Damn, she couldn't imagine having all that dumped into her lap at once. "I'm sorry," she whispered, not sure if he even heard her.
"I left the military to... take his place."
She stilled at his words. "You mean you came home to take care of your mother?"
"No." Nathan leaned forward and propped his forearms on his knees and dropped his head. "I took Jamie's place the last week of the trial."
She couldn't fathom what he was saying at first, then the whole picture hit her. "You did his time? Two years in prison?"
Terri had stepped forward, struggling to understand why any person would willingly go to prison. "Why?"
His head shot up. He stood, towering over her. Imposing and hurting. "Why? Jamie would never have survived. He'd have been dead in a week, if that long. Our mother needed someone here and I ..." His Adam's apple moved with a hard swallow. The pain swimming in his eyes broke her in half. "Unlike him, I knew how to survive. I had to protect them."
But who'd protected Nathan?
He'd gone to prison to keep his brother alive. Most people could only dream of that kind of love and devotion. She could imagine the anguish over finding out, after all, that Jamie had been killed.
How had Nathan held on to his sanity?
Terri moved forward and he stepped away, wary as a caged animal. "Everyone is not your enemy, Nathan. Someone might be willing to help you if you'd step out from behind those walls."
"You can't help me. I don't want you involved with what I'm doing."
How could she reach a man who believed that? How long had he fought the world alone? Terri wrapped her arms around her chest, stifling the urge to just hug him.
"If that's the case, why did you kiss me?"
"I shouldn't have."
"That's not what I asked. Why did you kiss me?"
"The same reason I had to smell you that first time. I want you." He stared at her, searching her face, then added, "But I won't act on that. You have my word."
His blunt honesty touched her. He could have come up with a list of excuses, but chose the hard truth. And she bet it was difficult for him to admit he wanted anything for himself.
That he wanted her took her breath away. She definitely wanted him.
Nathan shook his head. "I shouldn't have kissed you, I'm going to protect you while we figure out what Marseaux is after, I need you to do as I ask and not take risks, I don't want you hurt."
But he was willing to bleed for everyone he cared about. Emotions closed her throat. Her common sense and law-enforcement training did nothing to sway her from moving forward to wrap her arms around him.
"No," He stood rigid as a statue.
"Yes." She rubbed her hand up and down his back, hugging herself to him with her other arm.
He didn't move for another few seconds, then the tension in him snapped. He hugged her to him with a desperation she doubted he'd ever exposed before.
Terri continued to soothe him, hoping to ease the deep misery. He'd thanked her for letting him hold her the other night. How long had it been since anyone had held him?
Two years of surviving in prison only to walk out into a bitter world where he'd lost everyone he'd ever cared about.
Terri flinched at the brutality. At the pain he must carry with him every step of the way. Just like her.
She'd never known her father. He fled as soon as he found out her mother was pregnant and had never come back. Her first year in the DEA, she'd looked into him only to find out he'd died years ago from a drug overdose.
Terri had been a teen when she lost her mother and had thought she'd never get past the heartache, but she'd learned to live with it because of Grandma, who had held her and loved her.
Nathan had nobody.
He lifted a hand to her hair, smoothing her curls over and over again. He kissed the top of her head. She leaned her head back and stared up into his gray-blue eyes.
"Now you know why I didn't want to tell you," he said. "You asked if I'm a criminal? I went AWOL, defrauded the government, and am technically an ex-con with a record, too. That's why I said the answer depends on your point of view."
Brady had said Nathan was MIA, but she couldn't share that without divulging a confidence with a DEA agent.
"Did Stoner know you when you went AWOL?"
He nodded." We were on a four-man mission that we'd just completed and were to be picked up the next day, which meant going to debrief. Would have tied me up for a minimum of ten days. Then it would have taken even longer to get approved for leave to go home to Jamie and Mom. I left Stoner a sign that I was gone and wouldn't be back."
