STORY ONE, CHAPTER TWO.
That's a pretty busy time, that first half-hour after a halt: what withthe niggers setting up a few tents, and getting a fire lighted, andfetching water; but in spite of our being tired, we soon had thingsright. There was the colonel's tent, Colonel Maine's--a little stoutman, that we all used to laugh at, because he was such a little, round,good-tempered chap, who never troubled about anything, for we hadn'tlearned then what was lying asleep in his brave little body, waiting tobe brought out. Then there was the mess tent for the officers, and thehospital tent for those on the sick-list, beside our bell tents, that weshouldn't have set up at all, only to act as sun-shades. But, ofcourse, the principal tent was the colonel's.
Well, there they were, the colonel and his lady, Mrs Maine--a nice,kindly-spoken, youngish woman: twenty years younger than he, she was;but, for all that, a happier couple never breathed; and they two used toseem as if the regiment, and India, and all the natives were made onpurpose to fall down and worship the two little golden idols they'd setup--a little girl and a little boy, you know. Cock Robin and JennyWren, we chaps used to call them, though Jenny Wren was about a year anda half the oldest. And I believe it was from living in France a bit,that the colonel's wife had got the notion of dressing them so; but itwould have done your heart good to see those two children--the boy withhis little red tunic and his sword, and the girl with her red jacket andbelt, and a little canteen of wine and water, and a tiny tin mug; andthem little things driving the old black ayah half-wild with the waythey used to dodge away from her to get amongst the men, who took no endof delight in bamboozling the fat old woman when she was hunting forthem; sending them here, and there, and everywhere, till she'd turnround and make signs with her hands, and spit on the ground, which washer way of cursing us. For I must say that we English were very, verycareless about what we did or said to the natives. Officers and men,all alike, seemed to look upon them as something very little better thanbeasts, and talked to them as if they had no feelings at all, littlethinking what fierce masters the trampled slaves could turn out, if everthey had their day--the day that the old proverb says is sure to comefor every dog; and there was not a soul among us then that had the leastbit of suspicion that the dog--by which, you know, I mean the Indiangenerally--was going mad, and sharpening those teeth of his ready tobite.
Well, as a matter of course, there were other people in our regimentthat I ought to mention: Captain Dyer I did name; but there was alieutenant, a very good-looking young fellow, who was a great favouritewith Mrs Colonel Maine; and he dined a deal with them at all times,besides being a great chum of Captain Dyer's--they two shootingtogether, and being like brothers, though there was a something inLieutenant Leigh that I never seemed to take to. Then there was thedoctor--a Welshman he was, and he used to make it his boast that ourregiment was about the healthiest anywhere; and I tell you what it is,if you were ill once, and in hospital, as we call it--though, you know,with a marching regiment that only means anywhere till you get well--Isay, if you were ill once, and under his hands, you'd think twice beforeyou made up your mind to be ill again, and be very bad too before youwent to him. Pestle, we used to call him, though his name was Hughes;and how we men did hate him, mortally, till we found out his realcharacter, when we were lying cut to pieces almost, and him ready to cryover us at times as he tried to bring us round. "Hold up, my lads,"he'd say, "only another hour, and you'll be round the corner!" when whatthere was left of us did him justice. Then, of course, there were otherofficers, and some away with the major and another battalion of ourregiment at Wallahbad; but they've nothing to do with my story.
I do not think I can do better than introduce you to our mess on thevery morning of this halt, when, after cooling myself with a pipe, justthe same as I should have warmed myself with a pipe if it had been inCanady or Nova Scotia, I walked up to find all ready for breakfast, andMrs Bantem making the tea.
