Page 30 of The Fear


  ‘Unfinished business,’ was all Brooke said, and she marched to the front of the group where Robbie was opening the gates. DogNut raised his eyebrows at Courtney and she gave him what she hoped was a look that said, How amusing, typical Brooke!

  Yeah. Right. Typical Brooke.

  She could have killed her.

  58

  The hunger was terrible, an intense, churning pain, as if some sharp-clawed beast had crawled down her throat in the night and was scraping at her belly from the inside. Maybe it was the squirrel she had eaten, come alive?

  Could that happen?

  She didn’t know. It was so hard, trying to think. There was another animal inside her head, a rat, gnawing at her brain. She moaned and rubbed her stomach. The squirrel had hardly made a difference at all. There had been so little to go round. One of the others had found a nest of mice, down in the tunnels, the young ones still pink and bald. But these scraps of meat had only made things worse, reminded her stomach that there was such a thing as food.

  And then more had turned up.

  Friends.

  That was the word, wasn’t it? They were her friends. They’d been scattered by the hunters and had been wandering the streets. Now they were starting to arrive in the tunnels. They’d somehow known to come here.

  To their queen.

  But there were more mouths to feed now. If they didn’t eat again soon, and eat properly, they’d start turning on each other. She remembered eating one of her older friends. He wasn’t strong enough to fight and hunt, and he wasn’t strong enough to defend himself. He had kept them going for days.

  She was all right. She had the knife. She was in charge. None of them would dare attack her.

  She was their queen.

  All she could do now was wait. It was like fishing: you picked your spot and you sat there and you hoped that sooner or later something would swim past.

  She clutched her knife to her chest. Licked her dry lips. They were smeared with blood from the day before, like lipstick.

  They had water, down below, under the ground. It rose up through the dirt. But if they didn’t eat today it would all be over for them. She couldn’t hold the pack together any longer. It was all down to her. She had to look after her children.

  Wait, watch and wait, and be patient.

  They would get a bite sooner or later.

  She was sure of it.

  59

  Not having to worry about any younger kids, they were moving fast, almost jogging. Felix and Marco were at the front with Robbie and Jackson. Then DogNut and Brooke, side by side. Behind them came Courtney, walking by herself, and bringing up the rear were the three other boys from the museum.

  DogNut had an intense feeling of excitement. He was back where he belonged, on the streets. There had been something creepy about the museum. He didn’t know what to think about Justin and Einstein and their experiments, about the three sickos locked up in the lorry. He guessed it had to be done, if they were going to find the cause, and maybe even a cure for the disease. That would change everything. But it felt wrong, somehow.

  Whatever.

  If he was going to be honest with himself, he also felt uncomfortable being around Paul. No matter what anyone said, he hadn’t looked after Olivia properly and Paul ranting all over the place and going fruitcake was a constant reminder.

  Was he running away then?

  Yeah. Probably.

  He’d tried to run away from the ghost of Leo and what had happened in the bank, but had only landed himself in a worse nightmare.

  You can’t really run away. He’d learnt that.

  It felt good while you were running, though.

  They saw no living thing all the way to Hyde Park Corner. There was a dead sicko by Wellington Arch, but no other grown-ups were feeding off it. They were all tense skirting the back wall of Buckingham Palace. They kept expecting David to appear at the head of a column of red blazers. Would he try to arrest them and lock them up in the palace for treason? It was stupid to be scared of other kids, but David’s presence rested over this part of London like a great dirty stain.

  As it was, they got past without incident. Seeing no one. Everywhere was quiet as the grave. They came to Green Park and slowed down. Walking along in the sun like this, it might have been a time before the disaster. A stroll through London on a quiet Sunday morning. Brooke was walking by his side. Chatting away. DogNut was hardly listening. It was weird. Once he’d accepted that she didn’t want him, he’d got used to it pretty quick, and now she was just another person. She didn’t bother him. If he didn’t mean anything to her, then she didn’t mean anything to him.

  Lost in his thoughts he didn’t register that she’d asked him a question, and it was only a nudge in the ribs that brought him back to their conversation.

