“No shit.” My legs tremble a little as I ease toward her. Water pools at my ankles. Don’t fucking break. Please don’t collapse.
“Be careful,” she says.
It only takes me a few steps to reach her. The wood bends beneath my feet as I lean forward to grab her. “Are you cut or anything?”
The light from her phone shines on her as she shakes her head. The first thing I notice is how wide and green her eyes are, and stupidly, I wonder if they’re always that big or just because she’s scared to death.
“Put your arms around my neck.” She does. I wrap mine around her and pull her out. She’s shivering and soaking wet. “You’re cool. I got you.” The words come out automatically, when I really want to ask her what the hell she was thinking.
I manage to get her free, just as more water comes in. I’m wet from the knees down. The wood bows with each step I take, old screws and bolts giving way. My heart is going crazy, a wild drumbeat.
The second I step into the sand, far enough away that the water doesn’t touch us, I let out a deep breath and set her down.
And then I’m pissed. “What the fuck was that? Are you trying to kill yourself?”
The moon is bright tonight, shining down on her. The fear in her eyes warps into something else. Anger, maybe? “What? No! I would never do that. I just…” She looks down. “I just wanted to go out there…”
“And the fact that it was closed off didn’t clue you in that it’s not safe?”
“Maybe that was the point,” she mumbles, whatever that means.
“So you weren’t trying to kill yourself, but the fact that it wasn’t safe was your point? What are you, some kind of adrenaline junkie?” Yeah, right. Totally doesn’t fit, but whatever her reason, maybe next time she should look for her high where she doesn’t chance someone stumbling upon her and risking themselves.
“Yeah, obviously. That’s me, Lulu the adrenaline junkie. Next time, I’m jumping out of a plane. Do you want to come along?”
I cross my arms, amused for some reason. “You’re not very grateful to someone who just saved your life.” My eyes travel down on autopilot. “Your shirt’s wet. Nice bra.”
Her eyes go big again, and I can tell I’ve scandalized her. This girl definitely isn’t looking for some kind of high. She’s not from around here, either.
Arms on her chest, she whips around. I don’t need to see her face to know she’s embarrassed. What’s the big deal? It’s just a bra. No different than a bikini top. I can’t imagine Drea or any of the girls I know freaking out over that. The urge to laugh hits me, but the shake of her shoulders stops me.
Is she crying?
Fuck.
“I’m not going to hurt you. I just saved your life. Here…” And then, before I know what I’m doing, I’m pulling my hoodie off and handing it to her. She turns just enough to see it. She grabs the sweatshirt before jerking it over her head.
It drowns her as she turns to me again; her face nothing but those big, green eyes that are now tinted red. Her whole body is trembling, her long, light-brown hair soaking. One look at her tells me she’s a rich kid. It’s obvious by her clothes and the way she holds herself.
This is the kind of girl Dad would latch on to. The kind he would trick into giving him what he wanted. She looks like a raccoon, with make-up around her eyes but somehow I know she’s the kind of girl with a whole group of rich-kid friends. Straight A’s, student council president, or whatever it’s called…but there’s something else there, too. Tonight, I think she might be the loneliest girl in the world.
It’s that last thought that makes me shove ideas of what Dad would do out of my head.
“Go home. You don’t belong out here. Warm up, call your friends, write in your diary or whatever you do when you have a bad day. Your world will be perfect again in the morning.”
Her eyes get huge with shock, but whatever. Turning, I start back toward my friends. I’m no more than ten feet away when she speaks. Her voice is steadier than it has been since I saved her when she calls out over the sound of the waves, “No.”
CHAPTER FIVE
~Virginia~
There once was a girl named Fear. Everything scared her, but she couldn’t let anyone know. Maybe if she fought hard enough, she could change her name to Strength. That’s who she wanted to be.
~*~
The guy with the piercings in his bottom lip stops, but doesn’t turn. His pants are baggy, like guys wear. Not the guys at my school, because they’d get kicked out—and honestly, they probably wouldn’t want to anyway. He runs a hand through his messy hair. I shouldn’t have told him no. I should have just let him go and done my own thing. I know he saved me, but that doesn’t mean he gets to tell me what to do. “And thank you. For saving me, I mean.”
