But Alison knew good and well why she’d overslept. Because she’d spent the entire night either staring at the ceiling or the alarm clock, agonizing over what had happened. Toward morning, she’d dozed for short periods, but every time she did, images of the way he’d kissed her, of the way his hands had felt on her body assailed her. She wasn’t sure which was worse—the disturbing realization that she’d liked it or the knowledge that it could never happen again.
Standing next to the stove, she closed her eyes at the memory, felt a hot flush creep into her cheeks. She simply couldn’t believe what she’d done. One kiss, she could understand. After all, she liked and respected Drew. She’d known him for six years; they were friends. He was a good man. He was attractive.
But last night had changed everything and set them adrift in uncharted waters. How on earth was she supposed to handle this? For God’s sake, he’d been her husband’s best friend. He’d been her friend. That was all she wanted him to be. And yet a part of her wanted more. A whole lot more.
She could still feel the insistent pressure of his mouth against hers. Still smell the subtle, out-of-doors scent of his aftershave. She could still feel the way his hands caressed her body. The way he’d lifted her and stepped between her legs and opened her. The ensuing heat had burned as if she’d been on fire. She couldn’t ever remember aching like that. He’d given her one of the most explosive orgasms she’d ever had in her life. The rightness of it warred with the innate wrongness. That war had torn at her throughout the night. Still tore at her. Like a gale wind at a tattered sail, and a boat careening out of control...
The sound of the doorbell jolted her. Gasping, her heart slamming hard against her ribs, Alison spun. The egg in her hand slipped. She made a sound of disgust as it splattered on the floor at her feet. Suddenly she was aware of Kevin’s toast burning. She crossed to the toaster and flipped it up, but the bread popped up blackened and smoking.
The doorbell rang again. Glancing down at the egg on the tile, she crossed to the paper towel holder and yanked off two sheets, only to have the back of her hand knock over the carton of milk. She tried to keep the carton from falling, but she wasn’t fast enough and it went over the side of the counter and hit the floor, spattering milk all over the cabinets and her ankles on impact.
“Damn it,” she muttered.
“Mommy, I can’t find my sneakers.” Kevin walked into the kitchen shirtless and shoeless, looking adorable in his Spider-Man undies and little white socks. He stopped just inside the door, his gaze falling to the mess. “How come there’s a egg on the floor?”
“An egg,” she corrected. “And it’s there because Mommy’s got ten thumbs this morning.”
“Ten thumbs?” He looked at her hands. “Nuh-uh.”
She sighed when the doorbell rang again. “Your sneakers are in the utility room because I washed them. Don’t forget to put on a T-shirt.”
“’Kay.”
Taking the paper towels with her, she rushed out of the kitchen to the front door. Her nerves sizzled as she crossed the foyer and reached for the knob. Closing her eyes briefly, she took a deep breath then swung open the door.
Drew stood on the porch with his hands in the pockets of faded, cutoff jeans that were stretched snugly over lean hips. He wore a blue T-shirt that was just tight enough for her to see the outline of rock-hard abs and a chest that was rounded with muscle. The cap he wore touted “Water Flight Tours” and he wore it with the brim turned backward. He looked like a man about to embark on a serious fishing expedition.
Alison stared at him, aware that her pulse was pounding. For some reason her mouth had gone bone dry, and for the life of her she couldn’t think of a single thing to say that didn’t have to do with chiseled lips or stormy blue eyes or a scowl that was a lot more appealing than it should have been.
Lord have mercy, Drew Evans was an attractive man. Why on earth hadn’t she noticed that before? It wasn’t like after six years that fact should suddenly shock her. But it did—right down to her toes.
Alison knew better than to let the sight of all that male beauty shake her. Damn it, she was already shaken enough remembering what had happened between them the night before. She was so shaken up, in fact, she hadn’t even been able to pull off making her son’s breakfast without turning the kitchen into a disaster zone.
