CHAPTER XXXVII
_Jacques_. There is, suie, another flood toward, and these couples arecoming to the ark!--Here comes a pair of very strange beasts.--_As YouLike It_.
The fashion of such narratives as the present, changes like otherearthly things. Time was that the tale-teller was obliged to wind uphis story by a circumstantial description of the wedding, bedding, andthrowing the stocking, as the grand catastrophe to which, through somany circumstances of doubt and difficulty, he had at length happilyconducted his hero and heroine. Not a circumstance was then omitted,from the manly ardour of the bridegroom, and the modest blushes of thebride, to the parson's new surplice, and the silk tabinet mantua ofthe bridesmaid. But such descriptions are now discarded, for the samereason, I suppose, that public marriages are no longer fashionable, andthat, instead of calling together their friends to a feast and a dance,the happy couple elope in a solitary post-chaise, as secretly as if theymeant to go to Gretna-Green, or to do worse. I am not ungrateful for achange which saves an author the trouble of attempting in vain to givea new colour to the commonplace description of such matters; but,notwithstanding, I find myself forced upon it in the present instance,as circumstances sometimes compel a stranger to make use of an old roadwhich has been for some time shut up. The experienced reader may havealready remarked, that the last chapter was employed in sweeping outof the way all the unnecessary and less interesting characters, that Imight clear the floor for a blithe bridal.
In truth, it would be unpardonable to pass over slightly what sodeeply interested our principal personage, King James. That learned andgood-humoured monarch made no great figure in the politics of Europe;but then, to make amends, he was prodigiously busy, when he could find afair opportunity of intermeddling with the private affairs of his lovingsubjects, and the approaching marriage of Lord Glenvarloch was matterof great interest to him. He had been much struck (that is, for him,who was not very accessible to such emotions) with the beauty andembarrassment of the pretty Peg-a-Ramsay, as he called her, when hefirst saw her, and he glorified himself greatly on the acuteness whichhe had displayed in detecting her disguise, and in carrying through thewhole inquiry which took place in consequence of it.
He laboured for several weeks, while the courtship was in progress, withhis own royal eyes, so as wellnigh to wear out, he declared, a pairof her father's best barnacles, in searching through old books anddocuments, for the purpose of establishing the bride's pretensions toa noble, though remote descent, and thereby remove the only objectionwhich envy might conceive against the match. In his own opinion, atleast, he was eminently successful; for, when Sir Mungo Malagrowther oneday, in the presence-chamber, took upon him to grieve bitterly for thebride's lack of pedigree, the monarch cut him short with, "Ye may saveyour grief for your ain next occasions, Sir Mungo; for, by our royalsaul, we will uphauld her father, Davy Ramsay, to be a gentleman of ninedescents, whase great gudesire came of the auld martial stock of theHouse of Dalwolsey, than whom better men never did, and better neverwill, draw sword for king and country. Heard ye never of Sir WilliamRamsay of Dalwolsey, man, of whom John Fordoun saith,--'He was_bellicosissimus, nobilissimus?_'--His castle stands to witness foritsell, not three miles from Dalkeith, man, and within a mile ofBannockrig. Davy Ramsay came of that auld and honoured stock, and Itrust he hath not derogated from his ancestors by his present craft.They all wrought wi' steel, man; only the auld knights drilled holes wi'their swords in their enemies' corslets, and he saws nicks in his brasswheels. And I hope it is as honourable to give eyes to the blind asto slash them out of the head of those that see, and to show us how tovalue our time as it passes, as to fling it away in drinking, brawling,spear-splintering, and such-like unchristian doings. And you maununderstand, that Davy Ramsay is no mechanic, but follows a liberal art,which approacheth almost to the act of creating a living being,seeing it may be said of a watch, as Claudius saith of the sphere ofArchimedes, the Syracusan--
"Inclusus variis famulatur spiritus astris, Et vivum certis motibusurget opus.'"
"Your Majesty had best give auld Davy a coat-of-arms, as well as apedigree," said Sir Mungo.
"It's done, or ye bade, Sir Mungo," said the king; "and I trust we, whoare the fountain of all earthly honour, are free to spirit a few dropsof it on one so near our person, without offence to the Knight of CastleGirnigo. We have already spoken with the learned men of the Herald'sCollege, and we propose to grant him an augmented coat-of-arms, beinghis paternal coat, charged with the crown-wheel of a watch in chief, fora difference; and we purpose to add Time and Eternity, for supporters,as soon as the Garter King-at-Arms shall be able to devise how Eternityis to be represented."
