Katie pulled in a breath she didn’t really need, instinctively coughing as silver smoke tickled the back of the throat she didn’t really have. Before her slitted eyes rolled out every moment of the eternity she was chancing: every catastrophe she couldn’t prevent, both natural and man-made, all the things her mortal life had promise that were now distant dreams. It was a heavy thought – it was slow and final. Surely the Keepers would not let all that potential go to waste. But as silver light whispered through her and the voice remained petulant and silent, Katie realised that they would. They would let her go.
Is this what it takes to prove a point?
Ready. She was ready to dissolve. She was ready to become nothing.
So it was almost a disappointment when it didn’t happen. Cool winds kicked up, too strong for the Keeper silver mist to resist. It blew through the rest of Katie, fell away from her body. Once the warm silver had blown away the image of her body was somehow faded but she hoped the damage wasn’t permanent. There was no time to worry about that though as cool fingers slammed into her chest and forced her away from the grey vacuum hard enough that there would have been bruises on anybody else. Cold. Everything was cold. The world was coming into focus a million miles below her feet; fuzzy and harmless. Closer every second spots of silver dotted the green and grey land beneath. Between the bright silver laser points were dots of twisting, vibrant colours. They spun slowly, almost lazily, ebbing and flowing into each other.
They’re not the ones you need to worry about.
Where-ever that whisper had come from, it was right. As painful as it was to tear her gaze away from the multi-coloured orbs of human energy, Katie knew she had to. They beauty threatened to capture her attention and keep it until –
It’s too late
- until…
… until nothing else mattered.
The silver dots… they were important. As Katie watched them grow larger with every yard she fell they glowed brighter, hotter, and then one by one a whole cluster of them exploded in metallic flame for the shortest of heartbeats then turned black – a diseased/deceased black.
It wasn’t right. Not by any stretch of the imagination could this be considered right. She didn’t know quite what this sudden switch of light to dark meant; hurtling towards ground at a thousand metres per second per second tended to knock out the powers of reasoning – who knew? – but it felt strange. Familiar, even. There was little to do about this whole falling thing. Was it scary? Yes. Was it going to kill her? No. But there probably wasn’t going to be a whole lot of time to recover or think about anything when she got to ground so the current task at hand was to block out the air rushing past her, the sounds of the lives being lived without me, the sight of an early sunset. Just shut it out and think. Easier said than done. Her brain processed all this stimuli as if it was still important.
I’m not mortal. I’m in control of myself. Katie repeated the sentence a few times but she didn’t believe them until her inner drill sergeant emerged and gave her no choice. As soon as she stopped absorbing the energy of the cities, countries, continents around her, she saw the lights for what they were. Energy. Life forces. The colours were people, living people – vital and flaring with life. Silver – like she was, Jaye was, Shimma was – showed the ghosts in the world. They had been clustered in certain areas. Versions of Northwood in other countries. Accidents where many people were dead. And they were being burnt out, used up and turned into black holes of evil. Katie realised with a start that this is probably what her friends had seen happen to her but times a thousand. Once, she had been dark. Once, she had nearly left her friends to die in a fire. Once once once. It sounded so long ago when you put once in front of it. Once upon a time. Once, she hadn’t even cared if she burnt right there with them. Now, she -
God, she hated falling!
Hated landing even more.
The motorway rushed up towards her, clogged only with the hundreds of cars making their way from work or a last day out with the kids. Katie closed her eyes as the tips of trees came into sight. And then there was an odd feeling of pressure on her back, the concrete she had collapsed on unforgiving and cool. And then there weren’t any more feelings.
“Where is she?”
“By my feet.”
“Why are you wearing clown shoes?”
“They’re green. Nothing wrong with that.”
“Dude, they’re not green. They’re hazardous material. And what are you, size 14 or something? They’re flopping all over the place.”
“Eleven, actually.”
“Makes all the difference.”
Voices. Two of them – one male and one female. Katie wanted to open her eyes and put faces to them but nothing in her was co-operating.
“It didn’t work.”
“You guys tried it this morning. It might just take time.”
“Maybe I just got it all wrong. As usual.”
Katie heard the crunch of feet on a gritted pavement. There was the muffled sound of something big – no make that two somethings – sitting in the grass.
“Dina, you did nothing wrong. Got that? Not a thing. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine.”
“Yours? I don’t understand.”
