“So she…this mistress of yours…she showed compassion? That’s unusual in a vamp,” I murmured.
Corbin shot me a look. “Compassion had nothing to do with it—it was more her twisted sense of humor that made her spare my Janet.” He shook his head. “She even allowed me to visit her regularly, though most of our kind force their fledglings to abandon their old life at once.”
“I don’t get it,” I said. “So she let your wife live and allowed you to visit her on a regular basis. How was that funny?”
“Don’t you see?” Corbin turned to face me, a bitter expression on his face. “She knew I would be unable to resist making love to Janet—the fuck-lust is always strongest when one is first born to darkness. She wanted to watch me kill her—to “fuck and suck” her to death as you so nicely put it.”
I put a hand to my mouth. “Oh, no…”
“You don’t have to look at me that way. My love for Janet was strong—stronger even than a newborn vampire’s lust.” He sighed. “It took immense self-control but I was actually able to make love to her without hurting or killing her.”
I shook my head. “But…how?”
“By gorging myself on blood before I came to her mainly.” Corbin looked grim. “I drained many a man dry that I might not spill a single drop of my beloved’s blood.” He raised an eyebrow at me. “Oh yes, my darling, I am a murderer many, many times over—though I killed my victims for love, I still killed them. But I’m afraid the statute of limitations on my crimes has long run out.”
“There is no statute of limitations on murder,” I whispered through numb lips.
He gave me a sardonic smile. “Even when those wronged have been dust in the ground for four centuries? I think you’d have a hard time convicting me now.”
“Maybe…” I shook my head, trying not to think of all the people he’d killed. “So if you went to all that, uh, trouble and you were able to be with her, why isn’t Janet still here with you now? Why didn’t you bond her to you or turn her into a vampire?”
“My maker forbid me to do either.” He stared moodily into the dying embers of the fire. “She thought it was only a matter of time until my control snapped and I killed Janet.”
“But you didn’t, did you?” I said softly.
Corbin shook his head. “My control held. But then something unexpected happened—Janet got pregnant.”
“What?” I frowned. “But that’s impossible. A vampire and a human can’t conceive, even if the vamp could keep from killing his human partner. They’re like…two different species.”
“That should be true but in our case…” Corbin sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I believe it was possible only because I was so newly turned. There was still enough that was human in me to make conceiving a child possible. And so, since I couldn’t keep my hands off her, Janet conceived.”
“What happened?” I asked. I was trying to imagine a human/vampire hybrid but I was drawing a blank. Such a thing had never even been considered before—it should have been completely impossible.
Corbin turned back to the glowing embers in the fireplace. “The birth was a difficult one. And the blood…” He shook his head. “There was so much blood…too much of it for me to help. Even though I had gorged and gorged again before her time came, I still couldn’t let myself get too close. And the baby…the baby was born dead.”
“Oh, Corbin…” I put a hand on his arm, wanting to comfort him. Despite the fact that four centuries had passed since the events he was relating, I could still see the pain in his eyes, still hear the agony in his voice as he told what had happened.
“No, don’t pity me—it was a blessing.” He got up abruptly and started pacing in front of the bed. “The child was…a monster. A deformed little creature with blind eyes and razor sharp fangs—she could never have fed it. It would have chewed her to pieces.”
“But…she must have been so…so…” I couldn’t think of the words to describe what Janet must have felt. The agony she must have endured.
I’d had a miscarriage once in grad school, back when I was with Todd, the guy I thought was the one. The pregnancy had been an accident in the first place and I hadn’t felt ready to have kids but still…I had wept inconsolably over the small lost life. It had ultimately driven my fiancé and me apart—it was Taylor who got me through that dark time, which was one reason we were so close.
I had only been two months along when I lost the baby but it was still an awful experience. I couldn’t imagine going to term and then losing it in such a traumatic way.
“Poor Janet,” I said, my voice choked.
“She was devastated,” Corbin said flatly. “Utterly distraught. Seeing the thing that was supposed to be our son…I think it broke something inside her.”
“Oh, Corbin,” I whispered again. I wanted to take him in my arms and hug him but he was still pacing and he didn’t look like he wanted to be hugged.
“Don’t worry—her pain did not last long. The birth killed her.” He shook his head. “Didn’t I tell you that though I loved her enough to be gentle, she died anyway? My maker called it ‘delicious irony.’ How she laughed!”
“What a bitch!” I said indignantly.
“Yes, well…” He shook his head. “It’s a pity she’s not around to hear you call her that.”
“You mean she’s not around Tampa or not around period?” I asked.
“She is dead.” Corbin stopped pacing for a moment and looked at me. “I killed her. I won’t tell you how I managed it or how long it took—let us just say that a large part of my second life has been entirely devoted to vengeance.”
“I don’t blame you for that,” I said. “I would have wanted to kill her too. But what did you do when she was finally gone? How did you end up here?”
He shrugged. “I wandered the world for a while, consumed with guilt and regret. It was not only my maker who killed Janet—I did my part as well. If I had been able to stay away from her, she never would have gotten pregnant or died during childbirth.”
