David rose to his elbow on the bed. “I should be asking you that.”
“I’ll admit, I was fucking scared,” Jax said. David noticed the human remained on the other side of the room. “I’ve never seen you like that. You were going to kill me.”
David’s face crumpled. “I’m sorry.” And he was—so fucking sorry.
Jax hesitated before stepping closer to the bed. “You’re trembling.”
“I-I don’t know what happened. I just lost it. I can’t believe I almost hurt you.”
“I know why you did it. I know and understand everything you’re about to say.” Slowly, Jax turned away from David and pulled a bag from the closet. “I’m not blaming you. But I can’t live this way.”
David watched as Jax pulled clothes from drawers and stuffed them into the bag. David struggled for something to say but couldn’t come up with anything. His chest hurt.
“I never meant to care about him, you know,” Jax said, and David knew he was talking about Brooks.
“I know. You meant to leave before that happened. But you didn’t. You stayed.”
Jax zipped up the bag. “I keep prolonging the inevitable. I don’t belong in your world, and what happened this morning just underlined it.”
Desperate, David argued. “When the baby’s born, this will all become a memory. Brooks can’t have any more children. I’ll never be in this state again.”
Jax set his bag by the door and finally came to sit beside David on the bed. Leaning forward, he brought their faces together, forehead to forehead.
“I love you, David,” he said quietly, warm breath falling on David’s face. “So damn much. That’s the only reason I’ve stayed so long. I love Brooks, too, and I’m sure I’d love the baby. But I’m not a werewolf.”
When David started to say for the dozenth time that Jax could be a werewolf; all he had to do was say the word, Jax pressed a finger to David’s lips.
“No. I can’t. I don’t want to, don’t you see? As much as I love you and Brooks and so many things about the life we’ve made together, I don’t want to take that step. And we’re stuck in a never-ending loop of frustration because of it. I’ll never be part of the pack as I am, and I want to remain human. Let me go. It’s for the best.”
A hundred-pound weight crushed David’s chest. “I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. The baby being yours and not mine’s a sign, you see? I have to go.”
“No,” David said roughly, the tears streaking his cheeks belying his anger. Jax pressed his mouth to David’s, and David clung to Jax, determined to keep Jax there with him.
“I love you. I’m sorry about what happened. We can make this work.”
Jax’s gaze wandered over David’s face. “The moment I met you, I had to have you. Wanted you so badly, I didn’t care what you were. Didn’t fucking mind you topping me even though I never bottomed. And we were so good together.” He kissed David again. “Perfect, every fucking time.”
David nodded. They really were.
“And when I said I wanted to top you, I knew you’d probably refuse and that would be it. But you let me have you, a powerful alpha submitting to me, and from that moment on I was lost.”
David continued to plead his case. “Like I said last night, I shouldn’t have let it get to me so much. Brooks doesn’t care, and he’s right—no one else matters. I pushed you away, and I didn’t mean to.”
“Shhh.” Gentle fingers wiped the tears from David’s face. “That’s not why I’m going. We could drag this out for years, but in the end, we’re never going to work. I’d rather leave now, before things get really bad. You understand?”
A rough sob escaped David’s throat. “I don’t want you to go,” he said miserably, but the grip he had on Jax loosened a little, as if the alpha’s body had resigned itself to what was happening before his stubborn heart could.
Jax smoothed David’s blond hair away from the alpha’s face. “I’ll always love you. Always. But we have to move on.”
Jax drank from David’s mouth like their kiss had to sustain him for the rest of his life, and David poured all his love and desperation into it. Much too quickly, though, Jax pulled away. He picked up his bag, gave David one last look, and was gone.
Unable to support himself any longer, David slumped on the bed.
The alpha didn’t realize Brooks had entered the room, until he felt a hand brush over his head. Brooks must have said his goodbyes, because the scent of Jax lingered all over the beta, but David’s wolf remained oddly still; it knew it had won.