"But he covered your back tonight." She wanted the significance of that to sink in.
"Yes. He's the only person I've ever trusted, besides my brother."
"What about me? Don't you trust me?"
He captured each side of her face with his hands and stared at her with those stormy eyes. "Given what all I've shared tonight, you should know that answer."
Terri smiled. She wasn't sure how this would play out, but she couldn't label him a criminal by her definition.
"I have to stay out of sight around you or you'll be in a worse situation trying to explain me."
He was right about that. "You need to stay out of sight until we figure out who killed your brother and who wants you dead." She felt his loss deeply, and the last thing she wanted was for him to be hurt anymore. "I'm so sorry about Jamie."
He nodded. His eyes were shiny. "Me, too."
"Do you know where his, um, body is?"
His eyes went dead. "Yes. I took his body to someone who buried him properly in a crypt, a friend whose dad had known ours. I wasn't letting anyone cut up my brother in an autopsy. Add that to my crimes."
And Nathan was back to a hard tone, but she was starting to realize how much easier it was for him to expect condemnation than understanding. "Do you know who killed him?"
"Not yet, but I will." The cold determination in his voice sent a shiver down her spine.
"Do you know what Jamie was doing with Marseaux?" Terri had to be careful not to share anything she'd heard from Brady. She might not be on good terms with the DEA, but she wouldn't screw over Brady.
"Not much. I visited a couple of Marseaux's associates who said Jamie was working in the shipping office, but nothing unusual. I just don't know why he would go to work for one of Marseaux's fronts."
Because the DEA cut a deal with him to go undercover, because they thought Jamie was you and that he could help you get out of a sentence he got you into. Damn, that sucked. How on earth would Nathan deal with that joyous news?
It would kill him.
She knew she should tell him, but she couldn't bring herself to hurt him anymore. God knows he'd been hurt enough. All she wanted to do now was protect him and get him out of this mess alive.
And to keep him out of jail.
She rubbed her cheek against his shoulder. "So you don't think Jamie knew anything about Marseaux being involved?"
"I think he did by the time he died, but I don't know if he did when he went to work at the shipping company. If he had, I don't understand why he would have taken a job there. Not after what we'd done to keep him out of prison."
She squeezed her eyes shut. He was trying to get you out of prison. Sharing that would leave Nathan more raw than he was now. Nathan had offered more about Marseaux's operation than she'd gotten from anyone else, but he wasn't finished. Where would he turn that anger when he learned all the truth?
"Nathan?" She carefully hid her concern. "Did he leave you any clues as to why someone targeted him?"
"Not really. I have the note you saw on the fridge that makes me believe he had an idea he might be in danger. There was an insignia on the back of it."
"What type of insignia?"
He fished the note out of his back pocket, unfolded the yellow paper, and flipped it over.
Terri stared at the line drawing of a design she'd only seen one other t
ime. Conroy had shown her the same logo in gold on the corner of expensive linen paper she hadn't been able to track.
At Nathan's silence, she raised her eyes to his expectant gaze, obviously waiting for her to be more forthcoming. Her partner had died right after discovering the paper and sharing his intel with her. Too many things were coming at her. She'd hit the limit of what she could comfortably reveal, but had a bona fide reason for not turning Nathan in or telling BAD more than she deemed necessary. He was her new trusted informant.
"What do you know about Jamie's death?" he asked.
"I saw your brother's body in the morgue for about fifteen minutes. I heard speculation he was working for Marseaux and that he may have tried to cross up a drug deal."
Wrong thing to suggest.
Nathan's steel gray-gaze turned stormy black. "Jamie would never work for"
"Hey, I said I heard speculation, not that I thought he was a drug runner. I never even met your brother."
Nathan leaned back hard. A sigh escaped. "Sorry, I'm just sure whatever involvement he had with Marseaux was innocent."
"Did he leave any more notes?"
"I believe he would have, but I haven't found them."
