“It was you!” Her eyes grew wide. “You were my guardian angel.”
He gave a grim smile and stared into the flames of the fire. “Some guardian angel. I couldn’t even acknowledge what I’d done.” He turned his head away. “The people of Hanging Tree deserve better than me. That’s what I intend to tell them when I get to town.”
She set her plate aside and clutched his arm, her voice trembling with indignation. “You’re wrong about the townspeople. They love you. You’ve made a difference in their lives. Once they hear the truth, they’ll welcome you back.”
“If you believe that, Jade, you must believe in miracles. The good people of Hanging Tree will try to nail my hide to the wall of Durfee’s Mercantile after they learn the truth about me.”
“Then why bother going back?”
He got to his feet. “Because I owe them that much. Call it the last of my…unfinished business in Hanging Tree.”
Jade watched as he strode away and blended into the darkness beyond the circle of firelight.
The food on her plate grew cold as she stared up at the stars and thought about all that he’d told her. It was almost too much to take in at one time.
Feeling weary beyond belief, she crawled into the bedroll. Almost instantly she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.
Jade stared at the darkened sky. She had no way of knowing how long she’d been asleep. The heavens, black as midnight, were awash with millions of stars.
Nevada’s words echoed through her mind. You were all I’d ever dreamed of, since the first time I saw you. But I knew I had no right to such a gift. You deserve so much better than me.
She sat up, shoving the tangles from her eyes. How could she have been so blind?
Of all the things she’d learned about Nevada’s past, only one mattered. His leaving hadn’t been a rejection of her, but rather an affirmation that he didn’t think himself worthy of her love. But he wanted her. And had since the first time he’d seen her.
And despite everything she had learned about his past, she still loved him. Desperately.
It was time for some honesty of her own.
Nevada sat by the fire, his back against the trunk of a gnarled tree, his thoughts dark and tormented. Smoke from his cigar curled like a wreath over his head.
It hadn’t been as tough as he’d imagined. But then, he hadn’t been as honest as he’d intended. Odd, he thought, how the best of plans…
He turned at the soft footfall, then groaned inwardly as Jade dropped to her knees beside him. She looked like a vision he’d conjured out of his tortured needs.
“You should be sleeping,” he said a little too gruffly.
“I was.” She knew her voice sounded breathless, but she couldn’t help it. She wanted to act quickly, before she had time to change her mind. “Something woke me.”
He glanced around, his hand going to his gun. “I didn’t hear anything.”
“It wasn’t a sound. It was a voice in my mind.”
His eyes narrowed slightly. “I don’t get it.”
She gave him a smile so dazzling it had his heart constricting. “You said you overheard what I told Aunt Lily. About planning to… seduce you.”
“We’ve been through all this.” If he wasn’t so frustrated, he might see the humor in this situation. As it was, he felt only anger.
He caught her roughly by the upper arms and stood, dragging her to her feet. Though she was surprised by his sudden movement, she held her ground.
“You said you wanted me. And have since the first time you saw me.”
“That’s enough, Jade. Go on back to your bedroll.” He turned away from her and, needing to hide his feelings, drew deeply on his cigar.
“Have I done something to change your mind?” she asked softly.
“It isn’t anything you’ve done. It’s me. It’s… everything. My past. My future. Hell,” he said through gritted teeth, “I have no future.”
“I’m not interested in your past or your future. All I care about is here, now.” She placed a hand on his arm and felt him flinch and draw away as though burned.
Fear clogged her throat, and she thought about retreating. But then she caught sight of his proud profile. Flaring nostrils. Jutting chin. Heaving chest. Heaving? Could it be that the brave, tough gunman was fighting a battle with himself? Over her?
That knowledge made her bolder than ever.
She brought her hand to his shoulder. “I love you, Nevada. I know I shouldn’t. But I can’t help the way I feel about you. And I think you have some feeling for me, as well.”
Love. That simple word had him stunned and reeling. He’d been prepared for any argument but that. If she’d said she wanted to learn the ways of men and women, he would have found the courage to walk away. If she’d tried to be cute or coy, playful or demanding, he could have resisted.
But love. Simple, honest love. It was his most basic need. One he had so long been denied.
Still, for her sake, he had to try to deny it.
He turned to face her, his features deliberately bland. “Weren’t you listening when Lily warned you about the perils of love?”
She reacted as though he’d slapped her. It tore at him to hurt her, but it was for her own good.
“You saw what it did to your father and mother. Even the love they felt for you couldn’t bring them together as a family. What if we repeat their mistake? Is that what you want, Jade? A child who spends a lifetime wishing for a life that can never be?”
When she remained silent he knew, with a heavy heart, that he’d won. For good measure he added, “Now go back to your bedroll and get some sleep. You’ll need it. We’re leaving for Hanging Tree at first light.”
He turned away, closed his eyes and listened to the slight rustling of her gown. In the silence that followed he lifted his cigar to his lips, inhaled deeply, then tossed it on the fire and turned.
She was standing very still, watching him.
“I thought…” he began.