“I let-“ he didn’t get to finish his sentence. Something too loud to be a gasp and too quiet to be a scream came out of him. It was as if he was in pain. The male voice had sounded like Shimma for just a second but… but it wasn’t. This man sounded tired and torn and totally, utterly human. Now that it was not there, Katie realised Shimma had always had a ring to his voice; that pure echoing that was too close to his words to notice. “Move away. I might hurt you.”
“Is it…is it new to you? You’ve never pulled anybody through before.”
“No,” replied maybe-Shimma. “Always wondered what it felt like. Not exactly awesome.”
“At least it’s not going to nearly kill you. You get it easy.”
“This is easy?”
The air tinkled with Dina’s soft laughter. “Trust me. After you’ve done it a few times this becomes second nature. I can’t believe this is your first time.”
“What can I say? I was saving myself.” He breathed hard and fast, pulling in as much oxygen as the fume-filled Junction 5b would allow. It was a brief moment of rest, Katie knew, the pulling would start again soon. It felt like something, some force you could feel but never see, grabbing the pale string of chi coiled in your gut and pulling pulling pulling on it. Until that string unravelled. Then those fingers would go hand over hand, crawling along it until it had got enough to cut the cord and use the severed section to power his or her own existence. It hurt. Every time you were used that way, it hurt.
“So, you choose to start right when our friend is lying here, kinda dead and dying. Classy.”
She couldn’t help it. Katie felt the corner of her lips curl up in a grim smile and the faintest snort of laughter escaped as the absurdity of what Dina had just said sank in. Dead and dying! Ahhh, funny. Okay, no, bad. Laughing bad. Waking up good. But her eyes still would not open. Her fingers and toes didn’t seem to move when she told them to. Even her burst of sound had been covered by the grumbling of the traffic. It was like she wasn’t fully in her body yet but floating around somewhere else; her mind cut off from her ghost. The Keepers. They had done this to her. Something in that silver cloud had weakened her to the point of being only command and intent.
You’re so much more than that, Lady Katie. I wonder when you’re gonna see that. Where you’ll be.
Cool lips touched her forehead very gently and then tracked to the side and kissed away a teardrop that had slid out of her right eye.
Right by your side, she sent back. She didn’t need to be able to see to know who was hovering over her. Jack. He would look worried, his head slightly wrinkled – it was his thinking face. His green eyes were the o
nly things she wanted to be lost in right now; his ocean-deep eyes, his arms, his love, she wanted to crawl into bed with him and feel him, not the million sensations coursing up and down her shimmering form. I’m a ghost. Why can I feel everything? It’s too much, too much, take it away. Make it stop!
I don’t know. Well, that was comforting. Plenty o’ time to figure it out later... right now’s not good. There are bigger problems round here and… yeah, you need to wake up and do somethin’.
I can’t.
Can’t what?
Open my eyes. They’re too heavy. Everywhere feels like a lead weight is holding it down and I just can’t. I’ve been telling my body to get moving but I just won’t listen to me. I hate me. Of its own accord, her mouth made another smile. Something she did must have attracted attention because the voice that was and wasn’t Shimma called, breathlessly, “Jack? Is she alive?” He tramped down the grass and weeds as he hurried over to them. Lighter feet followed a second or two later.
Both of you are an idiot then. Good job I love idiots.
All I can think about is seeing you. What if you hate what you see? What if I’m not the same inside.
You’re not the same. You’re more than you ever were and you got no clue what – Jack swallowed his words. Katie didn’t know what it had cost to get her this far and nor did she need to. Katie, you’re needed.
Like she didn’t know that. Like she wouldn’t get up if she could.
Jack brushed his lips across hers, harder this time, just not quite enough to be called a kiss. No more. Not until you get up and get you cute lil ass movin’ baby.
Baby?
Sweetheart?
Baby?
No nicknames?
Lady Katie’s just dandy, cowboy.
He clapped his hands. It was a solid flesh and bone sound – he must have coalesced from spirit into solid in the last minute. Words flew between Jack, Dina and the man who sounded like Shimma but her attention was on pulling in the next breath now, not listening to their squabbling. There were raised voices. Maybe a few pushes and shoves. Something about deals being made and breaking promises. Trying to send someone home. STOP! she wanted to scream at them all. Their trivial arguments paled into insignificance when Katie remembered…
She coughed and sat up, her eyes springing open as if gravity was pulling them up.
“Of course I’m alive, fidiot. Look. Walking, talking, everything.”
“Katie?” Dina asked cautiously. “You’re… here?”
