Yeah, she is totally wasted. “Cody’s a smart guy.” I nod thanks at him, before he goes over to Tanner. “And you’re drunk.”
She mumbles something. I wrap my arms around her before I look up. Shane smiles at me, and then takes a hit of his pipe. He’s been sucking on that thing too much. I glance at Drea; she’s sitting on the ground, staring at it.
In a lot of ways, I’ve always been trapped by my life, only I didn’t realize it. Now, I’m trapped in a different way—between the girl in my arms and hurting my friend. There’s no way to stop the hurt without losing Virginia. Maybe it makes me weak, but I tackle the Shane thing instead because it’s easier. “Gimme your pipe.”
“Huh?” he replies.
“Give it to me. You’re smoking too much. Your eyes are redder than the fire.”
He rolls them at me but hands it over, and a baggie, which I stick into my pocket.
“Look at you, being all responsible now.”
“Asshole,” I tease him.
Words vibrate against my chest. “I need to pee.”
“That’s what happens when you down a cup of alcohol like it’s nothing. Come on. I’ll take you to find a bathroom.”
The house is so packed full of people, it’s hard to get through. I want out of the place. Want to take Virginia home, even if it’s not to mine. She doesn’t belong here.
Once we find the bathroom, she goes in and I wait outside the door for her. My brain is cluttered with all these thoughts and I can’t seem to push them the hell out. I can’t figure out why Virginia wanted to get drunk tonight. If it’s because she thinks that’s what I want, or if I’m a bad influence on her. It just doesn’t add up.
A few minutes later, she comes out smiling. Let’s get outta here… Instead of saying that, I lead her back the way we came. She wanted to be here with my friends tonight, and I want her to have a good time. But then we step outside, and I can’t stop myself from turning to her and saying, “Hey. Why’d you want to drink? There’s nothing wrong with it, but I want to know. And why did you get pissed at me and leave with Cody?”
She looks down, but with a finger under her chin, I tilt her head back upward.
“It’s just me. I showed you my scars; you can tell me anything.”
Her eyes get glassy, pool with unshed tears. I lean against the house, away from everyone, taking her with me.
“I’m sorry. I screwed up the whole night. I wasn’t mad at you… I was scared. I told you I want to go back to your house, and I do want to go, but then I got freaked because it’s big… Really big. I didn’t even want to date in high school, and now I’m with you, and—”
“Hey, I don’t expect anything from you. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do. It’s…you make me...”
“COPS!” someone yells from the front of the house.
My heart drops to my feet.
Virginia’s eyes go wide.
I have to get her out of here. “Come on, Virginia, let’s go.” There is no way she’s going to pass a breathalyzer. Fuck. I’m going to get her in trouble. This girl who needs order and stability, and I’m going to screw it up for her.
Grabbing her hand, I run. She stumbles a little. I’m sure it’s hard to run in her tight dress, but thankfully it’s short. “Come on, boss lady. You got this. Let’s go.” We climb the fence. I drop to the other side and then reach for her, helping her over. People are yelling, running, bodies everywhere. I don’t know where my friends are right now, I just have to hope they can get themselves out of here.
“It’ll be okay. I promise. I won’t let you get caught.” Our hands are latched again and I start running with her. It’s dark as hell out. We’re in the woods behind the house. Part of me thinks this is a terrible idea because we could get lost, but I can’t risk her getting caught, either.
Voices are everywhere. The stomp of feet. Sporadic bursts of light as though someone is running with flashlights. I highly doubt anyone at the party had a flashlight with them.
My chest burns from how far and fast we run. I know Virginia has to be feeling the same. And she’s in a dress. At least she changed her shoes.
“Ryder… I’m…scared. My…dad…will…freak.” She can hardly speak, we’re running so hard.
“It’s cool. I’ll find us a place to hide. We’ll be okay.” I told her I would take care of her, and I will.
I almost trip a dozen times. Finally, I find this little wall of rocks, hidden by a bunch of trees. I duck behind them with Virginia as she struggles to catch her breath.
