"You don't have to worry about that, Mr. Spinoza," said Xavier. "I won't drive your truck."
Inside the king cab, Selena turned to Xavier before turning on the ignition and touched his hand. "Where do you want to go?"
"Where do you want to go?" Xavier returned.
"What do you want to do?"
"What do you want to do?" he asked.
"Okay, we've got to stop this. I'm getting a headache."
Xavier chuckled lightly. "Let's decide together."
"Okay, let's do something we both want to do."
"Yeah."
"I'm hungry. How about you?" Selena asked.
"I'm hungry too."
"I feel like a hamburger."
Xavier smiled his movie star sparkler. "That's exactly what I was thinking."
"What if we get a hamburger and sit on Trans Mountain to eat? How about that?"
"That's a great idea."
"Or would you like to do something else?" Selena asked.
"No, let's stay with your plan. I'd like to sit with you on top of the world."
After getting two hamburger combos at the Dairy Queen, Xavier and Selena piled back into the truck. She turned the ignition with an overwhelming expectation of their anticipated time together, but the vehicle refused to start. After a few attempts at turning the key, she looked at it with frustration.
“I’ll call my dad,” Selena said, disappointed.
“Don’t call him yet,” stated Xavier.
“Maybe the truck will start miraculously,” Selena expressed. “After all, you’re here.”
“What?”
“Maybe your magnetism will fix the truck.”
“Selena, I’m not a magician,” Xavier said, frowning.
“But you are very electrical.”
“Stop that,” he insisted as he stepped out of the truck. “I’ll look under the hood.”
“You know about cars?” Selena asked as she followed him and wondered if even though he didn’t drive, he might be a closet mechanic.
“Not very much but I think it’s the battery,” Xavier affirmed.
“If it’s the battery, maybe we can get someone to give us current. My dad always keeps jumper cables in the toolbox in the back.”
Xavier took a rock and started lightly pounding the + and – spots on the battery.
“Try the key again, Selena.”
She stepped back into the truck and turned the ignition. This time it started quickly and without any problems.
“How’d you do that,” Selena asked, baffled.
“Sometimes the wiring is off,” he stated.
“But dad just replaced the wiring to the battery a few days ago.”
Xavier shrugged his shoulders. “Mechanical stuff.”
“Yes, I know,” Selena stated, eyeing him. “Mechanical stuff goes wrong.”
“Exactly.”
“You’re magnetic. Admit it.”
“We’re all electrical,” he stated softly, not being able to look at Selena in the eye. “Remember our Science project?”
“But you’re more electrical than the average person.”
“Stop,” he said, annoyed.
“Admit it, Xavier.”
“But—“
“Let’s stop going around the truth,” implored Selena, her tone light but serious.
He breathed out a long breath and stared intently at her for a few long seconds. “Okay, I admit it,” he murmured quietly.
Selena ginned wide and nodded. “I’m glad you’re admitting it.”
"You’re right about stuff sometimes working weird around me," he mentioned uncomfortably. "It’s always been like that.”
“You’re very electrical and your system is probably even more magnetic here where there’s so much energy from different countries, states, and places.”
“I’ve got to admit that this thing has been worse since I got here.”
Selena nodded. “I knew it.”
“Anyway, I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Our food is getting cold,” he blurted. “Let’s go.”
Xavier and Selena traveled on Trans Mountain Road which extended itself between the Franklin Mountains until they got to the place, on top of the world, that they wanted to be and sat at a picnic table. They could see Gran Estrella, El Paso, and other surrounding areas from it. The air had a certain crispness to it and a stillness that made them peaceful inside. They ate in silence for a few minutes.
"My mother loved the quiet life," Xavier said, breaking the silence and letting out a deep breath as he looked at the serene scenery in front of him.
"She did?"
"My father, on the other hand, loves partying—the louder the better," Xavier said as he took a swig of his Coke.
"He does?"
"You have no idea. One minute he'd be in Las Vegas and another in Paris. He changed after he met my mother. He'd say that she was all the excitement he needed."
"That was a nice thing to say,” Selena stated.
"He really loved her."
"Going against the family must've been hard for him."
"He said it would've been harder to give up mom."
"He chose your mom over everything,” Selena murmured.
"After she died, he never could go back to the quiet life again."
"He went back to his old life?"
"Yes, but I don't think he went back to it because he liked it.” Xavier seemed very far away. “He went back to it because he didn't want to stay still long enough to feel the full impact of living without my mom."
"Your poor father."
"And I didn't help either,” Xavier said with a strained voice.
"Why do you say that?"
"I'm so much like mom—personality-wise. I like the quiet like she did. It was hard for him to have me around."
Selena put her hand on Xavier’s arm wanting him to know that she was fully with him. "Xavier, it's not your fault that your mom died and that your father couldn't handle it."
"Maybe if I wasn't so much like her, he would be closer to me." His liquid eyes left Selena and focused straight ahead.
"Xavier, your dad's wrong if he doesn't see how lucky he is to have you.” Selena wanted so badly to pull all the sadness away from him.