“It seems like it.” She glanced down and saw the edges of a farm in the distance. There were horses in the far field and Katie felt an almost irresistible urge to run down, hop on a beast and ride of into the sunset. Horse riding had been one of those things she had always liked the idea of but never done anything about but there was nothing to stop her now.
Until she looked at the motorway behind her.
A man was hammering his car horn at the white van in front. The van veered into the middle lane and the dark car sped off down the fast lane although he probably wouldn’t get far in the tail end of rush hour. Cars still moved along the road but they faded into ghosts and the real phantoms stood out; a boy covered in shadows watching the newly dead wander dazedly towards him and darken, corrupt as he leaned close. Then Shadow Boy took a stiff step back, inching slowly away as if something evil had set up shop inside him and was making him turn these innocent souls bad. He was trying not to do these things. Or maybe he was just taking a break… seeing if he had enough yet. Enough for what?
Remembering that Dina had spoken to her what felt like forever ago and that she hadn’t answered yet, Katie turned back. Three shocked faces stared at her, not quite believing she was standing right there. Jack. Dina. Shimma. She felt herself blush under their stares. “I’ve been here all along, D. Not here here but not exactly pushing daisies either. I’m a ghost.”
“But I can see you. We can all see you.”
“It’s complicated.”
“Gimme the Death for Dummies version then.”
“Jack’s a Shade so he can see the dead. Shimma’s a Keeper and that means – long story.” She shook her head to try and clear her head of everything she knew about the Keepers. Which was next to nothing bar the fact they were ruthless gits when it come to getting their own way. “Save that one for a rainy day. Anyway, he can see me. I’m not sure why you can. Or why I feel like I could sleep for a month. Anyway, that’s me. I’m still dead. Technically.”
“Don’t freak, Lady Katie, but the Shadow is over there and he’s walkin’ this way.” Jack took a step towards Katie, meaning to do the gentlemanly thing and put himself between her and the danger. It didn’t matter that he had been trying to avoid this thing for most of his second life; it only mattered that he protected his girlfriend. Even if this was the last - Jack frowned. He froze when Katie waved his hand away. His protection was not wanted here.
“You can’t see the others?”
“What others?”
“The other ghosts. You can see me, you can see him, but not them.” Katie smacked her forehead with the heel of her hand, surprised that she actually felt the dull thud of the blow. “Ow! Ow? D, could you see me before I woke up?”
“Umm… no,” the girl admitted. “Does this mean you’re not a ghost any more?” Dina looked at Shimma, Katie glanced at Jack, but both men only shrugged.
Don’t look at me. I’m just as confounded as you.
You said confounded!
Would you prefer befuddled? Baffled?
Confounded’s good. It suits you. I just didn’t think anyone actually said that word in real life.
Glad to hear it.
Well, I aim to please.
You always please me, Katie. You make me happy just by being here.
I’d rather be in bed.
Jack’s eyes flew wide open. Was Katie saying what he thought she was saying? Don’t get all excited, cowboy! I want to sleep and if I don’t want to sleep alone… she let the thought trail off. Jack was a big boy – he could fill in the blanks.
We shouldn’t. Not yet. Not like this.
Like what? Look, with everything that’s been going on recently, we might only have one more night to live. And I can’t spend it on my own. I just, I just need to be by you. I know things are weird between us and that you have every reason to hate me for abandoning you to the shadows, for kissing Leo while you were gone, for not coming for you and I know I owe you some explanations but… stop looking at me like you’d forgive me mass murder. I died without you once. Don’t let me do it again.
No-one’s dyin’ tonight. ‘Specially not you. I need to tell you -
“Okay, I’m gonna play the grown up here before the sparks between you two start a damn fire up in here. Back off Jack. Katie, is that the kid who was trying to take you from the club?”
She could only nod for a second. Then the words came back. “Yes, that’s him.”
“Are there others?”
Katie nodded. “The dead are all coming here. You’re a Keeper. You should be able to see them, shouldn’t you?”
“Keepers – agents of them, anyway – can see souls.” Something about his statement bothered her. “They-“ they not we “can pick up on the energy of the living and then sense when it becomes the darker, agitated energy of a death that happened too soon. If a lot of that energy starts acting up at the same time, it’s over-powering and very, very dangerous.”
“Lucky me.”
Hands clenched into fists as if he was angry and trying not to hit something, Shimma shook his head. “Yeah. Lucky you. They chose to show you that. This. They don’t do that lightly.”
“I know. They’ve put the weight of the whole world on my shoulders.”