“Oh my God. Dad. Mom. School. What if Stanford finds out? Can I lose my scholarship? This was stupid. Why did I do this? It was reckless…reckless. It was Mom.”
She’s rocking back and forth. I don’t know what most of what she just said means, but I hear the panic in her voice. It punches my heart over and over. “You’ll be okay. We’re good,” I whisper. It’s quiet, no one else around us. I don’t know what way everyone went or who got caught.
And then I see lights far away, and coming closer. Hear voices that I know don’t belong to anyone who was drinking at that party. Virginia gasps. Squeezes my hand.
“Who’s out there!” a cop yells. “Come out, hands where we can see them.”
We’re fucked. No, I am.
“Here.” I shove my phone into her hand. “The second we’re gone, you call Shane. He’ll come get you. He’ll find you. If he doesn’t answer the first time, call Tanner or Cody. If they don’t, call Luke. They’ll find you, I promise.”
I would trust any of them with my life…even my brother. My brother, who is going to kill me.
“What? No!” She shakes her head.
The voices get closer. “You’re going to get caught if I don’t. It’s not a big deal. I haven’t even been drinking. I promise.”
I press a quick kiss to her lips. “Call them the second we’re gone. Don’t screw around. All their numbers are there.”
“Ryder!” she whispers, but I ignore her. I stand up and walk away.
“Here, piggy, piggy!” I yell as I run toward the police. It isn’t long before they’re surrounding me, searching me, locking handcuffs on my wrists.
And then they take me away.
But they don’t go out and find Virginia.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
~Virginia~
Shane answers on the first ring. “You guys make it out, man?”
“It’s me, Lulu—I mean, Virginia. We had to run, and then Ryder got caught. He gave me his phone and said to call you.”
Shane curses. “Where are you?”
From then on out, it’s as though I’m watching or listening to everything happen. I tell them the woods, but I don’t know where. They’re out here, too, and we get off the phone and they call it until they find me. It takes an hour. The whole time I’m thinking about Ryder, angry at myself for letting him go; but it happened so fast, I was so scared I just didn’t know what to do.
Cody reaches me first. I let him hug me and try not to cry on him. It’s hard because he feels like a friend.
He’s the one who drives when we get to Shane’s car, because he’s the only one who is completely sober.
“I can’t believe he parked his car at the party. He’s usually smarter than that.”
Shane hadn’t parked right by the house.
Everyone is talking and trying to figure out what to do. It’s making my head hurt, my vision go blurry. I just want to get to Ryder and make sure he’s safe.
“How did he get caught?” Tanner asks.
“It was so fast. We were hiding and they were closing in on us. He just gave me his phone, told me to call Shane, and ran toward them.”
“And you let him go?!” Drea yells. “What the hell?”
My eyes pinch closed, as though that will change everything. “You think I don’t know it was stupid? I was scared. I’ve never done something like this before, and I’d been drinking. I wasn’t thinking! It all happened so fast and—
”
“Exactly the reason you don’t need to hang out with us,” Drea spats.
“Dre, lay off her,” Shane says as Cody asks, “Where am I going, guys? To get Luke?”
“Of course you take her side,” Drea counters.
It’s all getting louder and louder. A chalkboard inside my head with a thousand nails scratching it. There once was a girl named Fear…Weak…Reckless…
“Are you kidding me right now? I always have your back, Dre. Always.”
Tanner jumps in before she can reply to Shane. “Can you guys save this for later? It’s just making things worse.”
The car gets silent as though everyone knows Shane is about to drop a bomb. “Shit! He had my weed on him! Do you know if he remembered to dump it?”
My heart tries to climb up my throat. I drop my head against the seat, my silence saying everything.
“Luke is going to kill him. He’s been arrested twice…” Shane states what we already know.
