“God loves Mandy and He knows very well how bruised she is right now. We’ve got to trust that He will take care of her, sweetheart. This isn’t like when Becca falls and needs a kiss—I wish it were. This is much more serious. We’ve prayed about spouses for the girls, and I have to believe that God loves them enough to give them the best.”
These were comforting words on which to fall asleep, words that Mandy could have used as she slowly turned the pages of the diary and read in bed by lamplight.
She could almost see the change in her mother as she turned the pages. Carefree and in love, raising a little girl. Then maturing into a woman who wonders where her husband is and how she’ll ever get over having to bury one of her babies. As the picture on the dresser faded into the woman Mandy grew up with, she knew she had to put the book down.
She tried to pray in the darkness then, wanting to thank God that He’d saved her and to praise Him for His love. Other nights she would have gone on to ask God to save Levi, Clovis, and Becca. She would also have asked for wisdom and a daily thirst for the Word, but tonight her mind could only conjure up one image and that was the face of Ross Beckett.
“I love you, Ross.” The words were said into her pillow as sleep came over her. She wished it were Ross’ ears hearing them.
“Your deal, Aaron.”
“Aaron, are you in the game?”
Aaron Marks took up the cards without comment and began to deal. The hope that a card game would divert his thoughts hadn’t worked. He was losing money hand over fist and his mood was growing blacker by the second.
Something was not quite right, he was sure. There was some loose end that was going to trip him up, and until he found out what it was he would not rest.
A sudden memory of Mandy Jackson standing in front of the shack came to mind. She was holding a small book. He’d bet plenty it was something she’d taken from inside. He played around with the idea of having the sheriff go after it but quickly ruled it out. The man was a bleeding heart and could not be bought. In Marks’ estimation that made him worthless.
No, he’d have to get his hands on the book himself. He could use another look at those papers too. Last time he’d been in too much of a hurry and only took the letter. His attention suddenly turned back to the game, and he won the hand.
He had a course of action now, he thought with a smile, and everything would be fine.
44
“When do you expect the girls?” Preston asked as he took another sip of coffee.
“This evening. Si and Amy are taking a late train for Neillsville. Amy said they would spend tomorrow with her dad before heading off on their own.”
“Will Carrie go to school tomorrow?”
“She’ll walk with Mark’s girls. Then Mandy and I will go to work. I know Carrie will want to stay away from school since it’s the end of the week, but I don’t feel right about that.”
“When will Silas and Amy be back?”
“Monday night, or maybe afternoon. Cora spoils you, Preston. This lunch was wonderful.” The words were deliberately spoken as Preston’s ancient-looking housekeeper and cook came in to serve dessert. In exchange for her compliment, Emily was given a toothless grin before the old woman shuffled out of the room.
“She’s one of a kind—I’ll give her that. I can’t think what would happen to her if I didn’t need her anymore.” The words lay between them, feeling like a rushing river, frightening to cross.
“I’m an old woman, Preston, set in my ways.” Emily spoke quietly, honestly.
“And I wouldn’t change a thing about you.” The expression on his face made the words a promise.
“I believe you wouldn’t. What I can’t believe is that you don’t want someone young, someone who could give you years of companionship.”
“I believe we would have years together, but if it was only six months Emily, it would be worth every second.”
She slid her hand along the table top then, and Preston’s fingers closed over hers. “Will you join the girls and me for supper on Saturday night?”
“I’d love to,” he said with a smile.
“Why don’t you bring Peter and Ross.”
“Peter plans to go to Reedsburg for the weekend to see his folks, but I’ll ask Ross.”
“Something tells me he’ll jump at the chance.”
“How’s my little Robyn bird?” Silas swung his niece up into his arms and nuzzled her neck. She giggled, looking down at Levi and Clovis.
“You’re sleepin’ in my room and I’m sleepin’ in with Mama.”
“Hi, boys,” Mac came out of the house toward the wagon. He lifted a small traveling bag from the back, and told the boys they had about half an hour before supper.
Levi and Clovis started off with Charlie. Silas put Robyn down and grabbed them to him.
“Have fun, and I’ll see you sometime Monday.”
“Do we walk home with Charlie or go to our house?”
“Come here to Mac’s.” He hugged and kissed each one and then sent them off with a gentle tap to their backsides.
Mac and Silas watched as the three boys disappeared around the corner of the house with Robyn in hot pursuit.
“I don’t think there will be any trouble, but you do what you have to, Mac.”
“I’m sure we’ll be fine.” Mac laughed as Silas stood gripped with indecision. “Si, they’re going to be fine. Julia and I have a little experience with boys, and we’ll handle whatever comes up.”
Thanking his brother-in-law, Silas headed for home to get all his girls before heading to town. They were ready so the wagon was loaded swiftly. Amy laughed at Becca, who was unable to sit still on the seat in her enthusiasm.
Susanne was treated to the same look Mac had seen as Becca barely took time to be hugged good-bye. Silas stared after her skipping feet and flying pigtails, bereft.
“It’s pretty hard to lose out to cousins and dolls, isn’t it, Silas?” Sue’s soft words were spoken in kindness, not teasing.
