“We’re very sorry to bother you so late,” I say quietly, standing behind Jenna.
Ellen waves me off. “You’re not bothering me at all. I was just doing some inventory stuff so you’ve actually given me a nice little break.” She squints at the screen. “Okay. Looks like room four is open tomorrow too. Are you guys okay sharing?” She looks at Jenna knowingly and my heart stops for a brief moment.
I wait to let Jenna answer, fully expecting her to make me sleep in the car or something, but instead Jenna says, “Yeah, that’s fine.” I turn to look at her.
She holds my gaze for a beat. I’m not sure if what I see in her golden eyes is acceptance or weariness, but either way she’s okay sleeping by me and I can’t help but take that as a victory.
Ellen gives Jenna the room key and directs her where to go and we head upstairs. I follow after Jenna, carrying most of our luggage, and watch her hips sway with each step. God, she’s sexy. My eyes trail up to her shoulders and then her profile as we reach the top of the stairs and she turns. She’s beautiful too. Her long eyelashes, her full lips, her elegant throat… her fighting spirit, her strength, her silent acceptance of my ugly past and my crazy family. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted.
And she won’t let me love her.
The ache in my chest grows uncomfortably tight as we enter the small room down the hall and shut ourselves inside. There’s a king-size bed in the center of the room and a full bathroom off to the side. The only light in the room comes from the single lamp on one of the nightstands that flank the bed, and it gives off a soft glow so everything looks calm and hazy.
Setting our bags down, we walk farther into the room and I say, “Are you sure you’re okay with us sharing a bed?”
She nods. “I’m sure. Are you okay with it?”
I start to nod, but then realize that would be a lie. “No, actually,” I say. “I’m not.”
Her eyebrows hitch up. “What?”
I shake my head. “I get that you don’t want to be with me and I respect that. But I can’t keep acting like we’re just friends. That’s bullshit. I love you, Jenna—I love you,” I repeat when she starts to look away. Stepping closer to her, I tip her chin up so her eyes lift back to mine. “And I know that scares the shit out of you. But I can’t change the way I feel, and I wouldn’t want to anyway. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. So I’d rather sleep on the floor or in the car than in that bed.” I point to the bed beside us and swallow. “Because I don’t want to sleep in a bed with you unless you want me there. To hold you. Be with you.”
Her eyes search mine in the soft bedroom glow as she slowly lifts up on her toes and places her hands on my chest. Leaning in, she presses her lips to mine, kissing me, softly at first then more aggressively as I kiss her back. At first, I’m thrilled, thinking maybe Jenna has changed her mind and wants to let me in.
But as she pulls off my clothes and bites at my mouth and claws at my back with urgency, I realize she’s using sex as a distraction. She’s so terrified of what I just said—so scared to respond—that she’d rather surrender her body to me than admit that she might feel something too.
The sadness that floods into me at this thought is dark and cold, sinking through me like a weight in water. I’ve been so patient, so understanding all this time and she can’t even give me a damn sentence?
Stripping her clothes off, she walks our naked bodies back to the bed and tries to push me to the mattress. I don’t budge, waiting until she looks up at me before staring down at her with my dark heartache pouring from my eyes. She looks startled for a moment, not expecting to see such anger after she’d just kissed her way up and down my body and peeled off all my clothes, but I don’t relent. She quickly turns her eyes away, which only adds to my hurt.
Grabbing her chin, I turn her face back to mine so she has no choice but to see my pain. She blinks several times, as if trying not to cry, and it’s too much for me to handle.
Sliding my hands down her body, I grasp her hips and turn us around so I can push her onto the bed. Her eyes flash with excitement, grateful that I’m giving in to what she wants: sex instead of truth. My anger spikes for a moment only to plummet back into sadness at the eagerness on her face.
I roughly flip her over and she gasps. Then I run my hands down her body so she’s lying flat on her stomach, her head turned to the side and her dark hair fanning out on the pillow. Her breathing is uneven, unsure, as she eyes me from the pillow. Gliding my hands up the sides of her rib cage, I brush her arms out from where they’re tucked against her body and slide them up to the pillow. Then I gather her long hair and twist it up before laying it to the side of her head so the back of her neck is exposed. She lets me do these things without a sound. She simply watches me from the corner of her eye and waits with nervous breaths.
