“She is.” Janessa’s eyes looked full of adventure. “She might even look at one of Devin’s frogs.”
“Let’s see what they’ve caught.” Holding hands, Ashley and Janessa walked out back to the boys. “It’s a beautiful day.”
“Because God drew it, Mommy. Right?”
Ashley smiled. “Yes, baby. God’s the greatest artist of all.”
No words were truer, today especially. His artwork was evident everywhere. From the blue sky overhead to the full rich green of the trees that surrounded their property to the new rosebuds on her mother’s bushes to the faces of her family. Wherever she looked one truth remained.
The images from that summer day were simply breathtaking.
Two
ERIN SPREAD PEANUT BUTTER OVER A DOZEN PIECES OF BREAD. She could hardly wait to sit on the sand of Lake Travis. Something about the sun on her face and the water lapping on the nearby shore always took her back to the past and made her worry a little less about today.
And she definitely had reason to worry. Naomi Boggs, the social worker in charge of the adoption of three of her four girls, had called and left messages twice, both times with ominous news. The girls’ birth mother — Candy Burns — was out of prison, and she wanted to see her daughters.
The idea was unthinkable, so Erin still hadn’t called her back.
She willed herself to relax as she slipped the sandwiches into individual Ziploc bags. Visitations with Candy Burns? The woman had tried to sell her girls before she was convicted of second-degree murder in a drug deal gone bad. Erin had a feeling the woman wasn’t rehabilitated, as she claimed, but rather looking for some sort of financial gain. Not that she had proof of this just yet, but Erin knew Candy and now she could only feel suspicious. More than that, she was terrified at the thought that the open adoption agreement they had with the girls’ biological grandmother could somehow translate to regular visits with Candy.
Visitations weren’t going to happen as long as Erin had anything to say about it.
Put it out of your mind, she told herself. You can call her back on Monday. God wouldn’t let anything happen to her girls, not after all Erin and Sam went through to adopt them. She felt herself relax. Besides, her brother Luke was a lawyer. He’d help them.
She put the sandwiches in a brown grocery bag and slipped in a box of crackers and six apples. “Sam … you ready?” She could hear him in the garage, probably packing the ice chest with the bottled water and sweet tea. The sound of the girls giggling upstairs told her they were nearly ready. They loved spending a summer day at the lake.
Erin took the bag of food to the garage where she found Sam. “Sandwiches are ready.”
“Perfect.” He grinned at her. Sam was a hard worker. This day off would be good for him. “How about the girls?”
“I’ll check.” Erin thought about Ashley’s call as she hurried to the girls’ room. It felt good to be wanted at her father’s upcoming party. And it gave her something else to think about besides Candy.
She met the girls halfway up the stairs, and after a few more trips back into the house for towels and sunscreen they were on their way. Their favorite beach was thirty minutes down the highway and Erin was grateful that the girls fell into their own conversations as soon as they hit the road. A quick glance in the rearview mirror reminded Erin again how happy their girls were, how they naturally paired off — Clarissa and Chloe, sixteen and fourteen, and Amy Elizabeth and Heidi Jo, nine and eight. Her three blonde daughters, and her little brown-skinned Heidi Jo. Her youngest had a different birth mother, but the four were as close as any biological sisters. Almost like God had known the plan He had for the girls to be friends even in the midst of that messy year eight years ago when she and Sam adopted them.
A warm breeze came through the cracked window and Erin felt herself relax. She glanced at her husband and smiled. Sam looked happier than he’d been all week, ready for a family day on the water. If ever he was in the right mood to say yes to a trip to Bloomington it was today. She put her hand on his knee. “Ashley called when I was making lunch.”
“Hmmm.” Sam had his hand on the wheel, the other resting on the open window as they headed north on Market Road. He flashed her a crooked smile. “Your dad’s birthday?”
“She had a great idea.” Erin shifted in her seat so she could see him better. “Everyone’s writing Dad a letter. Then we’ll read them out loud when we’re all together.”