“It’s a gift.”
“Return to sender. It’s a horrible one.”
Dina raised her hand in
a little-girl gesture. “Is anyone else really freaked out? Or is it just the human in the group?”
“D.” Katie turned to her friend and thought fast. The girl was right. She was human. Vulnerable. They hadn’t got to the BFF stage yet but there was no way she could put Dina in harms way. She should send her straight home. Between Katie and the boys, there should be enough power to face Shadow Boy.
“Dan called Shimma. I was at the hospital when he got the call. I made him bring me. And I’m not leaving. So don’t ask.”
Katie had to grin. On impulse, she ran forward and threw her arms around Dina’s neck, hugging her tight. Later, she would wonder why her arms didn’t pass through her throat like light through an empty glass, why she felt her breathe into her hair and ruffle it, but for now Katie was just amazed by how much like Jaye she was in that moment. Dina. Dina who was so thin a strong breeze might snap her bones; Dina who did the wrong things for the right reasons; Dina who cried and self-harmed and never took the lead. She was not taking the lead now but she was going to be one hell of a follower!
“Okay, what do you need me to do?”
The three of them stood in a rough semi-circle in front of Katie, looking at her expectantly, waiting for orders. But what could she say? How were they meant to help lost souls they couldn’t even see? And, if what the Keepers had shown her was true, what difference would this tiny patch of tarmac and tire marks make? “How should I know?”
“C’mon girl,” said Shimma. “You always know.”
No, I don’t. I know how to fight and how to die. I only know how to run away. My sister was right.
“Calm down and think, Katie. What does your gut tell you to do?”
“It’s telling me to run like hell. My gut is begging me to just turn around and get out of here because we can’t win. There are too many of them.” It was the truth – blunt and sharp all at the same time. And the identical disappointed looks on her friends’ faces told her it wasn’t what they were expecting to hear. “But my gut has been known to be wrong. And my head wants to know how you guys think you can help me if none of you can see what I can see?”
“What can you see?”
“Horrible things. I’m not sure you want to know.”
Shimma shrugged and even though he didn’t speak or think the words in any way she could hear, Katie could read the words in dull grey eyes that had somehow lost that silvery sheen: Maybe not, but we need to know. Or we can’t help you. We can’t even try.
“Okay.” She turned and fixed her gaze on Shadow Boy. He wasn’t talking, wasn’t moving, but he seemed to be watching their motley group. More and more ghosts stood in the middle of the road, wandering in confused circles, occasionally grunting in vague surprise when car after car sped right through them. Good people, all of them. Everyone, Katie suddenly knew, everyone was innocent in death. “You can’t do this, guys. I’m not refusing your help. Truly, I’m not. But this… you can’t help me.”
“If you tell us what to do and where to look-“
“There are ghosts here. I knew some of them. I saw some of them in the crash yesterday. They have this sort of silver energy. And then he gets to them and the silver just fzzt – it burns up and turns black and it’s wrong. It’s like they’re just turning evil in the blink of an eye. I’m the only one who can see it happening because the Keepers showed me. Do you think this is a test to see if I can do this alone?”
“Do what?”
“Save them.”
If it was – why would we be here?
“Jack, outside voice please.”
He had the good sense to blush ever so slightly. The question stood though. If they weren’t meant to be helping Katie, why bring them here? They definitely had the power to keep them away if they chose.
Katie filed the question away for later – she would take whatever help she could get, no matter how secret-agenda-convenient – and set off towards the crash barrier. Most of it was bent out of all usefulness and a section of it had been torn away completely by the woman driver yesterday. Katie found herself thinking of rainbow-haired good luck trolls. It was a good thought to have. And it stayed with her right up until she reached the spot where Shadow Boy was standing.
Don’t get too close.
As if hearing her, the boy of shadows stood up straight.
“Why are you doing this?”
Nothing.
“Tell me. Tell me!”
Still nothing. No words anyway. He cocked his head slightly to the side.
It probably wasn’t the best move to give up on that line of questioning so soon but they were running out of time. Soon, all these wandering spirits would be sucked into the End Place and then be pushed into the Other Place. The longer they stayed dark, corrupted, the more likely it was that they would have a very unpleasant final destination.