“I guess I think they’re not going to survive the weekend without us. But we do need to get away, and once we’re on the train I’ll be fine.”
“Don’t forget that if something comes up we can go for Mandy.”
“Thanks, Sue.” Silas was grateful for her words. In the next minute he was back in the wagon where Amy and the older girls waited. Then they were on their way to his grandmother’s.
“Have a good time,” she told them.
“Thanks Gram, we’ll be back sometime Monday.”
“If for some reason you’re held up, we’ll be just fine.”
“Well, girls,” Grandma Em spoke as they watched Silas and Amy walk toward the train station, “I’ve got supper started. Why don’t you take your things up and pick out bedrooms?”
“Can we stay in that green room I was in the other day?”
“That’s fine, Mandy. That was Christine’s room when she lived with me, before she and Luke were married. Carrie, you can take the other room if you like. There’s a crib in there but it’s still comfortable.”
“I’ll sleep in with Mandy. We have separate rooms at home, and I kind of miss our talks at night.”
“You never told me that, Carrie,” Mandy said as they started inside. “You know you can come in anytime.”
Grandma Em, with a smile on her face, listened to them talk their way up the stairs. This was going to be a fun weekend.
The three of them had just finished the dishes when Ross knocked at the door. His plans to get out to Silas’ sometime that week had fallen through. He hoped Amanda had brought the papers.
“Hi, Ross,” Carrie answered the door and opened it wide for him to enter.
“Hi, Carrie. Is Amanda here?”
“She’s in the kitchen.”
“Who is it, Carrie? Oh, Ross, come in.” Grandma Em came from the direction of the kitchen. “We’ve just finished eating, but I can fix you a plate if you’re hungry.”
“No, thank you,
I’ve eaten. Amanda was supposed to bring me a document from her mother’s papers.”
“She’s in the kitchen. Why don’t you go in and ask her?”
45
Mandy’s stomach had begun to churn at the sound of Ross’ voice and became downright queasy as he headed into the kitchen.
She had not forgotten the papers he had asked to see, but she had forgotten that she told him she would be here Thursday night. Mentally she was preparing herself for seeing him on Sunday, and now he was headed her way. She looked around the pantry where she stood and wished she could just shut the door and have him go away.
“Hello.”
“Hi, Ross,” she spoke casually as she turned away from the shelf and wondered how her voice could sound so normal. “Are you here about the papers?”
Superficially, yes, he wanted to say. But the real reason I’m here is because knowing you were so close made it impossible to stay away.
Aloud he said, “Did you remember them?”
“They’re upstairs. I’ll run and get them.”
But Ross did not step out of her way, and Mandy couldn’t stop her eyes from meeting his. It was a mistake.
“I had a busy week, but you were never far from my thoughts.”
Mandy wordlessly shook her head, as though trying to deny his words.
“You can’t run from me forever, Amanda. We need to talk.”
“I don’t think I can.”
Ross felt defeat wash over him as her eyes filled with tears.
“Please don’t cry, Amanda.”
“I can’t help it, and if you don’t want to watch you’d better leave!”
It was the first time she had ever sounded the least bit cross with him, and he realized how selfish it was to ask someone not to cry. It was as if he were saying, “Your tears distress me and I don’t want to be troubled by them.”
Ross closed the small space between them and took her into his arms. Mandy tipped her head back to look up at him, and Ross bent his.
“Mandy?” It was Carrie’s voice, from a discreet distance away from the doorway. It stopped Ross cold. “Are you okay, Mandy?”
Ross released her and Mandy took a step back. Her voice shook as she spoke, but what she was thinking had to be said.
“We can be friends, Ross, at least I hope we can, but do not touch me again unless you’re ready to make up your mind. My heart can’t take it.”
“What makes you think I haven’t made up my mind?”
She looked him square in the eye as she answered. “A man in love would have kissed me just now. You were relieved that Carrie interrupted us—I could feel it in the way your arms relaxed. A man in love would have wanted that kiss as much as I did. Any privacy, no matter how scant, would have been enough to continue.” She pushed her way past him, saying as she did, that she would bring him the papers.
You were relieved that Carrie interrupted us.
Ross set the bundle of papers aside. How excited he had been at the prospect of finding some loophole in Marks’ document, but now that he had everything laid out, he couldn’t concentrate on a single word.
Amanda had said she did not have time to sort through the papers, so she’d brought the whole bundle. Ross had come across old news clippings and a few letters, all from Amanda’s father to her mother. The document was there, signed just as Amanda said it was, but Ross was too emotionally worn to do any research.
He’d been wrong to hold her. He knew that now. And she was right—he hadn’t made up his mind. There was something missing, something that was holding him back. With Sarah it had all felt so right, but there hadn’t been the heartstopping, breathless reaction to just being near each other that there was with Amanda.
It didn’t feel so right and comfortable with Amanda. When he was with her he felt as if his world was out of kilter. And when he wasn’t with her he felt like part of him was missing.
