He slips out of his cloak and I have to look away. The midday sunlight makes his wounds even more disturbing.
He laughs. “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it. I certainly have.”
He waves his hands around, making the gaps in his arms whistle before he utters a string of unintelligible commands and the cave fills with salty ocean breezes.
“I figured you could use some fresh air,” he tells me as he plops down across from me, “but don’t do anything foolish. Then I’ll have to hurt you—and contrary to what you may be thinking, I’m really not interested in torturing you. I never developed a stomach for that sort of thing. Especially with pretty girls.”
“I’m not going to try anything,” I tell him, ignoring his flirtatious smile.
Not yet.
Not until I’m sure I’ll succeed.
Cool drafts whisk around me, filling the air with soft songs that promise a calmer time ahead. But I’m more relieved to feel the scorching pull of my bond again.
Vane’s still safe—and still far away.
I’m not sure how much longer that will last.
Between the message I sent him and the way Aston keeps cutting off my trace from the sky, it’s only a matter of time before Vane realizes I’m in trouble. And he would be no match against Aston if he came after me.
Sharp hisses bring me back to the present, and my heart aches as three of the drafts turn dull gray and coil around Aston’s waist.
“It’s the only way to keep myself together,” he explains as the winds vanish into the holes in his skin. “Another way Raiden tried to secure my loyalty. He wanted to be sure I could never escape, even if I wanted to.”
“But you did escape,” I remind him.
“Only from his fortress. Never from his influence.”
He traces his fingers along the twenty-nine holes in his shoulder, making me wonder again what Raiden did before number thirty.
I ask a more important question instead. “How did you get away?”
A smug smile twists his lips. “Raiden’s greatest weakness is that he has no weakness.”
“What does that mean?”
“Exactly what it sounds like. His fortress has more security than anyone could ever need and none all at the same time. Once I figured that out, getting away was easy.”
I try to make sense of his riddle, but it’s far too vague to tell me anything useful.
“Why are you so interested?” he asks, narrowing his eyes. “Planning a friendly visit to Raiden?”
“I’m not planning anything. But there’s always the possibility that he could find me.”
“Not if you’re with me. I know how to keep Raiden away—something you can thank me for when you’re done mooning over your lost beau. I must say, I’m rather surprised I felt no trace of him coming to rescue you. I figured he’d be racing here as fast as the winds can carry him, and I was looking forward to thwarting his daring rescue. Are you two having a lovers’ quarrel?”
“He knows I can take care of myself.”
“Yes, you’re doing a smashing job.” He hisses a command, and the greenish winds tighten around my chest. My lungs burn and my vision clouds, but just before I black out, Aston releases me. “That ought to get his attention. Unless an incomplete bond isn’t strong enough to feel that kind of thing.”
“What?” I ask when I’ve stopped hacking and coughing.
“Please, I’ve felt your essence. I know you held part of yourself back.”
“I have no idea what you mean.”
“Don’t you?” He grabs my chin, twisting my face from side to side. I try to hold his gaze, but my eyes keep going back to his scars.
Without them he would probably be handsome.
“Interesting,” he whispers.
“What?”
“I can see why he wanted you.”
His thumb brushes my lower lip and I jerk my head back.
“Oh, relax. I only meant it as a compliment.”
Maybe he did. But the way he’s staring at me makes my skin itch.
He whispers something that makes everything inside me stir, and I brace for whatever pain is coming. But it lasts only a second before he falls silent and the sensation fades.
“Feels like he didn’t hold back with you. You were the only one who had doubts.”
I don’t know what he wants me to say.
“Wow, you really don’t know, do you?”
I glare at him and he laughs, rubbing his chin like he’s deep in thought. It makes a vile, hollow sound.
“Let me ask you this,” he says after a second. “When you were”—he puckers his cracked lips—“was there a little voice in your mind telling you it was wrong?”
“Of course.”
Mostly my head was a blur of burning heat and wanting more and trying to take in every single detail.
But I still knew that what we were doing was forbidden.
He taps my nose. “And that, right there, is why your bond isn’t complete. It’s mostly there,” he adds as I clutch my chest, trying to feel what he feels. “But there’s a slight separation. Perhaps because some deeper part of you knew you really wanted someone who makes up for what he lacks in flesh and blood with a charming smile and lightning-fast wit.”
He winks at me and I swear my skin actually crawls.
“Oh, fine, you don’t have to look so disgusted. But it seems like a rather telling thing, don’t you think? Loverboy happily gave all of himself to you. And yet you couldn’t fully surrender to him.”
“That’s not—I just . . .”
I don’t know why I’m explaining this.
I’m not even sure if I believe him.
But if he’s right, I never wanted to hold back. I love Vane more than I’ve ever loved anything, and if my guilty conscience affected something when we kissed, it was an accident. One I will be correcting when I finally get home.
My lips burn just thinking about it.
Though . . . that’s assuming Vane will even want me.
I abandoned him.
Left him to deal with the Gales and my mother and the mess of problems we should’ve been facing together.
I wouldn’t blame him if he hates me now.
I certainly hate myself.