"That's why the drawers were open in your mother's house."
"Yes, but Jamie wouldn't leave notes in places so easy to find. We always had a joint hiding place for valuables in other houses. I never lived in this one. I don't know where he put anything he wanted to keep safe, but I know he would have left me information... somewhere."
Terri took in the worry and exhaustion lines around Nathan's beautiful eyes. He needed rest. She wouldn't press him further right now. Angling her head toward the door, she asked, "Is that your bag over there?"
"I'm staying here tonight. I can bunk on the floor."
"What if I say no?"
"I'll just break in after you go to sleep and still bunk on the floor."
She stifled a smile at the irritation those words evoked. She didn't doubt his words for a minute. Brady would warn her she was asking for trouble she could ill afford, but she'd taken bigger risks as a teen than letting a stranger sleep on her floor for one night. Especially a man who had saved her butt more than once and might be the key to unlocking this investigation.
"Why don't you get a shower, then I'll take one?" Terri suggested.
"I have a better idea. Join me."
* * *
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Join me? As in join me to take a shower? Terri blinked, at an immediate loss for how to respond to Nathan's bold request. "No" was the correct answer if she could get her brain and her body to agree. She should be laying down some basic guidelines for cohabitating, not considering how much she'd like to see that body in full commando.
The conscience she'd developed since coming to live with her grandmother had to be the only reason her next words were, "I don't think so."
He almost smiled. Almost. "I didn't mean technically in the shower, but in the bathroom so you'll be close enough for me to hear."
Yeah, of course. In what universe would this gorgeous guy ever be interested in seeing her naked? He acted as though he'd wanted her in the dark, but in the light of day? Maybe not.
She struggled to find a cute comeback to hide the embarrassment heating her face. He saved her the trouble when his gaze drifted up and down her with an undisguised intimacy. "You can turn your back when I step out... or not."
More than her face was hot now. Don't even think about sitting that close to all that male, unclothed with steamy water running down every cut of his hard body. Take a breath and set him straightyet againon how this is going to work. "I appreciate your concern, but I'm pretty sure the worst thing that will happen to me without you is a paper cut. We need to respect each other's space if you're going to stay here tonight."
There was that tiny hint of a smile on his face again. He still doubted her skills.
She should have shot him when she had the chance. "Towels are in the bathroom closet."
"I'll be right back." He walked away and disappeared into the living room, then returned just as quickly and locked the kitchen door. "Both doors are secure. Are there any unlocked windows?"
"No." She stuck a hand on her hip. "Want to set up a perimeter monitoring system while we're at it? I know where an after hours electronics store is."
"Good idea. Then I can construct an RFID chip to inject you with so that I can monitor your whereabouts twenty-four/seven."
She rolled her eyes at him. He was relentless. "Whatever. Take your bath so I can." She grabbed her purse on the way out of the room and deposited it inside the doorway to her bedroom, then headed down the hallway. She retrieved a towel and washcloth from the linen closet on the way, then stepped into the narrow bathroom.
Grandma had upgraded a few things over the years with the exception of this one room. Her eighty-year-old house hadn't changed much, which meant there was barely enough room in the small space for one person.
Just another reason why Terri had no intentions of sitting in this room while Nathan showered. Naked. Wet. Gorgeous.
Her clothes were too warm and confining all of a sudden, especially in this tiny space. Terri dropped his linens on the sink counter and swung around to leave that erotic image in her dust. She plowed into Nathan, whose body was as solid as the walls of the house.
He gripped her shoulders, steadying her. "Whoa. What's wrong?"
Every imposing inch of him filled the doorway. The spark of heat that lit his gaze quickened her pulse and deepened her embarrassment, which brought out her worst attribute. A flash-point temper.
"Don't sneak up on me, dammit." She sounded like a shrew, but every time she got close to attractive men she turned into a bumbling idiot.
"You told me to come in here."
