Chapter 20 Listening to Confusion
“I never quite know what to expect from you, Ambassador,” Dignity said to Grace, “but I’m at least getting used to being surprised.”
“And sometimes shocked, or perhaps scandalized?” suggested Grace. “You’re referring of course to my inviting Miss Confusion to this family council.”
They stood behind a table at the foot of the grand stairway in the entrance hall. Dignity watched the many other inhabitants of the house (all but the hermit Miss Worry, that is) finding seats on folding chairs that were facing them. A huge Christmas tree was in the corner and decorations were everywhere. Behind him was a projection screen and before him a projector hooked up to a computer. In addition to the Grace House residents, Miss Confusion was present, seated on the first row near the projector. Beside her was little Miss Prevarica Leasing in a bright seasonal dress and wearing thick tights on her toothpick legs. Confusion had brought her charge along without asking, and old Grace, meeting them at the door, had seemed rather to commend Confusion’s judgment than to disapprove.
“Yes, I mean Confusion, but I’m not scandalized,” Dignity answered, “just mystified as usual. Reason is seething of course.”
“Yes, and young Wisdom is looking almost frightened. I think the boy is somewhat infatuated with Prevarica—one of those cases when a fellow thinks he wants to be around the girl but would rather be invisible when she’s actually present.”
“I’ve been there.”
“Actually, Confusion contacted us first by means of a letter with this address but no particular addressee. When I opened it, I found she was offering her services as a family counselor, which apparently is one of the many hats she has worn in her checkered career history. More specifically, she felt she could be our ‘peacemaker,’ as she put it. She included her cell phone number. When this council was proposed, I immediately thought of her and invited her to come because it suited my own purposes—as well as my sense of humor. By the way, you won’t object to chairing the meeting, will you?”
“I thought you would do that.”
“I think it would be best if I didn’t. The decision to be made is yours, so I want you to feel complete freedom in making it. You will of course have Reason to help you. I’ve asked her to sit up front here with you behind the table. Oh, there is Miss Wittily Dread just coming in. I invited her too. Allow me to go greet her while you begin the council. Then I believe I’ll retire to my rooms until after your decision is made.”
Almost everyone was seated, so Dignity requested quiet.
Lawyer Temptation settled uneasily into a chair in the temporary office in City Hall that had been provided for Mayor-elect Therion. Therion and he were the only ones present this evening. He had come to make a report.
“The plan to compromise Dignity by using his parents is still very much alive,” he said to Therion, getting straight to the point because he knew the Mayor-elect to be a man who emphasized results. “The aunt has made her visit, and as I told you on the phone, we have Miss Confusion and the Leasings’ daughter Prevarica in Grace House at this moment. We have both of them bugged as you asked.”
“How are the microphones hidden?” Therion asked sharply. His face was drawn as if he was in pain, and indeed Temptation thought the man must be, for judging from the bandages on his head, the lump that had formed on the night of the shelling was now inches high. He thought Therion ought to be in a hospital but felt it was no business of his to say so.
He touched his suit front. “They’re in lapel pins, doctor, stylized Christmas trees. Wireless, of course. They’re also wearing tiny earphones that can hardly be seen, so you can talk to them if you need to. Here’s the number for you to dial to hear them.” He handed him a slip of paper. “Does your phone have conference capability? That’s more comfortable.”
“Yes, go on.”
“OK, we’ve adapted the bait to the man. He gets to see his parents again if he’ll just keep off certain sensitive subjects while doing so. In other words he recognizes Guiles Leasing as the head of the family, with power to open and close doors as well as mouths.”
Temptation felt no need to explain to a man as astute as Therion that the exact conversational subjects forbidden Dignity were of no importance. The limitation might be anything, even forbidding him to discuss salad recipes. The point was that Dignity would be conceding authority to Guiles. That was the hook for Dignity’s mouth.
“Fine,” Therion said, “but is there anything that might hinder the plan? Anything new? Any complications?”
“I know of nothing that can stop us,” Temptation said. “There is of course the boy they claim to have resurrected, but I see him as a nonentity. Actually, from what’s known of his character, what little weight he has will be toward reconciliation with the Leasings. He’s just not the confrontational type and in fact may be slightly mentally disabled. You know how cheery and easily manipulated those types can be.”
“He’s not worth giving a thought to,” Therion said.
“Right. So anyway, I give it a fair chance that Dignity will cave in,” Temptation added.
“I doubt that,” Therion said in an even tone, “but fortunately we can win the game with less than that, with very little indeed. All we need is to keep him talking. I would be immensely pleased if he would reject Guiles’ offer with towering indignation and send him a two-page letter telling him why. Wretched compliance is of course preferable, but rough, argumentative rejection will do the job.”
“Well, it has to be one or the other, doesn’t it?” Temptation said.
Therion put a hand to his bandage and closed his eyes. “Yes, of course. Either way we keep him on the hook: reacting, squirming, trying to influence Guiles and his parents, trying to make them be reasonable. I understand we’ve had Dignity on that skillet for several weeks now, and I don’t intend to let him hop off. If you only knew how many righteous men have been subverted that way.”
