Chapter 16-Funeral
I thought I was going to be late for the funeral, but as I we pulled up to the front of the cemetery I realized that we were actually early. Pale yellow light filtered down through the grey clouds that filled up the sky casting an eerie glow on everything. Alyssa grabbed my hand and we started walking across the crisp green grass. I slowed down a few times to read the inscriptions on some of the headstones, but mostly we just hurried along trying to outrun the overwhelming sense of dread we felt coming here.
Jett’s mother forewarned us that it would be an open casket for the first half of the funeral, but seeing his lifeless body was nothing short of heartbreaking. The casket was made of sturdy mahogany in a shade of bubblegum pink with an ivory satin lining. I didn’t want to look at him like he was now. I wanted to keep my memories of him chiseled down to the way he was before, but I couldn’t help it. I inched closer and leaned in to examine him. His body seemed to stretch almost the entire length of the casket. He was dressed in a gorgeous black Giorgio Armani suit that showed off his now lifeless features, slender nose, trimmed eyebrows and pouty lips. His arms were gently folded near the waste, his eyes were closed and his mouth had been turned into a half smile.
I fought back tears as a sudden urge swept over me and I leaned close to him, my hand hovering near his mouth checking for any signs of breath. Nope, he wasn’t breathing. This wasn’t just some tasteless joke my friends were playing on me. I heard Alyssa and Zilla sobbing beside me and I joined along with them. I scooted over in between them and grabbed their hands guiding them towards the chairs. We’d all had about as much of this as we could take and it had barely started.
After we sat down my eyes started wandering through the crowd of people that had appeared out of thin air. There was somewhere near two hundred of them, most of whom we were unfamiliar with. I saw Luke standing off to the side near some trees and we made eye contact. I waived him over and he smiled gratefully. I couldn’t imagine just leaving him off by himself at a time like this. “How are you doing?” he asked plopping down next to me. His eyes looked red-rimmed like he had been crying. He pulled out a black embroidered handkerchief, reached up and dabbed at a stray tear that had slipped down the side of my cheek.
“Thank you,” I said trying not to full on cry in front of him. “It’s been a really tough few weeks so I’m holding up fairly well, but losing Jett was like the last straw, you know?” He nodded and held out his hand which I took it without hesitation, glad for the comfort he was willing to offer after everything we’d been through. A sad wailing erupted from near the coffin and I realized it was Jett’s mother. It made me want to jump up and run right out of here. I still couldn’t shake the guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach that screamed “this is all your fault!” If those creatures hadn’t come after me on the beach, Jett would still be alive. Jett’s father led his mother away and helped her sit down then wrapped his arms around her.
I felt my face getting flush, that sensation you get that makes you think someone is watching you. I scanned the rest of the crowd and about came unglued when I spotted Cole. He zeroed in on me and I hoped he could feel the outrage and repulsion I was trying so hard to display. And then he was staring at me with such a vulnerable unguarded intensity that it was making me want to run over there and let him comfort me. I remembered the way it felt to be in his arms when he was holding me on the beach.
“What’s wrong?” Luke asked breaking our staring contest.
“Nothing,” I said trying to sound calm, “just trying to hold it together.”
“Right,” he said squeezing my hand. I looked back up trying to find Cole again, but he was gone. I wanted to get up and go search for him, but then the violin’s started playing and everyone took their seats. A man near his mid-forties in a black silk robe with a medium sized silver cross around his neck stepped up to the podium. He was tall with a perfectly sculpted face, fair hair and milky grey eyes. When he started speaking his voice was clear and loud and it carried through the crowd with ease. “We have come here today in great sorrow to bury a loved one, Jettier “Jett” Mason Alastair.” Zilla, Alyssa and I all looked at each other. I mouthed “Jettier?” They both shrugged their shoulders and turned their attention back to the priest. How did we never know that about him? He had always just been Jett.
I cast my eyes downward and listened to the rest of the service. After the priest was done talking he started calling people up to say their few final words. When it was my turn, Zilla grabbed my hand and walked up with me giving me the encouragement I needed to address all the people who loved Jett so much. The same people who would never get to see his face again, because of me. I took a deep breath looking around at his family and friends who had tears running down their faces and almost fainted. Luckily Zilla was behind me or I would have taken a tumble. She scooted closer and wrapped her arm around my waist. I felt my face get hot and noticed Cole had mysteriously appeared again, standing underneath a tall oak tree near the back. He nodded and smiled. I was so angry with him about everything, but at this moment he was exactly what I needed. The combination of Zilla and Cole’s love surrounding me helped me push through.