“Selena, I have to tell you something,” he announced, his voice shaky like a tree branch in the wind.
“What is it?”
“I can’t keep carrying this massive load without telling you.”
“You can tell me anything.”
“I killed my mother.”
Chapter 35
“You what?” Selena blurted, trying to come to grips with what he had said.
“I killed her, Selena,” he asserted, his voice broken to tiny bits.
Disbelief and surprise covered her face. “That can’t be true . . . I thought she died in a car accident.”
"I was in the car with her when she had the accident," Xavier explained, his voice tight.
"You were?"
"It was on a winding road in Monaco--close to where Princess Grace died. Mom lost control of the car because I asked her something, and she wasn't watching the road.” His dark eyes reached hers again, becoming moist. “I've never told this to anyone. Even my dad doesn't know."
"Xavier, you were eight-years-old. The accident was not your fault."
"There were so many times that I wished I had died instead of her."
"Don't say that,” Selena demanded, upset. How could he say something like that? Thinking about him dying squeezed her heart into a tiny deformed organ.
"I think my dad wishes I had died instead of her too."
"Stop that,” Selena pleaded. “I’m sure that’s not true."
"Selena, do you think I'll ever see my mom again?" he asked, his sad eyes showing a small flicker of hope.
"Yes, Xavier, I believe in heaven, and I believe we get to see our loved ones again."
Xavier nodded
in deep thought. "That would be great."
"And I also think she's not far from you. I think she watches over you."
"Sometimes I can feel her close. I can even smell her scent. She used to always wear flowery perfumes."
"I like that scent too."
"She used to always say, 'Xavier, you're the best of me’."
"She did?" Selena asked, happy to see a glimmer in his dark eyes.
"Isn't that a great thing for a mother to say?"
"Completely awesome.”
"She was a great mother, Selena. Like your mother is."
"I wish I would've met her."
"I wish she could've met you too. She would've liked you."
Selena smiled. "I hope so."
"She was considerate and smart like you. She used to always tell me to look deep into people because inside was where everything was."
"Your mother was wise."
He nodded and stared ahead. He had gone inside himself and needed some space, so Selena didn't say a single word. She knew how difficult it was for him to talk about himself and to talk about his mother, so she gave him the solitude he needed. After all, Selena wasn’t one of those people who needed to fill the quiet like Moonflower who chatted non-stop whenever there was a lull in the conversation.
"I love this place," said Xavier, after a prolonged silence.
“You do?” Selena asked, ecstatic to hear his voice again.
“The desert is so unique. I love the yucca plants, the painted colors in the sky, the feeling of wide open spaces.”
“Me too.”
“There’s so much beauty in this world.”
“You’ve been to so many places, haven’t you?” Selena asked, wanting to see the world through his eyes.
Xavier nodded. "Many places."
“How exciting.”
Xavier smiled warmly. “What’s out there isn’t as great as what’s here.”
“Here with us?”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
Selena squeezed his hand and nodded. “You’re right.”
“The world doesn’t have anything better than this.”
She smiled. "Still, I wish I could travel all over the planet," Selena said wistfully.
"I'll tell you about where I've gone, so it'll seem like you went with me."
Selena grinned. "Great."
"My world will become your world.”
Destiny.
Sometimes Selena wondered about the dream she had around the time she met Xavier. Maybe he was her destination.
Destiny.
She had ridiculed the word but she was no longer so sure it was empty and meaningless now that she had stopped running from it. Xavier seemed meant for her even when certain occurrences between them made her want to combust into an open flame. Destiny wasn’t perfect, nor was Xavier, and nor was she for that matter. And those sickly yellow eyes, she reasoned, must represent certain ugly people around them.
"What's wrong?" Xavier asked as they were walking to her home from the bus. "You've been giving me the silent treatment since last period."
"I know it’s not your fault, but it still annoys me."
"What does?" he asked, completely in the dark about the situation.
"Those girls after you."
"What are you talking about?"
"Miss 'hot' Cheerleader."
"I repeat, what are you talking about?"
"Do I have to spell it out to you?" Selena was practically growling.
"Apparently you do because I don't know what you're talking about."
Selena let out an exasperated sound. "Who was flirting with you at the lockers before last period?"
Xavier grew pensive. "I don't know who--"
"Hot Cherise," Selena said flustered.
"Hot?" he declared as if he had a bad taste in his mouth. "She's hot?"Selena rolled her eyes. "Come on, Xavier. You don't have to fake it for my sake. I know all the guys are in love with her."
Xavier's disgust locked in his throat. "You think I'm in love with her?"
"No, of course not."
Xavier's throat eased. "I could never love someone like that," he snapped.
"But just because you're not in love with her doesn't mean you can't be attracted to her."
Xavier's anger and frustration exploded. "You've got to be kidding, Selena. Haven't I already told you that to me she's not attractive at all. At all. Are you calling me a liar?"
"No, I'm not calling you a liar but . . ."
"But what?"
"She was all over you at your locker."