She touched a finger to his lips. “You thought you had succeeded in driving me away. That’s what you wanted, isn’t it? To save me from myself?”
His voice was a low whisper of anguish. “For God’s sake, leave me, Jade, now, before it’s too late.”
“It’s already too late.” She stood on tiptoe and brought her mouth to his.
He absorbed the shock of her kiss. His whole world was tilting, and he couldn’t seem to right it. Still, he had to try.
He caught her roughly by the shoulders and held her a little away. “You don’t know what you’re doing. This isn’t an elegant pleasure palace with perfumed sheets and feather beds. There are no servants to do your bidding, or Lee Yin to help you when you find yourself in over your head.” When she opened her mouth to protest, he muttered, “And be warned. I’m not a gentleman. I won’t settle for a quick tumble in the grass. I’ll want more than you’re prepared to give.” She saw the passion that blazed in his eyes before he carefully banked it. “I’ll want everything, Jade. Everything, do you understand? Now get out of here, before we both have to wake up in the morning with regrets.”
Instead of turning away when he released her, she surprised him by wrapping her arms around his neck and lifting her mouth to his. “I won’t leave. And you can’t make me go.”
It was the final straw. He had no strength left to refuse her.
As his lips covered hers he muttered thickly, “Understand, then. I want it all.”
Chapter Nineteen
His hands were almost bruising as he gripped her shoulders and drove her backward against the tree. His kisses weren’t gentle. With lips and teeth and tongue, he took. He demanded. He devoured. His breath was hot as it mingled with hers in a moan of impatience.
He feasted on her lips, drawing out every flavor, every exotic taste. When he lifted his head they were both gasping for breath. His hands fumbled with the fasteners at her neck until the silk was shredded. He took no notice of the torn fabric as
he dragged his lips over her throat. But even as his mouth brought her pleasure, his hands were exploring, moving aside her skirt until he found her, already hot and moist.
She reacted to his frenzied assault like a frightened doe.
“No. Wait.” Dragging air into her lungs, she pushed against him.
He lifted his head, and she could see his eyes, glazed with a dangerous light. “I warned you I wasn’t a gentleman. Having second thoughts?”
She shook her head, struggling for breath. “It’s just… I need a moment to think.”
“It’s too late for that. Don’t think.” He lifted a handful of hair from her neck and brushed his lips over the tender flesh, sending tremors skittering along her spine. And all the while his hands continued to weave their magic until her body was vibrating like a plucked harp. “Just feel, Jade. Feel.”
He watched her eyes as he drove her to the first sudden, shocking peak.
She couldn’t speak. Not when his lips and fingertips were doing such amazing things to her. Her body hummed with strange new sensations, but still he gave her no time to recover.
He ran nibbling kisses down her throat, across her shoulder. When her gown got in the way he tore it roughly aside to bare her flesh to his lips.
Though she’d been caught unawares by his reaction, the truth was, his ruthlessness excited her. She brought her arms around his waist, tugging at his shirt, eager to explore him as he was exploring her. His skin was damp, hot with the fever that drove him.
He shrugged aside his clothes and tore away the rest of her gown until they were standing, damp flesh to damp flesh.
Her voice was ragged and trembling. “I can’t believe this is happening. I have no pride left. You’ve managed to make me forget everything my tutor ever taught me.”
“I won’t be satisfied until the only heart you feel is mine.” He dragged her against him until she could feel the thundering of his heartbeat inside her own chest. “And the only thing you taste is me.” He took the kiss deeper, until she drank in the dark, dangerous taste of him. “And the only man you see is me.”
With a sigh she allowed her lids to flutter closed. Outlined in a red mist of passion was his image, imprinted indelibly on her mind. On her heart. On her soul.
“There’s only you,” she murmured on a moan of pleasure. “Oh, Nevada, only you.”
“And you’re the only woman I’ll ever want or need.” With his hand tangled in her hair he drew her head back while his other hand skimmed her body. His mouth plundered hers until they were both struggling for breath.
The need for her was so overpowering, he had to call on all his willpower to keep from taking her. There was a beast inside him, clawing its way out, driving him unmercifully. But this was her first time, he cautioned himself. There was so little he could give her. But he could give her this. Pleasure beyond just this night. And memories to last a lifetime.
Moment by painful moment he managed to rein in his out-of-control passion, so that he could take the time she deserved.
With his hands on her shoulders he held her a little away and rested his forehead against hers while he took several deep drafts of air.
“What is it?” she whispered. “Have I done something wrong?”
“Oh, Jade.” He combed his fingers through her hair and stared deeply into her eyes. “You couldn’t do anything wrong if you tried. You’re so right. So incredibly right.” He ran nibbling kisses over her upturned face, pausing to brush his lips over her eyelids, her cheeks, the tip of her nose. “But I want this to be special for you.”
“How could it not be special when it’s with you, Nevada?”
Her words touched him so deeply, he felt his breath hitch in his throat. He lifted her hands to his lips, pressing a kiss to each palm. Then, still holding her hands, he drew her down until they were kneeling in the cool grass, with only their discarded clothes as a cushion.
