Chapter Seventeen
“Calm down!” Jeremy’s hands pinned me down until only grass and muck filled my eye line. They had taken turns trying to control me, but wolf refused to bow for any of them. Byron snarled as he stood over me, but he ran off as soon as my grandfather took over. Heaving, I stopped struggling as my wolf eventually succumbed to the others.
They lifted me, and as they carried me away my line of sight changed. I saw Nathan on the ground next to Cú, and Byron lying next to him. Even my wolf gave a little whimper at the sight of them.
Jeremy and Opa carried me into the shed and threw clothes in after me, locking the door behind them. Wolf and I paced in agitation, and I could sense her taking some of the pain from me, shouldering more than her fair share of the headaches. But she wouldn’t let me go. She wouldn’t allow me to be back in charge. I struggled to think of a way to control wolf. Would I be like this forever?
The door opened, and my grandfather filled the doorway, meat in his hands. The raw steak made my mouth water, and wolf made a snuffling sound, knowing he would give if we obeyed. He laid the food on the ground in slow, careful movements, but he eyed us warily.
“You’ll be fine once she’s fed,” he said before closing the door behind him. We howled, and I could smell him outside still. A growling sound startled me, but I soon realised it was my stomach—our stomach—making the noise. We sniffed the air curiously, and the scent of raw meat caught our attention.
A piece of me felt repulsed when we pulled a chunk of meat into our mouth, but that piece was quashed by the sheer need wolf had to eat. To consume. To heal. We were hurting for lack of food, and as soon as the meat was gone, we felt better. The relief was astounding. For the first time in weeks, the pain in my head subsided. What the hell? Headaches from lack of food? Or lack of raw meat. Wolf didn’t share my shudders of disgust.
Satiated, she relaxed, allowing me back in full control again. I closed my eyes and wished to be human again. Nothing happened. Frustrated, I snarled, and the door opened immediately.
Opa.
I whined at him and pawed the ground, trying to make him understand. I was stuck. I had no idea what I was doing. He cocked his head to the side before approaching, still cautious. He reached out his hand, and I flinched. He made a shushing sound before grabbing a fistful of my hair. No, my fur.
“Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Let go. She’s part of you. Work with her. Worrying will make it harder. Panicking will hold you hostage.”
He sat down, still gripping my fur. It didn’t hurt, but it felt uncomfortable. He was making sure I couldn’t run… or attack. With his other hand, he stroked my head as if to calm me. A memory hit me. After the death of my parents, Nathan and I had been sent to live with my grandparents. For months, I was afraid of the dark. Opa would pet my hair to help me sleep, telling me stories in a low, soothing voice that made it impossible to stay awake until the end of the tale.
“Don’t resist it when the change comes, or it will hurt more. Try to clear your mind. Take deep breaths, and distract yourself by picking something outside of you to focus on. It will be a natural transition soon. I’ll be outside. I’ll wait for you.”
The urge to roll over on my back almost killed me. No way. No freaking way was I acting like a puppy in front of him. He left me then, looking almost proud, and I was alone again. Even wolf had quietened. All I had to do was calm down.
I lay down, my brand new snout between my brand new paws, and closed my eyes. I listened instead, and the entire world opened up. I could hear, really hear, for the first time. My grandfather’s heartbeat outside. Someone coughing nearer the house. Rustling in the undergrowth next to the shed. Being able to hear the smallest sounds was all kinds of awesome. I wanted more.
I howled as loudly as I could, feeling a release of tension with the sound. Wolf grew excited, but I was behind the wheel. No way was I letting her drive again. Opa opened the door, and I pounced, knocking him down and leaping right over him.
I stretched my legs into the fastest sprint I had ever experienced, the wind running through my fur, and that’s when I felt it. Freedom. It was worth the pain. A wolf barked to my right, and I swerved to avoid it, giggling inside as I realised it couldn’t keep up. I bounded in circles, twisting my body to keep out of the way of Opa and now Jeremy, too. I heard Jeremy’s grunt of frustration at my speed and sensed his infuriation at being outdone by me, a newbie wolf. Oh, that felt great.
Eventually, I began to wheeze and slow down. I flopped to the ground and rolled in the grass, feeling everything as though I had grown a billion new nerve endings. The others kept their distance, still trying to figure out if I intended to murder anyone. But I was done. I trotted back to the shed, nudged the door a little to give me some privacy, and lay down, still panting heavily.