  ‘Sorry, what?’ he said. ‘What did you say, babe? I was, like, distracted.’

  ‘I know you were. You ain’t been listening to a word I’ve said, have you?’

  ‘Some of it,’ said DogNut. ‘I’ve listened to some of it.’

  ‘I was asking about Ed.’

  ‘That’s probably why I wasn’t listening.’

  ‘Well, listen now.’

  ‘Why? What’s the matter?’

  ‘Nothing’s the matter. I just want to know how he is.’

  ‘How he is? I’ve told you. He’s cool.’

  ‘Yeah, but how does he, like, you know, how does he look?’

  ‘He looks like Ed.’

  ‘Stop pretending to be a moron, Donut. You know what I mean. How’s his face?’

  ‘Oh that, yeah. It looks the same.’

  ‘What’s the same?’

  ‘Twisted. Bad, I guess. I don’t think about it much, though, to be honest. I’ve got used to it. But, you know, like, sometimes you forget and you look at him and you think …’

  ‘It’s well bad, yeah?’

  ‘You know what?’ said DogNut. ‘I always thought having a scar would be bare cool. But it ain’t like it is in the movies. That side of his face looks all mashed up. Sort of, like, screwed tight.’ He made a face, scrunched up and leering. ‘It’s a half and half face, you know, like Two-Face in Batman.’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Harvey Dent.’

  ‘Who’s he?’

  ‘Don’t you know Batman?’

  ‘Not really.’ Brooke shook her head and shrugged.

  ‘Well, what I’m saying is that Ed won’t be winning any teen polls for most gorgeous boy in the world no more,’ said DogNut, ‘but you don’t need to worry about him. As I say, you get used to how he looks. Don’t make no difference to anyone at the Tower. And I’m still as gorgeous as evah,’ said DogNut, pouting and displaying himself like a model.

  ‘Donut, you never been gorgeous. Not even to your mum. You’re too thin and your neck’s too long, and your eyes are too close together and your mouth’s too big. You’re always fidgeting. You get on people’s nerves …’

  ‘Stop it, I’ll blush.’

  ‘I was horrible to Ed,’ said Brooke quietly. ‘When it happened, I was so shocked. I reacted badly. I was a cow, as usual. Looking like that don’t make him no different. When I told Justin to drive on after we’ve crossed the bridge, I didn’t want to see Ed no more. I wanted to get away from him. That was part of it, you know, part of why we left you all behind.’

  ‘We was floating down the river, babes, didn’t make no difference to us.’

  ‘Yeah, but I didn’t know that, did I? I should have waited for you all.’

  ‘What happened to you, Brooke?’ DogNut asked. ‘You ain’t the same mouthy cow you used to be.’

  ‘A lot’s happened in the last year, Donut. A whole lot. I guess I’ve grown up. Losing Aleisha and Courtney … At least I thought I’d lost them. It’s great to have Courtney back, you know. Sucks about Aleisha. But, like, in my mind, I know it’s harsh, but in my mind she was already dead. You gotta think that way, not hope and dream, you gotta think straight an
d carry on, not get dragged down by your bad thoughts. And I thought I’d never see none of you again. And so, you know, like, I thought I’d lost everything. And it made me realize what was important – friends. Helping each other, working together. Not how you look, or what anyone thinks of you, or trying to always be one up on everyone else. Living at the museum there, we’ve got our own, like, little world. It’s great. I can be myself there. I don’t have to pretend to be some kind of hard-assed street bitch shooting her mouth off the whole time and putting everyone down.’

  ‘Pretend?’

  ‘Yeah. We all of us pretend, Donut. You too. We show people what we think they want to see.’

  ‘You even talk different.’

  ‘So do you.’

  ‘Do I?’ DogNut looked amazed.

  ‘You used to talk like you was fresh off the boat from Jamaica,’ said Brooke. ‘You still do a bit, when you want, but nowhere near as much as before. Me too. Used to be the only way to be cool. But we neither of us black, Donut, admit it. And, no matter how hard we try to talk like we was, it’s never going to change the colour of our skin.’

  ‘True dat!’

