Chapter 23
I’m pretty sure that the bird took the brunt of the landing. I based this hypothesis on the fact that our bird had turned into a bird burger. I had a sudden vision of Jim gnawing on the flattened beast and shuddered.
A few feet to my right, Jenna was looking around in a state of confusion. Apparently falling through wormholes on giant birds wasn’t on the top of her bucket list.
Jim was sitting calmly a few feet in front of me, and Lilly was…sleeping. I rolled my eyes, and silently thanked Murphy for taking a break in his daily game of stalking me. I slowly stood up and shook Lilly awake.
I received a fist to my face in reward of my efforts, sending me flying backwards a foot. I cradled my nose. “Ouch! Whut Wsh Taht fur?”
Lilly glared at me. “I was trying to sleep!”
Jenna laughed, and helped me to my feet. I wiped my nose off on my shirt, drawing a glance from Jenna, but nothing more. For the first time, I took stock of my current situation, and once again cursed Murphy out.
Of all the places I could possibly open a wormhole, I had the feeling that onto of the royal barracks was probably not exactly what one would call ideal. Almost comically, a sign on a nearby building wobbled and fell to the floor with a resounding thud.
“Oh for heaven’s sake!”
People who had witnessed the event started yelling, but not out of fear. A large mob formed around our pancake, all armed with pointy looking objects.
“Ah, I don’t suppose I can explain this?” I asked cautiously.
An arrow shot past my head, burying itself in the dead bird. I sighed, and the unfortunate soul who had shot the arrow found a smoking hole in his forehead. I turned back to glance at her, and she shrugged.
“What?”
Jenna shoved me to the side, and an arrow shot past my face, missing me by inches.
“Stop talking and start fighting!” she yelled.
Jim hurled one of those awful meatballs towards our attackers, and a few of them passed out from the smell. Or maybe they were passing out from the rocks Jim was now lobbing at them. It didn’t really matter either way.
I leapt down from the bird, and kicked the nearest villager in a very painful spot. He howled in agony, and I snatched his spear out of his hands. Within seconds, a crowd surrounded me. I swung my spear, and one of them chopped the point off of the weapon with a sword. I took one look at my spear-turned-staff, and promptly broke it over the offender’s head.
Jenna appeared behind them, and with two swift slashes, several men were bleeding out on the ground. In their moment of surprise, I opened a tiny wormhole behind one of their heads. I punched my end of the wormhole, and my fist slammed into the other’s head.
“Drake, we can’t waste all day fighting these clowns! We have to get the King and then get out of here!” Lilly yelled over to me.
A villager jumped at her mid-sentence. Lilly calmly shot him in the chest, and he tumbled to the ground. I looked around at the huge mob around us, and glanced over to Jenna.
“I don’t suppose you have any easy way to get out of this?”
She gutted someone, and glanced back at me. “Nope! There are too many of them! They don’t have too much skill…”
She slammed a knife into one of them, and kicked him away. “But there are tons of them! If they don’t wipe us out with sheer numbers, we’ll get slaughtered when the army gets here!”
“How do you know there’s an army?” I yelled back.
I picked up a rock and bashed a villager on his head through a wormhole. The enemy numbers were hardly diminishing, and I could see people charging towards us in the distance. Behind them, a mighty grey castle towered against the horizon.
If I could use my powers, I wouldn’t even have to worry. But with Lilly around…
A huge line of darkness flashed into existence in front of us, and Jenna spun towards me. I shook my head, and looked back to the line. It shuddered and snapped open. Coils of red flame flickered through it, giving it an eerie red glow.
Everyone paused fighting to stare at the massive thing. In the dull silence, I could hear a static buzz coming from the wormhole.
“Fire on my command.”
The voice sounded strangely familiar, but I couldn’t place it with anyone. There was a metallic whine, and a gray nozzle came into view. It was five feet in diameter, with smoke curling out of its sides.
“Fire!”
The nozzle rumbled, and a bright red beam launched out of it. It was like a laser gun, but multiplied by a thousand. The beam blasted through the enemy lines, and the entire village. In the distance, it crashed through one of the castle walls, leaving a smoldering hole in its walls.
Just as quickly as it had appeared, the nozzle retracted into the wormhole and it snapped shut.