Sam laughed quietly and looked at the road ahead. “She doesn’t give up, does she?”
“Not usually.” Erin smiled at the tenacity of her sister.
“I mean, she seriously knows how to get her own way.” Sam’s tone was still kind, but his words came across harsh.
Erin watched him, discouraged. She didn’t want to fight with him, but she hated moments like this. When it seemed Sam had something against her family. She lowered her voice so the girls couldn’t hear her. “You like them, right? My family?” She tried not to sound angry or defensive. She didn’t want anything to ruin the afternoon.
“Of course I like them.” He gave her a strange look. “My parents have been dead for ten years, Erin. I mean, come on. The Baxters are all the family I have.” He allowed a confused laugh. “You aren’t serious.”
“I don’t know. I just wanted to make sure.”
He waited a few seconds. “I mean, Erin, for most of the first years of our marriage you were the one who didn’t like your family. Remember?”
His words caught her off guard and reminded her of the truth. He was right. If Sam had any doubts about spending time with the Baxters, she had planted them. She had always been close to her parents, but there were many years when she didn’t feel close to her sisters. Years when they seemed to leave her out of their conversations and get-togethers. Things were better now, but she was wrong to blame Sam for his hesitation.
“You’re right.” She hesitated. “But it’s different now.”
“I know.” He looked at her and their eyes held for a moment. “It’s okay, Erin. You don’t need a clever way to ask me.”
She held her breath, not sure where he was headed with this.
He laughed again. “I was going to tell you and the girls today. I already put in for the time off.”
“What?” Erin shrieked the word. “Sam, are you serious? We’re going to Bloomington?”
“Yes.” He looked in the rearview mirror. “Did you hear that, girls? We’re going to Bloomington!”
“We are?” Clarissa’s voice was the loudest. “Dad, you’re the best!”
The girls hooted and hollered, celebrating the fact that once more they would be headed back to the town they loved most. The years they’d spent living in Bloomington, surrounded by cousins, couldn’t compare to their experience in Austin. Even though they’d made friends in Texas, Indiana was home to them — as it was for Erin. Only Sam preferred Texas, but Erin understood. His career was here, after all.
The girls chatted a million miles an hour about the fun times ahead, and the anticipated thrill of being in Bloomington again.
“I guess you’re the hero.” Erin held Sam’s hand again. “I know it’s a long drive, but I’ll help.”
“It’ll be fun. Seeing your dad … the surprise party. I really didn’t want to miss it. I just wasn’t sure about the time off. When I knew the situation, I didn’t hesitate. I was going to tell you today. Even before Ashley called.”
“Then it was meant to be!” Erin settled back into her seat and let the sun warm her face. She could hardly wait for the weeks of June to pass so they could hit the highway.
In the back the girls were singing a Group 1 Crew song at the top of their lungs, and Sam laughed louder than before. “I must be crazy … agreeing to four summer days on the road with this group.”
“Oh, come on, Dad!” Chloe’s voice rose above the song. “You love road trips with us girls. All those bathroom breaks! It’s paradise!”
“I’ll be the ju
dge of that.” Sam took Erin’s hand this time, and squeezed it gently. “I like seeing you this happy.”
“It’s a good feeling.” Erin leaned closer, studying her husband, the fine lines around his eyes that had crept up in the worrying seasons. “Thank you, Sam. Really. You don’t know what it means to me.”
“Actually,” he smiled at her, “I think I do.”
She laughed lightly at his response, giddy for the reality only still making its way from her head to her heart. They were actually headed back to Bloomington. They needed to be careful with their money. But Ashley had said the whole family could stay at the Baxter house, so other than gas and groceries and one night’s stay in a hotel coming and going, the trip would be fairly affordable.
They arrived at the beach ten minutes later and emptied the towels and rafts and picnic basket from the back of their van. The girls ran off to the water while Sam spread a blanket out on the sand not too far from the shore, and Erin called Ashley to tell her the good news.
Her sister answered almost immediately. “You can come!” Ashley’s voice was high and hopeful.