"I would make him twice as muckle as Time," [Footnote: Chaucer says,there is nothing new but what it has been old. The reader has here theoriginal of an anecdote which has since been fathered on a ScottishChief of our own time.] said Archie Armstrong, the Court fool, whochanced to be present when the king stated this dilemma. "Peace, man--yeshall be whippet," said the king, in return for this hint; "and you, myliege subjects of England, may weel take a hint from what we have said,and not be in such a hurry to laugh at our Scottish pedigrees, thoughthey be somewhat long derived, and difficult to be deduced. Ye see thata man of right gentle blood may, for a season, lay by his gentry, andyet ken whare to find it, when he has occasion for it. It would be asunseemly for a packman, or pedlar, as ye call a travelling merchant,whilk is a trade to which our native subjects of Scotland are speciallyaddicted, to be blazing his genealogy in the faces of those to whom hesells a bawbee's worth of ribbon, as it would be to him to have abeaver on his head, and a rapier by his side, when the pack was on hisshoulders. Na, na--he hings his sword on the cleek, lays his beaver onthe shelf, puts his pedigree into his pocket, and gangs as doucely andcannily about his peddling craft as if his blood was nae better thanditch-water; but let our pedlar be transformed, as I have kend it happenmair than ance, into a bein thriving merchant, then ye shall have atransformation, my lords.
'In nova fert animus mutatas dicere formas--'
Out he pulls his pedigree, on he buckles his sword, gives his beaver abrush, and cocks it in the face of all creation. We mention these thingsat the mair length, because we would have you all to know, that it isnot without due consideration of the circumstances of all parties, thatwe design, in a small and private way, to honour with our own royalpresence the marriage of Lord Glenvarloch with Margaret Ramsay, daughterand heiress of David Ramsay, our horologer, and a cadet only thriceremoved from the ancient house of Dalwolsey. We are grieved we cannothave the presence of the noble Chief of that House at the ceremony; butwhere there is honour to be won abroad the Lord Dalwolsey is seldomto be found at home. _Sic fuit, est, et erit_.-Jingling Geordie, as yestand to the cost of the marriage feast, we look for good cheer."
Heriot bowed, as in duty bound. In fact, the king, who was a greatpolitician about trifles, had manoeuvred greatly on this occasion,and had contrived to get the Prince and Buckingham dispatched on anexpedition to Newmarket, in order that he might find an opportunity intheir absence of indulging himself in his own gossiping, _coshering_habits, which were distasteful to Charles, whose temper inclined toformality, and with which even the favourite, of late, had not thoughtit worth while to seem to sympathise. When the levee was dismissed, SirMungo Malagrowther seized upon the worthy citizen in the court-yardof the Palace, and detained him, in spite of all his efforts, for thepurpose of subjecting him to the following scrutiny:--
"This is a sair job on you, Master George--the king must have had littleconsideration--this will cost you a bonny penny, this wedding dinner?"
"It will not break me, Sir Mungo," answered Heriot; "the king hath aright to see the table which his bounty hath supplied for years, wellcovered for a single day."
"Vera true, vera true--we'll have a' to pay, I doubt, less or mair--asort of penny-wedding it will prove, where all men contribute to theyoung folk's maintenance, that they may not have just four bare legs ina
bed together. What do you propose to give, Master George?--we beginwith the city when money is in question." [Footnote: The penny-weddingof the Scots, now disused even among the lowest ranks, was a peculiarspecies of merry-making, at which, if the wedded pair were popular, theguests who convened, contributed considerable sums under pretence ofpaying for the bridal festivity, but in reality to set the married folkafloat in the world.]
"Only a trifle, Sir Mungo--I give my god-daughter the marriage ring;it is a curious jewel--I bought it in Italy; it belonged to Cosmode Medici. The bride will not need my help--she has an estate whichbelonged to her maternal grandfather."
"The auld soap-boiler," said Sir Mungo; "it will need some of his sudsto scour the blot out of the Glenvarloch shield--I have heard thatestate was no great things."
"It is as good as some posts at Court, Sir Mungo, which are coveted bypersons of high quality," replied George Heriot.
"Court favour, said ye? Court favour, Master Heriot?" replied Sir Mungo,choosing then to use his malady of misapprehension; "Moonshine inwater, poor thing, if that is all she is to be tochered with--I am trulysolicitous about them."
"I will let you into a secret," said the citizen, "which will relieveyour tender anxiety. The dowager Lady Dalgarno gives a competent fortuneto the bride, and settles the rest of her estate upon her nephew thebridegroom."