Lilly glared at the empty space. “The Unknown Enemy just tried to kill us!” She grabbed her gun and started shooting at the space where the portal had appeared.
I dropped to the ground to dodge one of the blasts, and Jenna grabbed Lilly’s hand. “Let’s go! We don’t have any time to waste. Jim, can you get us to the castle before reinforcements arrive?”
Jim frowned. “I could if I had something to carry us there. Unless you see anything…?”
We looked around, but nothing came into our vision. Unlike the village/camp we had just left, the land around us was barren and dead. It was as if it had been sown with salt.
“This place is as dead as Drake’s humor is,” Lilly grumbled.
“And it looks just like you in the morning.”
Jim smirked. “Can we get back on topic of getting to the castle before we get slaughtered?”
Jenna glanced at me, and flicked her eyes down to my glove. I grimaced. If Lilly saw me using a wormhole, she would shoot me.
Our problems were solved when ground lurched under us. I looked down in surprise. Was our pancake bird still alive? There was a sickening pop, and we were all hurtling through the air at what seemed to be Mach five.
I managed to get a glimpse of what had thrown us. Jim was standing there, a dark grin plastered on his face. He was floating several feet in the air, power coiled around him like a serpent.
Was that even possible? How could he have two different abilities? I stopped worrying about that when I realized we were all about to become little smudges on the castle rapidly approaching us.
I mentally sighed, and I opened a wormhole on the side of the castle. I opened the other end inside a water source inside the castle, facing upwards. I decided I would explain how we got there later. A little procrastination never hurt anybody.
We blasted through the wormhole, and sent a huge spray of water into the air, soaking the room. I burst out of the water, gasping for breath. Lilly and Jenna popped up moments later.
“What the heck?” Lilly looked around wildly.
Jenna raised her eyebrows, and I shrugged.
“Nobody move!” someone yelled.
We slowly turned around. There was a heavily armed guard shakily pointing a sword towards us.
“You are violating the property of the King! I’m not sure how you even got into his royal bathing chambers, but you’ll be in the dungeon before sunset! Now put your hands in the air, and don’t move!”
I smirked, put my hands in the air, and quickly flipped face-first in the water.
“Wha-no! That’s not what I mean! Gah, you know what I meant! Ok, you can swim, but don’t move otherwise!”
I propped myself back upright, and began doing backstroke around the pool, whistling happily.
“Your anger makes this pool so nice and warm! Keep it up! How much do you charge per hour? I bet you’re cheaper than buying a sauna,” I called up to him.
“Fifteen an h- Hey! That’s it...”
He never finished his sentence as Lilly had blown a hole between his eyes with her gun. I grimaced slightly, but the look she gave me told me to shut up.
We slipped out of the pool, and I took bearing
of our situation. The room was covered in murals and certainly fit the description of a King’s private bathing chambers. We hurried through the doors, and were promptly surrounded by a huge mob of guards.
“Don’t move!” one yelled.
I sighed, and put my hands in the air. I allowed myself to wobble back and forth a little, and rolled my eyes back up into my head.
“What the heck?”
I let myself fall forward, and collided with one of the guards. I slammed my hand into his chest, opening a wormhole directly into his body. He jerked backwards, and I repainted the floor.
I grimaced, and pulled my hand out of his chest. It wasn’t like the thought of remotely putting things into an enemy’s body to kill them hadn’t occurred to me, but it just felt wrong. If I did it too much, I’m sure the author would have some plot holes. Wait, what was I talking about again?
My train of thought crashed as Jenna vaulted over a guard, slamming one of her daggers into his midriff. Lilly opened fire, and I dropped to the ground. The small group of guards didn’t last very long, and were soon all lying on the floor.
Lilly raised her eyebrows at me. “What on earth was that? Were you practicing your decapitated chicken impersonation?”
I shrugged. “It worked, didn’t it?”
We rushed out of the hall, leaving the group of defeated guards lying behind us. The endless halls rushed by us in a blur, and it wasn’t long before we were lost.
“Guys, do we actually have any idea where we’re going?”
Lilly glanced back at me. “I think we’re heading towards the Target.”
“Actually, I think we’re heading downwards. I get the feeling that the King would be at the top of the castle…” Jenna trailed off, and I barreled into Lilly.
