And happier than she’d ever been in her life.
Sebastian returned to bed and stretched out beside her. He fumbled for her hand and intertwined their fingers, keeping their locked fingers between their naked bodies as they lay in contented silence.
“Julia.” His voice was gravelly.
“Yeah?”
“If for some reason I don’t come back from that op tomorrow...”
Panic constricted her heart. “Hey, don’t say that. You’re not going to get blown up, damn it.”
“I know.” He paused. “At least I hope not.” Another pause. “But just humor me, okay? If I don’t come back, there’s something I need you to know.”
Unsettled, she moved onto her side and studied his profile. She couldn’t decipher the strange expression on his face, and that only troubled her more. “What is it?” she asked.
After a long moment of hesitation, he breathed in deep, then exhaled in a fast rush. “If I could offer you more than a casual affair, I would.”
Surprise lifted her eyebrows. Okay. Well, she hadn’t been expecting that.
But he wasn’t done surprising her.
“I could fall in love with you, Doc.”
Now her mouth fell open, and with her brows up at her hairline and her jaw down at her feet, she knew she must make a comical sight. She had no clue how to respond to either of those revelations, so she opted for, “Huh?”
Sebastian sighed. “I’m not making any sense, am I? I...I’m cursed, Julia. I’m totally freaking cursed, and that’s why I try not to get close to people.” An endearing crack broke his voice in half. “I can’t love you. Do you understand?”
Sheer and utter confusion left her speechless for an entire minute. And then she shook her head repeatedly and sat up. She wasn’t even self-conscious of her nudity, that’s how bewildered she was.
“No, I don’t understand,” she burst out. “What do you mean, you’re cursed, and you can’t love me?”
He moved into a sitting position, too, leaning his head against the wall. His expression conveyed nothing but anguish. “I get people killed, Doc. Everyone I love dies. Because of me.”
The odd confession caught her off guard. “I’m sure that’s not true.”
“It is.” His powerful body emitted thick waves of sorrow. “I had a twin brother, you know. Michael.”
She blinked. “You did?”
“Mmm-hmm. We were identical twins. He drowned when we were twelve years old.” Sebastian turned his head to meet her eyes. “It was my fault.”
Julia instantly slid closer and reached for his hand. She found it was trembling. “I don’t believe that,” she said firmly.
“It’s true.” He gave a bitter shake of his head. “Michael and I couldn’t have been more different. He was the serious, studious type. I was the reckless thrill seeker. I always talked him into doing the craziest stunts, though I think half the time he agreed to come along so he could keep an eye on me. He always warned me I’d get seriously hurt one day.”
When Sebastian went quiet, she didn’t push him to go on. The pain in his eyes sent an ache to her heart, and the dull note in his voice brought the fresh sting of tears to her eyes.
“But he was the one who got hurt in the end,” Sebastian mumbled. “One night I convinced him to sneak out of our house after midnight so we could go late-night fishing at the lake about half a mile from our property. He bitched and moaned, but ended up coming with me, and we grabbed our rods and tackle boxes from the porch and ran off to the lake. After fifteen minutes without a single bite, I got bored of fishing and decided it would be fun to go skinny-dipping.”
Another silence descended. Julia suddenly felt queasy.
“So we shucked our clothes and jumped in the lake. Swimming, splashing, seeing who could hold our breath underwater the longest. I won with a time of ninety seconds. But me being me, I got bored of swimming as fast as I tired of fishing. Michael wanted to stay in the water for a bit, so I left him in the middle of the lake. When I reached the shore, I turned around to look at the water, and he was gone.”
A ragged breath wheezed out of his mouth. “He was just gone. At first I thought he was playing a prank on me, so I stood there for a few minutes, grumbling and pouting and shouting for him to quit being such a jerk. I was wearing my waterproof watch—that’s what we were using to time our underwater game, and suddenly I realized he’d been under for more than three minutes.”
Julia sucked in a breath. “Did you go in after him?”