“But you loved her,” I objected hotly. “Loved her enough not to hurt her despite your nature. You can’t blame yourself for that.”
He gave me a smile that had a touch of genuine humor in it.
“Listen to yourself, Addison. Are you, an Auditor, actually advocating a human/vampire relationship instead of condemning it?”
“Well, no…” I frowned, feeling confused. It had always seemed so black and white to me before—humans and vampires mixed sexually like oil and water. No, more like nitro and glycerin. A successful physical relationship between the two should be flatly impossible—it was like a hungry lion trying to make love to a wounded antelope without ripping its throat out.
And yet, somehow, Corbin had made me see things in a whole different light.
“Well?” Corbin stood there staring at me, an unreadable expression on his face.
“I guess…I guess I’m just advocating love,” I said at last. “No matter…who it is doing the loving.”
“Thank you,” Corbin said quietly. “That’s very tolerant of you, Addison.”
I frowned. “Don’t try to make me out to be some kind of a racist here, Corbin. The reason I don’t believe in vampire/human sex is because the human almost always looks like he or she went through a meat grinder when it’s all over.”
He raised an eyebrow at me. “Almost being the operative word, I believe. At least, in our case, darling.”
I could feel my cheeks getting hot again but I refused to drop my eyes. “We never had sex—not really,” I pointed out, crossing my arms over my chest. “You may have, uh, gone down on me but I would never, never risk going all the way—with you or any other vamp.”
He looked angry. “Do you still not believe in my self-control? My ability to be gentle?”
“Sure, with the love of your life,” I shot back. “But I’m not her, Corbin. I’m not Janet—I’m just a girl you happen to have a business arrangement with.”
“Do you really think you mean so little to me?” he asked quietly. “Do I mean so little to you, Addison?”
I shifted on the bed uncomfortably. “The point is that once Roderick leaves town, our arrangement is over. And honestly, Corbin…” I sighed. “That’s probably a good thing. We’ve been getting in pretty deep here—I don’t know about you but I’m way over my head with this…whatever it is we’ve got going here.” I gestured aimlessly, not sure exactly how to put what I felt into words.
“And this is really how you feel? That you want nothing more than to have our arrangement over and done with?” He took a step toward the bed. “Answer me honestly, Addison. Tell me what is really in your heart.”
What was really in my heart was confusion. Confusion and pain. I hurt for him after hearing his tragic story—he seemed human to me now in a way no vampire other than Taylor ever had before. And yet, the idea of being with him on a permanent basis, of actually trying to have a relationship with him…
“I don’t know,” I said at last, shaking my head. “I can’t…I mean, I’m an Auditor, Corbin. It would be like a judge dating a Mob boss. And besides, you’re a vampire—”
“Which means I am not to be trusted, no matter how often I prove myself trustworthy,” he said flatly.
“Yes, I mean, no, I mean…” I shook my head. “Look, can you tell me that tonight when we were…uh…”
“While I was licking your sweet, creamy pussy?” he murmured, taking another step toward me.
“Sure, right.” My cheeks were hot but I continued doggedly. “While you were doing that, can you tell me that even just once for a fraction of a second you didn’t consider getting on top of me, sinking your fangs in and draining me dry while you fucked me to death?”
He looked at me for a long, long moment and then turned away to face the dying embers of the fire.
I took his silence for assent. “See? That instinct is always there, no matter how you try to fight it. All it would take was one single instant, one momentary loss of self-control—”
Corbin turned to face me again and this time the look in his eyes was cold.
“I was thinking nothing except how beautiful you were and how much pleasure it gave me to give you pleasure. To taste you and make you come. I thought you trusted me tonight, Addison—that maybe there was something in your heart for me besides suspicion and anger at my kind.”
“Corbin—”
“I see now that I was wrong.” He shook his head. “I suppose what happened between us tonight was no more than a ‘momentary loss of self-control’ on your part. A stupid lapse in judgment that you never intend to repeat.”
The way he threw my own words back in my face stung, as did his assessment of the night’s activities. Mainly, because, it meshed so neatly with my own. He was right—I shouldn’t have let a vampire go down on me. I had trusted him not once but twice and twice I had gotten away with it. But it was like dodging a bullet—how often could I do it without getting shot? How far could I go, how many times could I gamble before I lost in the most deadly way possible?
“You’re right, Corbin,” I said, getting off the bed. “It was a lapse in judgment and I don’t intend to repeat it.”
“A point you have made abundantly clear,” he growled. He walked over to the heavy bank vault door and threw it open as easily as though it was made of cardboard. “Go, Addison. I think it’s time you left for the night.”
That stung even worse because I couldn’t help remembering the way he’d begged me to stay the night before. How he’d wanted me to sleep in his arms. Those same strong arms that had carried me and sheltered me from Roderick’s rage when it would have been much easier to let me die or be mind-raped into oblivion.
But there was no way I was going to let Corbin know how hurt and confused I was. That would be weak and if there was one thing I had learned about vampires, it was to never show weakness around them.