He felt a welling of tenderness as he enclosed her in the circle of his embrace and sought her mouth. She gave it willingly, eagerly, as she twined her arms around his neck.
The sounds of the night washed over them. The lapping of water in the creek. The chirp and hum of insects. The call of a night bird. The sighing of the wind in the trees. All of these things helped to gentle the raging passion in him as he lost himself in the wonder of her.
With great care he laid her down and trailed hot, wet kisses along her throat, across her collarbone, to her breast.
Pleasure. Jade had never experienced such pleasure. She lay, calm and still in his arms, trusting him to lead the way.
He sensed her trust and thrilled to it. It was the highest compliment she could pay him, knowing that she’d been taught to trust no one but herself.
As his hands and lips moved over her, her body arched, tight with need. She had become a mass of nerve endings. And Nevada instinctively knew every one.
Heat. Her blood surged like molten lava. She was so hot, it was an effort to breathe. Even the damp grass couldn’t cool her overheated flesh. And still he took her higher, then higher still, keeping release just out of reach, until she moaned and writhed and cried out his name.
Her arousal fueled his own. He looked into her eyes, glazed with desire. The fragrance of exotic flowers and spices filled him, until all he could taste, all he could breathe, was her.
“Tell me,” he whispered fiercely. “Tell me that you want me.”
She was beyond wanting. Beyond words. She had slipped into a world of such deep feeling, pleasure actually bordered on pain.
“I want…” She swallowed and tried again. “You. Only you. Oh, Nevada, love me. Now.”
Feeling his tenuous grasp on sanity slipping away, he moved over her, taking her with a savageness that had them both gasping. But when he tried to slow down, to give her time, she wrapped herself around him, taking him beyond the point of return. She began to move with him, matching his strength, his rhythm, until they felt as though they’d broken free of earth. It was the most incredible feeling as they soared through the heavens. And at last touched the stars in a blinding flash of light.
They lay still, their bodies slick, their heartbeats still racing out of control. Slowly, ever so slowly, they drifted back to earth.
Jade’s breathing was shallow, her mind still humming with all she’d discovered. So this was the passion that men and women experienced. The passion that had fueled the imaginations of the artists and poets of her mother’s land for centuries.
She felt tears spring to her eyes. This was what her father and mother had tried to fight. And when they could no longer deny it, this was the bond that held them, though they led separate lives.
For Jade the knowledge was stunning. And devastating. How could her parents have remained apart for even one night when they shared something this powerful, this compelling?
Tasting the salt of her tears, Nevada felt his heart stop. He lifted his thumbs to the corners of her eyes as he growled between clenched teeth, “I can’t believe I took you like a savage, right here on the ground. I feel like the lowest—”
“That isn’t why I’m crying.” She sniffed, struggling to stem the flow. “It’s just so… wonderful. I was thinking about my parents. It must have broken their hearts to be apart.”
Relieved that he wasn’t the cause of her weeping, Nevada felt his own heart begin to beat once more. He rolled to his side and drew her into the circle of his arms, loving the way she curled herself contentedly against him.
They remained silent for long moments, each lost in private thoughts.
But when she shivered, he broke the silence by murmuring against her temple, “The night’s growing cold. I’d better get you into a bedroll.”
As he started to get up she touched a hand to his arm to stop him. “I don’t want you to leave me. Even for a moment. I know a better way to keep warm.”
He glanced down at her with a look of surprise and amusement. “Why, Miss Jewel. Whatever are you talking about?”
&n
bsp; “I believe it’s called…cuddling.”
“And what would you know about such things?”
“A notorious outlaw was kind enough to share his vast experience in… certain areas in which I was deficient.”
“How generous of him.” He lifted a strand of her hair and watched as it sifted through his fingers.
“He’s a very generous man. And now I’d like to return the favor.” She sat up and with her finger traced the curve of his brow, the hollow of his cheek, the outline of his lips, all the while watching his eyes. “I’ve wanted to do this for such a long time.”
“Too bad you didn’t tell me sooner. I’d have been happy to oblige.”
She gave him a mysterious smile and continued tracing his firm jaw, the slope of his shoulder.
“You’d better be careful,” he muttered thickly, “or that outlaw you mentioned might have even more things he’d like to share.”
She seemed intrigued. “Is that possible? I mean… so soon?”
“If he’s as notorious as you say, I think there’s a good chance of it. Especially if you keep touching him like this.”
She pressed her lips to his throat and heard his little intake of breath. That only made her bolder. She surprised him by tracing her lips down the line of red-gold hair that matted his chest. When she brought her lips lower, he gave a growl of pleasure, deep in his throat.
Catching her roughly by the shoulders, he hauled her into his arms. Against her mouth he whispered, “I warned you. Now you’re going to have to suffer the consequences.”
“Promise?” she said with a laugh.
His tongue circled her ear, then thrust inside. “I never promise what I can’t deliver.”
She shivered. Her laughter died as his lips began an intimate exploration of her body. Without warning she found herself tumbling once more with him into a world of passion. A world of dark, desperate desire. A world where only lovers can go.