Yes, he did.
Scowling, he stamped down the bitter pain that swelled inside him. Having been with a woman who cared for him, who loved him, and having held a child who accepted him without question, how could he go back to the life he'd lived? Ever?
Strange, he'd never realized what was missing from it. Other than companionship. But what he had now was so much better than anything he'd imagined on those lonely nights.
I can't go back.
He couldn't bear the thought of it. Yet how could he ask Sumi to risk her life for him when he wasn't worth it?
Dariana would never take mercy on her. She was out for blood, and all the hatred she bore him would be laid at Sumi's feet in that ring.
Why can't I fight in her place?
But their laws would never allow such. This was a challenge for the right to marry him. He couldn't interfere. Yet in his heart, he belonged fully to Sumi.
He always would.
The door behind him opened to show Kalea in her swimsuit.
"Look, Daddy, look! I'm a fairy princess!"
He ground his teeth as tears choked him at the sight of the love in those silvery eyes that stared up at him like he was some mythical hero. There was no judgment or reservation. Just total admiration and devotion.
Just like Sumi.
Smiling, he picked her up. "Yes, you do, Lee-lee." He held her toward his grandmother. "And this is your gre yaya."
She screwed her face up into an adorable pout. "What's a gre yaya?"
"Your great-grandmother."
Eyes wide, she sucked her breath in excitedly. "I have a great-grandmama? Really?"
His yaya smiled. "Yes, little one. You do, indeed." She held her hands out.
Kalea hesitated before she leaned into his grandmother's arms and allowed her to take her. She touched his grandmother's cheek just below her eyes. "You have weird eyes like Daddy. But different."
"I do."
"Are you Anduran, too?"
His grandmother laughed again. "Andarion, and yes. Yes, I am."
"Am I Anduran?"
His grandmother tickled her belly. "You're not just Anduran, Kalea. You're an Anduran princess!"
"Hear that, Daddy? I'm a princess!"
"No, precious," he teased, brushing his hand through one of her pigtails. "You are the empress of my universe, and we need to get you back to Mommy or she'll be worried."
Hauk allowed his grandmother to enter the bedroom first and watched as she went to sit on the bed beside Sumi so that they and Desideria and Lillya could fuss over Kalea.
He tightened his lips to suppress their trembling. Please, gods, don't give me this only to rip it all away tomorrow. He would rather be gutted.
But in the back of his mind, he knew it couldn't last. While others were allowed to have happy lives, he'd never been allowed to experience such joy. Something always happened to steal it away.
Just like his Endurance. Other children, normal children, ascended without issue. He'd barely survived his. And it had left him scarred and bitter.
Abandoned.
You don't deserve happiness for what you did to my husband! I hope you live the rest of your life in utter misery! Even now, Dariana's angry curse haunted him.
Resigned to the hell he knew would come, he just hoped that this time the tragedy would take his own life. Because if it was theirs it demanded, he would follow them into the grave.
CHAPTER 33
D
ancer carried Sumi to the part of the conservatory that housed the pool. His grandmother walked beside them with Kalea in her arms. While Sumi felt a little ridiculous about needing to keep her eyes on her daughter at all times, she couldn't help the physical pain that pierced her whenever she couldn't see her.
But what stunned her was the number of kids who were playing here. Kiara and Nykyrian had brought their entire brood over. All four boys and both daughters.
Thia came running as soon as she saw them and hugged Sumi. Her face brightened at the sight of Kalea in her great-grandmother's arms. "Oh my gosh! Is this the infamous Tara Kalea? You are a great beauty, aren't you?"
Frowning, Kalea hid behind her great-grandmother's shoulder and eyed her warily.
In total understanding, Thia smiled wider. "I'm your cousin, Thia."
Kalea stared at her as if she couldn't quite believe what she was hearing. "I have a cousin?"
"You have lots of them." Thia spread her arm wide to show not just her siblings, but Devyn, Terek, Lil, Cezar, and Jayne's two daughters and son. "See all those kids?"
She nodded.
"They're all your cousins."
"Even Lil?" Kalea breathed.
"Even Lil."
With a pair of round, excited eyes, she looked at Sumi. "Mommy? Can I play with my cousins?"
"Of course you can. Just stay so that I can see you and don't get close to the doors or windows."
Thia gave her a knowing stare. "I'll stay with her."
"Thank you, sweetie."
She inclined her head before she took Kalea off to meet Thia's brothers, who were playing with Devyn and Sway, and the rest of the Sentella clan.
Dancer set her right beside the pool and sand area where the kids were playing. It was only then that she realized how vigilant everyone was. And the fact that there were a large number of royal Andarion guards patrolling the premises.
It made her feel better to know she wasn't the only one who was overly cautious.
Dancer pulled a chair up beside her. "Would you like something to eat?"
"Sure. Where do I go?"
"I'll get it." He jerked his chin toward a long buffet table that had been set with all kinds of choices. "Just let me know what you like."
She gave him a hot once-over. "What I really want isn't on that table."
He blushed sweetly. "Might be messy, but I could arrange that."