“Fine.” I started to march toward the door and nearly tripped over the crazy high heels I was still wearing. Leaning down, I tried to get them off. I managed the first one well enough but the buckle on the second ankle strap was stuck. I yanked at it savagely, feeling more and more desperate until finally it snapped in my hand. The shoes had probably cost more than I made in a month but I didn’t care. I wanted to throw the damn things at Corbin but that seemed too childish. Instead, I kicked them off and stalked barefoot to the door.
“I’ll expect you back here tomorrow night to act as my consort one last time,” Corbin said, frowning. “And this time do not be late.”
“I’ll be here,” I said grimly. “I can’t wait to get it over with.”
Then, without a backward glance, I left him.
Chapter Fourteen
When I walked into Corbin’s office the next day, just as dusk was beginning to fall, I saw a strange girl with creamy cafe au lait skin and striking green eyes walking out of it. Her pierced lip and all black clothes screamed Goth chick but the aura of power I felt tingling around her like static electricity made me think she was something more. She was human…but not completely. Who was she and what did she have to do with Corbin? I felt an instant zing of jealousy that made me mad at myself.
The girl gave me a furious glare from her jade green eyes as we passed but I refused to drop my gaze. I can stare down vampires—I’m not afraid of Goths. Even ones that are more than human.
When I finally got past her and into the office, I saw Corbin tucking something into the breast pocket of his tailored suit jacket.
“Hello, Addison. I’m glad you’ve come on time tonight,” he said blandly, looking up.
“I told you I wouldn’t miss it,” I snapped, giving him a glare. “Who was that?” I jerked my head in the direction the Goth girl had gone.
“A business acquaintance. No one you need to be concerned about,” he said coolly. He frowned but then the expression on his face changed to one of concern. “Are you all right? You look…tired tonight.”
“Thanks a lot, Corbin. Like I don’t know that “tired” is a nice way to say you look like shit.”
“You are lovely as always,” he said quietly. “I was simply worried about your health.”
“My health is fine. I’m just a little sleep deprived, that’s all.” I had no intention of telling him exactly why I’d gotten so little sleep the night before… it would give him too much satisfaction.
After leaving his daytime resting place, I had managed to wait until I got back to my car to cry but once I started, it took a long, long time for me to stop. I had cursed myself for a fool and told myself that nothing between us was ever going to be possible. That I didn’t want it to be possible. Corbin was a self-absorbed, arrogant jerk and he was a vampire. Why should I give a damn about him or what he thought or said or did?
But no matter how many ways I tried to make myself feel better, I just couldn't help remembering the look in his eyes when he’d told me to get out. Couldn’t help feeling like I’d killed something fragile and beautiful that was in the process of being born between us.
When I had finally made it home and gotten to sleep, I dreamed over and over of a big black boot grinding a crimson rose bud into the dust. That was bad enough but then the dream changed to a girl with red hair crying for her lost baby. Poor Janet! I thought. I went to her, wanting to comfort her, to put my arms around her and tell her everything would be all right. But when she looked up…she was me.
I had woken up in a cold sweat and couldn’t go back to sleep, though it was hours until my alarm was set to go off. Add that to the fact that I’d had to pull a rare day shift in order to be off for the stupid Roderick thing that night and I was absolutely exhausted.
“Well, as I said, I’m glad you are here on time,” Corbin said, apparently deciding to drop the subject of my “health”.
“And why is that? Are we having a freaking cocktail party before we commence the ass kissing for Roderick tonight?” I demanded.
“I
wouldn’t call it a party,” he said. “But yes, we are having a kind of gathering and since it intimately involves your friend Taylor, I thought you might like to witness it.”
Instantly I was on high alert.
“What about Taylor? What are you doing to her?”
“I’m not doing anything to her—I am ensuring that she has someone to protect and take care of her, at least until the time—if that time ever comes—that she can take care of herself.”
I bristled on my friend’s behalf. I knew that Taylor was a crappy vampire but there was no way I would admit that to Corbin.
“She manages just fine. Just let her move back in with me and I’ll take care of her.”
“No.” He frowned at me sternly. “Absolutely not. Didn’t I say she would get no more of your blood?”
“What do you care if she takes my blood after Roderick leaves?” I demanded.
“I told you it will not happen again. Taylor will not drink from you again. Nor will any other vampire.”
I put a hand on my hip. “You’re getting awfully possessive for somebody who’s basically just a business partner.”
“I am your master—at least for now.” His eyes blazed silver. “And I have put out the word in Tampa that no other vampire is to touch or taste you in any way. To do so means death and I will not hesitate to enforce that penalty.”
“So you put out the word to every vamp on the street that you own me? Thanks a lot, you big asshole,” I stormed. “What do you think that’s going to do to my professional reputation?”
“I don’t care what it does to your reputation as long as it keeps you safe,” he replied.
“Why you…” I couldn’t come up with a bad enough word to call him. While I was sputtering angrily, someone knocked on his office door.
“Master?” came a voice I recognized as belonging to Corbin’s cute-as-a-button vampire office assistant—the one who was so confused about the idea of a “booty call”.