When I was eight years old, I went camping with some friends and fell into the campfire. We were messing around, shoving each other and laughing, and I lost my footing and tumbled into the raging flames beside us.
I remember the heat snaking up my face and into my nostrils and eyes, suffocating me with smoke. I thought I was going to die. It was terrifying and immobilizing. And I truly thought my life was over.
One of my friends’ dads immediately pulled me out of the fire and, thanks to the thick coat and scarf I had on, I didn’t suffer any burns other than a few on my hands.
My coat and scarf were singed through and trashed, and my hair was brittle and carried the stench of smoke for days, but I was fine. I was alive.
The burns on my hands healed quickly, but the fear of fire—of death by hot, licking flames—wasn’t so quickly soothed. Even to this day, bonfires or any other type of large, open fire unsettle me.
But standing here, in my living room, with Jenna’s eyes waiting for all my dirty truths to muck up everything I could ever hope to have between us, is worse than any wild flames. I’d rather walk through a thousand fires than tell Jenna the truth about my past.
But there’s no escaping these flames. Not now. Not after everything she already knows about, everything she’s already seen.
Pulling in a long inhale, I lean forward and say, “Well, here goes nothing.” With a slow, bracing inhale, I quietly clear my throat and step into the fires of honesty. “When I was a kid, my dad had this business. But he wanted to make it a family business by having me work for him full-time, and I just wasn’t all that into it. We had a disagreement, which led to a blowout, of sorts, and then he split and left my mom and us kids with… well, nothing. He had some old business debts—which I paid off—but then we were free and clear of the whole industry and had a fresh start.” I pause and glance down the hallway where Samson is on the phone and pacing. “At least, I thought so.”
“And what kind of ‘business’ are we talking about here?” Jenna asks.
I drag my eyes back to hers and try to gage how much I can salvage here. Her perception of me is clearly shot to hell, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. So I’m edgier than she thought; more dangerous. If her past sexual partners are any indication, that just makes me more her type.
If I spin all this so it looks like my family’s involved in some sort of competitive market—something cutthroat but legal—she’ll have no reason to write me off forever. I might not be suitable for her to consider as more than a friend, but fuck it. I wasn’t really making progress in that department anyway.
“Here’s the deal…” I say, drawing in a breath and hoping she doesn’t see through me. “The best way to sum up what my dad used to do is… Okay, you know how some industries are more competitive than others and they… Okay, my family used to be involved in—”
“Drug dealing,” Samson says, shoving his phone back in his pocket as he enters the living room and plops onto the couch beside Jenna.
And there it goes.
Years of hard work in Arizona, crafting a different lifestyle, a different reputation—hell, a whole different personality for myself—down the drain. Just like that.
Jenna will never look at me the same.
I glare at my brother with the cold fingers of betrayal walking up my spine. I know he was completely oblivious of my plan to not tell Jenna about our family’s illegal activity, but I can’t help feeling like he’s a traitor.
He sees my scowl and shrugs. “What? You were taking forever to spit it out.” He leans forward. “Drug running. It’s not that hard to explain, Jack.”
I blink. “I cannot believe you.”
Jenna’s eyes are wider than usual but other than that she doesn’t seem to be freaking out. Yet.
“So you guys sell drugs?” She points back and forth between Samson and me.
“No,” we say at the same time. Even my mom chimes in with an echoed “No.”
Jenna glances at Lilly and furrows her brow. “You’re drug dealers that don’t sell drugs?”
I scrub a hand down my face. This was a bad idea. Such a very bad idea. “No.”
“Just tell her, Jack.” Finished with her wind chime, Mom enters the living room and sits in the rocking chair beside the couch.
I lift a brow at her. “Tell her?”
She nods. “Jenna can handle it.”