“Jett was unlike anyone you have ever met before,” I said smiling. “He had a very infectious, wild and carefree personality. He could make you laugh through even the worst of times. If you were lucky enough to have him in your life then you were truly blessed. His presence will be sorely missed.” Tears started to pour down my face and Zilla hugged me. “I’ll leave you with these words and hope that he is listening up there in heaven. Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, but love leaves a memory no one can steal. We love you Jett.” I placed a yellow tulip on top of his coffin and let Zilla help me back to my seat. I looked for Cole, but he was gone again and that familiar pang of deep sorrow my heart felt for him crashed over me.
The rest of the service was a blur of deepest sympathies and tearful goodbyes. I didn’t even realize it was over until someone cleared their throat and I looked up. Only Alyssa, Luke, Zilla and I were still sitting there lost in thought with Luke holding onto my hand like I was his lifeline. If only he knew I was the cause of all of this. Someone cleared their throat again and this time I found the source. Cole was beckoning me towards an outcropping of trees. “I’ll be right back,” I said standing up. Zilla glanced in Cole’s direction and tried to catch up to me.
“Stop,” she said grabbing my wrist and pulling me to a halt. I couldn’t look into her eyes. If I did she wouldn’t let me go, but I had to finish things. My heart couldn’t take all of this anymore.
“I’m just going to talk to him,” I said trying to wriggle free.
“Are you sure that’s such a great idea?” she asked pointedly.
“I don’t know. Probably not, but I have to.”
She narrowed her eyes. “I can’t let you go. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
I took her hand in mine. “Imagine that you and Locke broke up. What would you do?”
She looked puzzled for a moment. “I don’t know,” she said honestly.
“That’s what it’s like for me. I’m torn here. My heart says yes while my brain says no, but if I speak to him then maybe I can get things figured out.”
She was reluctant to let me go, but she gently dropped my hand and hugged me tightly. “Be careful. I’ll see you tonight, right?”
“Of course. We aren’t getting out of this trip that easily,” I said scornfully.
“Okay,” she said turning around and heading back to the group.
I walked as slow as I could manage to Cole being careful to avoid the urge to rush at him full speed and jump into his arms. “What are you doing here?” I asked marching ahead of him. I was going to lead this conversation, not him.
“I found out from a friend when the funeral was. I wanted to be here for you,” he said taking giant steps and trying to get
ahead of me. I pushed on, farther into the forest of evergreens and redwoods.
“You shouldn’t have come,” I said trying to sound angry. In a flash he stood before me and scooped me up into an embrace. He wove his fingers into my hair and cupped my cheek.
“I love you,” he said his full lips searching for mine. He started out slow and gentle, but then a hunger took over and his kisses deepened. My body responded in turn with the two of us twining together. Some part of my brain took over and I tried to fight it, finally getting a good shove in and knocking him backwards. I had to battle the yearning to rush back over to the comfort of his arms.
“You don’t love me,” I said touching my raw swollen lips. “You tried to kill me.”
“I told you,” he said coming back for me, “that it was before I knew you. Besides, I wasn’t actually tasked with killing you, just turning you into one of my kind and I couldn’t have known that I would fall in love with you.” I tried to jog away from him, but he was immensely faster than me. He shoved a hand behind my head and tipped me backwards onto the grass. He pinned me down gently. All of this happened before I could even count to one.
I started to cry. “Why are you doing this to me?”
He looked hurt. “I promise I’m not doing this on purpose, I just can’t get you out of my head,” he said grabbing a fistful of his hair and tugging on it. “I think about you everyday and night. Sometimes I can’t sleep or eat. I miss you Callie, I need you. I love you. I could never be with anyone else now. You’re the only one for me.”
“I can’t,” I said struggling underneath him. “I just can’t do this right now.”
“Is this because of the Unforgiven?” he asked snarkily. “You got some kind of feelings for him or something?”
Maybe, but that wasn’t something I wasn’t willing to discuss with him and I definitely didn’t want to draw more attention to Draven than there needed to be. “No,” I said shaking my head, “it’s not because of Draven.”
“So you’re on a first name basis with the transparent dweeb now huh?”
“Stop it,” I said putting my hand on his chest. I shivered at the coldness beneath his shirt.
“You’re lying,” he said his eyes turning purple. “I can tell. I’ll kill him,” he said through gritted teeth.
How could I put this into words he would understand? “You are a murderer,” I said trying to emphasize each word. “You killed my cat and you tried to turn me into a monster. That’s why I don’t want to be with you, not because of some other guy.” He looked like I had just jabbed him through the heart, but he released me and sat down Indian style on the cool grass. I stood up and shook the debris off of my dress turning my back to him, but not moving. I didn’t want to walk away leaving him here like this, but I didn’t know what to say that would make the situation any better. I was torn and regardless of what I told him, it was partially because of Draven and partially because of the fact that he tried to do me harm.
“I would do anything for you,” he said painfully, “you name it and it’s yours. Please give me another chance though, I’m begging you. I can make everything right. I promise.”