“Can Vane tell that our bond isn’t . . . ?” I can’t seem to say it out loud.
Aston smiles and shakes his head. “You know, I’ve threatened your life multiple times and you barely batted an eye. But the slightest mention of boy troubles and you get all weepy?”
I want to tell him I’m not going to cry, but my eyes are burning. I do my best to blink back the tears.
“Oh, cheer up. Even if he can tell, I hardly doubt he’s running off to break your bond.” He laughs as I frown. “Don’t tell me you still foolishly think that bonds can’t be broken?”
His question swells inside my mind, refusing to sink in.
I can’t believe it.
I won’t believe it.
Aston sighs.
“Honestly, haven’t I taught you anything?” He points to the row of twenty-nine symmetrical holes in his shoulder. “Everything can be broken, Audra.”
CHAPTER 15
VANE
I’ve been on some pretty awkward first dates in my life—most of which were epically ruined by Audra in her chaperone-from-hell days. But meeting The Girl I Canceled My Betrothal To with half the Gale Force watching definitely wins the prize for Most Ridiculously Uncomfortable Moment in the History of Uncomfortable Moments.
I mean, what do they think I’m going to do? See how hot Solana is and drop to one knee, begging her to marry me after all? Or maybe we’re just supposed to make out right here.
Not gonna happen.
Though she is hotter than I expected, I’ll give them that. And the tiny yellow dress she’s wearing, hugging every curve—and there’s quite a lot of curve on display—is a nice touch. But when I look at her, all I think is: no.
Just . . . no.
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I take a deep breath to try to stay calm, but when I turn to Os and see his hopeful smile, I hit my breaking point. “I can’t believe you did this.”
“Vane, it’s not what you thi—”
“Don’t start,” I warn him. “I’m not an idiot, okay? And clearly you think I am if you thought I’d fall for this.”
I’m shaking now, but I can’t help it.
Os puts a hand on my shoulder. “I promise, Vane. Solana is only here to train you.”
“Oh, really? Funny, because Fang never wears a sexy dress for our training sessions—so is that the new Gale Force uniform? Will you all be wearing that from now on?”
“Well, I can if you want,” Gus interrupts, “though yellow really isn’t my color.”
If I weren’t so pissed I would probably laugh. Instead I just glare at him before jerking away from Os. “Find a new trainer.”
“Vane—”
“Find a new trainer!”
A painful silence follows and I wonder if I’m really allowed to shout orders at the captain of the Gales. But I’m done being calm about this.
I do feel a little bad when I glance at Solana, though.
She’s staring at the ground, her face all red and blotchy, like she’s trying not to cry.
I hate that I’ve hurt her—and I hate the Gales even more for putting me in this situation.
I rub my temples, feeling a massive headache forming. “I can’t deal with this today. Call me when you find a real trainer.”
Then I wrap myself in the nearest Easterly and launch into the sky.
I’m sure someone will try to follow me, so I add extra winds to speed my flight. I have no idea where I’m going—I just need to get away. But somehow I end up at the last place I really want to be. The place I’ve been trying to avoid.
I shiver as I touch down in front of the crumbling, fire-scarred shack, even though it’s easily the hottest day of the summer. I thought the place couldn’t look any crappier, but the palm branches that used to line the scorched roof beams have all blown away, and there are date roaches everywhere. They crunch under my feet as I make my way inside and find more dirt and chaos. The leaves Audra used to sleep on are scattered on the floor and there’s a pile of rotting animal carcasses, probably courtesy of her stupid hawk. I can see him watching me from a nearby tree.
I should try to clean things up, but I feel too sick.
Sick of not sleeping.
Sick of dealing with all the problems by myself.
Sick of waiting for her to “be home soon.”
“This isn’t soon!” I shout, picking up a rock and throwing it at the cracked window.
Of course I miss.
Audra’s stupid hawk screeches at me as I reach for another.
“Don’t tempt me!” I shout, aiming at his gray head.
Gavin’s red-orange eyes glare at me for a second. Then he dive-bombs me.
I flail and duck, expecting him to rip out a chunk of my hair, like he always did when I was a kid. Instead he lands on my wrist.
I freeze.
I hate birds—especially this bird.
But as I stare into Gavin’s eyes I realize he’s the only one who understands what I’m feeling. The only one who misses her as much as I do.
“You must be really desperate,” I whisper as I scrape together the courage to stroke his feathers. I’m half expecting him to snap off one of my fingers. But he leans into my hand, cocking his head so I can scratch his neck.
“Well, at least you made one friend today,” Gus says from somewhere behind me, making Gavin screech again. “I can’t say the same about the Gales.”
I roll my eyes and stroke Gavin to calm him. “I guess I should’ve known you’d be the one to follow me. That’s kind of your specialty, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, and I saved your life because of it. You’re welcome for that, by the way.”
“Right. Thanks for chewing on me.” I hold up my bandaged pinkie. “Let’s hope I don’t have rabies.”
“Wow, are you always this pissy? Because I’m starting to get why Audra needed a break.”
His words sting way more than he realizes, and I have to blink hard to force back any tears.