And it’s my fault. Why did I let him go? Why did I drink? If I hadn’t, none of this would have happened. My stupid decision got Ryder in trouble. This isn’t me. I’m not supposed to make rash, irresponsible decisions like this.
“Take me home,” tumbles out of my mouth.
“Are you kidding me? Ryder gets arrested for you and you want us to take you home?” Drea shouts.
“Shut up! I know you don’t like me, but you’re not helping anything! Take me home, Cody. Now. My dad, he’s a lawyer. He’ll help.”
It doesn’t matter that I’ll get in trouble, that he won’t trust me. What matters is Ryder.
Cody curses, but it’s Shane who says, “Ryder is going to kick my ass for this. Let’s go to her house, Cody.”
It takes close to ten years to get home. The second Cody pulls up in the driveway I’m out of the car and running for my house. “Dad!” I yell as soon as I get inside.
“Daddy!” I scream again as I take the stairs. Dad’s jumping out of bed by the time I push his door open.
“Lulu? What’s wrong?” His voice is higher pitched and faster paced than usual. “Are you okay?”
I can only imagine how I look. There’s dirt all over me, my dress is ripped and my hair a mess. “Yes, but it’s Ryder. I need your help. Please, I need you to help him.”
He learns almost everything right then, standing in the middle of his bedroom in the dim light of his lamp.
Dad sits on the bed, not looking at me. “Let me get this straight, Lulu. You not only lied to me about where you were staying tonight and about having a date to the dance, but you’ve also been lying for weeks. You’re dating a boy from another town who we know nothing about. You went to a party tonight, got drunk, and now you want me to go and help the boy who got you to lie about everything? Oh, and who also might have had drugs on him?”
Before he even finished, my head was already shaking. “It wasn’t his, and he didn’t get me to lie. He didn’t know I told you I was going to Jamie’s. He wanted to meet you.” When Dad’s eyes meet mine, it’s me who turns away, unable to hold his stare. “It was my choice. I know you’re not judgmental, but I was scared…scared if you met him, you wouldn’t let me see him.”
“That’s not selling me on him, Lulu.”
“But it wasn’t his fault! Ryder didn’t want me to drink in the first place. He sacrificed himself for me. He ran to the cops so I wouldn’t be in trouble for being drunk. I shouldn’t have let him because he’s been arrested before and—”
“He’s been arrested before?” Dad pushes to his feet. “This keeps getting better and better!”
It’s then I realize I messed up even worse. Dad isn’t going to help him, and he’s not going to let me see Ryder anymore, either. “Please.” I go to him. Hug him. “I’m sorry I lied, so sorry, but it’s not Ryder’s fault. He’s made some mistakes, but he’s had a hard life, and he wants to be better. He’s trying to be better. He knew he would get into more trouble than I would tonight, but he did it for me. You’re the one who told me people make mistakes, that they deserve second chances. You’re the one who said what matters is the kind of person someone is, and he’s a good guy. He was raised badly, but he and his brother are trying to overcome it. He…I don’t feel so alone when I’m with him.”
Dad sucks in a deep breath. “Why do you feel alone?”
“I don’t know…”
And now he’s holding me tighter. His nightshirt is wet from my tears. I don’t know how long we stay there before Dad speaks. “I can’t make you any promises. I’m not sure there’s much I can do anyway. It’s probably a pretty cut and dry charge, but I’ll make some calls and go see what information I can get; but you’re not getting off easy here, Lulu. We’re going to have a big talk about what’s going on with you. Your mother and I will have to decide how we feel about you seeing this boy, and…you’re not going to be able to avoid your mom anymore. I want you to spend a weekend with her, maybe more than one weekend. It’s time you start acting like an adult.”
A weekend with my mom. Amelia. Mom. Even worse than that, I might not be able to see him again. My chest caves in the weight is so heavy.
But Dad will help Ryder, that’s what matters. “Okay, whatever you want. I’ll do it.”
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
~Ryder~
Virginia’s dad sits across the table from me at the juvenile detention center. Her dad. My hands shake, the bad kind again, but now I’m wondering if they’re all bad.