"Ay, say ye sae?" said Sir Mungo, "just to show her regard to herhusband that is in the tomb--lucky that her nephew did not send himthere; it was a strange story that death of poor Lord Dalgarno--somefolk think the poor gentleman had much wrong. Little good comes ofmarrying the daughter of the house you are at feud with; indeed, it wasless poor Dalgarno's fault, than theirs that forced the match on him;but I am glad the young folk are to have something to live on, come howit like, whether by charity or inheritance. But if the Lady Dalgarnowere to sell all she has, even to her very wylie-coat, she canna giethem back the fair Castle of Glenvarloch--that is lost and gane--lostand gane."
"It is but too true," said George Heriot; "we cannot discover what hasbecome of the villain Andrew Skurliewhitter, or what Lord Dalgarno hasdone with the mortgage."
"Assigned it away to some one, that his wife might not get it after hewas gane; it would have disturbed him in his grave, to think Glenvarlochshould get that land back again," said Sir Mungo; "depend on it, he willhave ta'en sure measures to keep that noble lordship out of her grips orher nevoy's either."
"Indeed it is but too probable, Sir Mungo," said Master Heriot; "butas I am obliged to go and look after many things in consequence of thisceremony, I must leave you to comfort yourself with the reflection."
"The bride-day, you say, is to be on the thirtieth of the instantmonth?" said Sir Mungo, holloing after the citizen; "I will be with youin the hour of cause."
"The king invites the guests," said George Heriot, without turning back.
"The base-born, ill-bred mechanic!" soliloquised Sir Mungo, "if it werenot the odd score of pounds he lent me last week, I would teach him howto bear himself to a man of quality! But I will be at the bridal banquetin spite of him."
Sir Mungo contrived to get invited, or commanded, to attend on thebridal accordingly, at which there were but few persons present; forJames, on such occasions, preferred a snug privacy, which gave himliberty to lay aside the encumbrance, as he felt it to be, of his regaldignity. The company was very small, and indeed there were at least twopersons absent whose presence might have been expected. The first ofthese was the Lady Dalgarno, the state of whose health, as well as therecent death of her husband, precluded her attendance on the ceremony.The other absentee was Richie Moniplies, whose conduct for some timepast had been extremely mysterious. Regulating his attendance on LordGlenvarloch entirely according to his own will and pleasure, he had,ever since the rencounter in Enfield Chase, appeared regularly at hisbedside in the morning, to assist him to dress, and at his wardrobe inthe evening. The rest of the day he disposed of at his own pleasure,without control from his lord, who had now a complete establishment ofattendants. Yet he was somewhat curious to know how the fellow disposedof so much of his time; but on this subject Richie showed no desire tobe communicative.
On the morning of the bridal-day, Richie was particularly attentive indoing all a valet-de-chambre could, so as to set off to advantage thevery handsome figure of his master; and when he had arranged his dressto the utmost exactness, and put to his long curled locks what he called"the finishing touch of the redding-kaim," he gravely kneeled down,kissed his hand, and bade him farewell, saying that he humbly cravedleave to discharge himself of his lordship's service.
"Why, what humour is this?" said Lord Glenvarloch; "if you mean todischarge yourself of my service, Richie, I suppose you intend to entermy wife's?"
"I wish her good ladyship that shall soon be, and your good lordship,the blessings of as good a servant as myself, in heaven's good time,"said Richie; "but fate hath so ordained it, that I can henceforth onlybe your servant in the way of friendly courtesy."
"Well, Richie," said the young lord, "if you are tired of service, wewill seek some better provision for you; but you will wait on me to thechurch, and partake of the bridal dinner?"
"Under favour, my lord," answered Richie; "I must remind you of ourcovenant, having presently some pressing business of mine own, whilkwill detain me during the ceremony; but I will not fail to prie MasterGeorge's good cheer, in respect he has made very costly fare, whilk itwould be unthankful not to partake of."
"Do as you list," answered Lord Glenvarloch; and having bestowed apassing thought on the whimsical and pragmatical disposition of hisfollower, he dismissed the subject for others better suited to the day.
The reader must fancy the scattered flowers which strewed the pathof the happy couple to church--the loud music which accompanied theprocession--the marriage service performed by a bishop--the king, whomet them at Saint Paul's, giving away the bride,--to the great reliefof her father, who had thus time, during the ceremony, to calculate thejust quotient to be laid on the pinion of report in a timepiece which hewas then putting together.