“Wait.” Erin laughed out loud. “How did you know?”
“What?” Ashley screamed. “You mean you can? I was only guessing. I mean, I’ve been praying Sam would say yes, and so I just assumed … but still. Seriously, Erin? You can come?”
“Yes.” Erin felt a slight catch in her voice. “Sam wasn’t that hard of a sell. He just wanted to make sure he had the time off.” She paused. “He wants to be there.”
“I know.” Ashley’s apologetic tone came quickly. “I didn’t mean anything against Sam. It’s just, things had to work out for him. With his job and all.”
Erin felt the joy fill her heart again. “Exactly.” She and Ashley talked for another few minutes, and when the call was over she glanced at Sam. He was sprawled out on a towel nearby, the sun baking his back. Poor guy. He worked so hard lately, ten hour days most of the time. “You awake?”
No response. She watched his back rise and fall, sound asleep after just minutes on the beach. He needed a day like this, to lie in the sun and forget the pressures of work, the stress of trying to pay the bills.
She was about to close her eyes and enjoy a few minutes of the sun on her face when her cell phone rang. She glanced at the caller ID and saw that it was Naomi Boggs. Erin felt like all the sand on the beach had been dropped on her chest. She nearly ignored the call again, but then she found a new determination. She couldn’t run from this forever. It was time to fight for her girls.
“Hi, this is Erin.”
“Hello. This is Naomi Boggs, Department of Children’s Services.” The woman sounded weary. “I’ve been trying to reach you. Is this a good time?”
Not really, Erin wanted to say. She kept her eyes on the girls, splashing and playing in the water just ahead. “Yes. This is fine.” She exhaled, feeling trapped. “Can you explain what’s happening? With my girls’ birth mother?”
“First, you need to know that I am an agent of the state … which means I have to act on what the state deems best for the girls.” She paused. “I don’t always agree, but Candy does have a right to see the girls.”
Erin felt a ray of hope. At least the social worker seemed to be on their side. Naomi provided the latest development in a succinct manner. In the open adoption agreement Erin and Sam had with Candy’s mother, Lu, there was a clause that agreed the girls would also be allowed visits with Lu’s extended family.
Memories of the contract hit Erin full force. She knew exactly the clause Naomi was referring to, because her brother Luke had warned them about it after reviewing the papers. But Erin and Sam had been so anxious to make the adoption final that they chose to believe there was nothing to worry about — especially with Candy serving twenty years to life in prison. The agreement was signed and Lu had come to see the girls only twice — both times in the first year. Erin provided the woman with a letter each year updating her on the girls — another clause in the contract. And year after year everything seemed fine.
Until now.
Erin tried to focus on the words coming from the social worker. “The clause absolutely gives Candy permission to attend the visits with her mother, Lu,” Naomi was saying. “She’s called nearly every day since she’s been out of prison. Apparently Lu lost your contact information when your family moved to Bloomington. Now she — and her daughter — are desperate to reconnect with the girls.”
Erin felt the fight rising within her. “Doesn’t that seem strange to you?”
“It does.” She sighed, the heaviness in her tone again. “The way Candy has worded some of her statements makes me feel like she has ulterior motives. But I can’t be sure.” She paused. “And the contract allows for it.”
Erin tried to remain composed. Then another thought hit her. Maybe Naomi didn’t fully understand the history of the girls’ birth mother. Naomi was new, so maybe this was the time to catch her up. “Would it help if you knew a little of the girls’ history, Mrs. Boggs?”
“I have their file, and — ”
“Have you read it?”
“I’ve looked over the —”
“Look, I’m not trying to be rude.” Erin pinched the bridge of her nose, forcing herself to keep control of her emotions. “This isn’t something you can merely look over. This is more than a case, Mrs. Boggs. These are my daughters, and their story is an important part of this.”
Naomi hesitated. “I’m sorry. Please … tell me.”
Erin settled back into her beach chair again. She was grateful her girls were down the beach, out of earshot. She breathed in slowly and started at the beginning. “Candy Burns was a crack addict when she gave birth to her third daughter. At that point she was overwhelmed by the responsibility so she contacted the state and made plans to give the baby up.”