She didn’t even curse me out. We were standing in front of a wall of massive iron bars. Behind it, thousands of eyes stared back at us. I gulped.
“Now back away slowly from the spooky looking gate…” I muttered to myself.
Lilly ignored me and tried to get a good look at the inside of the cage. The eyes suddenly surged forward and slammed against the bars. Now that they were right before me, I could see that they looked vaguely humanoid. Ragged hair hung over their shoulders like an ancient cloak, and their clothes were worn to pieces.
“Help…” One croaked.
“Free us!” Another pleaded.
Lilly backed away from the cage slightly.
“Wh-What is wrong with you guys?”
“That Tyrant clapped me in chains and tossed me here! Let me out! I didn’t even do anything wrong.”
I shushed the voice, and scanned the hallway behind us to see if anyone had heard. When no guards came barreling forth from the hallway, I turned back to the cage.
“How many of you are in there?”
“We number higher than we can count. We were the original inhabitants of this world, before the Pisce…”
“I see! If I were to free you somehow, would you fight for me?” I cut him off.
There was a chorus of agreement and begging. I held up a hand to silence them.
“As soon as I find a way to free you, I’ll be back. I promise.” I mentally winced. Somehow I would have to convince them to not mention the Pisces Empire near Lilly.
With that, we turned and ran from the chamber, their voices ringing behind us.
“Well, we just found a nice boost to our army.”
I attempted a running shrug and almost went face first into the floor. I decided to avoid all potential face plant inducing actions in the near future, and returned my attention to running.
“How the heck are we supposed to find a King in this maze?” Jenna griped.
I skidded to a stop. A small grin wormed its way onto my face.
I looked at Lilly, and began advancing towards her. She looked from side to side. “What?”
I plucked the laser pistol from her belt and shook it lightly. Something rattled around in it a bit. I grinned, and took my shoes off. I pulled the lace out of one, and wrapped it around the trigger of the gun. “Cover your ears!” I smirked, and pulled the lace tight. I hurled the pistol down a hall, and dove to the floor.
A steady whine roared out of the pistol as it overheated, and Lilly and Jenna dropped to the ground as the weapon’s whine grew in pitch.
There was a resounding explosion, and shouts from the floor above as a huge portion of it was blown away.
Jenna grabbed my shoulders and shook me. “What are you doing, Drake?”
I just cackled as guards climbed through the damaged floor and surrounded us. They were all clothed in dull gray armor. One guard had a small golden clasp on his shoulder. The hall was soon filled with guards pointing long pointy objects at us. I lifted my hands in the air, a motion that Jenna and Lilly mimicked.
“Tell the King that we’ve found the intruders,” the man with the clasp said.
A guard ran off, and we were herded away. I called upon my abilities of social interaction and took it on myself to have some friendly chitchat with the guard that had decided that my back was a good target for spear training.
“So, how’s your day been going? Do you catch criminals often?” I asked.
“Shut up, prisoner.” He prodded me in the back again.
I shut up. They led us to a small prison cell. They shoved me in, and took Lilly and Jenna away. I looked around my new abode, and grinned. Now all I had to do was convince the ‘King’ to meet with me. Then I could gut him with my dagger.
The one that was still somewhere with Jim, safely tucked inside my backpack. I cursed.
Oh well, I’d stab that angry poodle when I got there. What’s with the weird look? Are you telling me that that isn’t a saying from where you’re from? Bah, you need to get educated.
But first things first. I pressed my face to the bars of the cell and peered to see if any guards were left. When none showed themselves, I stepped backwards and opened a wormhole back to where we were before Jim decided to play a little game of human kickball.
I slipped through it and emerged on top of the pancake-bird. It was starting to smell a lot like the strange meat thing that ended up causing its death in the first place. My eyes caught on a small flash of light, and I hurried over to it and picked it up.
It was a small piece of metal, maybe aluminum. It flashed in the setting sun, momentarily blinding me. I grimaced and dropped the piece. I could see another one in the distance, and I grinned.
“I think I’ve found the hypothetical bread crumb trail.”
The fact that I was talking to nobody in particular might have bothered me slightly if I wasn’t already off my rocker. I broke into a light jog, following my metallic crumbs. It was too bad that they weren’t bread. I was getting quite hungry.