When the ceremony was finished, the company were transported in theroyal carriages to George Heriot's, where a splendid collation wasprovided for the marriage-guests in the Foljambe apartments. The kingno sooner found himself in this snug retreat, than, casting from himhis sword and belt with such haste as if they burnt his fingers, andflinging his plumed hat on the table, as who should say, Lie there,authority! he swallowed a hearty cup of wine to the happiness of themarried couple, and began to amble about the room, mumping, laughing,and cracking jests, neither the wittiest nor the most delicate, butaccompanied and applauded by shouts of his own mirth, in order toencourage that of the company. Whilst his Majesty was in the midst ofthis gay humour, and a call to the banquet was anxiously expected,a servant whispered Master Heriot forth of the apartment. When here-entered, he walked up to the king, and, in his turn whisperedsomething, at which James started.
"He is not wanting his siller?" said the king, shortly and sharply.
"By no means, my liege," answered Heriot. "It is a subject he stateshimself as quite indifferent about, so long as it can pleasure yourMajesty."
"Body of us, man!" said the king, "it is the speech of a true man and aloving subject, and we will grace him accordingly--what though he bebut a carle--a twopenny cat may look at a king. Swith, man! havehim--_pundite fores_.--Moniplies?--They should have called the chieldMonypennies, though I sall warrant you English think we have not such aname in Scotland."
"It is an ancient and honourable stock, the Monypennies," said Sir MungoMalagrowther; "the only loss is, there are sae few of the name."
"The family seems to increase among your countrymen, Sir Mungo," saidMaster Lowestoffe, whom Lord Glenvarloch had invited to be present,"since his Majesty's happy accession brought so many of you here."
"Right, sir--right," said Sir Mungo, nodding and looking at GeorgeHeriot; "there have some of ourselves been the better of that greatb
lessing to the English nation."
As he spoke, the door flew open, and in entered, to the astonishmentof Lord Glenvarloch, his late serving-man Richie Moniplies, nowsumptuously, nay, gorgeously, attired in a superb brocaded suit, andleading in his hand the tall, thin, withered, somewhat distorted formof Martha Trapbois, arrayed in a complete dress of black velvet,which suited so strangely with the pallid and severe melancholy of hercountenance, that the king himself exclaimed, in some perturbation,"What the deil has the fallow brought us here? Body of our regal selves!it is a corpse that has run off with the mort-cloth!"
"May I sifflicate your Majesty to be gracious unto her?" said Richie;"being that she is, in respect of this morning's wark, my ain weddedwife, Mrs. Martha Moniplies by name."
"Saul of our body, man! but she looks wondrous grim," answered KingJames. "Art thou sure she has not been in her time maid of honour toQueen Mary, our kinswoman, of redhot memory?"
"I am sure, an it like your Majesty, that she has brought me fiftythousand pounds of good siller, and better; and that has enabled me topleasure your Majesty, and other folk."
"Ye need have said naething about that, man," said the king; "we ken ourobligations in that sma' matter, and we are glad this rudas spouse ofthine hath bestowed her treasure on ane wha kens to put it to the profitof his king and country.--But how the deil did ye come by her, man?"
"In the auld Scottish fashion, my liege. She is the captive of my bowand my spear," answered Moniplies. "There was a convention that sheshould wed me when I avenged her father's death--so I slew, and tookpossession."
"It is the daughter of Old Trapbois, who has been missed so long," saidLowestoffe.--"Where the devil could you mew her up so closely, friendRichie?"
"Master Richard, if it be your will," answered Richie; "or MasterRichard Moniplies, if you like it better. For mewing of her up, I foundher a shelter, in all honour and safety, under the roof of an honestcountryman of my own--and for secrecy, it was a point of prudence, whenwantons like you were abroad, Master Lowestoffe."
There was a laugh at Richie's magnanimous reply, on the part of everyone but his bride, who made to him a signal of impatience, and said,with her usual brevity and sternness,--"Peace--peace, I pray you, peace.Let us do that which we came for." So saying, she took out a bundle ofparchments, and delivering them to Lord Glenvarloch, she said aloud,--"Itake this royal presence, and all here, to witness, that I restore theransomed lordship of Glenvarloch to the right owner, as free as ever itwas held by any of his ancestors."
"I witnessed the redemption of the mortgage," said Lowestoffe; "but Ilittle dreamt by whom it had been redeemed."
"No need ye should," said Richie; "there would have been small wisdom incrying roast-meat."
"Peace," said his bride, "once more.--This paper," she continued,delivering another to Lord Glenvarloch, "is also your property--take it,but spare me the question how it came into my custody."
The king had bustled forward beside Lord Glenvarloch, and fixing aneager eye on the writing, exclaimed--"Body of ourselves, it is our royalsign-manual for the money which was so long out of sight!--How came youby it, Mistress Bride?"
"It is a secret," said Martha, dryly.
"A secret which my tongue shall never utter," said Richie,resolutely,--"unless the king commands me on my allegiance."
