_[17]_
"It is not your fault, Bart," said George Yoritomo softly. "You had aperfect right to go."
Bart Stanton clenched his fists and turned suddenly to face the Japanesepsychologist. "Sure! Hell, yes! We're not discussing my _rights_,George! We're discussing my criminal stupidity! I had the right to leavehere any time I wanted to, sure. But I didn't have the right toexercise that right--if that makes any sense to you."
"It makes sense," Yoritomo agreed, "but it is not the way to look at it.You could not have been with the colonel every minute of every day.There was no way of knowing--"
"Of course not!" Stanton cut in angrily. "But I should have been there_this_ time. He wanted me there, and I was gone. If I'd been there, he'dbe alive at this moment."
"Possibly," Yoritomo said, "and then again, possibly not. Sit down overthere on your bed, my young friend, and listen to me. Sit! That's it.Take a deep breath, hold it, and relax. I want your ears functioningwhen I talk to you. That's better.
"Now. I do not know where you went. That is your business. All you--"
"I went to Denver," Stanton said.
"And you found?"
"Nothing," Stanton said. "Absolutely nothing."
"What were you looking for?"
"I don't know. Something about my past. Something about myself. I don'tknow."
"Ah. You went to look up your family. You were trying to fill the holesin your memory. Eh?"
"Yes."
"And you did not succeed."
"No. No. There wasn't anything there that I didn't remember. In general,I mean. I found the files in the Bureau of Statistics. I know how myfather died now, and how my mother died. And what happened to mybrother. But all that didn't tell me anything. I'm still looking forsomething, and I don't know what it is. I was stupid to have gone. Isuppose I should have asked you or Dr. Farnsworth or the colonel."
"But you thought we wouldn't answer," Yoritomo said.
"I guess that's about it. I should have asked you."
Yoritomo shook his head. "Not necessarily. It was actually better thatyou looked for yourself. Besides, we could not have given you any answerif you yourself do not know the question. We still can't."
"I have a feeling," Stanton said, "that you know the question as well asthe answer."
"Perhaps. Perhaps not. But there are some things that every man mustfind out for himself. You were right to do as you did. If you had askedColonel Mannheim for permission, he would have let you go. He would nothave asked you to go to Government City with him. We--"
"That's the whole damned trouble!" Stanton snapped. "I'm the starboarder around here, the indispensable man. So I'm babied and I'mcoddled, and when I goof off I'm patted on the back."
"And just how did you goof off?" Yoritomo asked.
"I should have been here, ready to go with the colonel."
"Very well. Suppose you had gone. Do you think you could have saved hislife? He could have saved his own life if he'd wanted to. Instead, hespecifically ordered the guard not to shoot under any circumstances. Ifyou had been there, the results would have been the same. He would haveforbidden you to do anything at all. The time is not yet ripe for you toface the Nipe. You would not have been able to protect him withoutdisobeying his orders."
"I might have done just that," said Stanton.
Yoritomo was suddenly angry. "Then it is better that you were in Denver,young fool! Colonel Walther Mannheim believed that no single human lifeis worth the loss of the knowledge in that alien's mind! He proved thatby sacrificing his own life when that became necessary. I like to thinkthat I would have done the same thing myself. I am certain Dr.Farnsworth would. We would rather _all_ be dead than allow that fund ofdata to be lost to the rest of humanity!"
"But--but who will carry on, with him dead?" Stanton asked. "He was theone who co-ordinated everything. You and Farnsworth aren't cut out forthat sort of thing. Nor am I."
"No," Yoritomo said. "But that has already been taken care of. Mannheimhad a replacement ready. A message is being sent out in Mannheim's name,since we are keeping the colonel's death secret for the time being._You_ are the only indispensable man, Stanton. The rest of us can easilybe replaced. The lives of dozens of human beings have beensacrificed--five years of your own life have been sacrificed--to put youin the right place at the right time. And the job you are to do does notand never has included acting as bodyguard for Colonel Mannheim oranyone else. Understand?"
Stanton nodded slowly. "I understand, George. I understand."