Snorker opened his eyes, he wasn’t dead, but where was he, where was Muppy? The ceiling disappeared into blackness; the walls were of massive blocks of rough-cut, torch-blackened, sandstone. The room looked thousands of years old. The flames from the torches flickered and sparked sending weird shapes onto the walls.
Snorker sat up and looked about, the wall opposite was covered in shelves, containing old books, unusual shaped bottles, ornate containers of differing sizes and styles, figurines of warriors, dragons, jewel encrusted eggs, and other extraordinary things he did not recognise, nor could even name. Where was Muppy?
He thought he saw a small blue and yellow dragon-type figurine move, but that was impossible it looked to be made of stone.
It did, it stretched out its taloned wings and gave a long yawn, and, to Snorker’s surprise, changed colour from blue and yellow to a dark red, and back again. It flapped its translucent wings twice and swished its barbed tail. Its graceful movements astounded Snorker.
Then it spotted Snorker staring, stepped to the edge of the shelf and launched itself towards him. Snorker couldn’t move, he could only watch as the fearsome little creature glided towards him and landed on his chest. Its piercing blue eyes looking directly into his, its red tongue flashing in and out.
A number of things happened at once, Muppy jumped onto the bed and growled and barked at the minuscule dragon, Snorker screamed and the little dragon roared a fierce jet of yellow fire at Muppy, who yelped as her nose was singed, turned tail and scooted under the bed, the little dragon flapped its wings and quickly flew back to its shelf.
‘What’s all this noise?’ said an old, irritated voice.
Snorker watched as the dragon again flew, circled and landed on the shoulder of the old man from the lake. The old man walked closer and Snorker could see he was dressed, wearing a long flowing robe made of the most luxurious red velvet Snorker had ever seen. Now he was nearer he could see his face, and he noticed things he hadn’t seen before. The old man was old, so old it was impossible to judge his age, there were so many lines, so many etched deep into his skin. One line caught his attention, a line deeper than the rest, a line that was not an age line but a massive scar that went from the edge of his right eye to the bottom of his chin. His white beard was plaited, and from each plait hung miniature red roses, as did the wispy hair that fell from behind his ears, because his head didn’t have hardly a hair upon it, instead it was tattooed with magical symbols, runes, gargoyles, astrology, the planets, it was so complicated. Then he noticed his eyes, icy blue, the same as the waterfall and the dragon, eyes that he could have dived into. A nose that had been broken more than once, so that it twisted and turned like a big fat maggot, looking impossible.
Muppy peered out from beneath the bed licking her nose.
‘Why art thou screaming?
Dost the dead need waking from their eternal slumber?
Thou’st frightened the very life out of delicate Twinkle.’
Snorker did a double blink, he had to think hard on what the old man had just said, he spoke peculiarly, ‘Twinkle?’
‘Aye, Twinkle, my pet dwarf dragon. There, there, my sweet, did Elijah’s shouting upset you?’ the old man said tickling the little dragon’s chest, who changed colour to red, mewed and rubbed its reptilian head against the old man’s wrinkled cheek.
Snorker stupidly looked around, expecting to see Elijah: but there was no one else there. ‘I’ve never seen a dragon, but from the tales I’ve heard aren’t dragons supposed to be, well, big?’
‘Fie, fie, well, yes, but Twinkle has some gargoyle i’ her.
Fadge, she’s a dragoyle, a mongrel of a dragon and a gargoyle.
I perchanced to breed the most propriety i’ one.’
‘Can I just stop you there, I don’t mean to rude, but I can hardly understand a word you’re saying.’
‘Ah, yes, sorry about that, it’s the curse you see, sometimes, without me realising it I lapse into old Xolcoran. If I do it again just remind me, it seems to break the curse. Now where was I? Oh yes.
