***
Strangely, Miranda's out. So is Neveah. And Jonas is so seldom home. Apollon looks up at me warily when I walk in, probably realizing he's a target without the others there to quash the conversation. I've just been with Oscar, and I'm feeling good. Happier, for having been with him, and a little clearer for the piece of bread he slipped to me.
I pull up the chair across from Apollon and lean in with my forearms resting on my knees. "Tell me about Grey," I say softly. "About Outpost Two."
For a while, he considers, his eyes slowly scanning my face. Then he sighs. "You don't really want to know."
"Is it that bad?"
He nods.
"What will happen? I mean... when he takes over?"
He slowly draws in a deep breath through his open mouth, and holds it until he begins to speak. "A lot of people will die." An unpleasant fact, but a fact. He has no doubt that what he's saying is true.
"How?" I say. "I mean, what? Like war?"
"Like, executions." He looks startled, almost like he's seeing it while we talk. His voice is a low murmur. "Anyone who could be an enemy.... Anyone without worth...."
I stare at him in the quiet. "We can't..." I say, "...we can't just let this happen. We have to do something."
He shakes his head, frowning. He's already been over this in his own mind, so he already has the answers. "Stop the snow, Eden," he says. "Stop a tornado. It would be just as likely. Grey is a force of nature. There's no going against him. You have two options. Get out of his way, or be on his side. We already tried running, and we failed. It's down to this. Why can't you just trust that we know what we're talking about?"
"Because I don't want to be on his side!" I cry, bolting to my feet. Anger surges around me. Anger at being lied to. Anger at being forced into a position where I have to choose between survival and the unthinkable. I'm about to continue my tirade when the door opens and Miranda steps inside. I freeze, looking at her.
She looks from me to Apollon, and back. "Don't want to be on whose side?"
In the grand scheme of things, it needed to happen anyway. I was angry over being kept out of the loop. But I was doing the same to Miranda and Neveah. So, after I tell Miranda the truth— when she processes it and quietly says that we have to tell Neveah— I agree. Apollon looks at me like I've gone mad. But this is the way it needs to be. We all need to know what's happening.
We wait uncomfortably for evening. For Neveah to return home, and then for Jonas. We lay everything out on the table and, for the first time, we have a reasonable conversation about our future. One that includes all of us.
"We were trying to protect you," Jonas says, attempting to explain what he and Apollon have done. "You don't need to be part of this. It would only put you in more danger."
Miranda frowns, blinking. "I thought you said the point was to put ourselves on Grey's side. How are we going to be on Grey's side if we sit around and do nothing while you two do all the dirty work?"
It's a fair question. I nod to back her up, and raise my eyebrows at Jonas.
He and Apollon exchange glances. I clamp my jaw, thinking they're keeping something from us, but then, he spills. His voice is strained, uncomfortable. "Well... we're going to have to do something about you, anyway. I mean... it won't be safe. We'll have to figure out a place to hide you or something."
"Hide us?" Miranda's voice says how shocking and unacceptable that answer is. "Why? For how long?"
Again, the glance between Jonas and Apollon. Each of them is waiting for the other to explain.
Finally, Apollon shrugs and says, "You're too pretty. Grey likes pretty girls." He says it so simply, like he can brush off some of its weight by the way he delivers it. He looks from Miranda to me, his eyes scanning down my figure, then shrugs again, glancing at Jonas. "She could be a boy."
I don't know whether to take offense at that or not.
Jonas' face darkens. He shakes his head, straightening from his slouch, his eyes piercing through Apollon.
"It would be better than being stuck in a hole somewhere," Apollon adds.
Miranda throws her hands up in the air. "And what about me? A hole? Really?"
Neveah puts her hand on Miranda's back and rubs in slow circles.
"No," Jonas says firmly. "Not a good idea. She doesn't look anything like a boy."
"Baggy clothes," Apollon says. "Bandages. Short hair. It could be done."
Jonas looks like he's about to hit Apollon. Miranda might start to cry any second. This is a disaster. I stand up, and they all get suddenly quiet. They look at me, waiting.
"Look," I say softly. "I can't do anymore of this right now. Can we just leave it?"
Their only answer is uneasy glances amongst themselves as I put on my jacket. I head outside and start walking, not even caring where I'm going, or if it's safe. There's only one thing I'm thinking right now. There's no way in hell that I'm going to end up locked away in some box... or hole... or whatever.... Not ever again.