Still, her eyes were drawn to him, past broad shoulders and a flat stomach to a part of his anatomy she did not want to think about. The shorts came to mid-thigh and she found her eyes taking in the powerful-looking muscles and sprinkling of black hair....
“Good morning,” she said a little too quickly, and a whole lot breathlessly. “You’re early.”
He frowned slightly, looking at her from behind aviator’s sunglasses, and she found herself wishing desperately that she could see his eyes. Just so she would know what he was thinking. Not that she’d ever been able to get inside Drew Evans’s mind. But she had a pretty good idea what he was thinking about this morning—the same thing she was—and the memory brought a hot blush to her cheeks.
Because she didn’t know what else to say, she stepped aside. “Come in.”
He hesitated.
“I was just fixing Kevin some breakfast. Would you like some? It won’t take five minutes for me to whip up some eggs and toast.” Oh, God, she was blabbering. How was she supposed to fix this man breakfast when her hands were shaking so badly, all she seemed capable of was breaking eggs and spilling milk? “Would you like some scrambled eggs and toast?”
“Ah, no thanks. I already ate.”
Turning away, she started toward the kitchen aware that her legs were shaking, that her pulse was pounding and that her every sense was honed on the man behind her.
“Where’s Kevin?” he asked.
“Putting on his sneakers.” She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry he’s not ready to go yet. We overslept.”
“No problem.”
She entered the kitchen, went directly to the refrigerator and chose another egg. Drew paused at the doorway. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him looking down at the broken egg and spilled milk and wished she’d taken the time to clean them. She didn’t want him to get the wrong idea.
At the stove, she turned on the flame and cracked the egg. Once it started sizzling, she stooped to clean up the broken one.
“Alison, about last night—”
“Don’t apologize,” she blurted, scooping the yolk into the paper towel.
He sighed. “I didn’t mean for that to happen. I’m sorry.”
Relieved that she had something to do besides look at him, she concentrated on sopping up the egg and ordered her nerves to settle. “It happened. We’ll deal with it.”
“Alison—”
She turned to him. “Drew, we’re adults—”
“I think we ought to cool it for a while after today.”
That wasn’t what she’d been expecting him to say. She tried desperately to look nonchalant as she tossed the soiled towel into the trash and dropped two pieces of bread into the toaster. “What do you mean?”
“I mean I’ll take Kevin fishing today and show him a good time, but I think maybe it would be best if you and I didn’t see each other for a while.”
“And you came to this conclusion because...”
“Because last night got out of hand. Way out of hand.” He glanced toward the door, looking uncomfortable for the first time despite the sunglasses. “I don’t want that kind of relationship with you.”
Hurt tangled with humiliation and plunged through her like a knife. For several heartbeats, she couldn’t get enough oxygen into her lungs to speak. When she did, her voice shook. “Exactly what kind of relationship do you think we should have?”
“I’d like to stay friends. Damn it, I mean that. I care about you. And I care about Kevin. A lot. But I can’t let it go any further than that.”
“Do I have any say in the matter? I mean, last time I checked I was over twenty-one a
nd I have been widowed for over four years now.”
He flinched, but he didn’t look away. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Maybe I want you to say what you feel.”
“I just did.”
She felt herself recoil, but for the life of her couldn’t say if it was physical or purely emotional. All she knew was that it was powerful and she felt it all the way to her core. “Have you come to this conclusion because of what happened to Rick?”
He looked down at his sneakers and took a deep breath as if to fortify himself. “This has nothing to do with Rick. This has to do with me.”
Liar, she thought, but didn’t say the words. What could she say? Maybe he was right. Maybe she was lonely and pathetic and he honestly didn’t want to get involved with her. Or maybe, amazingly, she had done her grieving and was ready to move on with her life. Maybe Drew hadn’t been able to do that.
The thought shook her so profoundly that she didn’t know what to say or do next. All she knew was that Drew Evans was a good man. A man she cared for deeply. A man she was very much attracted to. A man who wanted absolutely nothing to do with her on a personal level because he was still dealing with the loss of his best friend.