“David.”
Brooks began gently tugging on David’s clothes until the two of them lay naked and entwined. Brooks pressed loving kisses everywhere on David’s body until the alpha’s muscles finally relaxed and the harsh noise in the room abated. Only then did David realize the sound had been his breathing.
* * * *
“I have to admit it, David, as much as I didn’t want them here, the rogues have helped things financially. Things were really getting tight there for a while.”
Sunshine poured in the window in the study where the pack alpha sat looking through an array of papers on the desk.
“And Nate’s taken a huge amount of work off me.”
When David didn’t say anything, River looked up from his work. “Hey. You all right?”
A month had gone by since Jax had left, and most days David functioned perfectly well, but then there were days like these where it took too much energy even to breathe.
“Why don’t you come with me to the Congress?” River suggested.
That jerked David out of his lethargy. “What? No.”
River’s steady gaze studied David and the pack alpha’s voice softened. “He won’t be there.”
“How do you know?” David hated himself for being so weak, but the thought of running into Jax terrified him. He wouldn’t be able to handle it without begging the man to come back home.
“Josiah said he’s working with the alpha and beta rogues every day. He’s hardly ever in the building.”
“What are you going there for?”
“Just to pick up the girls. I’m off today, and I’ve finished my work here early. I miss them. Maybe we’ll get ice cream.” River’s eyes twinkled.
David studied the pack alpha. When had he changed? River seemed relaxed and even looking forward to a jaunt into town. Where humans were everywhere.
“Come on, David.” River grinned, looking roguishly handsome. “You love ice cream. Brooks can come…although, on second thought, maybe that wouldn’t be such a good idea.”
The weather had become warm, and Brooks could no longer hide his pregnancy under a big coat; but David knew that wasn’t the only reason taking Brooks with them wasn’t a good idea. The slightest attention from a human could set David off.
The day after David had attacked Jax, he and River had discussed it. David’s over-the-top reaction to his pregnant mate wasn’t unheard of, but it was unusual. Sometimes it happened with alphas and betas because the alpha was innately aware the child was their one and only offspring, but usually the alpha’s reaction was tempered with at least a modicum of reason. David’s almost never was. River blamed it on David’s initial worry that Jax could have sired the baby, and perhaps the pack alpha was right. But in the end, they could only speculate. A human involved in a werewolf polygamous relationship was unprecedented, after all.
Sid had taken a keen interest in the whole thing and had begun not only documenting David’s experience, but also digging up all he could find on werewolf psychology. Brooks had shared all he knew on the subject from reading books from Transylvania and Siberia—the only places that had done any real studies on lycanthropy. He’d ordered them through a specialty store and even found a few in the city library over the years. The books were some of the few things he’d brought with him from the compound.
“Do I have to order you to go with me?” River asked, jolting David out of his reverie. The pack alpha
didn’t look like he was teasing.
Finally, David relented. “Okay, but I want a double-dip. And we’ll bring some home to Brooks.”
“You got it.”
River had recently purchased a used, black Mustang convertible as a second car, to the endless teasing of the pack, who claimed the alpha treated the automobile like a second mate. David had to admit, River did go a little overboard with washing and waxing the car, but he didn’t try to keep others from driving it.
As they drove along the long country road toward town, top down and wind whipping their hair, the second alpha couldn’t help but be glad River had talked him into going. Jax’s departure had hit him hard—much harder than David would ever had thought—and through it all Brooks had been there for him, even though Jax leaving had hurt the beta, too. David needed to snap out of it and be the alpha mate he should be. When he thought of his mate, he couldn’t help smiling at the thought of how Brooks daily seemed to grow bigger with their child. He was beautiful, and suddenly David had an urge to make love to him so strong, he almost told River to turn the car around.
“Good to see you smiling,” River shouted over the wind. David ducked his head, embarrassed to be caught mooning over his mate, and River patted his friend on the leg before turning his attention back on the road.