At that, he turns around. His eyebrows are pulled together, as though he’s never had someone thank him before. He has this cockiness to him that makes me hate him on principle, but this edge that makes me take a step backward, too.
“It’s only polite that I say thank you. You did save me.” Ugh. What had I been thinking climbing out there? I can’t believe I did that. It was reckless and stupid. I don’t do things that are reckless and stupid. I’d just wanted…I don’t even know what I wanted. Whatever it was, it wasn’t to get trapped and almost drown.
“You’re not going to go home, are you?” pierced-lip boy asks.
Definitely not. Dad would freak if I came home wet like this, wearing a guy’s sweatshirt, and I obviously don’t want anyone to know I did something so ridiculous and crazy. It’s something Mom would do, climb out there to get a better view. So she could write or draw there. Mom wouldn’t think of the consequences, just like I hadn’t, whether she was really Mom at the time or not.
Oh God. I could have drowned. Walking out there was almost like putting rocks in my pocket. Fear grips my throat like an old, scarred, gnarled hand. I could have drowned, just like Virginia Woolf!
Get it together, Lulu. You’re fine. Don’t let him see you freaking out. “No, but it’s just the beach. I’ll be fine.”
Cockily, he quirks a brow at me.
“I’m not stupid. I’m not going to go out there again. I’m going to sit here and dry off. You can go, though I don’t know how I’ll get you your hoodie back. I guess I should give it to you now.” Then I’ll sit here and freeze in a see-thru shirt. Maybe I should just go home. The thought makes a heavy rock land in my stomach.
Pierced-lip boy sighs. I begrudgingly notice that he’s kind of cute in a bad-boy way. It doesn’t make me feel any more comfortable around him, though. “Keep the hoodie. My friends have a bonfire up the beach. You can come chill with us and get warm, have a beer or something.”
Automatically, I shake my head. I am not going to sit with a bunch of strangers while they get drunk and he tells them about what I did. I want to forget it ever happened, not look like a lunatic.
“I promise, we don’t bite. Well, sometimes Tanner and Cody bite each other, and Drea’s…yeah she’s not totally safe, either. Most girls want Shane to bite them, but he’s pretty picky about the girls he hooks up with. Not that he wouldn’t choose you, he just doesn’t choose anyone that often.”
Whoa. I’m sort of at a loss for words, not sure how to reply to that. “This is the part where you try to scare me into going home, right? Why don’t we skip it? You go your way and I’ll go mine.”
Fighting my smile, I look away, proud of myself. That sounded way more confident than I thought it would, because honestly, the thought of hanging out with his friends does make me nervous.
“Woulda’ got me if you didn’t smile and look away. It’s okay to be freaked. You never know how us kids from the wrong side of the tracks can be.” Then he does the strangest thing: he sits down in the sand, half his pants wet and all. “You’re not scared of me too, are you? Aren’t you supposed to see me as your knight in shining armor now or something?”
I roll my eyes.
&n
bsp; “That’s obviously what you’re looking for. You saved me out there, and now you have to protect the poor, little girl so no bad guys get her while she sits on the beach. I don’t need anyone to save me.”
“Nah, you got me wrong, rich girl. I’m nobody’s savior. I know who and what I am, and I’m proud of it. Have fun.” He stands again and starts to walk away. His voice plays in my head. The way it caught when he spoke. Guilt starts snaking it’s way through my insides. Yeah, he was a jerk to me and he’s a little scary, but he did save me. And he gave me his hoodie. He didn’t have to do either of those things.
As much as I hate to admit it, I don’t want to be alone. I want to pretend today didn’t happen, the same way I pretend my past didn’t happen.
“Wait,” jumps out of my mouth before I can stop it. Saying it, feeling it, makes me raw, exposed in a way that makes my skin itch. Needing is weak, and I promised myself I would never be that. If I’m weak, it will be easier for our family curse to get its claws into me.