Maybe he was really supposed to talk to her about Christ and nothing more. Ross set the papers on his bedside table and blew out the lamp. Things were going to be quiet when Pete left for the weekend. Ross usually fell asleep to the sound of his snoring coming through the wall, as it was now.
“Don’t ever forget, Ross, God is the creator of love and marriage.” These had been Grandma Em’s words when he was in a quandary over Sarah. “You must consult with Him about your future mate because He already has someone picked out for you.”
Ross, feeling drained of spirit and will, slid out of bed and to his knees on the floor. His burden was lifted as he gave Amanda to God as well as any future plans God had for him, with or without her. When he finally climbed back between the sheets, he fell asleep trusting that God was in control and that His infinite love for both him and Amanda would guide and shield them in the days to come.
“Luke, what is it?”
“I thought I heard something.”
“At the barn?”
“No, toward Si’s.”
Husband and wife stood at the open bedroom window and looked across at the empty house. The oaks that gave privacy to Silas and Amy’s house had lost most of their leaves, giving a clearer view of the two-story structure, but also allowing the moon to cast eerie shadows on the white paint.
“I guess it was just the wind. I’ll go over and check on things in the morning.”
They went back to bed then, and when a horse and rider eventually moved slowly away from the shadows of the oaks, Luke and Christine were sleeping too soundly to hear.
46
It was late in the afternoon on Saturday and Grandma Em, Mandy, and Carrie had been hard at work for hours. Grandma Em couldn’t stop thanking the girls, telling them repeatedly how long it would have taken her to do the fall canning alone.
Mandy lifted the lid on a pot of boiling apples. The steam dampened her hair and put even more color in her already flushed cheeks.
“Okay, Carrie, I’m ready for the jars.”
“Is this the last of it?”
“Yep.”
Not much later, Preston was at the door with three bouquets of flowers.
“Thank you,” Carrie breathed in awe. “Aren’t they pretty, Mandy?”
“They’re beautiful. Thank you, Mr. Culver.”
“You’re welcome, ladies.”
The girls took their flowers to the kitchen for water, and Preston looked at Emily, who had remained silent. Her smile nearly stretched off her face, and her eyes thanked him in a way that made words unnecessary.
“I take it I did the right thing?”
“You did the right thing.”
“Good.” He smiled back at her. She reached for his arm as they walked back to the kitchen.
“If the smell in here is any indication, you ladies are very good cooks.”
“Hello,” Ross called from the porch, and very shortly all five of them were gathered around the kitchen table enjoying chicken and dumplings.
Conversation was light and if Ross and Mandy were not as comfortable as they once would have been, it did not dampen anyone’s spirits or detract from the delicious meal.
Coffee was served on the front porch as a lovely breeze blew away any remaining mosquitoes. Grandma Em and Preston had the younger people laughing with stories from their days as kids.
“We were such rascals,” Preston began as the evening neared an end. “I remember when I was about ten we decided to put a snake in the teacher’s desk. Well, I was the idea man, and none of the other boys ever seemed to notice that I came up with the plans but never got my hands dirty, so to speak.
“Well, I was the delegator on this job and for a very good reason: I’m scared to death of snakes, always have been. Well, I instructed a particular boy to find the snake, and set the time everyone was to meet at the schoolhouse. Then under the guise of watching for the teacher, I stayed well away from the actual snake handling.
“It was ’long about mid-morning and I guess we weren’t very bright, because it never occurred to us that the snake co
uld get out of the desk. The teacher had opened her desk several times and still there was no scream.
“I remember it was right in the middle of spelling. Faith Lambert, the best speller in class, was up front, and I looked down to find our snake curled up, calm as you please, right next to my foot.
“I came out of my chair as though my pants were on fire and nearly jumped into the lap of the kid in the next desk. It didn’t take long for the teacher to catch on for whom the snake was meant, and she knew who the instigator had been. At the time, I didn’t recognize the look, but I realize now what a terrible time she had keeping a straight face when she said there would be no punishment because she was sure I’d learned my lesson. I thought the other guys would never let me live it down.”
Everyone had tears of laughter on their faces as they pictured the dignified Preston Culver jumping through the air in fear of a snake.
“You wouldn’t get along very well with Levi, Mr. Culver,” Mandy told him. “He loves snakes. The last one he found he named Henry and wanted to keep it in the house. I thought Amy was going to faint.”
“And I thought Silas would be in a heap of trouble,” Carrie added. “He laughed about the whole thing after the boys went outside. Amy wasn’t very happy with him. She made Mandy check the boys’ pockets for days after that.”
The evening was a great success, and the girls went up to bed tired but content. Mandy had resigned herself to the fact that there would be no future for her and Ross. And with that knowledge, she prayed constantly about getting over him. The evening had gone better than she’d hoped. He had been kind without being too personal. He’d obviously come to the same conclusion as she.
At first she was sorry he was coming to supper but then the practical side of her emerged and she knew she’d be seeing him at family functions for a long time. There was no use in putting off the inevitable.
“Mandy, I forgot to tell you—I’m sorry if I interrupted anything Thursday night between you and Ross.”