She laughed at his dry sarcasm, though a part of her wasn't joking. She'd much rather munch on him.
With a sleeping Terek attached to his chest in a baby sling, Ture came toward her with a friendly smile. He tossed a towel over his shoulder. "I have some of everything, with a number of kids' dishes that are Maris tested and approved."
Sumi gave him a puzzled stare at the way he'd said that. "Maris approved?"
Ture nodded. "In spite of the sophisticated palate he claims to have, my baby has the taste buds of a five-year-old. And just because they're picky doesn't mean it can't be healthy. Do you want sweet or savory or both?"
"Um... both, I guess."
"All right. You two stay here and I'll be right back with food for you."
Dancer stood as Kiara came over with a very happy Zarina, and offered her his chair.
She smiled gratefully as she accepted it and balanced Zarina on her lap. "I hope the two of you don't mind, but I took the liberty of inviting my favorite local kids' store to the house with things for Kalea. They should be here in about an hour."
Sumi blushed. "That was extremely kind of you, but can we cancel it?"
"Why?"
She felt her face turn even hotter. "I'm sure Kyr's locked all my accounts. I don't have credits without them."
Dancer knelt beside her and took her hand in his. "Mia, you have all you need and more. There's nothing I would deny you or Kalea. Buy whatever it is she desires." He winked at Kiara. "Can you please call them back and say that Kalea wants to look like a fairy princess? They should bring things to make Her Fae Highness deliriously happy."
Sumi's lips trembled at his kindness. She still couldn't believe the male she'd been lucky enough to find. "You are too good to be true."
He snorted in denial. "Says the woman who has to fight a battle for me while wounded. Really don't think I'm that big of a prize."
She squeezed his hand. "You would be very wrong."
Hauk smiled, even though he cringed inside. But then, her last boyfriend had tried to kill her and Kalea. Compared to that, he was a definite step up. Sad, when he thought abou
t it.
Kissing her hand, he rose. "I'll be right back." He motioned discreetly for Kiara to follow him.
Once they were alone, he leaned down to speak so that no one could overhear him. "Do you know anyone who could bring clothes for Sumi also?"
Adjusting Zarina on her shoulder, she smiled. "Way ahead of you, big guy. They'll be coming in two hours."
"Thank you, Kiara."
She patted his arm. "Anytime."
He started to leave then thought of something else. "Did you request more conservative clothes for Sumi? I'm not sure I want her in typical Andarion fashions, and she's thankfully more modest in her tastes."
She smiled. "Don't worry. That, too, is already done. Notice my hoo-has are never hanging out. No need in getting someone killed needlessly by a jealous assassin husband."
Hauk laughed. "Again, thank you."
"Is something wrong?" Nykyrian asked as he joined them.
Hauk gave him a dry stare. "We were just planning our afternoon tryst. Want to join us?"
Nyk let out a harumph. "Sarcasm like that could get you gutted."
"And I'm sure that when I die, it will be the result of just such a comment, at just such a time."
Kiara sighed at them both as she handed Zarina off to Nyk. "All is well. We were talking baby clothes and women's fashions." She pulled out her link and headed for a secluded corner.
Nyk raked a less-than-flattering stare over Hauk as he turned Zarina around to hold her back against his chest. "Women's fashions? So you really do wear frilly pink underwear, huh?"
Hauk groaned at something that had been a long-running joke between Nyk and Darling, that Darling had only recently told him about. It'd started back when they'd first become friends. Darling had been riddled with severe panic attacks, and to get him past them, Nyk would tell him that Hauk wore women's underpants. "I hate you."
Taking it in stride, Nykyrian pinned one of those stares on him that saw all the way to his soul. "Seriously, are you all right? You seem really distracted."
Yes and no. He was distracted, only in that he was hyperalert, waiting for Kyr or someone else to try and steal his happiness. "It's..." He let his voice trail off. "I'm fine."
Nyk studied him for a minute. "No, you're terrified. Though I've never seen that look on you before, unless explosives were involved."
"Shut up, asshole." He glanced down at Zarina, who was bouncing and laughing happily as she drooled all over Nykyrian's hand. "By the way, that frilly-dressed, drooling baby girl in your arms takes the badass right out of you."
Rolling his eyes, Nyk held his daughter tighter. "Seriously, I know what you're going through, Hauk. One minute, you're alone in your hole. Having a pretty good life. Content with things, for the most part. Lonely at times, but you're so accustomed to that, you don't really think about it anymore. You only have yourself to worry over, and whatever bullshit trouble your friends get into. Then out of the blue, this amazing woman blindsides you. She adds something to your life you didn't even know was missing. Next thing you know, she's got her bras hanging in your bathroom, you're eating dinner at a table in your house where you used to store parts, with silverware you didn't even know you had, and she's taken over your world completely. Worse, she has become your entire existence and you're now civilized in a way you never thought you could be. And instead of alcohol-induced brawls, you live just to see the way her eyes light up when you enter her line of sight. And the fear that she's going to be taken away is so consuming that you can't stop thinking about it. You see enemies everywhere. Every shadow. Every whisper of wind. And if that's not unnerving enough, you find out you have a kid who's even more dependent on you and who means every bit as much to you."