The story was unbelievable, and Erin had to keep reminding herself she wasn’t making up the details. Candy asked for financial help during the course of her pregnancy — which Erin and Sam provided. But before the baby was born she told Erin she couldn’t give the baby up without a large sum of money. Erin and Sam reported her attempted extortion, and the adoption seemed to be off. But before the district attorney could file charges against Candy, she shot and killed a man during a drug deal.
“That’s how we wound up with all three of Candy’s daughters. They were age six, four, and newborn at the time.”
“Again … I’m sorry.” The sound of turning pages came from Naomi’s end of the call. “The story’s all here. I guess … I focused more on the murder.”
“That’s another thing.” Erin felt the intensity in her voice. “Why is Candy out? Her sentence was twenty years to life.”
“The courts reevaluated about three years ago and decided the penalty was too harsh. That, plus she had excellent behavior in prison. She took parenting and college courses. The model prisoner, from what it sounds like.” Naomi went on to express her concerns, how Candy had mentioned a few times about working something out, coming to an understanding regarding the situation with the girls. “I’m not convinced that her motives are pure.” Naomi’s frustration sounded in her tone. “She’s said a few questionable things. But nothing that would cause a judge to deny her the chance to see the girls.”
The whole situation made Erin want to take the girls and hide somewhere on the other side of the world. “I’m not willing to let my daughters see Candy.” Erin wanted to be clear. “I would have to have a personal conversation with her to see if she’s changed. But my gut tells me she hasn’t.”
Naomi sighed. “Unfortunately, it won’t be up to you. The courts have already deemed her a fit mother. And since the adoption agreement allows for Lu Burns’s extended family to participate in the visits, we don’t have a lot of options.” She hesitated. “Sometime next week we need to work out a time for a first meeting. Initially the visits will be at our office.”
Again Erin felt sick to her stomach. “I’ll be contac
ting my lawyer, Mrs. Boggs. And then yes, we can talk next week.”
The call ended and Erin tilted her face toward the sun. Please, God … help me protect my girls. She would call Naomi on Monday and ask for more time. Maybe they could deal with the mess after their summer trip to Bloomington. That way she could talk with Luke in person. The possibility helped her relax a little more.
She looked at Sam, still sleeping on his towel beside her. Erin closed her eyes and for a moment she let herself go back, back to the beginning with Sam. She had always wanted the early marriage and houseful of kids and picket fence. To be like her parents, John and Elizabeth Baxter … that’s all she ever wanted.
But time and again God had different plans.
Love evaded her through college and not until she and Sam met at church did she finally find the one she’d been waiting for. The early days were marked with love and laughter, and they were home from their honeymoon just two months when they began looking at baby furniture. Erin hadn’t expected a struggle when it came to having kids. Her mom had six kids, after all. And her siblings had no trouble bearing children.
Only Erin couldn’t seem to get pregnant.
The failed attempts began taking a toll on their marriage — that and the fact that Sam worked himself to exhaustion. Erin kicked off her sandals and felt the gritty lake sand between her toes. It was her fault. Looking back, she’d been more concerned with having babies than making love last with her husband. She had even flirted with a guy she had no business talking to, and in time she had nearly allowed herself to walk away from her marriage as if it had never happened. In a last-ditch attempt to avoid a divorce — something that would’ve broken her parents’ hearts — Erin did the only thing she could think to do. She asked that someone in women’s ministry at their church might call her. Someone who could speak truth into her heart where her marriage was concerned. Erin had expected anonymity—but instead she was matched up with her own sister Kari.
After meeting with her sister, Erin found a strength in God she hadn’t known before. She became strong enough to love Sam, and to build him up as a leader in their home, and she found the strength to build a relationship with her siblings. She was even strong enough to survive their mother’s death from cancer a little while later. Eventually the babies came — not from her and Sam, but from the Lord, through a social worker. All four of her daughters.