“Without hesitation. I swam like I was being chased by a damn shark, but I couldn’t find Michael anywhere.” Sebastian’s voice cracked again. “I don’t know how long I was in that lake, Doc, searching for my twin brother. I dived as deep as I could, but I couldn’t see a damn thing. It was too dark and the lake was full of these pesky weeds that made it even harder to see. Eventually I went back to shore and ran home as fast as I could. I woke up my folks, and they got the police and fire department there in record time.”
One final silence, this one heavy with regret. She squeezed Sebastian’s hand, urging him to continue. “What happened?”
“The divers found Michael’s body in the morning. His legs were tangled up in some weeds, but I don’t know if that’s what caused him to go under or if it happened after the fact. For all I know, he had a cramp, or got dizzy and passed out, or...” Sebastian trailed off, and then an angry expletive left his mouth. “It was my fault he drowned. It was my fault he was at the lake. I was the one who turned my back on him in the water, and I was the one who couldn’t save him when I realized he was gone.”
Julia had done her residency in the ER, which meant she’d spoken to countless survivors, hundreds of men and women who were rushed in after a horrific accident, an accident that they survived but their friends or loved ones didn’t. She knew a case of survivor’s guilt when she saw it, but she feared that if she raised the issue, Sebastian might shut down on her.
Still, she couldn’t humor him, not about something this important. “It wasn’t your fault,” she said softly. “You weren’t responsible for Michael’s death.”
“My parents thought I was,” he muttered. “Dad openly blamed me. Mom was more subtle about it. And Michael’s death destroyed them both. He was their favorite, and after he was gone, they both sort of...checked out. My dad got meaner, colder, and I suspect he got careless in the field. I think that’s why he died, because he just didn’t give a damn anymore.”
Julia let out an unhappy sigh. “And now you believe you get the people around you killed? Because Michael drowned and your father died in combat?”
A harsh, cheerless laugh echoed in the room. “They weren’t the only ones.”
“What are you talking about?”
“It took me a long time to get over Michael’s and my father’s deaths. Throughout high school, I was friends with this kid Greg, but it wasn’t until junior year that I finally opened myself up to the guy. We were inseparable after that. Practically lived at each other’s houses, went everywhere together, double-dated all the time. And we both planned on enlisting in the army after high school. But Greg didn’t get the chance.” Sebastian’s jaw tightened. “A few weeks before graduation, we were at a party, and reckless ol’ me challenged Greg to a drinking contest.”
Julia’s heart sank to the pit of her stomach. Crap. She didn’t like where this was heading.
“And guess what I did afterward?” he said sarcastically. “I let him drive.” He laughed again, an absolutely ravaged sound. “I let him drive to his death, Doc. So that was Greg. Want to hear about Lynn? Christ, I loved Lynn. I met her when I was twenty-one, right after I got home from my first tour of duty. She was a freaking angel.”
“Sebastian—”
“We were together for a year. I wanted to marry her. I was going to ask her the night she got mowed down by a car on her way to meet me. She was supposed to work that night, but I convinced her to call in sick so we could have dinner to
gether.”
Her heart officially broke in two.
“Oh, God,” she whispered.
“Do you get it now? Do you see? Everyone I love is destined to die.”
Before he could resist, she threw her arms around him. After a moment, his shoulders drooped and his head sagged, falling into the crook of her neck. Cursed. Yes, she supposed she understood why he’d reached that particular conclusion.
“I’ll get you killed.” His voice was muffled against her skin, thick with torment, and his naked body trembled in her arms.
“No, you won’t.” She used the tone she normally reserved for hostile patients, the one that said Don’t mess with me. I know best. “If anything, you’re the reason I’m alive, for Pete’s sake.”
He stiffened. “That’s not true.”
“Are you kidding me?” She pulled back, gripped his strong jaw and forced him to look at her. “You rescued me from those soldiers in Esperanza. You talked me out of going back to the clinic and saved me from being burned alive. You gave me shelter in Ecuador, safe passage to the States, protection from Davidson and the DoD.” Now she was the one laughing, each breathy sound ringing with disbelief. “You are the reason I’m not dead.”