“Look,” Gus says quietly, “I get that you’re exhausted and the Gales are putting a lot of pressure on you. But if you would just give them a chance to—”
“If you’re going to try to talk me into training with Solana, you can stop right there. It’s not going to happen.”
“I know. You made that pretty clear when you screamed at Os—and you’re lucky he didn’t launch you across the desert for disrespecting him like that. But I gotta say, I don’t get what the big deal is.”
I roll my eyes. “Maybe betrothals are normal for you—”
“They’re not, actually. You and Solana are the first. Were the first. And that’s the thing, Vane. You canceled it. It’s over.”
“Is it? Sure seemed like they were trying to change my mind today.”
“So what if they were? What, are you afraid it’s going to work?”
“Of course not!”
“Then why do you care?”
“You don’t understand.”
“You’re right—I don’t.” He sighs, kicking the ground a few times before he mumbles, “Solana’s a good girl. She doesn’t deserve to be treated like that.”
“You like her so much? Take her.”
“I can get my own girls, thanks. But how nice of you to pass her around like that.”
“I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant . . .” Gavin flies off my arm, like even he’s disgusted with me. “No, you’re right, I’m being a jerk.”
Gus doesn’t argue.
I sink to the filthy ground, leaning against the scratchy stucco wall. “I just want to have control over one thing in my life.”
“But you do. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I learned Southerly from this crazy, old Gale with no front teeth named Teman. Obviously, he was way hotter than Solana—and yet somehow I managed not to fall in love with him.”
I can’t help smiling. And I know he’s right, but . . .
The idea of training with another girl besides Audra feels wrong. Especially training with my ex-fiancée.
God—I can’t believe I have an ex-fiancée.
And everyone will be watching us, hoping that I’ll change my mind. What if Solana thinks that?
“It wouldn’t be fair to lead Solana on.”
“Uh, after the way you treated her today, I’m pretty sure Solana wouldn’t take you if you begged.”
I feel my cheeks flame.
He’s probably right.
She has to be just as relieved as I am that this betrothal is over.
“It’s a shame, too,” Gus adds quietly. “You guys could’ve been friends.”
“Somehow I doubt that.”
“No, I mean it. You have a lot in common. You both had to grow up without knowing your family. You both know how it feels to have Raiden kill the people you love.”
Crap—I forgot about that.
Now I really feel like a jerk.
I sigh. “So . . . her dad used to be the king before Raiden . . . ?”
“Sort of.” Gus kicks away a date roach and sits down beside me. “He was a prince. But he and his wife were the only ones who escaped the palace when Raiden attacked, so everyone in the resistance saw him as their king, even though he was in hiding, moving every few weeks.”
I don’t remember much about my life, but I do know I hated living on the run. Always leaving a place just when it started to feel like home. Always looking over my shoulder, wondering when they would find me.
“How old was Solana during all of that?”
“Actually, she hadn’t been born. In fact, no one knew we had a new princess until after the royal massacre.”
I have a feeling I can guess the rest of the story, but I let Gus tell it anyway.
“We still don’t know how the Storme
rs found them. Even the Gales didn’t know where they were until their echoes arrived. They followed the winds back to the battle site and it was . . . well, I’ve heard it’s still the bloodiest mess anyone has ever seen. The only clue to what happened was a message left by the queen, branded to a Southerly with her final breath. It said to ‘find the tree.’ So they scoured the nearby forest, and deep in the heart, woven carefully into the branches of the sturdiest elm, was a small basket. Inside was Solana. Sleeping in a whirl of breezes, with no idea her whole world had just been torn apart.”
The story is fairly similar to mine—though at least I was old enough to get to know my parents before they died.
Well . . . if I could get my memories pieced back together.
“How do you know all this? Are you and Solana friends?”
Gus looks away. “No. I’ve only met her twice—though our families have some . . . history. But everyone knows the story of our last princess. Just like everyone knows the story of the last Westerly.”
“Seriously?”
“Uh, yeah. You’re kind of a big deal, Vane.”
I guess that shouldn’t surprise me, given the whole Your Highness thing. But I can’t seem to wrap my head around it.
I mean . . . I’m just me.
“You still don’t get it, do you?” Gus asks, staring at me like my algebra teacher did when I would give the wrong answer again. “You’re the guy every kid grows up wanting to be. The one everyone’s hoping will make our world safe, so we don’t have to wander and hide to avoid the Stormers—hey, relax,” Gus says as I get up to pace.
But I have to move. I feel like I can’t breathe.
I knew the Gales were counting on me and I knew there were a lot of people who needed my help. But I never really thought about an entire world looking to me as their hero.
That’s a lot of pressure.
“I can’t do this, Gus. I’m not . . .”
Not what?
Brave enough?
Strong enough?
“I’m not ready,” I finally mumble.
“You think the Gales don’t know that? Why do you think Feng pushes you so hard? And why do you think they picked Solana to train you—and don’t say to fix you up. Yeah, I’m sure that was part of it. But they also know it’s not going to be easy for you to adjust to your new role. And you know who understands the pressures and responsibilities better than anyone? Solana.”