I hesitate, not sure how to start, then slowly nod as I look back at Jenna. “Okay. It all started with my dad. He started working with the Vipers, which isn’t just a bar. It’s a drug gang, of sorts, run by Alec, the guy you met last night. And the Royals—the gang that put a bounty out on Drew’s head—are rivals of the Vipers.” I pause and make a face. “Which I realize sounds ridiculous, like I’m making all this up—and God, I wish I were—but I’m not. So just… just go with it. Okay?”
She nods. “I’m listening.”
I exhale. “I have no idea what the Royals want with Drew, but based on their history with the Vipers, it’s safe to assume that Drew’s involvement at this point has something to do with my father’s ties to the drug world. My dad got in with the Vipers years ago, running cocaine shipments back and forth for them. Mom didn’t know anything about it until my dad was too far in. When she found out what he was involved with, she tried to leave him, but he threatened to take us boys away from her. He had money and powerful friends—dangerous friends—and her hopes of getting out of the marriage with us kids went down in flames. So she stayed. For our safety.”
I watch my mom’s eyes drop to the ground and I want to reassure her that she did what she could. That she was trying to do what she thought was best. There’s no handbook for how to be married to a drug dealer. No guide to raising kids with a powerful psychopath who’ll blackmail you at every turn. She did well with what she had. I’ve told her that a thousand times, but I don’t know if guilt like hers ever goes away.
She looks up and our eyes meet. I give her a small smile. Something that says, Look at me. I’m okay. You did a good job with me.
Then I swallow and carry on. “It wasn’t until a few years after my mom found out about my dad’s drug business, that Sam, Drew, and I found out as well. But by that time he couldn’t have gotten out without getting shot—not that he wanted out.” I shift my jaw. “Tommy Oliver was a greedy guy and selfish too. He liked the money too much to abandon the life so he towed our family into it. I can’t even count the number of times he’s put our family in danger because of his enemies. Death threats, robberies, drive-by shootings. The Vipers have enemies—enemies like the Royals—who are ruthless. It’s amazing any of us are alive.” I pause, remembering how horrible my teenage years were, when our house getting shot at was a common occurrence.
“When I was seventeen, the Vipers wanted to bring me on and show me the ropes of dealing. My dad was ecstatic, but I wanted nothing to do with it. I wanted out, completely, but Dad wouldn’t let me.”
Mom shifts in the rocking chair, hating this part of the story, as Jenna’s expression goes from concerned to curious then back to concerned.
I look at my hands. “When I refused to join in with criminal activity, he beat the shit out of me. Every day. Thinking I would cave if he kept hurting me. I was never going to give in. Never. But then he threatened to hurt Mom. She didn’t know—no one knew—but that was it for me. I couldn’t risk her being hurt. So I gave in and agreed to be part of the Vipers. For the next three years, they owned me.” I let out a long sigh. “I’m not proud of the things I did for them, but I kept telling myself I was doing it to protect my mother. My family. The whole time, I kept trying to find a way out, but it was next to impossible. Until Dad finally slipped up and I saw my opportunity.
“I found a safe hidden in my dad’s shed out back and figured out that he was stealing money from the Vipers, slowly siphoning out of their profits and shoveling it away for himself. The gang knew they were bleeding out, but couldn’t pinpoint how. So I made a deal with
Alec. I would turn over the thief—and the money—but only if the gang let me and my family go free. My dad would be busted, I could walk away without any threat on my life, and no one would bother my mom or brothers again.
“Alec wasn’t thrilled about my proposal because he wanted me to stay on. He even threatened to kill me if I didn’t just tell him who the thief was. But I still refused and told him he was free to kill me if he wanted that more than saving his gang from going broke. He was bluffing, of course, and couldn’t bring himself to kill me. So instead he agreed to our deal.”
I glance at my mom, who gives me a small smile, silently encouraging me to continue. We’ve never told anyone about our family skeletons before so this is new territory for us. Trusting someone outside of our fucked-up little clan doesn’t come naturally for my mom, probably because of all the guilt my dad’s dirty business put her through. She blames herself for not catching on sooner, for not being able to stop him and protect us boys from the dealing scene, and I’ve watched that guilt form defensive walls around her ability to trust others. But Jenna…
There must be something about Jenna that my mom instinctively trusts. Or maybe it’s not Jenna at all, but me. Maybe the fact that I trust Jenna is enough for my mom to trust her too.