“Mommy, I got my shoestring in a knot!” Kevin blew into the kitchen like a little tornado, then skidded to a halt just in time to keep himself from stepping into the growing puddle of milk. “Hey, how come there’s milk all over the floor?” Without waiting for a reply, he launched himself at Drew. “Drew!”
“Hey, sprout!” Drew said, wrapping his arms around the little boy. “Are you ready to catch some big ones?”
“Yeah!” Kevin spread his arms as wide as they would go. “This big!”
“You got a hook that big?”
Kevin looked troubled for a moment. “I have to bring my own hook?”
Chuckling, Drew released him and the little boy slid to the floor. “I think I’ve got one you can borrow.”
Because she was still shaking inside, Alison turned to the stove and stared blindly down at the egg and began to scramble it. She told herself it was silly to feel so hurt. It wasn’t like she and Drew had a serious relationship or anything. All they’d done was share a couple of brain-melting kisses. But she knew that wasn’t the truth. Last night they’d done a whole lot more than kiss. And she’d felt a hell of a lot more than she’d intended.
Without looking at either male, she crossed to the toaster and pressed the button. Vaguely, she was aware of Drew kneeling to untie the knot in Kevin’s shoelace. She reached for a paper towel, tore off several and knelt to wipe up the spilled milk.
“Let me get that for you.”
“I’ve got it.”
“Ah, I think the egg is getting overcooked.”
Damn. Damn. Damn! Practically tossing the paper towel at him, Alison rose and crossed to the stove and slid the egg onto a waiting plate. Next to her the toast was just starting to brown, so she popped it up and set two pieces next to the egg and began to butter them.
“White or chocolate milk?” she asked Kevin.
“White.”
She turned toward the opposite counter just as Drew rose from cleaning up the last of the spilled milk. Their eyes met briefly, but Alison couldn’t hold his gaze. Not after what he’d said. Not hurting the way she was.
“Excuse me,” she said.
He stepped aside, but she heard his sigh. Ignoring him as best she could, Alison poured Kevin a glass of milk then carried his plate and glass to the small dining-room table. “Okay, young man, your breakfast is ready.”
“I only want one piece of toast.”
“You’ve got two.”
“But I—”
Bending to kiss him on the top of his head as he sat down at the table, she added, “And they’d better be gone by the time I get your backpack packed or you won’t be going fishing today.”
Alison felt two sets of male eyes on her back as she left the kitchen to stow the asthma medications into Kevin’s backpack. She heard Drew excuse himself, but she didn’t stop until she’d reached Kevin’s room.
“Alison.”
She didn’t look at him. She couldn’t because somehow hurt had transformed into anger. To make matters worse, she felt like a fool. Because she didn’t know how to deal with any of those things, because she didn’t want to, she picked up Kevin’s medications and held them out for him to see.
“If he gets tight, make sure he uses his inhaler.” She held out the small L-shaped tube and the spacer.
Drew glanced at them. “Is the other piece the spacer?”
For a moment she was surprised that he would know what a spacer was. Then she remembered he was an EMT. Of course, he would know about those things. That was one of the reasons she’d agreed to let Kevin go fishing with him in the first place. “Because Kevin is so young, the specialist recommended that we also use a spacer. It helps younger children get the medication into their lungs. One end of the spacer has a mouthpiece that goes into Kevin’s mouth. The inhaler plugs into the other end.” She demonstrated, then handed it to him. “Give it a try.”
Taking both apparatuses from her, he handled them both with the skill of a man who would be capable in an emergency. Trying not to be too impressed, or too relieved, Alison nodded. “I gave him his oral medication about half an hour ago.” She reached for the small brown prescription bottle on the dresser. “If he gets tight, you can give him one more.”
“I don’t think we’ll be out too long.”
“I’d prefer it if he wasn’t out fishing any more than a couple of hours.”