“Look,” called Katie from the side of the road, hugely not surprised when they didn’t all turn to listen. “You’re dead and you don’t know why and you’re all as pissed as hell about it. I get it, believe me. You have every right to be mad but you’re good people. There were accidents, mistakes, maybe – okay, maybe there’s somebody to blame for you being here. But you can’t do this. You can’t speak to Shadow Boy and go from good to evil in a heartbeat just because it isn’t fair.” She pulled in a breath. It felt difficult and liquid. “You don’t turn evil and look for revenge. That’s not what people do.”
A dark figure crept up on her left as Katie spoke. Jack. He was always right there when she needed him. He took her tingling burned hand in his and squeezed until it hurt. Not that Katie registered the abrasion of raw skin or the crushing of bones. Images flooded her brain; images she had seen only that morning, only now they were slower, fewer, she could pick them apart.
Sitting by her yellow toybox and playing shops while Daddy spoke. You’re going to have a new baby brother or sister.
Mommy taking her home from nursery with one hand resting on a flat stomach. He’s in there, Katie, I promise.
That horrible doctor making a phone call and making the van with the blue lights come. I’m just going for a little break.
Leaving Nelly the Elephant playing on the TV while she went into the hall and saw Daddy on the stairs. He saw her but didn’t say a word.
Trying to recite all the colours of the rainbow while her parents sniffled over a big colourful magazine with GRACE MEMORIALS at the top of each pag., Red, orange, yellow…
Old enough to be in school and learning words for a spelling test, Katie sat on a bench while Mom and Dad hunched over a small white stone, lost in a sea of other stones - black, grey, the sickly green of mould and neglect. They never went there again.
Katie slowly turned to look at Shadow Boy, her mouth opening slightly with all the words that would come tumbling out. Only, when she tried to speak, there was nothing there. Part of her knew she should be focusing on all these people- these masses only she could see and only she could help. Suddenly, though, that wasn’t important. She pulled her hand from his and backed away. Her cheeks were damp with tears but she didn’t stop to wonder how a ghost cried or how those tears could exist outside her eyes. Shadow Boy stared at her with – no. He couldn’t look at her like that. He couldn’t. She just backstepped through the broken crash barrier and blindly ran with nowhere in mind. Needed to run, to think, to feel the solid thud of-
Tyres screeched. Somebody shouted her name. A horn blasted. Headlights burned her retinas.
She felt a sudden pressure in her side. Not pain precisely, just… uncomfortable. And unexpected. Then she was flying through the chilly evening. Cars raced past Katie like she wasn’t tumbling right past their windows. Shill bit into her bare calves and hands. Her head rocked back on impact and cracked the ground hard enough that she would be seeing stars for days. But, although reality had taken on that harmless grey blur, unconsciousness refused to come.
I like being knocked out, she thought insanely. Now would be a good time to pass out. Because pain didn’t come either. All that Katie could feel was sensation – tarmac, wind, grit, but she had no physical response to them – and a bottomless well of shock.
A veritable stampede of elephants was running towards her. How did three people make so much God damn noise?
Katie arched her back as she tried to get up. Bad idea. Muscles contracted and her stomach threatened to evict its contents by the nearest exit. Sadly for her, there were no contents and Katie ended up dry heaving toxic smelling air and acid onto the ground beside her. When that pleasant job was over, leaving her exhausted and sweating, she put a hand to the back of her head expecting to find a smear of blood. Blood there was – but not a few smudges; there was so much of it, it was ridiculous. Any normal human being would have been knocking on heavens door by now. Staring at red fingers, Katie started to laugh. Oh, it hurt. It felt like her ribs were scraping splintered edges against each of her lungs, but she couldn’t stop. It wasn’t like any of this was going to kill her! And she could turn off the pain if she wanted. That little power switch on her pain receptors was magic. Experimentally feeling around her own mind for it, the girl triggered it and carried on laughing until the blind absurdity began to fade but before the sobbing began.
A break in the cars came and half a dozen grappling hands dragged her off the hard shoulder and into the grass.
“Daniel?” she asked. “Where’s Daniel?”
“She’s at home.” Danielle. They thought she meant Danielle. “It killed me to see you start fighting at your age.” Shimma crouched down and smoothed damp brown hair away from Katie’s face. It was becoming a frizzy mess and blood was drying in sickeningly natural-looking coppery streaks. “I’m not letting a kid get into this.”
“But you let me.”
“You’re different. I couldn’t’ve stopped you if I tried.”
“What makes her different?” Dina demanded. “There’s something going on here that you’re not telling me.”
“D, not now.”
“Yes now! You boys are playing some game and you never invited me.”
