CHAPTER XXXIII
---I'll play the eavesdropper. _Richard III., Act V., Scene 3_.
James had no sooner resumed his seat at the council-board than he beganto hitch in his chair, cough, use his handkerchief, and make otherintimations that he meditated a long speech. The council composedthemselves to the beseeming degree of attention. Charles, as strictin his notions of decorum, as his father was indifferent to it, fixedhimself in an attitude of rigid and respectful attention, while thehaughty favourite, conscious of his power over both father andson, stretched himself more easily on his seat, and, in assuming anappearance of listening, seemed to pay a debt to ceremonial rather thanto duty.
"I doubt not, my lords," said the Monarch, "that some of you may bethinking the hour of refection is past, and that it is time to ask withthe slave in the comedy--_Quid de symbolo?_--Nevertheless, to do justiceand exercise judgment is our meat and drink; and now we are to pray yourwisdom to consider the case of this unhappy youth, Lord Glenvarloch, andsee whether, consistently with our honour, any thing can be done in hisfavour."
"I am surprised at your Majesty's wisdom making the inquiry," said theDuke; "it is plain this Dalgarno hath proved one of the most insolentvillains on earth, and it must therefore be clear, that if LordGlenvarloch had run him through the body, there would but have beenout of the world a knave who had lived in it too long. I think LordGlenvarloch hath had much wrong; and I regret that, by the persuasionsof this false fellow, I have myself had some hand in it."
"Ye speak like a child, Steenie--I mean my Lord of Buckingham," answeredthe king, "and as one that does not understand the logic of the schools;for an action may be inconsequential or even meritorious, _quoadhominem_, that is, as touching him upon _whom_ it is acted; and yet mostcriminal, _quoad locum_, or considering the place _wherein_ it is done;as a man may lawfully dance Chrighty Beardie or any other dance in atavern, but not _inter parietes ecclesiae_. So that, though it may havebeen a good deed to have sticked Lord Dalgarno, being such as he hasshown himself, anywhere else, yet it fell under the plain statute, whenviolence was offered within the verge of the Court. For, let me tellyou, my lords, the statute against striking would be of no small use inour Court, if it could be eluded by justifying the person stricken to bea knave. It is much to be lamented that I ken nae Court in Christendomwhere knaves are not to be found; and if men are to break the peaceunder pretence of beating them, why, it will rain Jeddart staves[Footnote: The old-fashioned weapon called the Jeddart staff was aspecies of battle-axe. Of a very great tempest, it is said, in the southof Scotland, that it rains Jeddart staffs, as in England the commonpeople talk of its raining cats and dogs.] in our very ante-chamber."
"What your Majesty says," replied Prince Charles, "is marked with yourusual wisdom--the precincts of palaces must be sacred as well asthe persons of kings, which are respected even in the most barbarousnations, as being one step only beneath their divinities. But yourMajesty's will can control the severity of this and every other law,and it is in your power, on consideration of his case, to grant the rashyoung man a free pardon."
"_Rem acu tetigisti, Carole, mi puerule,_" answered the king; "and know,my lords, that we have, by a shrewd device and gift of our own, alreadysounded the very depth of this Lord Glenvarloch's disposition. I trowthere be among you some that remember my handling in the curious caseof my Lady Lake, and how I trimmed them about the story of hearkeningbehind the arras. Now this put me to cogitation, and I remembered meof having read that Dionysius, King of Syracuse, whom historians callTyrannos, which signifieth not in the Greek tongue, as in ours, atruculent usurper, but a royal king who governs, it may be, somethingmore strictly than we and other lawful monarchs, whom the ancientstermed Basileis--Now this Dionysius of Syracuse caused cunning workmento build for himself a _lugg_--D'ye ken what that is, my Lord Bishop?"
"A cathedral, I presume to guess," answered the Bishop.
"What the deil, man--I crave your lordship's pardon for swearing--butit was no cathedral--only a lurking-place called the king's _lugg_,or _ear_, where he could sit undescried, and hear the converse of hisprisoners. Now, sirs, in imitation of this Dionysius, whom I took formy pattern, the rather that he was a great linguist and grammarian, andtaught a school with good applause after his abdication, (either he orhis successor of the same name, it matters not whilk)--I have causedthem to make a _lugg_ up at the state-prison of the Tower yonder, morelike a pulpit than a cathedral, my Lord Bishop--and communicating withthe arras behind the Lieutenant's chamber, where we may sit andprivily hear the discourse of such prisoners as are pent up there forstate-offences, and so creep into the very secrets of our enemies."
The Prince cast a glance towards the Duke, expressive of great vexationand disgust. Buckingham shrugged his shoulders, but the motion was soslight as to be almost imperceptible.