His gray eyes filled with shock. “You’re in danger because of me.”
She arched one brow. “And now you’re just grasping at straws and straight-up rewriting history. I was in danger before I met you, Sebastian. I’m in danger because Kevin radioed me from Esperanza and I rushed to his rescue. You didn’t put me in this position. You have protected me from day one, and guess what? I’m still here. I’m still alive. Doesn’t that prove that you’re capable of getting close to someone without their dying?”
Sebastian looked stricken, as if he truly hadn’t considered that he might actually be responsible for her current state of alive.
The room got so quiet you could hear fifty pins drop. Julia continued to run a soothing hand over his rugged face, her other hand solidly perched on his shoulder. She wanted to offer more words of comfort, but instead she chose to say nothing, knowing that Sebastian needed the time to think, to reflect, to understand that some things were beyond his control.
As she sat there in silence, it suddenly occurred to her that Sebastian wasn’t the only one who’d gotten too close. She’d known for a while now that this thing between them had evolved into more than just sex, but she hadn’t been able to put a label on it until this very moment.
She was falling for him.
She’d spent every waking minute with him these past seven days, shared more of herself, both physically and emotionally, than she’d ever shared with another man. She’d given Sebastian Stone free rein of her body, control of her safety, access to her heart...and in the process, she’d fallen in love with him.
* * *
Sebastian was grateful as hell when the sharp knock sounded on the motel room door, indicating that their ride had arrived. He’d been fighting the need to flee ever since he’d told Julia about his past. He hated talking about all those ancient tragedies. Hated thinking about them. Normally he kept the memories locked up tight, yet he hadn’t been able to stop himself from spilling the sordid details to Julia.
He’d felt himself getting too close. His heart had been in his throat when he’d made love to her earlier. He’d felt so damn vulnerable, his emotions so close to the surface that he’d decided to remind himself what happened when he let himself love someone.
But his plan had backfired. He’d told Julia about his past, his fear, his curse, and she hadn’t batted an eye.
You’re the reason I’m alive.
Her quiet words buzzed in his head and he pushed them away as he went to answer the door. Brent had sent his aide, Paul Waverly, to deliver Sebastian and Julia to the Pentagon, and Sebastian opened the door to find a frazzled young man standing on the other side of it.
“Sergeant Stone?”
He nodded. “Waverly?”
The man nodded in return. He had pale blond hair and even paler white skin that washed out his face and lent him a ghoulish vibe, but he was very friendly and polite as he escorted them to a black sedan with tinted windows.
Julia didn’t say a word as she slid into the backseat next to Sebastian. She’d put on a pair of jeans and a loose gray sweater, and her hair was in its trademark braid, which meant that her fingers were toying with the end as usual.
He resisted the urge to put his arm around her or hold her hand, though he desperately wanted to touch her. He’d been thinking the craziest thoughts since their heart-to-heart. Crazy, terrifying, liberating thoughts that he wasn’t quite ready to vocalize, and so he kept a physical distance, needing more time to let everything settle.
The ride to the Pentagon was a short one. Paul had already arranged for a pair of visitor’s passes, and he handed each of them a navy blue lanyard with the passes affixed to the end. Sebastian shoved the lanyard around his neck, then kept a firm hand on Julia’s arm as they followed Paul to the elevators.
They found Brent Davidson in a large conference room that housed a long mahogany table, padded chairs, several telephone lines and an enormous flat screen mounted on the wall.
“Good, you’re here,” Brent boomed when they walked through the door. “Paul, get Dr. Davenport a cup of coffee and get her settled in my office. Stone, come with me. The team is about to be briefed.”
“Is this goodbye?” Julia spoke up, her voice swimming with uneasiness.
Sebastian shook his head. “I’ll come find you before we head out,” he said gruffly.
