Thia swallowed hard. "It was so surreal to be thrown into this giant, unrelated family. And they're not normal. My stepmother notwithstanding, they're very scary people. And having been raised with very scary, highly volatile and violent people, I was terrified of them all. And my dad, while he tries, he's so skittish around me. Like he's afraid he'll break me if he touches me, and he never knows what to say. Not that he speaks much to anyone. But still..."
She looked up at Sumi. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to dump this on you. It's just those bodies brought back memories I wish I could burn out of my mind."
"Yeah. I noticed you didn't flinch."
Drawing a ragged breath, Thia stood. "As I said, Aksel was a psycho bastard. It seemed like every other day my mother was cleaning blood out of the carpets because he'd killed one of his men for something... like sneezing while he was talking." She laughed bitterly. "I feel as if my entire life has been one poorly written melodrama."
"Sweetie, we all feel that way at times. Trust me."
"I guess so." Thia pulled her sweater tighter around her as they walked. "My father tries so hard to protect me. It's suffocating. And it wouldn't bother me nearly as much if I didn't see the differences between how he treats me and how he is with my siblings."
"What do you mean? Does he love them more?"
"No!" Thia said quickly. "It's not that. Because he's wiped their butts and spoonfed them from birth, he's... well, as relaxed as he can get. With me, I can tell he feels like he owes me something. I can see the guilt in his eyes every time he looks at me, because he wasn't there when I was little to protect me and keep me safe. And all I really want is to crawl into his lap like my brothers do and have him hold me until it all stops hurting."
Sumi pulled Thia into her arms and held her close. "I know, sweetie. I really do. When I was little, I had a brother-in-law who was my hero. He, alone, would do just what you said. He'd envelop me in those strong arms and tell me that he'd never let anyone hurt me. And I believed him."
"What happened?"
"He divorced my sister and went away, never to return."
"You hate him for it?"
"I call it hatred, but it's not. It's shattered trust. I never had anyone who protected me. Anyone who picked me up when I fell, except him. And I miss him so much that I can't help but hate him. I will never understand why he left me, how he could do it, knowing I had no one else."
Now they were both crying.
Until Thia started laughing. "Thank the gods you sent Darice ahead. I'd have to gut the little booger if he saw us like this."
Sumi joined her laughter as she wiped away her own tears. "Why does life have to be so hard?"
Thia sniffed back her tears. "Aunt Mari says that the assholes in our lives are our biggest blessings."
"How so?"
"Without them, we'd take the ones who aren't for granted. Assholes give us needed perspective to appreciate the people who really love us."
Strange, she'd never thought of that before. "I really need to meet your aunt Mari one day."
Thia hooked her arm in Sumi's and started walking again. "Now that you're family, you will. Just don't wake him too early in the morning or he's a beast. As he says, his maternal instincts don't kick in until midday, and after his first cup of tea."
Sumi laughed at that. "Does he know you call him your aunt?"
"Of course. It's how he introduced himself to me when we met the first time." She pushed playfully against Sumi's side. "To clear your confusion, he's gay. As I said, we're a motley bunch. You'll fit right in."
How she wished that were true. But it would never be.
It couldn't be.
And once she turned her intel in to save her daughter, she had no doubt that Thia would be the first one to kill her for it.
CHAPTER 10
S
umi slowed as she saw Hauk and Darice waiting for them. He handed a bottle of water to Thia. Smiling, Thia rose up on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek before she went to sit beside Darice.
Hauk handed a bottle to Sumi. Scowling, he brushed his thumb against her lower lashes. The concern in his eyes was almost enough to get her crying again, but somehow she managed to keep her emotions leashed.
"We're okay. Thia just needed some girl time. We're weird that way."
He grunted in response.
She shook her head at him. "Is that really your idea of an answer?"
He shrugged.
Sumi gave him an irritated stare. "You're not helping yourself, big guy."
"Don't be so hard on him, Sumi," Thia said while she watched them with an amused grin. "He's never spent much time around females so we're all like alien beings to him."
"Really?"
Hauk moved to check supplies. "Just Jayne, and a female cousin who used to severely kick my ass when I was a kid."
"And Jayne ain't typical," Thia said in an exaggerated tone to illustrate how odd this Jayne was. "She's a fierce Hyshian assassin lunatic. Love her dearly, but she ain't right, and you never know what's she's going to say or do."
Sumi let out a low whistle as she remembered the pictures of the tall, dark-haired woman with the men. That explained a lot about the woman. "I understand now what you meant by scary."
"Actually," Thia said, grinning, "scary is the fact that she has children and hasn't eaten one of them yet."
Hauk snorted at her words. "You should ask her about Sway's older brother sometime."
Thia scowled. "Sway doesn't have an older brother."
"Exactly." Hauk's tone was flat and his expression quite serious.