"Weel, my lords, ye ken the fray at the hunting this morning--Ishall not get out of the trembling exies until I have a sound night'ssleep--just after that, they bring ye in a pretty page that had beenfound in the Park. We were warned against examining him ourselves by theanxious care of those around us; nevertheless, holding our life ever atthe service of these kingdoms, we commanded all to avoid the room,the rather that we suspected this boy to be a girl. What think ye, mylords?--few of you would have thought I had a hawk's eye for sic gear;but we thank God, that though we are old, we know so much of such toysas may beseem a man of decent gravity. Weel, my lords, we questionedthis maiden in male attire ourselves, and I profess it was a very prettyinterrogatory, and well followed. For, though she at first professedthat she assumed this disguise in order to countenance the woman whoshould present us with the Lady Hermione's petition, for whom sheprofessed entire affection; yet when we, suspecting _anguis in herba_,did put her to the very question, she was compelled to own a virtuousattachment for Glenvarlochides, in such a pretty passion of shame andfear, that we had much ado to keep our own eyes from keeping companywith hers in weeping. Also, she laid before us the false practices ofthis Dalgarno towards Glenvarlochides, inveigling him into houses of illresort, and giving him evil counsel under pretext of sincere friendship,whereby the inexperienced lad was led to do what was prejudicial tohimself, and offensive to us. But, however prettily she told her tale,we determined not altogether to trust to her narration, but rather totry the experiment whilk we had devised for such occasions. And havingourselves speedily passed from Greenwich to the Tower, we constitutedourselves eavesdropper, as it is called, to observe what should passbetween Glenvarlochides and his page, whom we caused to be admitted tohis apartment, well judging that if they were of counsel together todeceive us, it could not be but something of it would spunk out--Andwhat think ye we saw, my lords?--Naething for you to sniggle and laughat, Steenie--for I question if you could have played the temperate andChristian-like part of this poor lad Glenvarloch. He might be a Fatherof the Church in comparison of you, man.--And then, to try his patienceyet farther, we loosed on him a courtier and a citizen, that is SirMungo Malagrowther and our servant George Heriot here, wha dang the poorlad about, and didna greatly spare our royal selves.--You mind, Geordie,what you said about the wives and concubines? but I forgie ye, man--naeneed of kneeling, I forgie ye--the readier, that it regards a certainparticular, whilk, as it added not much to Solomon's credit, the lackof it cannot be said to impinge on ours. Aweel, my lords, for alltemptation of sore distress and evil ensample, this poor lad neverloosed his tongue on us to say one unbecoming word--which inclines usthe rather, acting always by your wise advice, to treat this affairof the Park as a thing done in the heat of blood, and under strongprovocation, and therefore to confer our free pardon on LordGlenvarloch."
"I am happy your gracious Majesty," said the Duke of Buckingham, "hasarrived at that conclusion, though I could never have guessed at theroad by which you attained it."
"I trust," said Prince Charles, "that it is not a path which yourMajesty will think it consistent with your high dignity to treadfrequently."
"N
ever while I live again, Baby Charles, that I give you my royal wordon. They say that hearkeners hear ill tales of themselves--by my saul,my very ears are tingling wi' that auld sorrow Sir Mungo's sarcasms. Hecalled us close-fisted, Steenie--I am sure you can contradict that. Butit is mere envy in the auld mutilated sinner, because he himself hasneither a noble to hold in his loof, nor fingers to close on it if hehad." Here the king lost recollection of Sir Mungo's irreverencein chuckling over his own wit, and only farther alluded to it bysaying--"We must give the old maunderer _bos in linguam_--something tostop his mouth, or he will rail at us from Dan to Beersheba.--And now,my lords, let our warrant of mercy to Lord Glenvarloch be presentlyexpedited, and he put to his freedom; and as his estate is likely to goso sleaveless a gate, we will consider what means of favour we canshow him.--My lords, I wish you an appetite to an early supper--for ourlabours have approached that term.--Baby Charles and Steenie, you willremain till our couchee.--My Lord Bishop, you will be pleased to stay tobless our meat.--Geordie Heriot, a word with you apart."
His Majesty then drew the citizen into a corner, while the counsellors,those excepted who had been commanded to remain, made theirobeisance, and withdrew. "Geordie," said the king, "my good and trustyservant"--Here he busied his fingers much with the points and ribbons ofhis dress,--"Ye see that we have granted, from our own natural sense ofright and justice, that which yon long-backed fallow, Moniplies I thinkthey ca' him, proffered to purchase from us with a mighty bribe; whilkwe refused, as being a crowned king, who wad neither sell our justicenor our mercy for pecuniar consideration. Now, what think ye should bethe upshot of this?"
"My Lord Glenvarloch's freedom, and his restoration to your Majesty'sfavour," said Heriot.
"I ken that," said the king, peevishly. "Ye are very dull to-day. Imean, what do you think this fallow Moniplies should think about thematter?"
"Surely that your Majesty is a most good and gracious sovereign,"answered Heriot.
"We had need to be gude and gracious baith," said the king, still morepettishly, "that have idiots about us that cannot understand what wemint at, unless we speak it out in braid Lowlands. See this chieldMoniplies, sir, and tell him what we have done for Lord Glenvarloch,in whom he takes such part, out of our own gracious motion, though werefused to do it on ony proffer of private advantage. Now, you may putit till him, as if of your own mind, whether it will be a gracious or adutiful part in him, to press us for present payment of the two or threehundred miserable pounds for whilk we were obliged to opignorate ourjewels? Indeed, mony men may think ye wad do the part of a good citizen,if you took it on yourself to refuse him payment, seeing he hathhad what he professed to esteem full satisfaction, and considering,moreover, that it is evident he hath no pressing need of the money,whereof we have much necessity."
George Heriot sighed internally. "O my Master," thought he--"my dearMaster, is it then fated you are never to indulge any kingly or noblesentiment, without its being sullied by some afterthought of interestedselfishness!"
The king troubled himself not about what he thought, but taking him bythe collar, said,--"Ye ken my meaning now, Jingler--awa wi' ye. Youare a wise man--manage it your ain gate--but forget not our presentstraits." The citizen made his obeisance, and withdrew.
"And now, bairns," said the king, "what do you look upon each otherfor--and what have you got to ask of your dear dad and gossip?"
"Only," said the Prince, "that it would please your Majesty to commandthe lurking-place at the prison to be presently built up--the groans ofa captive should not be brought in evidence against him."
"What! build up my lugg, Baby Charles? And yet, better deaf than hearill tales of oneself. So let them build it up, hard and fast, withoutdelay, the rather that my back is sair with sitting in it for a wholehour.--And now let us see what the cooks have been doing for us, bonnybairns."