“Fine. I’ll explain but do not go psycho. Come over here.” Shimma took her by the arm and led her off towards the small clump of trees by the nearest fence. “You got this, Jack,” he called over his shoulder. It was not a question… more a statement of fact. Katie wiggled sideways until her shoulder touched an intact piece of crash barrier, braced herself against it then hauled herself up until she was sitting on it, watching her two friends walk off together; Dina leaning into Shimma for support and holding hands like it was the most natural thing in the world. Those two looked more like a couple than almost anyone else she knew. More right somehow than the fierce flirtation between Shimma and Marcie last week. Certainly more fitting than her and this gorgeous boy sitting beside her, looking at her as if she was the only person in the world at that moment.
Sea green eyes bored into the side of her face. A cool hand trembled slightly when it took her chin and tugged until Katie faced him
“Can’t out-fade a speeding bullet,” she said to Jack, pressing a hand to her ribs. Cracked or bruised – it was all the same.
“Or a car.”
Those eyes were shadowed and haunted. It was beautiful – breath-takingly, soul-shakingly, heart-breakingly beautiful. And they were only seeing Katie. They would only ever see Katie. The world might explode around them and they would always search out her first. She tried to smile, touched the back of his hand and looked away. She didn’t deserve him – didn’t deserve this kind of singular love when she couldn’t give it back. “You-“
“I know you didn’t mean your sister. Daniel – the Shadow, right?”
“I called him Shadow Boy.” Katie sighed and shrugged. Semantics. “He’s my brother. He grew up in the Dead World. He went straight there I think. Never had a real spirit, never had to wait in the End Place. He can only say five words. Six, if you count my name. Nobody taught him to speak.” Words crowded into her mouth but only the important ones could come out. “Soon, you will remember me.”
“I’m never gonna forget you in the first place.”
“That’s what he said to me. And now I do remember him… as well as you can remember somebody who was never born.”
“Do you hate him any less?”
“He’s my brother, I have to love him. But… but he’s hurting people. Keeping them away from heaven or paradise,” Katie struggled for a term without religious connotations and came up blank. “Where-ever. I don’t know how to let him get away with that.”
“How did you know who it was?”
“His eyes. They were exactly the same as mine and my sister’s. Sort of… broken.”
Jack angled his thumbs up and started to wipe more tears away from her face. After a minute, Katie put her bloody right hand on his wrist to stop him. “Stop.” He frowned at her but stilled under her. A motorbike chased a coach and two more cars down the M6 before Jack started rubbing at the falling tears again, wishing he could move closer and kiss them away before they ever fell. Something told him it would be a bad idea. Love can’t cure everything – it only makes the pain wait a little longer. And get a little bit worse. “Stop,” Katie said again, but she made no move to pull away from him. It wasn’t the gesture she wanted to stop – this gentle, stroking quiet could go on as long as it liked – but the emotion behind it. “You need to stop this. You need to stop loving me this way.”
“Never gonna happen.”
It has to. Love is too precious to waste one person. “When you touch me like this, I can only see you and the rest of the world might as well be on the other side of the universe. And you can’t be the first thing I think about because… because people get hurt. I have no choice but to give you that much love back. It’s dangerous Jack.” That was not it though. It was true enough but not the reason. Those kinds of explanations could come later. Katie reluctantly pulled away from him and twisted on her little perch.
“If this is a mistake, Lady Katie, then let me make it. I’ll carry the weight for both of us.” He reached for her scarred hand and was encouraged when she let him. Lifting it to his face, Jack murmured against her skin, “You think you’re damaged. Soiled. No-one should want you.” I’m damaged, Jack. So, so damaged. Her words from their first night together floated back to them both. “You ‘member telling me that, right? And I didn’t say anything. I was lost for words. Honest. People chip away at you, crack your defences, and you shatter – I watch you every night when you think I’m not around – I see you cry where nobody can see, your heart splinterin’. Then you pick up the pieces and stick them back together. You got no idea how special that is.”
Katie was just about to tell him how sweet he was, to thank him for saying those things to her, when something caught her off guard. It had been flickering for a few minutes, right at the edge of her awareness, but now it hit her full in the face. “Where the heck are they?”
That’s what had been bothering her. Not the tingle of malice in the air but the sheer lack of it. The sudden absence of movement in the corner of her eyes. Not even thinking about it, Katie curled her long fingers around his and stood up. She had one leg over the twisted metal when Shimma and Dina jogged up to them. She couldn’t help but notice how their arms kept touching like they were magnetically drawn to each other.