"Selena, I couldn't even remember it. That's how much attention I pay to her."
"You don't think she's beautiful at all?"
"She's an ugly, ugly person."
"But on the outside she's—"
"Still hideously ugly."
"She models for some department stores."
"And?" he snickered.
"And isn't that what is supposed to be beautiful?"
"Says who?"
Selena grew pensive. "Society . . . the fashion industry . . . the media and—“
"What do you think is beautiful, Selena?"
"My mother."
"Your mother is beautiful and not just because she looks like Salma Hayek. She's almost as beautiful as you are."
"Xavier, thanks for the compliment, but. . ."
"Take the compliment, Selena,” he commanded with annoyance. “I meant it with all of my heart."
Selena smiled at how his eyes looked at her without wavering. "I'm usually okay with myself. This is the kind of conversation I usually have with Moonflower because she's so insecure but having seen Cherise all over you today did something to me."
"Don't let her come between us. I know that you think that because some guys think she’s pretty, I would feel the same way as they do. Her ugliness on the inside shows on the outside, and I can't see what they see in her."
"Xavier, she was pointing her chest at you, trying to seduce you. It didn't do anything to you?" she demanded, needing an honest answer from him.
"No. I already told you several times that she does nothing for me."
"Don't you want to get it on with her?"
Xavier let out an exasperated groan. "Selena, what is it that you're not understanding about how I feel about Cherise and how I feel about you?"
"Sit down with me for a minute," Selena said, pointing at her bench. They had just arrived at her porch. "We've got to talk about something."
"All right," Xavier said as he sat down.
"Let's just get a something straight, okay?"
"What do you want to tell me?" he asked, patiently.
"Xavier, listen carefully—I will never be skinny. If you have any fantasies about helping me 'improve' myself, you'd better knock that stuff out of your head. This is who I am. Take it or leave it."
"I'd never want to change you," he murmured.
“Okay,” Selena said.
“I need to tell you something too,” he muttered quietly and uncomfortably.
Uh-oh, thought Selena. He sounded very serious.
Chapter 36
“What is it?” Selena questioned.
“You accept me for who I am, don’t you?” he asked, shooting his solemn eyes into hers.
“Of course,” she stated, not knowing where the conversation was headed.
“Okay.” He nodded in pensive thought.
“What’s wrong, Xavier?”
“You’re okay with me not being an average person, right?”
“Does this have something to do with your magnetism?”
“Please, Selena, don’t ask me anything else.”
“Xavier,” she said, annoyed. “I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal about this. I thought we had already put it to rest. So you’re more magnetic than most people—so what?”
“I can’t talk abou
t it now.”
“But—“
“Please, Selena.”
She let out an exasperated sigh. “Fine.”
“Do you trust me?” he asked solemnly.
“Yes.”
“Then wait until I’m ready to talk about it. Would you do that for me?”
“Yes, Xavier, I’ll do that for you.”
When Selena had left for school that morning, she knew her mom was up to something. She kept trying to get Mrs. Spinoza to tell her what was going on, but her mom would smile slyly and shake her head. Something is definitely up, Selena thought. It wasn't her birthday so it couldn't have anything to do with that. As soon as Xavier walked her home and set out for his own house, she stepped into her front door and confronted her mother.
"Okay, Mom. I know something is going on. What is it?"
Mrs. Spinoza smiled as the spare bedroom door opened and out came Grandmother Chela. Her tainted brown hair was coiffed in an attractive shoulder length hairstyle, and she wore a light green pantsuit. Grandmother Chela looked at least twenty years younger than her seventy-seven years and moved with the alacrity of someone half her age.
"Aren’t you going to give your old grandmother a hug?" Grandmother Chela asked
Selena, stunned by the surprise, rushed to her and flung her arms around her. "When did you get here, Grandmother Chela?"
"A few minutes ago."
"Why didn't anyone tell me you were coming?"
"It was a surprise,” Grandmother Chela stated.
"How long are you here for?"
"Only for a week, my muchachita. I'm going to visit your cousins in California next. I wanted to see how my grandchildren were doing," she said lightly, her eyes firmly on Selena.
While Selena helped her grandmother unpack, Mrs. Spinoza stayed away. Mrs. Spinoza knew the special bond between granddaughter and grandmother and she left them to their special talks. The trip from the outskirts of Chihuahua City had been uneventful, according to Grandmother Chela, but she promptly caught Selena up with all the family in Mexico and California also. When Grandmother Chela handed her a bag full of her famous homemade sweet jamonsillo candy, Selena started in on it immediately, not caring that in a short while she’d be having dinner.
"I made it especially for you, my muchachita," said Grandmother Chela.
When Grandmother Chela visited, it was like Christmas. She brought with her pieces of Mexico that were hard to find even on the border. After all, who could make all that her grandmother made with such precision and expertise? Not many. Grandmother Chela brought asadero cheese, Mexican candies and her special salsas created with the special freshness of what was grown naturally on her lands. She also brought large bags of pecans and chile colorado.