Temptation’s eyes lit with appreciation of Therion’s insight. This was right up his alley. “Yes, believe me, I do see. As long as he’s trying to change Guiles—” he paused to laugh at such a concept “—to bring him to his senses!—it’ll be like trying to lift a mountain. He’ll wear himself out with letters and phone calls and tortured thoughts in the night, and all the time be making no progress. Plus he’ll be making himself disgusting to the Heavenites.”
“That is the main point and no mistake,” Therion said. “Since we’re using his immediate family, we have the chance to tie him in knots for years to come, perhaps for the rest of his life. And it must be done and done quickly, because I have information that the Heavenites have begun using Grace House as an outpost of their empire, a point from which to expand farther into the City. They’re looking hungrily at Dread House already. They might even bring that monster battleship near here.”
“Surely not, doctor.”
“Not if Dignity spoils it for them. Just a little more of the worldly sickness we’ve given him would make Grace House unusable as an outpost or much of anything. Then Dread House and the other houses in the neighborhood would no longer be in any danger. Let Confusion do her work well today, and I’ll see to it that Dignity is continually consumed with cravings for fairness, return of affection, revenge, peace of mind, and so forth. He’ll never again know a restful day. His wound will stay open, inviting infection, and I have assistants who will be happy to oblige.”
Temptation was intrigued. “Assistants, doctor?”
But Therion was rising to shake his hand. “You’ve been invaluable. If you’ll leave me alone now, I’ll listen in on their family meeting and reach my own conclusions. Goodby.”
As soon as Temptation was gone, Therion went to a locked cabinet and took out what at first might be taken for a desk ornament. It consisted of a flat, round metal stand with a thin bar extending in a curve from its edge to a point about ten inches over its
center. At this point hung a small bell of a dull gray overlaid with a pattern of moldy green. He placed it on the desk and laid by a matching tiny hammer. The surfaces of the bell and hammer were covered with strange symbols and words written in ancient alphabets. Therion sat down at his desk, paused to say a few words of prayer to his dark masters, and dialed the number the lawyer had given him.
“So that’s the gist of what Aunt Arctica told me Guiles is offering,” he heard Dignity saying. “Would anyone like to comment?”
Confusion answered Dignity’s request at once, standing and drawing Prevarica to her side as she turned to face the group. Wisdom, who sat beside his father in the third row, looked away, feeling his cheeks grow warm, for he had an unreasoning fear that Prevarica was looking straight at him. That had to be crazy though. He glanced at her and found she was looking up at Confusion.
The tall, pretty lady was all self-confidence. “No one could be more concerned than I am about this break in relations in Dignity’s family,” she said soothingly. “So I asked to come and counsel you, and Mr. Grace accepted my offer. With Prevarica’s assistance I’m going to show you how to end all this spiritless drifting that you’ve fallen into and re-cement a lasting, happy relationship with Dignity’s extended family down the street. You thought it was impossible to have peace on earth this Christmas, but it’s not too late. Neglect and Folly want it, you can be sure of that. Prevarica?”
The little girl returned to her seat beside the projector and did something with the computer mouse. The projection screen, located behind and above the table where Dignity and Reason sat, was filled with the title of a PowerPoint presentation: ‘Points in Favor of Accepting Mr. Leasing’s Offer of Compromise.’ The background was a cheery sky blue, the font Comic Sans MS. Prevarica clicked with the mouse and a fresh, blank background appeared; clicked again, and the first bullet point came whizzing in from the side with a sound effect like a braking car. ‘It ends the unhappiness,’ it said. A sad faced cartoon figure popped up from below.
“Tensions will ease,” Miss Confusion commented. “Tomorrow, people will come and go between the two houses again. Christmas will be merry and bright.” A video insert, taken from the final scene of It’s a Wonderful Life, filled the screen for a few seconds.
Wisdom noted that his mother Reason, while taking notes at the table behind Confusion, was looking daggers at her and seemed to be saying something rather sharp under her breath. Probably, he thought, something along the lines of, Yes, merry and bright! And it will also reduce inflation and bring on world peace! He knew his mother’s tart mind.
The next bullet whirred in: ‘Family Unity.’
“No more of one person thinking one thing and one another,” Confusion said with a beaming smile. “Everyone will be on the same page, apprehend the same truth. And as Plato said, ‘The truth shall set you free!’ As a cartoon Greek philosopher arrived on the screen, Reason’s pencil snapped and she turned away.
Without much thought about it, Wisdom got up and went to stand by his mother’s side. “Did you notice,” she said to him with quiet intensity, “whether Confusion has a dog and pony waiting outside to add to the show?” Wisdom, who had never heard of a ‘dog and pony show,’ said nothing but put his arm around her shoulder. Confusion paid no attention to them as the presentation went on.
‘Family loyalty,’ said the next bullet item.
“We all have our responsibilities to family and can’t just withdraw into a coconut,” Confusion said. “It’s our duty to show up for holiday gatherings, to honor family traditions, and to generally go with the flow. Those are pretty small things to ask, only that you do what the family expects you to do.”
“May I ask a question?” Reason said.