David decided to remain in the lobby while River rode the elevator to the fourth floor to pick up Sadie and Sophie. David didn’t much care for elevators; besides, he didn’t want to risk seeing Jax. He walked around the large lobby studying the paintings on the wall, an entire wall filled with those commissioned by a Cascade City artist. Many were renditions of werewolves, and a few were of the founders of the city. David had never seen pictures of his species’ ancestors and spent long moments studying the paintings.
Another wall contained photographs, and David scrutinized these carefully. He recognized River’s grandfather—Thorn’s father—in one black and white image and wondered how the Congress had obtained the photo. A more recent photograph of Bart Davis and the men who’d disappeared with him was mounted with a plaque underneath commemorating the man’s work toward the eventual uniting of humans and werewolves in peace.
Ha! That was a laugh. The former vice president of the Congress and his friends had kidnapped David and Brooks to force them to show them where the pack got their gold.
A voice David knew anywhere cut into his thoughts, and, suddenly panicked, the alpha quickly stepped behind a jutting part of the wall into a small alcove. Heart thumping, he stealthily peeked around the corner to see Jax standing, back to him, talking to a woman who’d returned to her station at the front desk. David heard the deep rumble of Jax’s laughter, and the achingly familiar sound knifed at his gut. He hungrily took in the sight of Jax’s long legs, broad shoulders, trim waist, and tight buttocks, feeling as though it had been years since he’d seen his lover rather than a couple weeks. So strong was the urge to touch him, David took a step out of his hiding place, but before he could make a move forward, the front door to the building slid open and a man David didn’t recognize walked in.
“Jax!” The man called, a delighted smile stretching his face. David supposed the man could be considered handsome, if you liked the reed-thin, bookish type. The way Jax smiled when he saw the stranger gave David the impression the human liked the type very much.
Back in his hiding place, David concentrated on listening with his wolf ears.
“There you are,” the man said. “I just got back from the rogue camp. We got Ty and Art set up. We still on for lunch? I thought maybe you ditched me.”
“Mark called and wanted me to go by the lumber office,” Jax said, and David didn’t like how close his ex-lover stood to the other man. Nor did he like the way Jax placed a hand on the stranger’s shoulder and squeezed. “I don’t know about you, Blake, but I’m starved. Ready to go now?”
“Sure. Just let me run these papers to Phil’s office. Be right back.”
David peered around the corner in time to see Blake walking toward a side hallway and Jax turning to speak to the receptionist again. He leaned casually toward her, completely at ease and slightly flirtatious.
David’s stomach cramped. He looked around for a trash can, but determined he’d rather choke on his vomit than be caught hiding from Jax and swallowed down the bile.
A ding and the whoosh of the elevator, followed by River’s voice, had David tensing again.
“Jax, hello. I thought you spent all your time out at the rogue camp these days.”
Sadie’s voice piped up. “Uncle Jax! Where’ve you been?”
This was followed by Jax greeting the girls and telling them he’d been working hard.
“Where’s Uncle David?” Sophie asked, and David tensed. Sweat rolled down his temples. He knew River had to have caught his scent in the air by now. Fortunately, River was a good friend.
“I think he’s meeting us out by the car, sweetheart. Nice to see you, Jax.”
David let out a breath as he heard the front doors slide open. A moment later, Blake returned and although David spotted a back exit he could easily slip out of, he lingered to listen.
“I’m ready,” Blake said.
“Okay, Luigi’s?”
Blake laughed. “Sure, if you want a case of food poisoning. How about Stella’s diner?”
“Fine.”
David peered around the corner in time to see Jax’s hand resting on the small of Blake’s back.
So much for always loving me, David thought bitterly. Sure didn’t take long for him to move on.
