***
Connor hadn’t called or texted me by the following afternoon. I agonised over whether to call him first. I didn’t want to come across as overly eager, but I didn’t want him to think I wasn’t interested either. I wasn’t totally sure if I was interested or not, but I needed something normal. The news about my parents had shaken Byron, Nathan and me. I didn’t know how I was supposed to feel. In a way, I was relieved that strangers had caused my mother’s death, and that she’d not died at the hands of my father. The idea that the other pack had gotten away with the murders, for so long, crept under my skin and stayed there.
So Connor would have been a good distraction if he had called. The compromise was for me to call Ger, instead.
“Oh, hey, Amelia,” she said, sounding surprised when she answered.
“Hey. Boring day, so I thought I’d drag you down with me.”
She laughed. “Well, thanks for that. Oh, my… Will you lot ever shut up? I’m on the phone! Sorry about that. Ignorant pigs today.”
“Who?” I hoped I didn’t sound too interested.
“Oh, the usual misfits. Julie, Martin, Connor…”
She named a couple more people, but I had heard enough. He hadn’t bothered to text or show up because he was busy with Julie.
“Oh, right, cool,” I said hurriedly. “I’ll let you go. Someone’s calling me.”
I barely let her say goodbye before hanging up the phone. I wanted to die of mortification. I was so stupid. I had myself twisted up in knots trying to find what Kali and Andriy had, when they didn’t have anything at all. Neither did I.
I tried to tell myself I was only a little embarrassed, which I was. But more than that, I was hurt. I felt completely rejected, even if I didn’t like Connor as much as I could have. No big spark existed between us, and I could never see myself looking at him the way Perdita looked at Nathan. To be with someone normal, though, and forget about everything else for a few minutes, had been nice.
Later, Nathan and Perdita asked me to go to the zoo with them, so I didn’t hesitate. Anything was better than sitting at home waiting for Connor to call.
As soon as we caught a bus into town, I knew I’d made a mistake. Not only were Nathan and Perdita sappier than usual, I felt like crap, again. The headaches were more frequent, and I felt as though my entire body was being pulled down by weights. My joints hurt. The sun hurt. Noise hurt. Everything bloody hurt.
We walked through the park to get to the zoo, and passed screaming, over-excited kids, and gangs of flirting teenagers. I wanted to puke, for real. The zoo was hot and crowded, and I couldn’t pay attention to Nathan and Perdita because my head hurt so much. Glories of glories, my phone rang, and I knew without hesitation that it was Connor.
“I’ll only be a minute,” I said, a little embarrassed by the knowing look on Perdita’s face. My whole mood buoyed at the idea of talking to Connor, and I wondered if that little flutter in the pit of my stomach was a good thing.
“I called in at your house,” he said as soon as I answered the phone.
“At my—really? And you survived?”
He laughed, and that little flutter moved superfast. “Just about. You had to be the only girl in the family, didn’t you?”
“Their bark is worse than their bite.” Unless they were on four legs and covered in fur.
“It’s cool. So what are you doing?”
“Erm, I’m at the zoo with my brother and his girlfriend.”
He laughed again, but when he spoke I heard disappointment. “I guess you won’t be around today.”
“I kinda thought you were busy. You know, with Ger and all.” I held my breath.
“Definitely not busy. Maybe I should have texted you first.”
“Maybe.” Suddenly my voice sounded deeper, kind of flirty. How did that happen?
“So if I text you tonight, do you think you might come out for a while?”
This time I laughed. “I might. But I better go now. I’ll tell the lions you said hello.”
By the time I got back to Nathan and Perdita, I felt so much better. Maybe I did like Connor after all. We moved along the enclosures, and even the screaming kids stopped bothering me as I thought about what Connor and I might do that evening.
Then we found the wolves.
Nathan leaned against the enclosure, pain in his expression, but all I cared about was the way all of the wolves kept their eyes on me. I inched closer to Nathan, and the eyes all followed. They knew. They knew my secrets. They could tell I was wrong somehow. They knew more than my own family.
“I feel bad for them,” Nathan said.
“Me too,” I whispered. “They look so bored.”
Ordinarily, they might have been bored, but now they were interested in me and couldn’t take their eyes off me. One approached, and I held my breath. His howl tore through me, breaking my heart.
I grabbed Nathan’s arm as more of them approached, coming out from behind rocks to warn me off and defend themselves. What was so scary about me?
“They’re scared of me,” Nathan said. “What am I supposed to be?”
I glanced at him in alarm. Did he not see how they were looking at me? Wary of me?
Perdita led us both away as the entire zoo went crazy. The wolves kicked off all of the other animals, and I heard screeches and whines and an awful thudding as the gorillas threw themselves at the barrier that caged them.
Outside, I couldn’t help hugging myself. “That was so strange.” My voice shook, and my hands trembled. The reaction of the wolves had verified all of my secret suspicions.
Perdita tried to cheer up Nathan, but I could barely breathe because I was so freaked out. The animals had responded to me. I felt as though I should let Nathan know so he’d stop beating himself up about it, but then he would discover the thing I had suspected for a while now, about myself. There was something really wrong with me.
I heard Perdita mention something about dead gypsies wanting her and him to be together.
“One gypsy,” I said before I could stop myself. They both turned to look at me, and I panicked.
“What?” Nathan said, but there was something in his voice, an underlying anger that made me want to cry.
“I need to go home. I’m not feeling so good.” I did feel like crap, and my head was more screwed up than ever. Agitation drew around my body and needled my nerves.
As soon as we got off the bus, I hurried on ahead, unwilling to stand next to Nathan and Perdita. I wanted to throw up, but I had to make it to the house. I ran up the driveway, practically shouldered my way in the door, and made it to the stairs before falling down. Jeremy caught me before my head connected with the floor.
“I tripped!” I half-screamed at him before running upstairs, stumbling over my feet. I made it to the bathroom, slammed the door behind me and retched. Nothing came up. I felt as though I was hacking up my guts, and while there was a terrible taste in my mouth, my queasy stomach refused to empty itself.
I needed to go to bed. But Jeremy was outside my bedroom, waiting for me. “You’re not pregnant, are you?” he asked, smiling.
“Shut up,” I said, still feeling woozy. He caught my arm as I stumbled again.
“You should lie down before you hurt yourself,” he warned.
“I’m trying to.”
“There’s something going on downstairs.” He hesitated. “I’ll be back to check on you.”
“Leave me alone. I need to sleep.”
And sleep I did. Until the afternoon of the next day. My eyes wouldn’t open properly, and I felt exhausted, still, as though even sleep drained me of energy. Someone left me food and water, but I couldn’t sit up long enough to consume anything.
I seriously suspected I might be dying.