Thia laughed, then sobered. "I know you're joking, Uncle Hauk... right?"
His features were still stony and gave nothing away. Though to be honest, he was a bit distracted. "The fact you have to ask says it all."
Darice stretched out on his side. "Can we stay here, Dancer? I'm tired of walking." He yawned like a small child and folded his arms under his head before he closed his eyes.
Hauk looked at Sumi, then Thia. "How are you two holding up?"
Thia stood and did an adorable little dance. "I'm good to go. Always nocturnal. Which might be helpful, if my father wasn't more nocturnal than me."
Smirking, Hauk met Sumi's gaze.
"League trained. Sleep is overrated."
He stroked his goatee with his thumb as he considered their answers. "Thee? Can you carry Darice's gear?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"Grab it." He pulled his blaster out and handed it to Sumi while Thia slung Darice's gear over her back. "Mind the recoil."
Sumi arched a curious brow.
"It's twice the range and blast radius of what you're carrying."
She still didn't understand why he'd given it to her. Not until he picked up Darice and cradled him against his chest. For once, Darice didn't protest. He draped his arms around Hauk's neck and placed his head on his shoulder.
Thia made an exaggerated gape at Sumi. "Well, if I'd known being carried was an option, I'd have called dibs!"
In those arms and against that rock-hard body... "Definitely."
Hauk scoffed at them as he led them forward. "I wish one of you had. You weigh a lot less... Now let's get a little more distance from the bodies. There should be a small oasis a few ticks from here. It'll give us cover from exposure and should hide us if another group comes after me."
As they walked, Sumi noticed that Hauk kept visually checking on her and Thia to make sure he wasn't overtaxing their strength. Meanwhile, he said nothing about the load he carried. Darice probably weighed a good 150 to 170 pounds alone.
And judging by the boy's snore, it was dead weight.
Not to mention the fact that Hauk was carrying all the water and the heaviest part of their supplies and his sword. No wonder they called him their TAM.
She frowned at Thia. "Is Hauk good to do this? I'm thinking if he goes down, none of us can carry him."
"He won't go down."
She arched a brow at the certaint
y in Thia's voice.
"I've seen Uncle Hauk spar with my father and his brother. Trust me. Our TAM is stronger than a fortified League cruiser."
Sumi wasn't so sure about that. "Yeah, but that's practice."
Thia scoffed. "Not the way they do it."
Okay then. She would rely on Hauk's knowledge of his own tolerance and limitations. Her senses alert, she dutifully pulled up the rear.
It was almost dawn before they came to the oasis. Yawning, Hauk waited until Thia had pulled out a sleeping bag and unfolded it before he put Darice down and tucked him into it.
When the young woman stumbled away, he swung her up in his arms and carried her to where Sumi had opened Thia's bag. Identical to Darice, Thia snuggled against him like an infant as he carried her.
Her father might be skittish with her, but Hauk wasn't. He treated her just like she was his own as he gently kissed her head and tucked her in. Thia snuggled in just like a contented child.
He rose into that sexy predator pose with all his weight on one leg, while he scanned the landscape around them, and made sure that they were adequately shielded by the clump of shrubs. Without a word, he pulled out his bag and placed it near Thia.
Then he held his hand out for his blaster. Sumi returned it to him, and moved to stretch out to sleep. She'd barely moved before he picked her up and took her to his bag.
Apprehensive and yet strangely excited and aroused, she arched a brow at him. "What are you doing?"
"Putting you to bed."
That made her heart pound faster and sent a wave of frightening heat through her. "Your bed?"
He tucked her into his bag... then, to her disappointment, stepped back. "I'm not going to sleep tonight."
She gaped at him. But for the circles under his eyes, there was no sign of fatigue. Even so... "When was the last time you rested?"
He didn't answer as he called the lorina over to him and had it lie down between her and Thia.
"Hauk?" she chided. "You're not invincible."
He scratched at his jaw in a boyish gesture that made her smile. "I don't need to sleep yet. I'm fine." When he started to withdraw, Sumi caught his arm and gently tugged him closer to her.
Hauk dropped his gaze down to where she held on to his wrist. The heat in his eyes was searing. His breathing turned ragged.
Unable to put into words how grateful she was to him, she leaned in to kiss him for all he'd done for them.
Hauk couldn't move as she laid her soft, gentle hand against his cheek. No female had ever touched him like this.
Like she wanted him.
At home, he was too scarred for an Andarion female to look at him with anything more than a contemptuous sneer. And that was far preferable to the human women, whose hatred, fear, and loathing were palpable. All his life, he'd felt hideous and undesirable.
Disgusting.
Like a mutant, mangy animal no one wanted to touch.
But that wasn't what he saw in Sumi's eyes. She stared at him as if she wanted him as much as he wanted her.
He held his breath, craving her kiss with every part of his being. He opened his lips to receive it, then remembered why he couldn't.
