alwaysthere, and I just never had the guts to pass anything by. Finally Idid."
Quay smiled at him, and Cutter shifted in his chair. "The Confidet didthat."
Cutter nodded.
It came to him suddenly, something he'd never suspected until thatmoment. There was something very definitely wrong with what had happenedto him. The Confidet had affected everyone but him; there must have beensomething wrong with the one he had been using. It had worked with Mary,but hadn't Bolen said something about the energy being used inproportion to the demand? Mary had certainly created a demand. Bolensaid the life of it was indefinite, but couldn't the energy have beenused up?
"Ah," he said carefully, smiling, to Quay. "You wouldn't have it around,would you? That Confidet of yours?"
"Oh, hell, no," Quay said. "I gave it to Bolen a long time ago. He camearound for it, in fact. Said he had to keep track of all of them."
Cutter left hurriedly, with Quay and his wife following him to his car.He drove straight to Bolen's house.
Fury built inside of him. All this time, Bolen had kept track of hisConfidet, the one that Mary had used, and all this time, he had knownCutter still had it. Cutter was furious over the realization that Bolenhad been using him for experimentation, and also because the Confidetthat he had tried to use had turned worthless.
All his hatred, all his anger churned inside of him like the heat fromshaken coals, but when he walked up the path to Bolen's small house, hedid so quietly, with extreme care.
When he saw Bolen's face in the doorway, he wanted to strike the man,but he kept his hands quietly at his sides; and though he hated himselffor it, he even smiled a little at the man.
"Come in," Bolen smiled, and he spoke softly, and at the same time heexamined Cutter with quick, penetrating eyes. "Come in, Mr. Cutter."
Cutter wanted to stand there and demand another Confidet, a good one,and not walk inside, politely, like he did. And he wished that his voicewould come out, quickly, with the power and hate in it that he had oncebeen capable of. But for some reason, he couldn't say a word.
Bolen was extremely polite. "You've been using that Confidet, haven'tyou?" He spoke gently, almost as though he were speaking to a frightenedchild.
"Yes," Cutter managed to say.
"And what you expected to happen, didn't. That's what you want to tellme, isn't it?"
Cutter's insides quivered with rage, but he was able only to nod.
"Would you like to know why?" Bolen said.
Cutter rubbed his damp palms over his knees. He nodded.
Bolen smiled, his eyes sparkling. "Very simple really. It wasn't thefault of the Confidet so much, Mr. Cutter, as you. You see, you are arare exception. What you are, or possibly I should say, what you were,was a complete super ego. There are very few of those, Mr. Cutter, inthis world, but you happened to be one of them. A really absolute,complete super ego, and the Confidet's effect was simply the reverse ofwhat it would have been with anyone else." Bolen shook his head,sympathetically, but he didn't stop smiling, and his eyes didn't stoptheir infuriating exploration of Cutter's face and eyes and hands. "It'sreally a shame, because I was almost certain you were a super ego, Mr.Cutter. And when you didn't return that last Confidet, I somehow feltthat you might use it, after all that nasty business at the company andall.
"But while I was fairly certain of the effects, Mr. Cutter, I wasn'tabsolutely _sure_, you see, and so like the rest of the experiments, Ihad to forget my conscience. I'm really very sorry."
The anger was a wild thing inside Cutter now, and it made his handstremble and sweat, and his mouth quiver, and he hated the man in frontof him, the man who was responsible for what had happened to him, thesmiling man with the soft voice and exploring eyes. But he didn't sayanything, not a word. He didn't show his anger or his frustration or hisresentment. He didn't indicate to Bolen a particle of his innerwildness.
He didn't have the nerve.
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