"Don't be obtuse. Move out of my way."
His eyes twinkled in amusement. "No." He slowly shook his head. "I don't want you too far away while I shower. Don't make me tie you to the toilet."
She couldn't get far enough away at the moment. "Look, bud. I'm trained. Ticked off. And I have a loaded weapon. You should take particular note of the loaded weapon part when annoying me."
"Why are you annoyed?"
She'd talked herself into yet another corner, but refused to lose this battle. "Oh, I don't know; Maybe because I've got a man in my house everyone in the NOPD and DEA thinks is deadwhose body they're all looking for. And if they find him in my house, what little career I have managed to hang on to will be over. Got any idea if McDonald's is hiring? I might need a contact there." She crossed her arms, ignoring the voice in her head snickering at her for conveniently sidestepping the part about how she hated to not feel in control.
Just standing this close to this man swung her world sideways.
Nathan stared into lush forest-green eyes. Intelligent eyes that judged him with every blink. And she should. Irritation mixed with curiosity rolled off her in waves. He'd like to think the curious part was feminine interest, but wouldn't set himself up for that letdown. This woman was law enforcement.
Keep that foremost in mind for any hope of remaining free to hunt down Jamie's killer.
If he had any sense of self-preservation he wouldn't be spending the night in the same house as the voluptuous Terri Mitchell, but leaving her alone after tonight was out of the question.
Not to mention, Marseaux would come gunning for both of them and Terri would be the easiest to locate.
"Move." She cocked her head and gave him an exaggerated sigh of impatience.
He wasn't used to being countermanded by anyone and had no way to keep her locked in here. "Make a deal with me."
"I'm listening."
"Turn on your hallway light. Get your gun and sit in a dark corner in the bedroom until I come out. It's the best defensive spot right now. I know you're a well-trained agent, but I also know that you've seen what kind of monsters these people are and what they do to people every bit as capable as you. So, please
, for my sanity, humor me in this."
He could see the debate in her face. This woman took her word seriously or she'd have agreed just to get him to move. His respect for her climbed several notches for that alone.
"Okay. Only so I can get a shower at some point before daylight, but don't get it in your head that you're calling the shots in my house or with my investigation."
"Never crossed my mind." He should give her the truththat he fully intended to call the shots to keep her alivebut given her current frame of mind, her pride might overrule her good sense.
Nathan backed out. When she stepped past and strode down the hall, he waited until she entered the bedroom with her weapon before he showered and shaved in record time. Outside the bathroom, he stepped into the bright hallway and listened for any disturbance. In two strides, he stuck his head around the doorway slowly and whispered, Terri?
"What?"
He smothered a grin at her put-upon tone. "Your turn." His eyes adjusted to the dark as she emerged from the far corner next to the window. Smart choice.
She opened a drawer, dug around, closed the drawer, then pulled a fluffy pink robe from her closet. Nathan moved to the side of the doorway when she headed toward him. The minute she stepped into the light he saw what she'd taken from the drawercherry-red lacy underwear meant to make a man beg.
His mouth dried out so quickly, he couldn't have spoken if his next words would save his life.
She caught the direction of his gaze and stopped moving.
Tension compressed the air between them, breaking Nathan's attention from the wisp of material to fix on Terri's face. Her eyes took in everything he'd exposed in that brief moment.
He knew without a doubt she'd read the bold desire in his face. In his face? Hell, she'd seen more than that. He was hard as the barrel of the SIG she clutched in her other hand and it was tough to hide in this pair of jeans.
Nathan cleared his throat, as uncomfortable as he'd been on his first date.
She smiled, damn her. "So glad to see a hot shower didn't zap all your strength." Her eyes dropped to his crotch, then she breezed past him.
The little demon.
"Terri."
She paused and swung around. "What?"
"One warning, that's all."
Her confident mask flickered, but she reined in her momentary insecurity. "Meaning?"