My eyes slip over the naked backside of her body, now laid out before me, and follow the curve of her ass and the dip of her spine. The soft skin of her thighs and the swell of her breasts, smashed beneath her and spilling out on the sides. I grow thick and hard as I look her over.
Jenna wanted just sex. Emotionless, simple, impersonal sex. And that’s what she’ll get.
Crawling up her body, I bring my mouth to the base of her head and breathe on the tiny hairs that stand on end there. She squirms beneath me. I set my mouth against the back of her neck and gently sink my teeth into her skin. Her squirming continues as I lightly nip at her neck then run my teeth to her ear before scraping them down her jaw. She twists her head to meet my mouth with a kiss but I pull away from her and refuse her lips. A small cry escapes her throat as I bite into her shoulder, hard enough to pinch her skin but not hard enough to leave a mark, and her head snaps back. She tries raise up on her arms to arch herself away from me, but I trap her arms above her head and pin them there as I bite her other shoulder, more gently this time.
She buries her head in the pillow and moans as I lick the spots that I just bit then kiss a trail between her shoulder blades. Sliding my hands down her arms, I tangle one hand into her hair while the other travels down over her round ass and between her thighs, where she’s already hot and wet.
She jerks as I tap my fingers against her wetness and I tug at her hair so she has to bring her face out of the pillow. Turning her head to the side, facing away from me, she pants as I touch the wet place between her legs.
I whisper, “This is what you wanted, right?” as I tease her tight, wet entrance with my finger. “For me to take control of your body?”
She begins to squirm again, trying to coax my finger inside her by angling her hips just right, and pants, “Yes.”
I push my big finger into her wanting core and she lets out a blissful whimper. I slowly pull my finger from the grip of her inner muscles and roll her wetness over the sensitive nub of her clit again and again as she squirms and jerks and gasps beneath me. I don’t stop sliding over that special spot until her fingers dig into the sheets. Then I start to pluck at her tiny clit and she cries out.
The sound of her pleasure makes my cock grow painfully hard. Her hips jerk back and forth with her orgasm, causing her backside to jiggle with the movement and my body to scream for release.
I push two fingers back into her core, where she pulses around me, and another satisfying whimper leaves her mouth. My need for release claws at my every muscle.
“Total control?” I whisper, sucking on her earlobe.
She nods desperately, a gasp leaving her mouth as I withdraw my fingers from her tightness.
Pulling back, I yank her up onto her knees and elbows so her beautiful ass is bent over before me. Her inner thighs glisten with her arousal, driving me wild as I scramble to pull a condom from my discarded jeans and roll it on.
Without my hands on her, Jenna arches her back, presenting herself to me more fully and my pulse hammers. Positioning myself behind her, I grab her hips again and she looks over her shoulder at me. Considering that, by her own admission, she’s never
had sex in this position, I expect to see nervousness or hesitation in her eyes, but instead there is only lust and desire. I slide my hard erection into the warm, tight grip of her core and let out a groan as her flesh wraps around me like a tight fist.
Jenna moans loudly, an animalistic sound, as I fill her completely and it’s all I can do not to moan as well. As I pull out, she arches her back in wanting, crying out as I thrust back into her. Gripping her left hip, I slide my other hand up her back and around to her right breast, cupping it in my hand as I pump in and out of her hot body. Running my thumb over her nipple, I glide my hand down her belly to the warmth below and slip a finger over and around her clit until she climaxes again. The tiny muscles of her core tighten and pulse, drawing pleasure from me as pressure builds from her orgasm.
Not yet wanting to finish, I slide out of her heavenly body. More arousal spills from her core and down her thighs and the sight makes me want to pound into her again and again until I’m fully satisfied. But then I see her face, eyes closed and tilted back in bliss, and I remember what my mission is here.
