“I’m not judging you,” Reddix said heavily. “I’m in no position to judge. I’m just saying.”
“I know. And I’m just saying that the moment I saw Lissa’s face, so many years ago, I knew she was the one for me—the only one.” He put a hand on his friend’s broad shoulder. “You’ll understand when you find the one female for you.”
Reddix shook off his hand. “Right, just find a female—that’s the answer to everything. Except it won’t do me a damn bit of good unless she can somehow cure my disease.”
“Ah, yes…that.” Saber coughed, feeling stupid. How could he have been so insensitive as to talk about love and bonding with a female to one with his friend’s condition?
“Yeah, that.” Reddix’s deep, rasping voice was heavy with sarcasm. “That little thing that makes having a female impossible. That minor detail which has kept me hiding in the shadows half my life.”
“You don’t have to hide with me—you can take off the hood,” Saber said quietly, indicating his friend’s shadowed face. “I’ve seen you before, you know.”
“I’m keeping it on.” Reddix’s eyes flashed silver from the depths of the hood. “You want to know the truth, I almost never take off now, not even at home.”
Saber frowned. “But surely at home, where everyone is used to seeing you…”
“It’s getting worse.” Reddix got up abruptly and began pacing, his big body moving smoothly with animalistic grace.
“You mean your RTS?” Saber shook his head. “I didn’t know it could get worse.”
“Well, apparently, it can,” Reddix snapped. “A hell of a lot worse.”
RTS was short for Reverse Touch Syndrome, a rare disease which affected only Touch Kindred males and only one in a thousand at that. The sufferers were almost all from the Star Clan, which Reddix’s father had been. But there had never been any RTS in his family before Reddix had been diagnosed with it not long after they had come to manhood together.
Since they had grown up in the same town, Saber could remember his friend before he had been afflicted with the dreaded disease. Reddix had been so happy when he was younger—outgoing and funny with a dry sense of humor. He had been teased some for his beautiful features—Star Clan members were notoriously lovely and Reddix was no exception. Still, he took the teasing good-naturedly and fit in well with the group of young men they ran with, even though he looked different from the rest of them.
And then just at the age when they becoming men, Reddix had been dealt a crushing blow—his Touch sense had failed to develop. Or rather, it began to develop wrongly.
He’d kept it a secret for a long time—longer than Saber would have thought possible. Back when he and his friends were just starting to experiment, using their new Touch senses to play tricks like pulling a favorite female’s hair or blowing in her ear with newly developed whisper-lips, Reddix had begun to withdraw. He started wearing baggier clothes and jackets with high collars or hoods—anything to hide his muscular body and handsome face. Anything to avoid the curious stares of other people.
Finally his parents had caught on and taken their only son for testing. Though the doctors had told them what they had feared all along, the shock was still so great it nearly tore their family apart. Reddix’s parents had distanced themselves from him, had allowed him to hide himself away out of shame. His friends had fallen away too. Only Saber and Reddix’s little sister, Minda, had stuck by him.
Watching his friend pace, Saber felt a great surge of pity for the male. RTS was a diagnosis every male of the Touch Kindred feared above all else because it was crippling on so many levels. It meant that Reddix would never be considered a man—not really. Because of his inability to Touch a female with his mind, he would never be able to bond with a female or truly satisfy her by giving her the Deep Touch, which was what the Touch Kindred considered necessary for a fulfilling sexual relationship. In addition, the poor bastard had to feel the emotions of every other person who looked at him or touched him as a physical sensation upon his skin. It was no wonder he preferred to keep his hood on.
Still, back home he had only worn the hood to special occasions—gatherings of the Clans where he knew a lot of strangers who hadn’t seen him before would be assembled. If it had become necessary for him to wear it around everyone, even old friends like Saber, he must really be in a bad way…
“Stop it!” Reddix barked, rounding on him suddenly. “Stop it, Goddess damn you!”
Saber jumped, startled. “Stop what?”
“Stop pitying me! And don’t try to deny it.” Reddix stabbed a finger at him accusingly. “I can feel your pity like acid burning down my spine. And let me tell you, Brother, it isn’t pity you ought to be feeling—it’s guilt.”
“Guilt?” Saber raised an eyebrow at him. “Guilt for what exactly?”
“For screwing me over this way—for abdicating your responsibility. For forcing me to take your place as a public figurehead when you know perfectly well it’s my personal idea of the Seventh Hell.”
Saber did feel a stab of guilt at his old friend’s words and Reddix nodded at him with bitter satisfaction.