“So what happened?” Jenna asks. Her voice is quiet but her eyes are alert, absorbing every word as she leans forward and scans my face, searching for answers she may or may not want.
But once you have an answer, it’s yours forever. You can’t give it back. Can’t return it. Answers are a bitch like that. They’re a gift that, once opened, can never be wrapped again. A naked present in your hands with nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide.
And Jenna’s eyes are asking for all of mine. All my carefully wrapped truths. And all I want to do is jump into the nearest fire.
Rubbing the back of my neck, I take a breath. “I knew handing my dad over to the Vipers could cost him his life, but every day I stayed in the drug game was a day I was risking the lives of everyone else in my family. So I ratted my dad out.”
Jenna’s eyes widen in horror, but only for a split second.
I swallow. I shift. I blink.
Then I continue. “The Vipers messed him up pretty bad, but they let him live. Sent him running away with his tail between his legs, but he survived. He was shunned by all his shady acquaintances so he fled town and went into hiding. With twenty warrants out in his name, a fistful of enemies out for his blood, and no friends left to protect him, he had no choice but to disappear.
“But after that, the rest of us”—I gesture at Mom and Samson—“were off the hook. Alec got his money back from the safe and I moved to Arizona for a fresh start.” I shake my head. “So there it is. I used to be involved in illegal drug running and I’ve probably committed more crimes than I can count.” I look at Jenna.
She says nothing.
A breeze flutters across the porch and the singing wind chimes fill the silence in the living room. My mom concentrates on a spot on the floor, her features soft despite the tightness in her gaze, while Samson studies his hands.
Jenna keeps looking at me, her eyes roving over my face, my body, my face. Her lips part then press together.
My pulse rises. “Please say something,” I say, wondering if burning alive would be as frightening as this moment.
Blinking a few times, Jenna comes back to life and glances at my mom and Samson before holding her mug out to me with an arched eyebrow. “I’m gonna need more coffee.”
17
Jenna
Whoa my God.
After everything Jack just told me I don’t know what to say. Drug dealing? Jack Oliver was a drug dealer? It just doesn’t… fit.
I look him over as Lilly takes my mug to get me more coffee, and I bite my lip. Shaggy dark hair, big muscles, tattoos, scars everywhere. I guess he does kind of look like a bad guy. It’s just odd because he’s not a bad guy.
That’s just it. He’s not a bad guy.
I might not know him as well as I thought, but I know that he’s good. What happened in his past doesn’t change the way I think of him now.
“What are you thinking?” Jack says with total worry in his eyes.
Oh God. He thinks I’m about to lose it. He’s waiting for me to bail and curse him and all his dark sins.
He should know me better than that.
Lilly returns and hands a hot mug of coffee to me before returning to her seat in the rocking chair. I take the mug and wrap my hands around its warmth before looking up at Jack.
“I think…”—I look him dead in the eyes—“that we need to get to New Orleans as soon as possible so you can find Drew. If these Royals are anything like the Vipers then Drew’s in a lot of trouble and could really use his big brother’s help.” I casually take a sip of coffee and watch Jack’s surprised eyes slide from me to Samson and then to his mom.
“See?” Lilly says. “Told you so.”
He eyes me carefully. “And you’re sure you still want to drive me down?”
I nod. “I’m ready when you are.”
He visibly relaxes his shoulders. “All right. Let’s get moving then.”
After packing up our things, Jack and I say good-bye to his mom and brother. He and Samson make a plan to call each other later to see if Samson’s presence will be required in New Orleans, while Jack tries to comfort his concerned mother.
“Please don’t make that face, Mom,” Jack says softly. “Drew’s going to be fine. He’s probably just laying low for a few days. You know the biz. Things get hectic and Drew doesn’t handle stress well. He’s probably just taking it easy.”