"I do--I do command you," said James, trembling and stammering with theimpatient curiosity of a gossip; while Sir Mungo, with more maliciousanxiety to get at the bottom of the mystery, stooped his long thin formforward like a bent fishing-rod, raised his thin grey locks from hisear, and curved his hand behind it to collect every vibration of theexpected intelligence. Martha in the meantime frowned most ominously onRichie, who went on undauntedly to inform the king, "that his deceasedfather-in-law, a good careful man in the main, had a' touch of worldlywisdom about him, that at times marred the uprightness of his walk;he liked to dabble among his neighbour's gear, and some of it would attimes stick to his fingers in the handling."
"For shame, man, for shame!" said Martha; "since the infamy of thedeed must be told, be it at least briefly.--Yes, my lord," she added,addressing Glenvarloch, "the piece of gold was not the sole bait whichbrought the miserable old man to your chamber that dreadful night--hisobject, and he accomplished it, was to purloin this paper. The wretchedscrivener was with him that morning, and, I doubt not, urged the dotingold man to this villainy, to offer another bar to the ransom of yourestate. If there was a yet more powerful agent at the bottom of thisconspiracy, God forgive it to him at this moment, for he is now wherethe crime must be answered!"
"Amen!" said Lord Glenvarloch, and it was echoed by all present.
"For my father," continued she, with her stern features twitched by aninvoluntary and convulsive movement, "his guilt and folly cost him hislife; and my belief is constant, that the wretch, who counselled himthat morning to purloin the paper, left open the window for the entranceof the murderers."
Every body was silent for an instant; the king was first to speak,commanding search instantly to be made for the guilty scrivener."_I, lictor,_" he concluded, "_colliga manus--caput obnubito-infelicisuspendite arbori_."
Lowestoffe answered with due respect, that the scrivener had abscondedat the time of Lord Dalgarno's murder, and had not been heard of since.
"Let him be sought for," said the king. "And now let us change thediscourse--these stories make one's very blood grew, and are altogetherunfit for bridal festivity. Hymen, O Hymenee!" added he, snapping hisfingers, "Lord Glenvarloch, what say you to Mistress Moniplies, thisbonny bride, that has brought you back your father's estate on yourbridal day?"
"Let him say nothing, my liege," said Martha; "that will best suit hisfeelings and mine."
"There is redemption-money, at the least, to be repaid," said LordGlenvarloch; "in that I cannot remain debtor."
"We will speak of it hereafter," said Martha; "_my_ debtor _you_ cannotbe." And she shut her mouth as if determined to say nothing more on thesubject.
Sir Mungo, however, resolved not to part with the topic, and availinghimself of the freedom of the moment, said to Richie--"A queer storythat of your father-in-law, honest man; methinks your bride thanked youlittle for ripping it up."
"I make it a rule, Sir Mungo," replied Richie, "always to speak any evilI know about my family myself, having observed, that if I do not, it issure to be told by ither folks."
"But, Richie," said Sir Mungo, "it seems to me that this bride of yoursis like to be master and mair in the conjugal state."
"If she abides by words, Sir Mungo," answered Richie, "I thank heaven Ican be as deaf as any one; and if she comes to dunts, I have twa handsto paik her with."
"Weel said, Richie, again," said the king; "you have gotten it on baithhaffits, Sir Mungo.--Troth, Mistress Bride, for a fule, your gudeman hasa pretty turn of wit."
"There are fools, sire," replied she, "who have wit, and fools whohave courage--aye, and fools who have learning, and are great foolsnotwithstanding.--I chose this man because he was my protector whenI was desolate, and neither for his wit nor his wisdom. He is trulyhonest, and has a heart and hand that make amends for some folly. SinceI was condemned to seek a protector through the world, which is to me awilderness, I may thank God that I have come by no worse."
"And that is sae sensibly said," replied the king, "that, by my saul,I'll try whether I canna make him better. Kneel down, Richie--somebodylend me a rapier--yours, Mr. Langstaff, (that's a brave name for alawyer,)--ye need not flash it out that gate, Templar fashion, as if yewere about to pink a bailiff!"
He took the drawn sword, and with averted eyes, for it was a sight heloved not to look on, endeavoured to lay it on Richie's shoulder, butnearly stuck it into his eye. Richie, starting back, attempted to rise,but was held down by Lowestoffe, while Sir Mungo, guiding the royalweapon, the honour-bestowing blow was given and received: "_Surge,carnifex_--Rise up, Sir Richard Moniplies, of Castle-Collop!--And, mylords and lieges, let us all to our dinner, for the
cock-a-leekie iscooling."