“Now you understand,” he said, sinking down on the couch beside Saber again.
“Reddix, please—I never meant—”
His friend held up a palm to stop him.
“You don’t have to say it. I feel your remorse too—a stinging pain deep in my side like someone slipped a knife between my ribs, right here.” He pressed one large hand to his side.
“Goddess,” Saber murmured through numb lips. “You can feel it that distinctly?”
Reddix grunted moodily. “It’s not pleasant but it’s a hell of a lot better than what I’ll have to face if I become Clan Overlord. Greeting the people, going out to meet the crowds, feeling all of their emotions all over me…” He leaned forward and Saber saw the glint of desperation in his pure silver eyes. “Saber, I can’t do this. You have to come back.”
“You know I can’t.” Saber started to put a hand on his friend’s knee and then stopped himself, remembering that touching made the RTS worse. He sighed. “I’m so sorry, Reddix but you know how our people would feel about Lissa and I being together. The Clans would be horrified that I had taken a female of my own clan as a bride and I can’t give her up. I wouldn’t even if I could.”
Reddix’s muscular body twitched nervously and then the big male jumped to his feet and began pacing again.
“So that’s it then. I’m doomed to a life of pure hell because you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants.”
“I’m sorry.” Some of Saber’s guilt turned to anger. “I didn’t plan this—any more than you planned on having RTS.”
Reddix barked a laugh. “So you’re saying love is like a disease? Like a fucking cancer eating into your heart that you can’t cut out?”
“It’s not like that,” Saber protested. “You’d understand if you could just—” He stopped abruptly, biting the inside of his cheek.
But it was clear Reddix knew what he’d almost said.
“If I could just what, Brother?” he demanded. “Just find a female to love? One who won’t pity or resent me for not being able to give her the Deep Touch? One whose emotions I won’t have to wear like an ill-fitting suite of clothes every Goddess damned day for the rest of my life? Well guess what?” He laughed bitterly. “My parents and yours have already gotten together and found me one.”
“What?” Saber frowned. “But I thought…who? Who did they pick for you?”
“Tilla. You remember her?”
“Of course I do—she was just a few years behind us at school.” Tilla was a gossipy girl well known for her love of pretty clothes and expensive jewelry. Her father, a prominent merchant on Tarsia, kept her well supplied with both but she wouldn’t have struck Saber as Reddix’s type. Not that anyone really was, not with his RTS. Still, if he had to pick anyone for his friend, Tilla would have been the last on the list.
“Feeling her emot
ions is like swimming in slime.” Reddix’s harsh voice sounded weary and disgusted. “And she hates me. Nevertheless, she’s got the right bloodlines for succession and she’s agreed to be my bride.”
“But…but why?”
“You know how important social position and prestige is to her family—she wants to be the wife of the Overlord, even if the Overlord is a fucking cripple who can’t give her the Deep Touch. Who can’t even stand to touch her physically enough to have sex with her.”
“About that…” Saber cleared his throat. “If you can’t even stand to touch her how will you—”
“I’ll have to manage, somehow. I have to give her an heir and soon—before my RTS….” Reddix shook his head. “The line of succession must be upheld.”
Saber sighed. “Look, Reddix, this doesn’t have to be your life if you don’t want it. Give it up, like I did.”
The silver eyes glinted. “You mean abandon my post and abdicate my responsibilities? You know who’s next in line for the succession of Clan Overlord if I pass on it, Saber?”
Saber shifted uncomfortably. “Um…isn’t it Fendrick? He should do well as the Clan Overlord.”
Reddix looked away. “He might have—if he hadn’t died in a duel a few days ago.”
“Fendrick’s dead?” Saber couldn’t keep the shock out of his voice.
Reddix nodded grimly. “The damn fool was always too quick to take offense—this time he happened to take it from someone who was better with a knife than he was. Now that he’s gone and you’re off playing house with your amalla, there’s no one else besides me. And you know how hot blooded most of our males are—do you remember what happened the last time there was no clear leader to succeed the old Overlord?”
Saber felt sick. “The war of the Clans…” It had happened hundreds of years before but the bloody conflict was still well remembered. Every clan of the Touch Kindred had brought forward a male they felt should be leader and none had been willing to compromise. The resulting civil war had decimated the Touch Kindred and cemented the belief of the other Kindred races that they were too volatile and vicious to be allowed to consort with the rest of the Kindred as a whole. It had resulted in the banishment of the entire Touch Kindred people—what were left of them after a winner had finally emerged, that was.