Pierced-lip boy stops, pauses, and then turns around. He’s way taller than me. His hair dark, and sort of wavy. He doesn’t say a word until he gets back over to me. “You should take your pants off.”
“I…What…I’m not…”
He laughs and shakes his head. “I’m not trying to have sex with you. Unless you want to, then I’m game.”
My cheeks get hot next. I’ve had boyfriends, but no one has ever said something like that to me before.
“You’re shivering, and the wet clothes make it worse. Take your pants off. You’re small enough to sit with your knees in the hoodie to keep you warm.”
Oh. Okay. I guess that makes sense. “Turn around.”
“Really?” There’s enough question in his tone that tells me he’s not asking to be a jerk. He’s genuinely surprised I would ask him that. “It’s not like I’m going to attack you.”
Still, he turns around. As fast as I can, I slip out of my pants, lay them out and then sit down. I pull my knees up into the hoodie like he said, immediately feeling warmer. “Okay, you can turn around now.”
He does, and then he sits beside me. We’re quiet for a few minutes and again I feel my cheeks warm. Why did I ask him to stay? I don’t even know this guy. I don’t need anyone.
“You can go,” I whisper.
“Nah, it’s cool. I didn’t really feel like being around a bunch of people tonight anyway.”
We go back to being quiet again. Pierced-lip boy rolls his pant legs up, and then stares out at the ocean. Questions rapid-fire in my brain: why doesn’t he want to be around people? Is he as lonely as he looks?
And then something strange happens… I start to pretend he’s like me. That he feels cursed to be who his parents are. That he’s trapped. That he lives a lie, with everyone close to him because he’s so scared to show them who he is.
Because he’s afraid of what that might be.
I open my mouth to say something. I don’t know what, but his phone rings, saving me.
He pulls it out of his pocket and answers with a, “What’s up?”
He covers the cell and looks at me. “Do you have a car?”
I nod.
Back on the phone he says, “Nah, I’m cool. I have a ride. I’ll catch you guys later.”
I don’t bring up the fact that he didn’t ask me or that I don’t know where he lives. I’m just thankful not to be alone tonight. Not to have to think about Mom, Dad…or Amelia.
“Your name’s Lulu?” He asks after a bit.
Immediately I tense up. Reaching over, I touch my jeans to make sure my keys, with my mini pepper spray on them, are still in the pocket.
“Relax. I’m not stalking you. You said it earlier.”
Oh yeah. Duh. Little flashes of Mom from today flitter into my head. How excited she looked at the school, how sad she looked at my house. “My mom named me after Virginia Woolf.” I’m not sure why I say this. “But my middle name is Lulu. That’s what I go by.”
Pierced-lip boy nods.
More quiet, so much quiet I wonder if he feels like he’s suffocating on it like I am.
“So I guess this means you don’t want to have sex?” There’s laughter in his voice, and before I know it, I’m laughing as well. I’m not choking on the quiet anymore so when we slip back into it, I feel strangely okay.
CHAPTER SIX
~Ryder~
I’m a good boy all week, just like Luke wants me to be. I go to school every day so I don’t have to hear him bitch. He spends most of his time at the diner he runs so we’ve managed to avoid each other pretty well.
It’s Friday, and I’m planning on going out with my friends tonight. I’m broke and haven’t gotten a new hoodie since I gave mine to Virginia. If I ever see her again, it would probably piss her off that I call her that, but I can’t make myself call her Lulu. It sounds like something you name a poodle, not a good girl with big, green eyes.
She’d tried to give me the hoodie when she dropped me off at home, but I could tell she was still cold so I let her keep it. Her pants were still damp, but she hadn’t liked my idea of driving without them.
Right as Luke walks into the room, I chuckle about her modesty.
“What are you laughing at?” He tucks his work shirt into his pants.
We’ve never done the “talking to each other” thing. I don’t see why he thinks we’d start now. “Nothin’. Do you have twenty bucks I can borrow? I need a hoodie.” My fingers tingle with the desire to just go take one. It’s what Dad would tell me to do. Well, if I didn’t have to keep out of trouble, he would.