“Tell her then. Tell her what you did.”
Shimma looked across at Katie. There was literally nothing he wanted to do less than tell her what he had just told Dina. He shot a hopeful look at Jack but he just shrugged and shook his head.
“Fine. I thought I was the clueless one around here but evidently boys and difficult conversations haven’t met yet. Katie, how do you feel?” She leaned in close. Too close for Katie to be entirely comfortable and she stepped back. Her right leg
hit the freezing, twisted steel; the metal bit into her flesh and she glanced down angrily. That metal had no right to be there! In her way and everything. Then, abruptly, it wasn’t there any more.
“Point proven.” Dina gave a satisfied little smile and put her hands on her hips. “Human.”
“What-“
“Look, we all worked together and now you’re real. Solid.”
Katie gestured down at the bent length of grey metal that disappeared as it touched one side of her lower leg and started on the other. Having a piece of sheet steel shot through your leg wasn’t as gross as it sounded.
“Well, not 100 per cent human but close enough. You’re a Shade. Although I’ve never met one who could stand there for so long with half a limb faded out.”
“Maybe she isn’t finished yet. Like, ummm… transition.”
“I don’t know that word.”
“Like… part way between one state and another. Like jelly!” Dina was inordinately proud of that one. Katie just remembered she was hungry. “You know, not quite solid but not quite liquid either. Jelly.”
“I want jelly when we get home.”
“You’re hungry?”
For jelly and ice-cream. With the sprinkles you only ever get at birthday parties. Like she should have had at Freddie’s birthday party last weekend. Which Jaye was going to go to for me. I wonder if she ever made it.
“I’m tired, I’m cold, I’m scared and my head is hurting like a bitch.” Katie felt the mother of all lumps rising on the back of her head but mussed her hair back over the worst of it. “The people who were here? They’ve all gone.”
Jack turned to the road. He hadn’t really looked before – too fixed on his own desires again. Maybe she was right – maybe he and Katie needed to love each other a little less so nobody else got hurt – although how did you control how many beats your heart skipped when you saw that special one? Pushing his emotions aside, Jack peered through the growing darkness by virtue of a million tail-lights going in the opposite direction and-
There
- saw indistinct shapes flickering. Black on an inky blue. “I think I can see them.” Even the traffic seemed to hush as Jack squinted out. “Not well but they’re there. Every few feet is this sorta dark light. Not really here though. It goes on and off.”
“How come-“ Shimma got those two words out of his mouth before Dina smacked him in the shoulder to make him shut up. “Ow. Do all girls hit people when they think?”
“Only when men interrupt us,” Katie answered. “I’m surprised you don’t jail the whole female gender for assault. Or maybe you’re into the whole pain thing.”
“When we get back to work,” a threatening note crept into his voice – one that meant he wasn’t joking, “I’m putting you on full-time toilet duty. ‘Cos I’m so into making people suffer.”
Katie opened her mouth to fire off a snarky reply but was saved from realising she didn’t actually have one when Dina blurted out, “Blood.” She was staring at the blood matting Katie’s head, then at the smudges that had transferred to Jack. “Of course. It’s always blood.”
For a week, something about the identical cuts a lot of their friends shared had been nagging at her. The stupid impulse to break open all their lashes and let the blood flood out in the knowledge it would sparkle not red but silver. Silver and pure and good. It would glitter with life and it would save the dead from the darkness. For a week, she had wondered if it was just because she had once slashed her wrists and watched her own life blood leak out of her, if that might not be why she wanted to cause herself pain again. But no. That wasn’t it.
“Jack, I need you to do something disgusting. Katie, you’re part of this too. Bend your head forward then shake all your hair forward.” Once that was done, Dina glanced at the road. At all the people going to God-knew-where, totally oblivious to what was going on around them. A nice position to be in indeed. For one brief second she envied them their blissful ignorance then returned her attention to her friends. Being so happy and unaware was a luxury she could never again indulge in. If she ever left Northwood, there would be no forgetting what she had learned in that town; that people never had to be truly gone; that there was a place where people could be brought back;… that sometimes people shouldn’t be. “Now, put your hand on her head until those lights stop flickering and stay on.” It took a frustratingly long time to do though it was less than a minute really.
“Woah. How’d you know it would work?”
Dina waved him quiet, pointed at Shimma then at Katie and waited while he did the same thing. Finally, it was her turn. “Hey, you okay with this?”
Isn’t a little late for opinions? “Will it help?”