I turn Jenna over, so she’s on her back, and gently spread her legs to accommodate my large body between them as I crawl on top of her and turn off the lamp on the nightstand.
The only light now is the moonlight from the window, making the room feel quieter, kinder, and Jenna’s eyes snap open to see me on my elbows above her open body.
Still out of breath from her orgasm, she stares up at me with questions in her eyes. My only answer is to bend down and softly kiss her lips as I run a hand up her leg, where her knees are bent and her thighs are open for me. She kisses me back with breathless desire, liquid in my arms, pleased and willing, sated and safe.
I set my still-wanting erection at her entrance and gently push into her as I trace my fingers up her breasts and to her cheek. Cupping her face, I softly pump in and out of her as we kiss. She whimpers into my mouth as our bodies dance against one another until I feel something hot run down my hand.
Pulling back just barely, I see a tear escaping her closed eyelids and I brush it away with my thumb. This girl. So full of passion and fight that she can’t contain her love for me. Not like this. Not when she feels my love in return. It kills her to fall apart with me, but she can’t help it, and it’s this single tear running over my thumb that is the truth.
She chose sex over truth, but truth won. Truth always wins.
“Jenna,” I say quietly. “Do you want me to stop?”
She opens her eyes and another tear falls as she shakes her head. “No. Never.”
I slowly continue moving in and out of her, kissing her cheeks and forehead and collarbone. “I love you.”
She nods as more tears fall down her cheeks. “I know.” She moans as I thrust into her again and she arches her back. Her tears dry up as another orgasm ripples through her and her thighs begin to tremble.
Hammering in and out of her tight body, I draw my own release as I climax inside her hot, wet core and we’re swept away in a whirlwind of blinding pleasure. When my heart begins to pound less violently, I lean down and roll Jenna into my arms as we lie beside each other.
She sniffs and wipes her cheek. “I’m sorry I’m so weak.”
My heart clenches at her words.
“Jenna,” I quietly say, “love isn’t a weakness. It’s the strongest part of the heart. It’s the part that tells you that being with someone else makes you better.” I run a hand over her hip. “And whether you like it or not, you are in love with me, and I know it.”
I hear a hitch in her breath, a hesitation, and I kiss her shoulder.
“You don’t have to say it,” I say, “because I feel it.”
I take a slow breath, wishing I could wrap her heart in my hands and make her feel safe enough to trust me with it forever. We lie in silence for the rest of the night, but I’m almost certain another tear rolls down her cheek before we fall asleep.
27
Jenna
I wake up in Jack’s arms feeling happier than I’ve ever felt before. Which terrifies me. My plan is falling apart.
I stare at Jack, sleeping peacefully beside me, and think about how much I ached for him—emotionally needed him—last night. I was desperate for him. And I wanted to surrender everything I was just to be with him.
And that’s what I did. I surrendered.
Jack, who has quietly pulled me apart for the past year, silently keeping in my presence all these months until my head and heart were so filled with his essence that there was hardly any room left for me and my resolve, finally won.
And the crazy part? Giving in to him, giving up my control, felt liberating. Completely freeing.
Last night wasn’t just sex with a guy I really like. It was connecting with a man who loves me and cares for me. It was… It was making love. And I liked it.
Ugh. This is not how things were supposed to go. I know what happens next. Jack and I start dating and then my heart is forever at his mercy.
But then again, isn’t my heart at his mercy already? If last night proved anything, it was that my feelings for Jack aren’t going away, despite my best efforts. If anything, they’ve grown stronger. I might have kept my mouth from professing my love for him, but I sure as hell haven’t kept my heart from latching onto his.
I’m in so much trouble. I need air. Or a minute to think for myself away from Jack. Slipping out of his arms, I quietly pull on some clothes and creep downstairs.
The inn is already bustling with people having breakfast in the dining room. Kayla, the pretty blonde I ran into when we stopped here on our way out of Arizona, is apparently working here now as a waitress. I watch her laugh as she takes a couple’s order before swinging into the kitchen. She looks a hundred times lighter than she did the last time I saw her. In fact she looks downright happy.