I imagined wolf to be a coat and pictured myself unzipping the wildness and shrugging her off. She was still there, but I would choose when to wear her. I closed my eyes and felt my bones twitch. I panicked and everything stopped immediately, but I knew I had to go through with it or the change would get harder and harder to deal with. I didn’t want to be taken unawares ever again.
My body shifted and twisted, the cracking sounds making me flinch more than the actual aching of change. It was over within minutes, and I, in human form, got to my feet, a little unsteady, but okay. I dressed and headed outside, a little smug at how well I had done.
And then the nausea hit. I fell to my knees and retched, my stomach completely emptying itself. Laughter rang in my ears, but I couldn’t look up. With streaming eyes and an aching belly, I felt wretched.
“Serves you right,” Jeremy said. “After all of that showing off you did earlier.”
“You’ll get used to this part,” Opa said reassuringly, but I noticed neither of them came any closer to me.
“I’m dying,” I said, spitting the last of the vile taste out of my mouth.
“You’re not dying. We all go through this.”
“That doesn’t make me feel any better.” I straightened, and the world seemed more vivid than before. “Wow. Is this what it’s always like? Everything looks so different.”
“I remember that,” Jeremy said. “It’s a kick, right?”
My sense of smell wasn’t as good, but it was still better than before everything changed.
“The werewolves are gone.” I remembered the more important event. I had barely missed the battle.
“They ran, but not before they caught a good glimpse of the newest member of the pack,” Opa said a little proudly.
“And Nathan?” I said, leaving the question unasked.
They exchanged glances. Opa ran his hands through his hair, suddenly agitated. “He’ll get over it. Soon enough.”
“Is it… is it bad?”
“He’s hurting.”
“Is Cú okay?” I bit my lip, praying I hadn’t killed him.
“Well, we’ll have to take him to the vet and try to explain how he got mauled by a wolf, but he’ll be fine. How are you feeling?”
I shrugged, gazing at the house. “I don’t know. Different, and yet… the same. I feel as if I was always this way, but my nature was… hidden under the surface.”
Both of them looked confused, and I knew they didn’t understand, but to me, everything made sense. I was born to be wolf. Wolf had always existed; I just hadn’t let her out yet. When Kali had given me her essence, I was so distracted that wolf had taken her chance to break free.
Now we were all free. Nathan, Perdita, and the rest of us. We weren’t cursed anymore. We weren’t destined for pain and loss. But as soon as I saw Nathan’s face, I knew he wouldn’t see it that way. The word pain wasn’t enough to describe everything he was feeling. Byron sat next to him, and they looked almost like father and son.
“We need to figure out what to do next,” Jeremy said.
“Wait!” I exclaimed. Everyone looked at me, and I gulped. “I have to explain… to tell you all what’s
been happening. The story about the curse… what we know… it’s all wrong.”
“That makes no sense,” Opa said. “And we don’t have time for this right now.”
“Hear me out. Those dreams I’ve been having. They’re all real. They’ve been about a real gypsy girl.”
“The one who cursed us?” Byron suddenly sounded interested.
“No. The one who mothered us.” I shook my head in frustration at their disbelief. “She was becoming the gypsy version of a witch, but she was born the seventh daughter of a seventh daughter. That meant she would be the wolf mother, and that she would breed werewolves to protect her people. No interrupting!” I snapped at Jeremy. “So anyway, she had this big destiny, but her dad was all evil and stuff, and she fell in love and ran away and had a baby—the first one of us—but then her dad found her and cursed us. She cursed his people and made it so that the curse would end when a girl was born, but he killed her. And because of the black magic she used, and because she didn’t get the chance to pass on her power, she was stuck, watching us suffer.”
They stared at me in silence.
“Don’t you get it? We weren’t cursed to be werewolves. That’s in our blood. But they cursed us to be hunted down and to lose loved ones, and…” I gulped. “And to be infected with a kind of madness when we did lose people.” I shifted awkwardly.
“Why now?” Nathan croaked, his eyes on me. “Why did the curse stop now?”