With a nod, she followed Paul out of the room, while Sebastian went with Brent. They navigated through an endless series of hallways, walked through several secure doors that required the swipe of Brent’s key card, and eventually wound up in an enormous elevator that took them to the lower levels of the massive compound.
“You did a good job handling Langley,” Brent remarked during the walk, his tone more than a little grudging. “But you just couldn’t let us handle it, huh?”
“You government folk move much too slow,” Sebastian answered with a grin. “My way allows for quicker results.”
Brent chuckled. “Nice move with the immunity agreement, by the way. Fax me a copy of it. I’m curious to see how good your forgery guy is.”
“Damn good. And you’re not getting anywhere near him.”
They turned another corner, entering a spacious corridor with bright overhead lights.
“Has Langley started talking yet?” Sebastian asked.
“Nope. He’s still hoping to save himself. Now he claims he’s got an antidote to the virus. Apparently he stole it along with the virus when he robbed D&M.”
He raised his brows. “You think he’s telling the truth?”
“Who the hell knows? This scumbag sold a biological weapon to a terrorist group. He knows there’s no way out of that, and I suspect he’ll say anything to save his own skin. We’ve got agents with him now. If there really is an antidote, they’ll get it out of him. Anyway, Langley’s not a priority at the moment. Right now our primary objective is neutralizing the cell and securing Meridian.”
Sebastian nodded. “Got it.”
The briefing that followed was one he’d been a party to numerous times before. The commanding officer was a bulky man by the name of Darius Foster. Foster had been heading up this elite Delta unit for years, and he looked less than thrilled that Sebastian would be joining them for such a sensitive operation. He seemed appeased once Brent explained Sebastian’s former training, and when aerial photographs of the ULF nest flashed on a large overhead screen, Foster turned to Sebastian first for the details he’d amassed during his recon.
It took more than an hour to plan the assault. Every last detail was discussed, every available photo scrutinized, every contingency accounted for. When Foster clapped his hands to signal the end of the meeting, the men filed out of the room and marched toward the equipment locker to gather their gear. It would be a te
n-man team: Foster, Sebastian and eight other highly trained operatives who’d been working black ops for most of their careers.
Preparations were made at lightning speed. Weapons, body armor, earpieces—every piece of equipment they’d need was checked and rechecked before the team reported to the waiting chopper.
But Sebastian had promised Julia a proper goodbye and he wasn’t going anywhere until he gave it to her. He quickly scanned the men swarming the helipad, finally spotting Brent’s aide amid the crowd. “Waverly,” he called.
The blond man hurried over. “Yes?”
“Where’s Dr. Davenport? I want to speak with her before we go.”
Paul Waverly pulled out a sleek smartphone and dialed a number. “Mary, will you escort the doctor to the launch?” A second later, he hung up and said, “She’ll be here shortly.”
A wave of gratitude swept through him. “Thanks, Paul.”
The young man smiled. “Not a problem.”
Five minutes later, most of the team was in the military chopper, and Julia still hadn’t showed up. Growing worried, Sebastian glanced over at Foster, who was barking orders at the pilots. Fortunately, the senior officer didn’t seem to notice that Sebastian was still loitering on the tarmac.
When a door flew open and Julia burst out, he was overcome with relief. He met her halfway, smiling at the way her long braid was whipped around by the late-night breeze. It was just past three in the morning, and the moon sat high in the black sky, illuminating the unmistakable lines of worry creasing Julia’s mouth.
“You okay?” he asked.
“I’m scared,” she admitted, but her voice was so frank and steady that it made him laugh.
“You don’t sound like it,” he teased.
“Well, I feel it.” She met his gaze. “Please be careful.”
“I’m always careful.” He touched her cheek, sweeping his thumb over her silky smooth skin. “Thank you, Doc.”
She wrinkled her forehead. “For what?”
“For everything.” His voice grew hoarse. “The time we’ve spent together has been...” He trailed off, unable to find an adjective that did the rest of the sentence justice.