That leader had been Saber’s ancestor and up until now, the line of succession had never been broken. But I’m breaking it now, he thought to himself sickly. I’ve already broken it. Reddix is right—I’m forcing him into the public eye—forcing him to life a life that’s going to be a living hell for him. And all because I couldn’t help myself and had to have Lissa.
“Stop.” Reddix put a hand to the flat plane of his abdomen. “Now you’re making me nauseous. Your guilt is like a stone in my gut.”
“Sorry.” Saber shook his head. “Reddix, I’m desperately sorry about all of this. But I love Lissa and we’re already bonded. There’s nothing I can do.”
“I didn’t think there was. I just had to ask. Don’t worry, old friend, I’ve got a plan B.” Reddix sat back on the couch.
“Plan B? What are you talking about?”
The melted silver eyes inside Reddix’s hood flashed dangerously. “I’ve been to see Xandra.”
“The swamp witch? You went to see her?” Saber shook his head, disbelieving. “You’re joking.”
“I wish I was,” Reddix said fiercely. “It wasn’t a very fucking pleasant experience. But I needed help and there was no place else to get it.”
“All Xandra can offer you—can offer anyone—is death,” Saber protested. “You need to stay away from her, Reddix!”
“Too late.” Reddix laughed, a deep, harsh sound that hurt Saber’s ears. “We’ve already struck a bargain—a bargain in blood. See?” He held out his arm and pulled up the sleeve of his hooded jacket.
On the inside of his wrist Saber saw something that made his gut clench with fear and loathing. There, on his friend’s pale skin was a black mark shaped like a small, slithering creature called a lthss. It looked remarkably like the Earth animal called a snake except that a lthss changed color after it fed by sucking the blood from its victim, going from black to red. The mark on Reddix’s inner wrist was still small and still black. But what color would it be when Xandra was done with him?
“Reddix,” he said. “You can’t do this. There has to be another way.”
“To overcome the RTS long enough to get Tilla pregnant and make sure the Clans don’t kill each other?” Reddix barked a bitter laugh. “I don’t think so.”
“But this is extreme,” Saber protested. “I really don’t think—”
“No, you don’t old friend. You don’t think about anyone but yourself. But you know what—I do.” Reddix jabbed a thumb at himself. “I’m thinking of my little sister—of Minda. Did you know she’s found a male from the Wind Clan? He doesn’t have much status but he loves her and he’s good to her. They’re already joined and she’s going to have a baby. What do you think will happen to that sweet, happy little family if the Clans go to war? How long do you think they’ll survive? And who should Minda side with—the clan she was born into? Or the clan she married into?”
He stood suddenly and swayed unsteadily.
Saber jumped up to help him but Reddix shook off his hand and took another step back.
“Stop touching me,” he muttered. “Just makes it worse.”
“Sorry.” Saber took a step back. For the first time it occurred to him that his old friend looked more than just tired—he looked sick. He couldn’t get much of a look at Reddix’s face with the hood in the way but from the little he could see, his friend appeared unshaven and unspeakably weary.
“I’d better be going,” Reddix growled. “I need to get back and tell your mother and father and the rest of our people I’m their next Overlord.” He snorted. “You can imagine for yourself their overwhelming joy at the prospect.”
“Don’t go just yet,” Saber protested. “Stay for awhile and recuperate—you look terrible.”
“Don’t look nearly as bad as I feel,” Reddix rasped. “But don’t worry, I’m not running straight back to Tarsia yet. I have some unfinished business right here on that little blue-green ball of rock all our Kindred Brothers seem so fucking taken with.”
“On Earth?” Saber frowned. “What do you want there?”
“It’s not what—it’s who.”
“Reddix, if I could—” Saber began.
“Don’t say another word—your mind is made up, I can feel it. The certainty that you’re not coming back is like a weight around my neck. A heavy fucking weight.”
“But—”
“And don’t worry.” Reddix pointed to the half unrolled vid screen which lay on the floor. “I’ll swear to your mother you watched that and still wouldn’t come home. It’s doubtless only the first of many lies I’ll be forced to…”
His words trailed off and he swayed again, much more alarmingly this time.
“Are you all right?” Saber took another step toward him in concern. “Brother?”
“Saber, I…I…”
But Reddix never finished. His silver eyes rolled up, showing the whites, and he dropped heavily to his knees. Then, before Saber could take even one more step forward to catch him, he toppled forward like a fallen tree, face forward onto the floor.
Evangeline Anderson, Crimson Debt
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