  Brooke laughed. ‘I guess after a while you start to talk like the people you hang out with,’ she said. ‘You mixing with all different sorts now at the Tower, you talk different. And me …’

  ‘You becoming a nerd then?’

  ‘Maybe I am, Donut. The queen of the nerds. But it ain’t so bad. I never was that girl, really, the old blonde Brooke. All that chat. All that front. I learnt it and used it and I thought I was top girl. But most of the time I was just horrible to people and used my mouth as a weapon. What’s important now is surviving. As a team. That’s all. End of.’

  ‘So this is the new you then – Sister Brooke, the lovely nun. You’ll be singing “The Sound of Music” next.’

  ‘Are you trying to set me off, Donut?’ Brooke narrowed her eyes at him. ‘You want me to have a go at you, I will. I ain’t lost it none. Just you see.’

  ‘I believe it, gyal.’

  ‘So, do you want it? Do you want to feel the full force of Hurricane Brooke?’

  ‘Yeah, why not?’ DogNut grinned. ‘I miss the old you.’

  Brooke took hold of DogNut’s hand. ‘It was sweet of you to come find me, Donut.’

  ‘Sweet? It nearly killed me.’

  ‘Why’d you do it?’

  ‘You know why. I thought maybe I was still in with a chance.’

  ‘Still?’ Brooke raised her eyebrows. ‘Where did “still” come from? You wasn’t ever in with a chance, boy.’

  ‘Was I never?’

  ‘No not ever. I mean, I always liked you …’

  ‘Is all right,’ said DogNut. ‘I knew it was Ed you was hot for. Dumb of me to think I could make that go away.’

  ‘I blew it with Ed,’ said Brooke. ‘I couldn’t handle the fact that he wasn’t a hunk any more. You believe I could have been so shallow …? I don’t have any fantasy that Ed might want to see me,’ said Brooke. ‘Like you told me, he never came with you on this journey. I’m not going to the Tower to fall at his feet and beg him to be my boyfriend.’

  ‘So, why are you coming?’

  ‘I don’t know, to say sorry, I guess. When you told me he was still alive, I felt something inside, like a kind of jolt. Not good, not bad, just a pain. Unfinished business. Life is short, Donut, and we don’t want to go through it carrying no regrets. Things unsaid. Apologies left cold. There’s a lot of bad things in the world, Donut. I’ve seen terrible things happen to people. The least I can do is say to poor Ed that it don’t matter what he looks like.’

  ‘Hold up!’ said DogNut, letting go of Brooke’s hand. ‘Why’ve they stopped?’

  The two of them had been so wrapped up in their conversation they hadn’t been paying attention to what was going on around them.

  Robbie’s group was standing in a line, looking at something.

  ‘What’s happening?’ Brooke asked no one in particular, and then froze, her mouth hanging open, unable to make sense of what she was seeing.

  A cloud of pure white was moving across the road, silent and gleaming in the sun. It was such an unexpected sight that it was a moment before she realized that it was a flock of birds. Swans. About thirty of them, calmly wandering from one side to the other, their heads held high on long necks. As she stood there, goldfishing, warmth spread through her. It was such a beautiful thing, so peaceful and quiet and innocent.

  She started to smile. She couldn’t stop herself. She looked around and saw that the other kids were smiling too, like a bunch of toddlers at a petting zoo. Nobody made any stupid comments, or suggested throwing something at the swans; nobody wanted to break the spell in any way.

  Life was returning to the capital. Animals that would have been kept away before by noise and pollution, by cars and people and the clamour of city life, were starting to colonize the place and make it their own. Now the kids started to cheer. The swans turned to look at them, a bit snooty, but didn’t walk any faster or try to fly away. They just waddled casually on, until the last of them had gone into Green Park and the street was empty.

  Brooke blinked. Had it been a mirage? A dream?

  ‘Come on.’ Courtney shouldered past her. ‘Let’s keep moving.’

  Brooke held DogNut back for a moment then linked arms with him and they followed Courtney. She was silent for a while then leant closer to him.

  ‘Enough about Ed. What about Courtney?’ she asked, her voice lowered.

  ‘Courtney? She’s all right, I talked to her. She’s cool.’