A massive cliff loomed before me. There was a large door at its base. The pieces of metal had abruptly stopped a while back, but the cave was so big it was impossible to miss. With some luck, Jim would be hidden away in there somewhere.
I opened a wormhole at the front of the door, and popped through it. I hurried into it, and looked around for any way to locate Jim. There was a loud explosion above me, and dust rained from the ceiling. I ran down the hall and up a set of stairs, emerging into a large room. Jim sat cross legged in the center of the room, his power still surrounding him. The mob from earlier was around him, banging away at him with whatever they could find. This included spears, knives, forks, clubs, angry chickens, and a multitude of other things that don’t need mentioning.
Behind them all, a woman stood regally. In her hand she held a gun- probably the spare one Lilly had in her backpack. It was smoking slightly, so she had probably just tried to shoot Jim with it.
He didn’t look any worse for the wear, so I decided I would quietly sneak in and nab my knife-in-a-box. Or any pointy object for that matter. You probably want to hear my plan. Normally I wouldn’t do this, but I’ll indulge you. Frankly, it couldn’t be more genius. S
ince everyone was rather preoccupied with banging away at Jim, I would locate my bag, snatch my knife, pop Jim into a wormhole, and disappear. If opportunity appeared, maybe I would steal a few shoes from them for future shoe-throwing operations against giant spiders.
I scanned the room in search for the box and finally found it under the woman with the gun’s feet. She appeared to be using it as some type of stand. A wormhole quickly opened under the box. It fell through, and I slammed the hole shut. The woman stumbled as the box disappeared. She cried out, and the crowd all turned towards her. I opened another wormhole for Jim. Once he fell through, I jumped into one of my own and we disappeared.
Behind us, a wormhole with flickers of red energy in it popped open. A man in a dark cloak swept out of it. He looked around at the crowd and sighed quietly. The man pulled a small sphere out of his belt and tossed it into the center of the crowd. “There can be no loose ends.”
The man jumped back into the wormhole, and it slammed shut with a pop. The sphere beeped once, and a blast of white energy erupted from it. A moment later, the sphere was gone, along with the cave and the cliff that it was nested in.
I reappeared with Jim and the box on top of the pancake bird. When he saw me, the aura around him disappeared. He suddenly cried out and a stream of blood poured from his nose. He fell over and began twitching on the ground.
“Jim!”
I rushed over to him. “What’s wrong? Are you ok?”
The twitches slowly stopped and he managed a faint grin. “What does it look like? I’ll be fine, I just need to sleep a little. I spent too much power.” He fell back and his eyes closed.
I almost thought he was dead, but then his chest began to rise and fall.
I nodded slowly. “If you say so.”
I hesitantly turned my attention to the box. I opened it and pulled the dagger out.
“Huh. I half expected this to be missing. That was almost too easy.” I grumbled.
I looked down at Jim’s sleeping body. “I’ll be back soon.” I promised, and then I jumped into a wormhole. Yeah, I know that leaving him alone was a bad idea, but I couldn’t think of a safe place to drop him off. Besides, killing the King wouldn’t take too long.
I stepped out into my cell and sat down. I put on my best defeated face and slammed my hands on the bars.
“Oh, woe is me! I have been captured by the tin men and cannot even see their mighty King before I expire in this woefully woe dungeon! Oh, how I long for the sight of a human!” I cried mournfully.
“Shut up!” a guard called down to me.
I started to cry as loudly as I could. After several minutes, a guard finally came down. “Oh, shut up already! Or I’ll give you a real reason to be sad!”
I looked up at the guard. “Woe-t is wrong?”
His mouth dropped open at my horrible pun, and I took that moment to open a wormhole under him. The other end led into the cell. I stepped into my end, and he fell through mine.
Our eyes met again, and he looked around my cell. I supposed it belonged to him now.
“Where is the King?” I asked him.
The guard glared at me. “I don’t know what witchcraft you used, but I’ll never tell you what you want to know.”
I raised my eyebrows and picked up a rock from the ground. “I will…”
He cried out in horror. “I’ll tell you! I’ll tell you! The King is in the top room of the castle, the one that overlooks the huge garden in the courtyard!”
That was officially the easiest interrogation ever. I grabbed my box and headed up the stairs.