Nyk cradled Zarina against him. "Now, you stay with your gut in a knot, and you want to tether them to you to make sure no one can touch them, because you know exactly what your enemies would do if they ever laid hands on them."
Hauk hated just how true every bit of that was. "How do you cope?"
"That's the question, drey. When you find an answer, please let me know."
He shook his head.
"Honestly," Nyk continued. "The only thing that keeps me going is the memory of what it was like without them." He kissed the top of Zarina's head. "There are days when I feel like I'm barely hanging on to my sanity. When I wonder if I did the right thing by bringing them into my hostile world. Then I feel like a selfish asshole for it." He looked down at his daughter and smiled at her. "But truthfully, I can't imagine going back." He held Zarina up to Hauk's eye level. "If I have to lose sleep, I can't think of a better reason than this little face."
He gave Zarina a lopsided grin. "She is a cutie, even if she does keep springing leaks all over." And right now, she was going to town on Nykyrian's thumb.
Pain hit him so hard as he tried to think about what might happen to Sumi and Kalea. "I don't know if I can let her step into that ring tomorrow, Nyk. Dariana's a nasty bitch, and highly trained."
"From what I saw, Sumi's no slacker. Anyone who can take the chunk out of Kyr that she did is more than equal to the challenge. Kyr might be psychotic, but he's never been weak or unskilled." Nyk clapped him on the shoulder. "You know we won't let anything happen to your family. Not after everything you've done for ours. Breathe, Hauk. Have faith."
Ironic, coming from a male who'd been a devout atheist until Kiara had entered his life. She had changed so much about Nyk, and not in a bad way. She'd taken a savage beast and tamed him. Taught him humanity. While Nyk had always been loyal to his friends, he hadn't been long on compassion, and a discussion like this one would never have happened ten years ago.
Now...
Hauk glanced back at Sumi, who was sampling the food Ture had brought for her. Her long blond hair was plaited and fell over one shoulder while she smiled up at him and chatted. Overwhelming love and fear consumed him. "God help me, Nyk. I can't lose her."
Nykyrian glanced over to Kiara. "I know. But it'll be fine. We have your daughter, and we will find the traitor and deal with it. The entire Andarion army and armada are at your disposal. Not to mention The Sentella and Tavali... and now Phrixians."
Kiara came back to take Zarina, who was starting to fuss. "Daddy ignoring his baby girl?" she asked in a high-pitched tone. "Shame on him." She blew air against Zarina's cheek, which made the baby laugh before Kiara headed toward Sumi.
Nyk wiped his hand off on his pants leg. He started to say something, then he cursed.
Before Hauk could ask what was wrong, Nyk took off at a dead run. His heart stopped in fear of an unknown attacker, until he saw his friend rush to one of the columns where Adron was quickly climbing up, out of reach.
Nykyrian snatched his son down. "What are you doing?"
"Jayce said I couldn't make it to the top. I was showing him he was wrong."
Growling, Nykyrian tossed his son over his shoulder and held him upside down by the legs. "I swear on my life, I could lock you both in a padded room and you'd still find something dangerous to do."
Hauk laughed as he grabbed Adron from Nyk's hold and swung him around. "You making your dad crazy again?"
"Toss me, Uncle Hauk!"
He threw Adron into the air and caught him. As he started to do it again, he saw Kalea running to her mom... holding Jayce's hand.
"Look, Mommy! Jayce made me a flower crown like a princess. He says I'm the prettiest of all!"
Raw, unmitigated anger tore through him as he set Adron down and glared at Nykyrian, who was laughing over it.
Sumi jerked around at the sound of an inhuman cry. One second, Dancer was staring at Nykyrian. In the next, he'd pulled out a small stick and extended it into a staff.
Nykyrian did the same as the two of them went to war.
Literally. She hadn't even known they were armed. Gaping, she watched as they assaulted each other with seasoned ferocity and skill. It was impressive and terrifying.
"What's going on?" she asked Kiara.
Kiara let out an irritated sigh. "Who knows? They do that sometimes. One says something and the other draws a weapon or throws a punch. It looks serious, but they never really hurt each other. I've learned to ignore them and let it go."
But Kalea didn't. Screaming and sobbing, she ran at Nykyrian, who narrowly missed striking her.
That distraction cost Dancer, as Nykyrian's staff caught him on his chin and busted his lip.
"Don't you hurt my daddy!" She grabbed Nykyrian's leg and bit him hard enough to draw blood.
Dancer quickly pulled her back. "Lee-lee, it's fine. Daddy and Uncle Nyk were playing."
Still, she sobbed uncontrollably.
Dropping his staff, Dancer cradled her against his chest and wiped at the blood on her lips. "Shh, sweetie. It's all good. Really."
Nykyrian knelt down and placed his hand on her head. "We didn't mean to scare you, Kalea. It's how we play with each other."