Oh, crap. “Well… she asked me to allow her to pass her essence on to me. She said that would end the curse. So I said yes. And it—”
“Why would you do that to us?” he said, his voice low and cruel. “Why wouldn’t you even let me say goodbye first? Why would you risk hurting Perdita?”
“I didn’t… I didn’t know it was going to happen right then that second. I’m not psychic. And I knew you’d freak out about it. You’ve been acting crazy lately, saying you don’t want it to end. It has to end, or she’ll die. Don’t you understand that?”
“I understand!” he roared. “But you didn’t give me a chance to deal with it. To even tell her what would happen. Now what am I supposed to do?”
“Talk to her,” I said slowly. “The only thing that’s changed is her dying too soon. The curse is over.” Was he being stupid on purpose?
“Why would she want to talk to me? Her dad was attacked. She probably feels as though she’s been stabbed, and my own sister tried to eat her while the rest of us stood around like idiots!” He was shouting, and the veins on his neck popped out disturbingly. Byron held him close and whispered to him while Opa pulled me outside.
“Give him some space while he’s acting this way,” he said. “He’s not thinking straight.”
“You understand, though, right? I had no choice.”
“You had a choice. But you made the right decision,” he said.
“He hates me.” I thought I was fixing everything. I thought my family would love me for it. But instead we were all miserable.
“He hates the curse. He always has. He’s never come to terms with himself. Now he has to face up to the fact that his other side isn’t a curse; it’s a natural part of him.”
“What about Perdita?”
He hesitated, conflicting emotions crossing his face. “It would be safer to keep her away from us. She has no way to defend herself, and more werewolves will come. Of that, I’m certain. This could be her way out of danger.”
“I have to talk to her.”
“Maybe. But today we must figure out our next move. You remember what you did, don’t you? You tried to attack your best friend. We have to help you control your wolf so that kind of thing never happens again. First, you must eat. When the wolf is hungry, we become agitated and angry.”
He made me some food and sat with me while I ate. Jeremy joined us, closely followed by Ryan. The red werewolf seemed smaller somehow, less fierce than the time he had been part of the pack that attacked us. He nodded at me, but his eyes were curious.
“I followed the girl home,” Ryan said. “No signs that any of the other wolves followed. She’s in pain, but you’ll be doing her and Nathan both a favour if you keep her out of the way. You realise that was merely a battle. There is still the war to be won.”
Opa smiled, and again, I saw in his eyes that madness Kali had told me about. The curse hadn’t ended everything.
“I’m counting on the war. We’ve challenged Vin. He has no choice but to respond. And we have yet another werewolf on our side,” he said proudly, gesturing to me.
“You expect me to fight?” I blurted in shock.
“You want us to win?” he replied sharply.
“I don’t… I don’t know how to make her listen to me.” Panic swelled at the idea of letting wolf run loose.
“I could help,” Ryan said, “with controlling the urges.” His face paled, and I wondered what he had gone through when he first turned. “But I think it would be worth exploring teaming up with lone wolves in case the war is bigger than you expect.”
“I’ll go,” Jeremy said immediately. “I could take Willow. She might be useful.”
Ryan glowered at the idea of being separated from his pack mate. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“I would join them if it made you more comfortable with the idea. That’s the most pressing issue right now.”
I gaped at my grandfather. “I think me trying to kill people is a pretty pressing issue, Opa.”
“Ryan already offered to assist you with that. The sooner we deal with Vin, the safer we’ll all be.”
I couldn’t argue with him. It was becoming urgent that we get Vin off our backs, once and for all. Maybe with the curse ending, his pack would be less inclined to hate us.
“I’ll go, too,” Nathan said from the doorway.
“Are you… fit enough?” Jeremy asked.
“I’ll deal with it.” The coldness in Nathan’s voice scared me. Did he succumb to the curse after all? Had I brought the madness to my own brother?
“What are you going to tell Perdita?” I asked, regretting it immediately.
“You’ve all already decided you don’t want me near her, so I won’t go there. But don’t expect me to be part of this family when all of this is over.”
He hated me. I knew it. He stormed out of the room, leaving only tension behind him.
“He’s never going to forgive me.” I looked to my grandfather for guidance, but his mind had obviously already moved on to other more “pressing issues.”
Byron made a frustrated sound. “Everything’s raw. Give him a chance to deal with it.”