  ‘Don’t hurt that girl.’

  ‘I never would. I told you, I talked to her.’

  Brooke shoved DogNut roughly away, and he stumbled in the road, surprised.

  ‘Brooke. Don’t be like that –’

  ‘Shut up, DogNut. I saw something.’

  ‘Shit …’

  DogNut glanced wildly about, and then he saw it too, four sickos skulking in the shadows to their right behind a row of arches.

  ‘Hang about!’ he shouted, and the advance party stopped. Robbie, Jackson, Felix and Marco looked round, then trotted back to join DogNut and Brooke. Courtney stayed where she was, standing alone. Robbie’s three other boys hurried to catch up with them from the rear.

  ‘Bloody sickos!’ DogNut hissed, drawing his sword.

  ‘We can handle them,’ said Felix.

  ‘Unless there’s more.’ DogNut quickly took in where they were, checking for any cover. He’d been stupid, distracted by the swans and his conversation with Brooke. This wasn’t a stroll in the park. The world was still dangerous.

  They’d come down a long straight stretch of road, wide enough for four lanes of traffic, and had entered the top of Piccadilly. Now, instead of open greenery on one side, there was a tall building whose front was built out over the pavement, forming an arcade that ran the length of the block. DogNut saw a sign announcing that it was the Ritz Hotel. It was here that the sickos waited.

  On the other side of the road there was a run of airline offices and a Boots chemist.

  ‘Should we leg it?’ said Brooke, who was less used to being out in the open.

  ‘We can handle them,’ Felix repeated. ‘Take them down and we don’t have to worry about them no more.’

  DogNut hesitated, unsure of what to do. In his confusion he wasn’t acting quickly enough. He was in danger of panicking. He looked to Robbie who was similarly unsure.

  ‘Cut them down,’ said Courtney. She needed to take her anger out on something. Watching DogNut and Brooke saunter along hand in hand had made her feel sick to her stomach. Before anyone could stop her, she gripped her spear with both hands and advanced towards the four sickos.

  ‘Come on then!’ she shouted. ‘I’m all yours!’

  The others had no choice but to follow her. DogNut felt a flutter of panic. They shouldn’t be fighting unless they absolutely had to. He looked up at the sky and cursed.


  When were they ever going to be given a break?

  60

  The four sickos sidled away. Hanging back in the shadows. Almost as if they were waiting for the kids to get to them.

  Don’t be stupid.

  DogNut swore under his breath. The sickos didn’t have a plan. They weren’t clever enough for that.

  As he got closer to them, he swore again.

  He recognized them.

  ‘Gym bunnies!’ he said.

  ‘You what?’ Brooke looked frightened.

  ‘The ones we saw the other day, on the way to the palace. I told you about them. There was a whole load of them.’

  ‘A whole load of them?’ Brooke looked even more worried.

  ‘That was two days ago. Ryan and his hunters have been on their ass. Maybe there’s only these four left?’

  ‘Let’s finish them off,’ said Felix.

  ‘No, wait,’ said DogNut, and there was such anxiety in his voice that all the kids froze. Including Courtney.

  Nothing happened.

  ‘You’ve lost it, DogNut,’ said Felix. ‘The old days we’d have merked these creeps without even thinking.’

  Only one thought went through DogNut’s mind. I don’t want to be in charge. I don’t want to muck it all up again.

  Felix and Marco hurried to catch up with Courtney who was now stalking the cowering sickos as they edged towards the end of the arcade. Robbie’s group ran to cut them off, but as they drew near they realized that the sickos weren’t alone. A larger group of gym bunnies had been hiding round the corner in a side-street and they suddenly emerged, moving fast towards Robbie’s group.

  Staying in a tight pack.

  Organized.

  And these weren’t sickness-ravaged weaklings – they looked worryingly fit and muscular and ready for a fight. Some were nearly naked, showing skin that was disfigured with boils and wounds that wouldn’t heal, but, rather than make them look weaker, these blemishes simply made them appear more frightening.

  ‘All right,’ said Felix, staggering to a halt in the road. ‘Now I suppose we’d better run.’