Her eyes catch on mine through the dining room doors and she smiles broadly. I give her a little wave and she says something to the couple at her table before exiting the dining room and hurrying through the lobby toward me.
“Good morning.” Her smile is genuine and bright as she approaches.
Up close, it’s hard to look at her without staring. She’s just so pretty. Her blonde hair is perfect. Her sun-kissed skin is flawless. Her curvy body is beyond sexy.
I really want to hate the girl, but I can’t. Because she’s actually a really sweet person.
It’s so annoying when pretty girls are sweet and kind. All nice hot girls should pluck at least one eye out, just to make it fair for the rest of us trying to rock our normalcy.
“Jenna?” she says, tilting her head in concern. “You okay?”
“What?” I stop gawking at her lovely golden hair and blink a few times. “Oh yeah. I’m fine.”
I just got so caught up in your Barbie-like beauty that I forgot to speak. You know, like a creepy stalker.
A pair of tan, muscular forearms slips around Kayla’s waist, and suddenly Daren Ackwood is nuzzling her neck.
Nuzzling. The guy is actually nuzzling her neck. Like he loves her or something.
Which doesn’t exactly fall in line with my initial impression of Daren.
When I first met him, I thought he was a giant douche bag. A ridiculously hot douche bag—because holy hell, he’s just as beautiful as Kayla—but a douche bag nonetheless. But Pixie claims that he’s not really a bad guy, just a severely misunderstood one. And Kayla must feel the same way. She is, after all, letting the guy play with her hair and whisper in her ear.
“Daren, come on… Daren…” Kayla giggles in his arms as he tries to kiss her neck. “I’m trying to say hi to Jenna.”
Her giggle remind me of Pixie’s giggle and I find myself wondering what it would be like to be so happy I giggled.
Daren sees me watching them like an unwanted third wheel and immediately stops smooching Kayla’s throat. “Oh. Sorry,” he says, giving me a small smile as he nods. “Hey, Jenna.”
I lift an eyebrow. “Hello, Ran
dom Kisser.”
Earlier this year, he planted an unsolicited kiss on Pixie in front of Levi, just to make Levi jealous. I’m not really pissed at Daren for his brazen act, because it did, after all, get Levi to make a move on Pixie. But I still feel like it’s my responsibility, as Pixie’s dear friend, to hold him to it.
Kayla lifts her own eyebrow at Daren and he blushes—he actually blushes. “Yeah, not my proudest moment.”
She nods. “Is this the stealing-a-kiss-from-Pixie thing?”
Daren sighs. “Yeah.”
I just wanted to bust Daren’s balls, but wow. He already told Kayla about the Pixie kiss? And he’s all ooey-gooey in love with Kayla? So he’s not a total douche bag anymore?
Well damn. I can’t hate him now that he’s a good guy.
Why must these two supermodel lovebirds make it so freaking impossible to hate them?
He turns to me. “But I apologized to Pixie. I swear. We’re good. And you don’t have to hate me anymore, Jenna, because I’m completely crazy about Kayla.” He points to the stunning blonde beside him, who’s now blushing worse than he was a moment ago, and smiles. “I don’t want to kiss anyone else. Ever.”
Kayla’s lips part. “Aw…”
They exchange a heartfelt look and I’m suddenly a raging sea of sorrow and jealously.
What is happening to me?
“I just wanted to give you another good-morning kiss,” Daren says, pressing his lips to her temple, “before I go to work for the day.”
Looking him over, I realize he’s dressed in a Willow Inn chef’s coat. “You work here?”
He nods proudly. “Ellen just hired me to replace Pixie.”
I nod. “Congratulations.”
“Thanks.” He smiles at Kayla. “I gotta go. Love you!” Turning to me he calls, “Nice seeing you, Jenna,” before disappearing into the dining room.
Kayla turns back to me, her face positively glowing, and smiles. “Sorry about that.”
“Never apologize for being happy.” I smile sincerely, even though I’m still a little jealous of how content her love life seems.