“It’s settled, then,” Opa said, as if nothing had happened. “I’ll take Jeremy, Nathan, and Willow. Byron, you and Ryan stay here and deal with Amelia while you watch out for any unwelcome visitors.”
“When are you leaving?” I asked.
“A couple of days. We need to hurry.”
“But what if they come back while you’re gone?”
He hesitated. “I’m confident they won’t, but I’m sure you three can handle any surprises.”
He and Jeremy left, leaving me with Byron and Ryan.
“How are you feeling now?” Byron asked me.
“Fine, I suppose.”
“No headaches?”
“Nope. They eased off as soon as I ate, um, meat.”
“So you’re fit enough to explain to me what’s been going on?”
I rolled my eyes. How could I cram everything into a couple of sentences? The stuff with Kali hadn’t been exact, I was pretty sure of that. I had a feeling she sent me images, and my own brain only took some of them to work them around in a way I would understand. But she was gone, so I had nobody to ask. I did my best to explain everything to Byron, actually feeling better by the time I was done.
“What were you thinking, messing around with spirit boards?”
“I just… I mean…”
“And why didn’t you explain all of this to me?”
/> “Nobody cared!” I shouted. Even I flinched at the sound. “Nobody’s looked at me since I let Mémère die!”
He gripped my shoulders tightly, and I noticed Ryan slip from the room. “You didn’t let anyone die. Never say that again. It wasn’t your fault. We’ve tried to protect you. We wanted to keep you innocent, so you wouldn’t be afraid. But her death was a mistake. Our mistake. Not yours. Do you understand me?”
He was practically shaking me. His eyes were fierce, but every word he spoke was a balm to me and exactly what I needed to hear. The tears fell before I realised I was crying, and relief flooded through me as, for once, I was able to believe what he said. My grandmother’s death wasn’t my fault or my responsibility. I didn’t need to prove myself to anyone.
“I thought everyone hated me,” I admitted through hiccups. He held me then, Byron, actually hugging, and I sank against him, holding him tighter. I imagined he was my dad. I imagined he loved me, and everything felt as though we might improve as a family. I wished I had figured it all out sooner, or that I had figured out a way to make the curse end smoothly.
“Nobody hates you.” Byron’s voice was thick with emotion. “And Nathan will find a way to get past his loss. I’ll help him.”
“But he’s leaving!”
“And he’ll come back. In the heat of the moment, we all say things we shouldn’t. There’s no reason for you to hold that against him.”
“What about me? What if I hurt someone?”
“We’ll stop you. Changing so suddenly was a shock to your system. You were ill, and you weren’t expecting it. You were pushed into the change before you were prepared for it. There’s nothing wrong with that, Amelia. And that’s what we’re here for… to help you.”
“What about the other stuff?” I asked, sniffing loudly.
“What other stuff? The so-called war?” he asked wryly.
“Well, that too. But I’m talking about me. The… thing she passed onto me. She said she was haunted by black magic and was trapped when she used it. What if I somehow used it? Accidentally, I mean.”
“We’ll find out more about it. Maybe her power is latent; maybe all she had to do was release it. Do you feel any different?”
I shook my head. I really didn’t. I remembered how Kali’s power had felt. There was nothing similar to that inside me.
“Then there’s no need to worry about it. We can do some research, and try to find out more about this kind of… witch power.”
I laughed. “That sounds odd, coming from you.”
He looked at me seriously. “Everything is going to be fine. You are. He is. We’re all going to be fine. We’re all going to figure out a way we can live together without ripping each other apart. It’s going take some time. And effort. And compromise.” He winked at me, and I giggled.
“I’m up for that challenge.” I meant it. My family had already hit rock bottom. Now the only way left to go was up. I would find out more about our heritage, and I would make sure we didn’t drift any further apart. And when Nathan came back, I would make sure he planned on doing the right thing.
I hadn’t fixed everything yet, but I wasn’t going to stop trying. We had a war to face, but my family depended on me to make sure we came through the other side, still as a family, just like Mémère would have wanted.
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Thank you for reading Adversity (Cursed #2.5)—for more information check out Claire Farrell’s blog or email the author. Sign up to be notified of new releases.
The final book in the series, Purity (Cursed #3), is due for release in early 2013.
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