Dina said nothing. She couldn’t say anything that would answer the question when she was not sure.
A minute later, it was done. Dozens of people wandered aimlessly in and out of passing vehicles – not even seeming to see them. Who knew? Maybe cars didn’t exist where they were. A few of them still had hints of pale goodness glowing above them. But all of them had gentle faces screwed up with rage into something frighteningly vicious. All that anger and they had nothing to direct it at. So it was turning inwards, eating away at any shred of innocence within, causing the faint aura around each person to darken and thicken until it seemed as if they were no longer bodies of fallen humans at all but a giant, writhing shadow in a roughly humanoid shape.
“I can’t see them now. Nice idea, D, but I don’t think it worked.”
Dina was staring at the people wandering all over the road. Outside her trip to the End Place six weeks ago, she had never seen so many disembodied spirits. If it was not such a horrifying sight she might have shed a tear for them. She knew how bad it felt to know that you had hurt yourself and other people and that not even in death could you make up for it. She didn’t feel anything for them. Yes, they might be good people who had been turned bad by Shadow Boy through no fault of their own, but that was no excuse. “Why are they just standing there? Shouldn’t they be doing something?”
“Yeah, they should be. I don’t know why they’re not.”
“Thanks for the help, Jack. I feel informed.”
“Hey, I’m still a Shade. If anyone knows what’s goin’ on it should be – him.” He whirled and pointed at Shimma. “He’s a Keeper. He should have some idea.”
“Was. But, yes, I should know and I-“
“They’re waiting,” interrupted Katie. “At least, I think they are. It’s weird that I can’t see. It’s like being blind in a way. However hard I try, I just don’t see a thing apart from trees, cars and the stars.”
“Waiting for what?”
If I knew that I‘d have fixed it by now, genius. Snapping at her friends wouldn’t help but Katie couldn’t help feeling a tiny bit better.
There was no time to apologise though. As one, every dark figure froze. Just…stopped. For a moment, nothing happened. Katie was a little afraid to fracture the fragile silence with her question. “We’re not in Northwood; how can they even be here?”
“The world is full of ghosts. Most you never see. If nobody cares then nobody will notice whether you’re here or not. Human energy powers the ghosts, like a residue that people just leave behind.”
“The way I can sometimes see trails of sparkles around people?”
He looked sharply over at her. There were an important few inches between their heights. He was trying not to think about what would happen if she ever gr3ew taller than him – seeing Katie hover an inch over her boyfriend in those pumps was weird enough. “You had the Vision. How long before now?”
A shrug. “A month?” Like she had been keeping track. “Why can’t I see them?”
Shimma honestly did not want to have this conversation. In fact, he had been half-hoping Jack would deal with this end of things but no such luck.
“If it’s like D
said and it’s all about blood… I’m full of the stuff.”
“Cliff notes?” He waved Katie down and sat on the ground beside her. “You died. I brought you back as a ghost. Only Shades could see you because of the dead connection. You disappeared. Jaye vanished. We thought somethin’ dodgy was going down.”
Do people still say dodgy?
“We didn’t know what was happening to you until your sister called today. We – Jack and I – made a deal with the Keepers if only we could give you the help you needed tonight.”
Tonight? They thought this was going to be over tonight? “What kind of deal?”
“Something’s happening!”
“What?”
“Guys. Are you seeing this too?”
Jack gulped, nodded.
Tell me!
I can’t – I don’t know how to explain it.
Then don’t. Tell me what’s happening and then let me figure it out.
Whether he would have relented and told her was lost because D jumped in. “There’s no sign of that shadowy kid. Only the others. And there are a lot of them. One of them just reached into the car next to it and put his hand right inside the driver. Jesus!”
“That’s it?” It was a vain hope.
“He’s like that now. Wait. The ghost thing, it looked like he was grabbing something, grabbing and twisting. The driver – he’s slumping forward. He looks like he fell asleep at the wheel.” Dina shivered inside the black woollen coat that swamped her. They all knew that wasn’t what had happened. “And – oh God.” She turned to the side and raced off towards the hedgerows marking the slip road. A lorry and a selection of stunning Yamaha motorbikes stood there; Dina vanished behind the artic.
“Okay, something not good is going on.”
“It’s all of them,” Shimma whispered, afraid that to speak too loudly might attract the attentions of the angry dead. “Every single soul. They’re all attacking a mortal in that way. Drivers, passengers, even that girl on the bridge.” Dreading what she might see Katie looked up.
Chapter twelve