Remembered what one single kiss would cost him.
Damn it to hell.
Grinding his teeth, he pulled back an instant before their lips met. "I'm pledged, Sumi."
Still she kept her hand on his cheek, tormenting him with things he knew he could never have. "Has she ever kissed you?"
He looked away as he remembered the one time he'd tried. Dariana had moved so fast that he hadn't even felt the knife go into his flesh, until she'd twisted it in his gut. Instead of tasting her lips, he'd tasted his own blood.
"You ever do that again, unworthy, repulsive dog, and it'll be your testicles I slice open." Coldly, she'd wiped her blade off on his sleeve before she'd stepped over his body.
He swallowed hard as he pushed that memory away. "No."
Sumi brushed her delicate fingers over his mouth, raising chills all over him. "You should have a female who kisses you, Dancer. And often."
Before he could stop himself, he ran his hand through those pale tresses that had been tempting him since he'd pulled her skullcap off. They were even softer than he'd imagined. Lifting a lock, he inhaled her sweet scent. "You smell like flowers." And all he wanted to do was bury his face against her neck until he was drunk from it.
But he could never do that. Dariana was trusting in him to keep his vow to her. His body belonged to her and her alone. It was something his father had beaten into them from birth.
"I ever catch you with a female other than your pledged or wife, I'll cut your cock off myself."
And after the nightmare and infighting between his mother and grandmother, the last thing he wanted was to put any more drama into his already fucked-up life.
It just wasn't worth it.
Swallowing hard, he forced himself to leave her and take up a sentry post. It was, after all, the only thing he was good for.
Lying down, Sumi watched as Hauk finally grabbed a bottle of water for himself, and went to sit with his back against a small tree so that he had an unobstructed view of the surrounding terrain. It was weird, but she no longer saw his resemblance to Fain. He'd established his own identity to her.
While they were physically similar and shared some personality traits, there was a deep sadness to Hauk that Fain had lacked. In many ways, he was even more fierce.
More wounded.
And she wanted to gut Dariana for what she was doing to him. If the bitch was going to force him into a lifetime of celibacy, why not allow him to be an assassin? What would have been the harm?
Was it really so that he wouldn't outshine Darice's father?
It was so unfair that someone like him was tied to an undeserving whore like Dariana while Sumi would have sold her soul to have found a father for her baby with one-half his decency. Loyal and caring males were far too rare in this world to be taken for granted. They should be cherished.
Before she could stop it, the picture of him holding the unknown baby girl went through her mind.
A male so gentle should have his own children to dote on and protect. In spite of his protests and denials, he was amazing with Darice and Thia. Far more patient with Darice than the little snot deserved.
Damn you, Kyr.
And damn her for what she was going to have to do to someone who definitely didn't deserve it. I have no right to hate Dariana. Not when she was going to have to do a lot worse to him before all was said and done.
His entire body aching and warm, Hauk came awake slowly. He grimaced at the throbbing, awful pain he felt as he realized he'd fallen asleep, sitting upright.
Then he remembered why.
Fully alert now, he jerked his blaster out and jumped to his feet as he searched for more attackers.
"You always wake up like that?"
His heart racing, he turned toward Sumi, who was sitting a few feet away. She was freshly bathed, her pale hair still damp and coiled into a bun at the nape of her neck. There was an amused glint in those beautiful hazel eyes as she finally watched him without fear.
Damn, she was a beautiful woman. And he hungered for her in a way that should be illegal, and it probably was in most galaxies.
By the sun's position, he knew it was well past midday. Holstering his blaster, he toed the blanket at his feet that someone had placed over him while he slept. "You?"
She nodded. "You were awake when I brought it to you. Don't you remember?"
His thoughts and sensations still fuzzy and dull, he rubbed at his forehead as he vaguely recalled it. Since she hadn't posed a threat, he'd accepted the blanket and thanked her for it.
Sumi smiled as she watched the boyish way he rubbed at his face. He had to be exhausted still. He was much more sluggish now than he'd been the days before, and even last night.
He stifled a yawn. "Where are the kids?"
"Exploring the caves. I'm ra
ther surprised you didn't take us there last night to camp."
"Bad defensive position." Rubbing at his side, he grimaced again. "Too easy to trap us with no way out."
A mistake she would have made on her own. "You know this place well."
"It left an impression on me." He crouched down to where she'd placed some of the meal they'd prepared for breakfast and a bottle of water. It was the first time she'd actually seen him eat anything other than snacks. His slow, studied movements were strangely savage and yet oddly beautiful.
He paused as he caught her staring at him. "Do I offend you?"
"Hardly."
"Then why are you eyeballing me?"
She wrinkled her nose. "I can't seem to help myself. You are an incredibly sexy beast, Dancer Hauk. Full of strange incongruities."