Some of the men didn't fail to laugh at us who took our tea forbreakfast; but all the same I liked it, for it always took me home, teadid--and to the days when my poor old mother used to say that therenever was such a boy for bread and butter as I was; not as there wasever so much butter that she need have grumbled, whatever I cost forbread; and though Mrs Bantem wasn't a bit like my mother, she broughtup the homely thoughts. Mrs Bantem was, I should say, about thebiggest and ugliest woman I ever saw in my life. She stood five feeteleven and a half in her stockings, for Joe Bantem got Sergeant Bullerto take her under the standard one day. She'd got a face nearly as darkas a black's; she'd got a moustache, and a good one too; and a greatcoarse look about her altogether. Measles--I'll tell you who he wasdirectly--Measles used to say she was a horse god-mother; and theydidn't seem to like one another; but Joe Bantem was as proud of thatwoman as she was of him; and if any one hinted about her looks, he usedto laugh, and say that was only the outside rind, and talk about thejuice. But all the same, though, no one couldn't be long with thatwoman without knowing her flavour. It was a sight to see her and Joetogether, for he was just a nice middle size--five feet seven and ahalf--and as pretty a pink and white, brown-whiskered, open-faced man asever you saw. We all got tanned and coppered over and over again, butJoe kept as nice and fresh and fair as on the day we embarked fromGosport years before; and the standing joke was that Mrs Bantem had apreparation for keeping his complexion all square.
Joe Bantem knew what he was about, though, for one day when a nastyremark had been made by the men of another regiment, he got talking tome in confidence over our pipes, and he swore that there wasn't a betterwoman living; and he was right, for I'm ready now at this present momentto take the Book in my hand, and swear the same thing before all thejudges in Old England. For you see we're such duffers, we men: shew usa pretty bit of pink and white, and we run mad after it; while all thetime we're running away from no end of what's solid and good, and true,and such as'll wear well, and shew fast colours, long after your pinkand white's got faded and grimy. Not as I've much room to talk. Butpresent company, you know, and setra. What, though, as a rule, doesyour pretty pink and white know about buttons, or darning, or cooking?Why, we had the very best of cooking; not boiled tag and rag, but nicestews and roasts and hashes, when other men were growling over adog's-meat dinner. We had the sweetest of clean shirts, and never abutton off; our stockings were darned; and only let one of us--Measles,for instance--take a drop more than he ought, just see how she'd drop onto him, that's all. If his head didn't ache before, it would ache then;and I can see as plain now as if it was only this minute, instead ofyears ago, her boxing Measles' ears, and threatening to turn him out toanother mess if he didn't keep sober. And she would have turned himover too, only, as she said to Joe, and Joe told me, it might have beenthe poor fellow's ruin, seeing how weak he was, and easily led away.The long and short of it is, Mrs Bantem was a good motherly woman offorty; and those who had anything to say against her, said it out ofjealousy, and all I have to say now is what I've said before: she onlyhad one fault, and that is, she never had any little Bantems to makewives for honest soldiers to come; and wherever she is, my wish is thatshe may live happy and venerable to a hundred.
That brings me to Measles. Bigley his name was; but he'd had thesmall-pox very bad when a child, through not being vaccinated; and hisface was all picked out in holes, so round and smooth that you mighthave stood peas in them all over his cheeks and forehead, and theywouldn't have fallen off; so we called him Measles. If any of you say"Why?" I don't know no more than I have said.
He was a sour-tempered sort of fellow was Measles, who listed becausehis sweetheart laughed at him; not that he cared for her, but he didn'tlike to be laughed at, so he listed out of spite, as he said, and thatmade him spiteful. He was always grumbling about not getting hispromotion, and sneering at everything and everybody, and quarrellingwith Harry Lant, him, you know, as carried the elephant's trunk; whileHarry was never happy without he was teasing him, so that sometimesthere was a deal of hot wat
er spilled in our mess.
And now I think I've only got to name three of the drum-boys, that MrsBantem ruled like a rod of iron, though all for their good, and thenI've done.
Well, we had our breakfast, and thoroughly enjoyed it, sitting out therein the shade. Measles grumbled about the water, just because ithappened to be better than usual; for sometimes we soldiers out there inIndia used to drink water that was terrible lively before it had beencooked in the kettle; for though water-insects out there can stand adeal of heat, they couldn't stand a fire. Mrs Bantem was washing upthe things afterwards, and talking about dinner; Harry Lant was pickingup all the odds and ends, to carry off to the great elephant, standingjust then in the best bit of shade he could find, flapping his greatears about, blinking his little pig's eyes, and turning his trunk andhis tail into two pendulums, swinging them backwards and forwards asregular as clockwork, and all the time watching Harry, when Measles saysall at once, "Here come some lunatics!"