“You can’t undo what you’ve already done,” I said through sobs. “I don’t think we can go back now. I wouldn’t ever be able to trust you again.” I thought I heard him sniffle, but then it was gone.
“I can’t just stand back and watch you live your life loving someone else.”
“What do you mean?” I asked whirling on him. Was he trying to say he was going to come after me again? If he can’t have me, nobody can? I would hurt him beyond his wildest imagination if he tried.
“Calm down. I mean that it would be torture to watch someone I love continue on with their life like I didn’t exist. If you don’t want me then I’ve got to go home.”
What was with these guys? Both Draven and Cole were insistent upon “returning home”, whatever that meant. “If that’s what you must do, then I won’t hold you back.”
“Wow,” he said standing up, “I really thought you’d put up more of a fight to at least keep me here. I know you feel the same way about me that I do about you Callie, there’s no use trying to hide it.”
I flinched. “I’ve never tried to hide my feelings for you. If you hadn’t tried to do to me what you did you would have heard those words you’re so longing to hear now, I love you too.”
His eyes grew wide. “I knew it.”
“Don’t,” I said holding up my hand. “Just because I loved you in some way doesn’t mean that I still do. I’m just not sure anymore and with everything else going on I don’t have time to stop and think about it.”
He frowned. “So what would you have me do? Do you want me to wait for you or do you want me to go?”
“I don’t know,” I said shaking my head. “I don’t have enough time to make a decision.” I thought about the task that lay ahead of me and pictured him waiting for me. What if something happened to me and I couldn’t come back? He would be heartbroken. And what if I did come back and I still hadn’t made a decision? I had to let him go, it was better to end things here and now. “I think you should just go,” I said finally.
He took a step closer “You can’t mean that.”
“Trust me, its better this way,” I said starting to walk away. “I’m sorry, I really am.”
I expected him to follow me, but he didn’t. Should I feel relieved or upset? I walked back to the group slower than I would have liked so I could wipe away most of the wet tears that had trickled down my face. Only Zilla would know that these fresh ones were because of Cole. Everyone else would think it was because of the funeral. Now I mourned for both Jett and Cole. How could this day get any worse?
We rode back to my house in silence. We opted out of going over to Jett’s house for the reception in lieu of a small remembrance ceremony at my place. Locke was getting released from the hospital in a few hours so Zilla wouldn’t be able to stay through the whole ordeal. I hoped I’d be able to have a little time to myself before it was time to leave. I knew I would have to say goodbye to my parents without actually saying goodbye. I couldn’t tip them off to what I was planning to do.
When we got to the house I noticed that my mom had decorated it black with neon pink and everything coordinated just the way Jett would have wanted. My parents smiled at me and came over to give me a hug. “You’re so brave,” my dad whispered.
“Thanks dad,” I said kissing his cheek.
My mom took my hand and pulled me in close. “I love you so much.”
I wanted to cry again. This new side of my mom was everything I could have hoped for and more. “I love you too.”
Zilla found me an hour into the party and said she had to go help Locke. Alyssa and Luke followed suit shortly after. I had a sneaking suspicion that they were going somewhere together, but I couldn’t call them out on it because I had no proof. Plus, Luke still looked at me the way he did that day on the beach when he told me he loved me. Such a terrible love triangle I had managed to get myself into. I walked them all to the door and once everyone had left I sat down on the couch resting my head in my mother’s lap. “Do you think I’ll ever get used to this?” I asked her cautiously.
“Death is a part of life sweetheart, it’s just the way the world works.”
“I know, but that’s not what I mean. I mean, do you think I’ll ever get used to the people around me dying while I stay like this,” I said pointing to myself, “forever.”
She frowned. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We don’t know if you will be immortal or not. But, if you must know, it definitely doesn’t get any easier watching your loved ones age and disappear while you’re left behind.”
I thought about that for awhile. “When dad and I die will you find a new family? Start over again?”
“No,” she said firmly. “You’re both so special to me that nobody else on this
entire planet could replace you.”
“Thanks,” I said beaming and snuggling in closer. My dad came over and sat at the opposite end of the couch plunking my legs down on his lap. We sat there like that with me basking in the love from parents as long as I could, knowing that in just a few hours I might never come home or see them again. The thought made me dizzy. “I have to get some things packed for my sleepover at Zilla’s,” I said reluctantly getting up.
They both smiled and nodded so I turned around quickly and started to walk away before tears slipped down my face. I was almost to the stairs when a jolting shock shot through my body. It felt like someone had stuck my wet finger into an electrical socket and my body writhed and jerked about until I abruptly fell backwards, my head smacking hard against the wood floor. I could feel my parents both rush over, but it was foggy like I was slipping in and out of consciousness and then I closed my eyes and let the darkness take me.
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