Their voices faded, and David darted for the back door. As he slowly walked around the building, trying to give Jax and his companion time to get out of the parking lot, he stopped when he heard Jax’s voice again, this time just around the corner. If David had been walking a little faster, he would have run right into the man. Annoyed, David backed up against the wall and waited. The last thing he wanted was to listen to Jax flirting with another man.
“Can’t talk about this at the restaurant. Have you thought about it?” Blake’s voice, low.
“Yeah. I’m in.”
“The whole thing soured you on them, didn’t it? Had to happen sometime.” Blake sounded smug.
“Fuck, yeah. Now I see them for what they are—vicious creatures that have no business in the world. Fucking hard to work at this place now.”
David stilled, an unsettled feeling growing in the pit of his stomach.
“True, but it’s the perfect place for us to be, if you know what I mean,” Blake said. “I couldn’t believe when you went to live with them. Thank God that animal turned on you. It brought you to your senses.”
Jax was silent. Or maybe David didn’t hear him through the buzzing in his head. They are talking about the werewolves. Jax had said the werewolves weren’t fit for the world.
Blake continued talking, and finally the words filtered into David’s churning thoughts. “We’ll be leaving at the end of May. There’s a pack of them out at Spartan Point. We’ll torch the whole place.”
“I’m in.”
David wasn’t sure how long he stood there before he made himself walk the rest of the way to the parking lot, but it must have been a while, because River looked annoyed. The pack alpha started the car, and David turned his attention to the girls’ excited chatter.
“We saw Jax!” Sadie and Sophie had recently graduated from car seats to booster seats, which allowed them more movement. Sophie had set their dolls up between them and was pretending to fly her toy airplane over their heads.
“Did you?” David’s thoughts struggled through his shock at what he’d heard earlier. “I’m glad, sweetie. I’m sure he’s missed you.” David hoped he didn’t sound as shaken as he felt. One glance at River told him the alpha knew something was up.
“Yeah,” Sadie said. “We used to see him more, but he’s never in his office now.”
“I think he’s working somewhere else,” David said, barely keeping himself
together. David had to get River alone to talk to him.
“No,” Sophie said. “He’s got an office.”
River looked at his daughter through the rearview mirror. “David means he’s been doing work at another place lately. He’s helping the rogue alphas.”
“Oh,” both girls said simultaneously, then broke out into giggles. “Jinx! Buy me a coke,” Sophie said.
David had no idea what she was talking about.
Once they were on their way, having the top down made conversation difficult, and David was left to his thoughts. Not only did it seem Jax had moved on, but he’d turned against the werewolves.
David shouldn’t be surprised. Hadn’t Jax missed the human world? He probably loved being away from werewolves and with humans again, but enough to completely turn on the werewolves he’d lived with for so long?
David wondered where Jax was staying, as Jax had gotten rid of his apartment after the pack had moved out. A hotel? With Blake? David clenched his fists. Had Jax slept with someone who’d poisoned his mind against the werewolves?
But no, Jax was stronger than that. Unless David’s attack had played the biggest role in Jax’s change of heart.
But to torch an entire pack? Would Jax ever stoop so low? No, David couldn’t believe it.
River’s hand on David’s arm brought the blond alpha back to reality, and he realized his fists were clenched tightly in his lap. River gave his second-in-command a concerned look before turning his attention back to the road.
Parked in front of the ice cream parlor, David told River what to order for him and Brooks and stayed with the girls while the pack alpha went to get the ice cream. When River returned, he told Sadie and Sophie they’d have to wait until they got home to eat, which didn’t go over very well. David was glad when they pulled onto their road.
As the Mustang eased up the driveway in front of the pack house, David spotted Brooks walking slowly down the steps.
“You okay?” David approached his mate.
Brooks kissed David. “Yeah. I just wondered where you went.”
David wrapped his arms around Brooks and held his mate tightly. “Just on an errand with River. And for ice cream.” He sniffed the familiar scent of Brooks’ hair. Their baby moved inside the beta, and David felt it against his stomach.