She shakes her head. “You always were the best bullshitter in the family.”
“I’m not bullshitting you.”
“Sure you are, baby.” She kisses his cheek. “But I like it. Just bring our Drew home, okay?”
“I will.” His eyes harden. “I promise.”
I turn my eyes away, not wanting to intrude on their moment. I can’t imagine how worried they both must be.
The four of us file out of the house and down the porch steps to my car, where Jack throws our bags in the vehicle.
“Stay safe,” Lilly says, as he closes the trunk.
“We will,” Jack says.
She grabs his arm and waits until he meets her eyes. “I’m serious, Jack. None of this is worth anything if you go missing too.” She cocks an eyebrow. “Understand?”
He nods. “I’m going to find Drew and bring him back home. Everything will be okay.”
She crosses her arms. “I need you to be smart about this. Don’t do anything risky.”
“Mom—”
“I’m not kidding.” Her eyes flit to me then back to Jack. “And take care of Jenna too.”
He seems genuinely offended. “Jenna’s safety won’t ever be in question. I would never—”
“I know.” She smiles and pats his cheek before giving me a sly wink. “Just checking.”
He rolls his eyes and mutters, “Damn women.”
“I heard that,” Lilly says with mocking sternness. “I’m just making sure everyone comes home safely.”
“I’ll take good care of him, Mrs. Oliv—I mean Lilly,” I say, throwing a grin her way.
“I know.” She takes my face in her hands and bores her eyes into mine, like she sees me, like she knows my fears and wants, and the conflict they constantly create. “I know you will.” With a quick kiss to my cheek, she releases my face and steps back. “Okay, does anyone need condoms?”
Jack juts his jaw. “Really, Mom? God.”
Lilly frowns. “I seriously doubt God needs any condoms.”
I can’t help but smile as Jack rubs both hands down his face in frustration.
“What?” she says. “I have a bulk supply in the house and—”
“No. Uh-uh.” Jack plugs his ears.
“Oh, come on. It’s a practical question to ask.” Lilly raises her voice and overenunciates each word as sh
e repeats, “DOES ANYONE NEED ANY CONDOMS?”
Jack looks horrified. “Kill me now.”
“I do!” Samson raises his hand with a smile.
Lilly lifts her chin and says to Jack, “See? At least someone appreciates my offer.”
“Oh my God. You’re the most embarrassing mother ever.” Jack turns away and snaps at me, “What’s so funny?”
My grin grows so wide my face hurts. “Everything.”
“Just get in the car.”
“I love you,” Lilly sings out cheerfully as we climb into my car.
“Right. Yeah. Love you too,” Jack says, not looking at her.
“Bye!” I wave happily at Lilly and Samson before starting the engine and pulling out of their driveway. Navigating the small-town streets of Little Vail, I soon exit the city limits and turn onto the freeway, heading south for New Orleans.
God, I love Jack’s family. I always assumed I’d like them—if ever I met his brothers or mom—but I never imagined liking them so much. They feel real to me. Honest. Loving.
In a lot of ways, they remind me of my own family. Maybe that’s why their family history—as unconventional as it may be—doesn’t rattle me. They clearly love each other, and family does fierce things for love.
I think about the many risks Jack took to protect his mom and brothers. Dealing drugs, risking prison, ratting out his father. He did so much to keep them safe, and all at the cost of his own freedom and safety.
After everything Jack did, I can understand why he’d be upset about Drew being involved in all this. It makes sense now, why Jack seemed to take the Drew thing personally. Why Lilly was comforting him this morning when he told everyone about Clancy. Jack fought to keep his brothers safe from the very thing Drew is now endangered by.
I glance at the beautiful guy sitting beside me and my stomach clenches. It’s just all so… personal. It couldn’t have been easy for him to tell me everything earlier.
“Thanks for telling me about your family stuff,” I say, looking forward again. “I’m sure that wasn’t easy.”
He scoffs. “Thanks for listening to all that without hating me.”