“Sure.” He glanced down at the inhaler and prescription bottle in his hand, then gave her a direct look. “Are you angry about something?”
She raised her brows innocently and gave him a cool look. “Why would I be?”
“Because I’m not very good at...talking about my feelings.”
“I guess that’s one thing we can agree on.”
He frowned. “Alison—”
“You’ve made your position perfectly clear, Drew.” She met his stare. “I get it. All right?”
Turning away from him, she started toward the bedroom door. “The doctor’s number is on the prescription bottle.”
“He’s going to be fine.”
Alison knew that but it didn’t keep her from worrying. “You have my cell phone number.”
“Yeah.”
In the kitchen, Kevin was finishing the last of his milk at the sink, as if he were in a race against time. “I’m almost ready!”
“I think we’ll get there just in time for all the big ones,” Drew said.
Kneeling next to Kevin, Alison opened the container of sunscreen, poured a small amount into her palm and then began rubbing it onto her son’s arms and legs.
“Mommy, I don’t need any of that stuff. It smells funny.”
“No sunscreen, no fishing, young man.”
“Jeez!”
“She’s right, sprout,” Drew put in. “A smart fisherman wears plenty of sunscreen.”
Resigned, Kevin sat quietly while Alison rubbed the white cream into his thighs, forearms and face. When she finished, he slid off the chair and headed directly for the front door. “I’m ready to go, Drew.”
Trying hard to ignore Drew, Alison walked to the doorway and smiled down at her son. She felt as if today were the first day of school and she was one of those overprotective mothers who ended up crying harder than their kids.
“How about a kiss goodbye before you sail out to sea?” she said.
Kevin ran back to her. “Bye, Mommy!”
Kneeling, she took him in her arms and kissed his cheek. “You smell like a coconut.”
“See? That screen stuff smells funny.”
“Be careful today, and please don’t forget to wear your cap, okay?”
“’Kay.”
Alison rose to find Drew already at the door, watching her, his expression inscrutable behind those mirrored lenses. Lookin
g quickly away, she helped Kevin with his backpack and then followed him to the door. Never taking his eyes from her, Drew opened the door. Kevin walked out onto the porch, set down his backpack and began to rummage.
“We’re not finished talking about this,” he said.
It was difficult for her to meet his gaze, but once she did, Alison couldn’t look away. It was as if his gaze held her suspended, like a butterfly pinned to canvas. “I think we’ve said everything that needs to be said.”
“Alison—”
“If you could have him back here by two, I’d appreciate it. I don’t want him to get too much sun or get overtired.”
His jaw muscle flexed, but he didn’t argue. And without so much as another word, he turned to her little boy and they started down the sidewalk toward his truck.
Alison watched them leave, feeling more unsettled than she’d felt in a very long time. She told herself the only reason she felt that way was because of what had happened last night. She’d had a lapse in judgment. Drew was a good enough friend to point it out to her as opposed to letting it become a mistake she would regret for the rest of her life. For goodness’ sake, she should be relieved that things hadn’t gone any further.
But as she closed the door and faced the empty house and the lingering scent of his aftershave, she wondered if she really would have regretted it if it had.
CHAPTER TEN
Drew hated it that she was angry with him. He hated it even more that he’d hurt her. He would rather cut off one of his own fingers than hurt Alison Myers, a woman who had already endured more than her share of pain. As he pulled into the parking lot of the marina, he told himself things were best this way. A little heartache now would save them both a lot of pain later. The knowledge didn’t keep him from feeling like any less of a bastard.
“...right, Drew?”
He glanced over at the little boy on the seat next to him. It was the third time in the last hour Kevin had said something and Drew hadn’t been listening. “What did you say, sprout?”
“I was wondering if you could maybe put the worm on the hook for me.” He looked at Drew with big brown eyes that were so much like Rick’s it hurt to look at him. “I mean, I’m not afraid of worms or anything, but they’re kinda gooey.”