door so I could get all my concerns off my chest, but when he let me in, I couldn’t find the right words. I made it worse for both of us.
He asked me to go see Perdita because Opa had used an alpha order to keep him away from her, but I couldn’t say yes. I hadn’t even really believed Nathan would obey that particular rule until I found myself moving unwillingly at Opa’s command. I knew I made Nathan hate me by refusing to go and visit Perdita on his behalf, but how could I possibly face her again? He was so angry… angrier than I had ever seen him before. I didn’t want to discuss it, so I took the only way out. I cried and ran away.
Opa called us all together for dinner later on, which was more awkward than ever. Nathan and Jeremy left soon afterwards, while Byron and Opa holed themselves up in Byron’s office, leaving me alone.
I used the spirit board again. I couldn’t help myself. There was nothing else for me to do, and I felt as though my skin couldn’t contain me. I might explode for want of doing something. The presence stayed for a couple of minutes, but only repeated the same couple of sentences.
He will use you. He will sacrifice you.