Luke frowns. “What happened to yours?”
Dude. How hard is it to just say yes or no? “Never mind. I’ll figure it out myself.” Grabbing the remote, I click on the TV.
Luke walks over and rips it out of my hand and hits ‘power’. “All I did was ask you a question. You had a hoodie and now it’s gone. Geez, Ry. Why the hell are you always so pissed at me?”
I don’t know, sticks in my head like peanut butter to the roof of a mouth.
Luke jerks his wallet out of his pocket, pulls out a twenty and drops it onto my lap. “Whatever. I need to finish getting ready for work.”
Before I reply to him, he’s walking into the bathroom and closing the door behind himself.
Fuck. Guilt washes the peanut butter away and takes its place. I know Luke. Whatever the reason I didn’t have my hoodie, he would have given me twenty dollars for a new one. I didn’t have to be a dick to him about it.
“Hey.” The springs in the couch creak when I stand. It’s old, like really old. We’ve needed a new one forever. I don’t even think they put springs like that in couches anymore.
Just as I’m about to make it to the bathroom to…I don’t know, thank him? I hear tires on gravel. Shane isn’t supposed to be here for another couple hours, but it’s not like Luke ever has anyone over, so it has to be him.
I make a quick turn, avoiding the hall bathroom, and go to the front door. I pull it open to see a little, red Prius idling in my driveway.
What the hell is she doing here? Quickly I close the door behind myself, as though that will make a difference. It was one thing to see my house at night, but another in the daytime. I can pretty much guarantee her place is probably five times the size of mine, and a whole lot nicer.
Not that I care about shit like that.
Jogging down the porch stairs, I head her way. She doesn’t get out of the car until I make it to the driver’s side door. The second she’s out, I snap, “What are you doing here?”
She flinches, sending another dose of guilt through me. First Luke, now her.
Virginia recovers quickly, shoving my hoodie into my arms. “It’s called manners. You lent me something, and I only thought it right that I return it. Maybe you can learn a lesson or two from it.”
She rips her door open so quickly I have to jump back. There is no doubt in my mind that this girl will leave, and part of me wants to let her. It?
??s not like we’re ever going to be friends. She won’t be like Drea is to me, or even just chill like Shane, Tanner and Cody. There’s way too much shit going on in my life for me to worry about hurting some rich girl’s feelings, but she didn’t have to bring the hoodie back. Now, I won’t have to keep the money from Luke. I hate taking money from him.
Dad always said never owe anyone anything, and it’s a lesson I stick to.
Reaching out, I put an arm between her and the entrance so she can’t get in. “Sorry. Shitty day.” I hold up my sweatshirt. “Thanks for this.” It smells totally different than it did when I gave it to her. Not that it was dirty, but it smells like girl mixed with something fruity. It feels softer than it normally does as well.
“You washed it for me?” Maybe this shouldn’t surprise me. I’m sure she did it more out of obligation than anything, but most people just don’t do stuff like that for me.
“Yes. Have you ever heard of fabric softener? You should invest in some.”
Her comment should piss me off, but I find myself smiling. “You’re awfully sarcastic for a rich girl.” I can see Drea saying something like that, but typically girls like Virginia look scared of my friends and I, instead of talking shit to us.
Virginia rolls her eyes. Damn, the girl is hot. Her hair is shinier than I’m used to. Not that it looks like it has stuff in it, but…hell, I don’t know. It just glows. She’s a little bit curvy. She’s not one of those girls who look like they never eat, which I’ve never gone for anyway. She’s tiny, though. I’m more than a head taller than she is.
If things were different, if I thought she was the kind of girl who was just looking for a good time, I’d see if she wanted to hook up. Doesn’t take a genius to see that wouldn’t be her, though.
“I just wanted to bring your sweatshirt back. I have this speech I have to write for FBLA. It’s due in a few weeks and I need to work on it.” Virginia takes a small step backward.
“FB what what?” I shake my head. It’s Friday night. It doesn’t matter what she has a speech for. Why would she be working on it tonight?