Holy Hell, I was fighting back the hot angry tears that scorched against my eye-lids. Willing myself not to cry, I bit my lip until the metallic taste of blood rushed through my mouth. I’d be damned if I’d let my father see me cry like a pansy ass Mama’s Boy.
“Noah, none of what I’m about to tell you is an excuse for my actions, but I want you to understand why I did what I did.” He shuddered. “I’ll admit that for many years, it didn’t bother me that I had no relationship with you. I was immature and immersed in my own good times. It wasn’t until my daughter was born that I realized what I’d lost with you. By then, I figured it was too late. I imagined you would be so angry and bitter for what I’d done to your mother and to you that you wouldn’t want to see me—”
“But I was just a kid. You could have forced me to see you, and I would have come around!” I protested.
Joe shook his head wildly back and forth. “I would’ve never done that to you. You see, my parents divorced when I was five. Your grandfather was an alcoholic, sometimes abusive. I never wanted to go with him on his weekends. I’d cry and cling to my mother, but he’d unwrap me from her and force me into the car. Several times, she tried to stop him by locking me in the house, but he just ended up calling the police.” He sighed and stared down at his hands. “Those are memories that still haunt me, and I’ve spent years and thousands of dollars in therapy trying to overcome them.”
“Yeah, well I’m sorry you had a shitty childhood, but I’m not you!” I snapped.
He raised his eyebrows. “Are you so sure?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Do you remember the last time I saw you?”
“Yeah. You kept me for an entire weekend that you were playing in Atlanta.”
“Yes, but do you remember what happened after that?”
At the expression on his face, I realized he knew I remembered it all. I exhaled sharply. “Yeah, I do. But I was just a little boy. I could’ve changed my mind—I did change my mind.”
“But what made you change your mind now?”
I knew full well the reason for calling my dad was rifling through memorabilia and slurping on a milkshake.
When I didn’t answer, my dad smiled. “It’s not just because of Josh that you called me, Noah.”
“Really?”
“I knew deep down there would be a time when you’d be curious, and you’d want to see me.” He smiled. “And thankfully my prayers got answered.”
I widened my eyes. Jesus! Both literally and figuratively flashed in my mind. “You pray?”
Joe laughed. “Is that so surprising?”
“No offense, but hell yes it is. I mean, with the life you’ve led…” I snapped my mouth shut before I could say anything else hurtful.
He arched his brows at me. “I pray precisely because of the life I’ve led. The 12 Step Program and AA, do those ring a bell?”
“Oh shit, you are…I mean, you were an alcoholic?”
“Yes, I am a recovering alcoholic.”
“Wow.”