“It wasn’t her fault, sir. It was a party with my friends. I’m the one who wanted to go.”
“That’s funny, because she said the same thing about you.” He pushes his glasses up his nose. “The main charge is trespassing. The owner of the home didn’t know the party was taking place there. We could try and say you hadn’t been there since they didn’t find you on the property, but your brother’s car was found there. You had a pipe and marijuana in your possession. It was less than an ounce, which is good, but with your record, trespassing, and all things considered, I’m positive they would get a conviction.
“I got them to give you community service and probation if you plead guilty. You can choose to go to court, but remember, this is your third offense. We’re lucky they’re overworked and the homeowner isn’t pushing it, otherwise this offer wouldn’t even be on the table. If I hadn’t been here tonight, I doubt they would have even offered it.”
Luke sighs from next to me.
“Yeah…yeah, okay. I’ll do that.” If it keeps her out of trouble and her dad off her back, it’s worth it. It’s not like what they said isn’t true anyway. I did all the things Mr. Nichols said.
And she went to him…she went to him to help me. Who does shit like that? Her dad trusted her; pretty much gave her free reign, and now that’s going to end. Plus, now he knows she’s with me. Virginia did that for me.
It’s the first time someone other than my friends, didn’t just bail on me.
“I’ll be right back, then.” Her dad stands and walks out of the room. The second he does, Luke spits fire at me.
“What the hell were you thinking, Ryder? You took her to a party? You went to get high when you knew you had my car with you and that you needed to drive? You got Virginia drunk?”
“Yep.” I lean back in my chair and cross my arms.
I could tell him that I would have rather taken Virginia home that night than go to the party.
I could tell him I didn’t want her to drink.
That I stayed sober myself, and the weed hadn’t been mine.
That I know I fucked up, and I would do anything to take it back. I don’t want to be the guy who has to run with Virginia through the woods so she doesn’t get arrested.
I want to be more.
But it doesn’t matter anyway, so I say none of it. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that the only thing that matters in life is what you do, not what you wanted to do.
“Jesus, Ry, I trusted you. I had to pay to get my car out
of impound. We’re lucky Virginia’s dad is helping you at all—”
“Lucky? I don’t want his fucking help, man. The only reason I’m taking it is because of her. I would rather he didn’t know all this shit!” Him knowing makes it more real. The truth is, she would have never gone to a party like that if it wasn’t for me. She never would have gotten drunk and almost arrested, either. It doesn’t matter if I wanted to go to that party or not, it’s still my fault.
“Just leave it alone, Luke. I’ll get a job and pay you back for the dance and your car. We can go back to you not trusting me, to make it easier on both of us.”
This time he doesn’t tell me he’d rather I not work and focus on school. My brother just sits in the chair and pretends I didn’t speak to him.
We both do that until Virginia’s dad comes back in. He has paperwork to sign, which I do. Luke makes it out the door before I stop. “Just a sec, man.” Not giving my brother a chance to reply, I close the door—him on the outside, me on the inside.
“I just…” I push my hands into my pockets. “She wouldn’t have been there if it wasn’t for me.”
Her dad leans against the table. “I know that, which is why I’m going to ask you not to see her again for a while. I’m not stupid. She’s almost eighteen, and I know there’s really nothing I can do to stop her, but Lulu is going through a lot. She might not realize it—hell, I’m not even sure I realized it—but she is, and it’s only going to get worse. My daughter has always had a good head on her shoulders. Kids make mistakes, I get that, but it’s also my job to protect her to the best of my ability, and at this point, I’m not sure approving of your relationship with her is doing that.”
His words cement everything I’ve always known, show me my destiny carved into the walls of ancient pyramids that have been around for thousands of years.
Just like Dad always knew, and just like Luke did, too, I’m built to be at the opposite end of the scale from people like Virginia and even my brother. The one that keeps the balance between people like them who will do good things and people like me who won’t.