“Certainly,” Confusion said, turning to her with blurry affability.
“When you speak of family expectations, whose expectations do you mean? Guiles’?”
“I’m glad you asked,” Confusion said happily. “That of course would refer to the way the family members interact and have interacted through the years over the course of things, in which no one lightly treads over the sensibilities that have been recognized by all in a way that would cause a lack of confidence or otherwise reduce the general sense that things are going the way they should. I’m sure you see that one can’t just expect that expectations will be just what one expects?”
Wisdom saw that his mother seemed unable to respond to this. She stared at Confusion with her lips slightly parted and made funny little noises like air escaping from railroad car brakes.
“She means, is Mr. Leasing the guy who runs the family?” he supplied for her.
Confusion showed no reluctance to answer the question of a child. “Mr. Leasing is such a good man and so sensitive,” she said. “What a burden he’s taken on himself to take in Neglect and Folly and to see to their needs! He needs all our help and concern and understanding.”
“But what I mean is—”
“Never mind,” Reason said rousing herself and putting a hand on Wisdom’s arm. “I’m sorry I asked.”
“That’s all right. I forgive you,” said Confusion.
“Forgive me what?” Reason said loudly. “I defy you to tell me what I asked that you’re forgiving.”
Furrows formed on Confusion’s brow as she concentrated. “I must confess that I have forgotten.” She brightened. “But it doesn’t matter since it’s forgiven anyway.”
Reason got up and left the room. Wisdom sank into her chair.
The fourth point was entitled ‘A Recording,’ or would have been if it had not been misspelled as ‘Recodring.’
“Prevarica?” Confusion said, and the little girl carried a portable tape recorder to the front table and turned it on. Momentarily, the sound of a woman’s sobbing could be heard.
“It’s Mom,” Dignity said in surprise.
Confusion said nothing as the recording went on and on. When it finally stopped, Prevarica took back the tape recorder, and Confusion, still with no comment about the tape, went on to the next point.
‘The Voise f your conscious,’ it said.
Once again, Confusion called on Prevarica, who left her chair to run and stand by old Conscience, Reason’s grandfather and Dignity’s great uncle. The old man had been given rather too comfortable an easy chair and, taking advantage of the windfall, had begun to nap, his face relaxed and peaceful. The girl held his jaw with a feather light grip and, without waking him, moved it up and down slightly. As she did so, she did her best to hold her lips still and emitted an imitation of an old man’s voice.
“You’ll never forgive yourself if you pass this up,” she said. “I’ll never let you forget it. How can you think of letting down your mother and father? Why don’t you admit you were wrong and get it over with? Do as I say!”
When she released his jaw and ran back to her place, Conscience remained asleep and looking as peaceful as ever. At this time Reason returned and took her chair back from Wisdom but kept the boy at her side.
The next item was ‘Religious Reputation.’
“I’m certainly no preacher,” Confusion said, “but I have tried like you to live out my religion, and we all know the best way to do that is to have merciful thoughts toward those we think have wronged us in any way. You certainly should love your enemy, as befits Heavenites. Otherwise what will you look like to your neighbors, not to mention God? So forgive and forget.
“Uh, wait a minute, what is it you think we’re forgiving?” Dignity said, having learned nothing from Reason’s attempt to obtain clarification.
“Anything you can imagine,” Confusion replied. “Narrow definition will only impede you. Simply have a mood of forgiveness. Next bullet, Prevarica.”
“mr leasing is compromise,” said the bulleted item.
“Oh dear, that’s not quite right,” Confusion said, looking up at it. “I prepared this in such a hurry. Wha
t I meant was that Guiles, Neglect, and Folly have made a move toward compromise by not demanding an apology from Dignity. They’ve humbled themselves in a noble fashion and are looking to you to meet them in the middle. That’s how all human difficulties should be solved, through the dialogue of two truths, both changing until they become a third truth different from the first two but more true than either of them. Next bullet Prevarica?”
A blank blue screen appeared. “You’ll have to forgive me,” Confusion said after a moment. “I forgot that I had no time for the last two bullets, not to mention all the pictures and video clips I intended.”
“Why am I not surprised?” Reason said a little too loudly.
Confusion pretended not to hear her. “The next item is that this olive branch from Leasing House will in all reasonability have to be reciprocated somehow. Dignity, I am sorry to say that your silence and inaction all these weeks hasn’t looked good for you, and if by any stretch of the imagination you were to not visit your parents now, after this wonderful door of condescension has opened, well…you can see what they and others would think.” She shrugged and smiled, as if to say, ‘I’m really on your side.’
“No need to elaborate,” Dignity said sourly. “What’s your last point?”
“Why, it’s that your parents and Guiles have made it so easy. All you’re expected to do now is go in and see your parents. You don’t need to talk to anyone else or see anyone else. The one little restriction is that you musn’t discuss anything private.”
Dignity heaved a sigh. “OK, I guess that’s all your presentation?”
“Oh, no, I now open the floor to questions.”
“Sorry, Confusion, but I close the floor to questions. Answering questions is not your strong point.”
She accepted this cheerfully and sat down.