‘A dragon is a fearsome creature, a black cloud before the storm, always on the move, looking for prey. Very aggressive, very ferocious, ready to kill thee at the drop of a hat, mind you, not many of them left, it’s their livers you see, very tasty, hunted for their livers. Whereas the gargoyle is a very passive creature, can sit and watch the world go by for a score of years. I tried to get the best of both. Unfortunately, it didn’t quite work out, I’m not sure why, because both creatures are giants, and I ended up with a dwarf, more dragon than gargoyle, but Twinkle is very affectionate, fantastic nature, so loving, but as you can see, so small. And an added bonus is that she can change colour, which dragons and gargoyles can’t. Funny that.’ He looked around, ‘Where’s your dog? Nevermind, she’ll turn up. Now Elijah, I’ve been waiting for you for nearly a hundred years.’
Again Snorker looked around looking for Elijah. No one. Obviously, this old man was a haystack short of a harvest. ‘A hundred years?’
‘Yes, a hundred years. Don’t you know who I am?’ the old man said, fingering the red roses in his beard.
How do you expect him to know, when you don’t even know?
‘Shut up.’
‘I didn’t say anything.’
‘Do you know who I am?’
‘No.’
‘No? Haven’t you ever attended any state functions?’ He pulled a red rose out.
You’re going off again.
‘No.’
‘No, no,’ he pulled another red rose out as if in anger, and threw it away, ‘don’t you know it’s a law that everyone must attend at least one state function every ten years?’
‘No.’
‘No, no,’ another red rose was pulled out, this time accompanied by a large amount of grey white beard, ‘by Twinkle’s blue eyes what is my land coming to when my subjects feel as though they can do what they like? Remind me to remind them.’ He held up his beard and peered at it, giving a look of dismay that he’s vandalised it, and breathed deeply. ‘Ahhh. Now down to business. Where’s my book? Ah, there it is.’ He held out his hand and a little book levitated towards him and hovered in front. ‘Elijah Birthstoneson, under B’s. Er, page nine hundred thousand three hundred and forty two, I think.’
Snorker looked at the little book, page nine hundred thousand three hundred and forty two? That sounded a lot, too big for that little book. He was definitely a haystack short.
The book opened at the requested page. ‘Elijah Birthstoneson, only son of John and Margreeta, wholesale birthstone suppliers and wizards in the valley of the Dragoylia Castle, is that correct?’
‘No.’
At that moment Muppy crawled out from beneath the bed and jumped up next to Snorker, clearly frightened and began licking his face.
The old man smiled, ‘Told you she’d turn up. Anyway, is that correct?’
‘No,’ Snorker answered shaking his head.
‘No, what do you mean no?’
‘No, I don’t have any parents, I never knew them, I am a slave to Lord Zanatos. I’ve always been a slave ever since I was born. I was told my parents were slaves, as were their parents before them.’
‘Zanatos, that nasty backstabbing, creeping degenerate and number one supporter of Bagarnack.’
‘Bagarnack?’
‘You don’t know who Bagarnack is? Tut, tut, what’s my kingdom coming to? Bagarnack is the most evil, malicious, oops, shouldn’t say too much, it never does well to insult the gods, especially Bagarnack. Right Elijah,’
‘I know who Bagarnack is, and I’m not Elijah, I’m Snorker the Hunchback, slave to Lord Zanatos. And I thought this was Lord Zanatos’s kingdom?’
The old wizard looked surprised, then raised his eyebrows as if realising, ‘Yes, of course, I forgot, the muddlement curse you see, lasts for hundreds of years. Anyway, Elijah.’
‘I’m not Elijah, my name is Snorker.’ His hump and arm were beginning to pain him again.
??
?Snorker? No, no, no, a snorker is a six legged pigmoor trained to hunt for various plants.’
‘That’s what I’m good at, finding plants, herbs, fungi. The Principle-Slave tells me what plants he wants every day and I just know where to look, I can find them very easily, even the rare ones.’
‘Mmm, that is very interesting. However, Snorker is not your name, Elijah is your name. But to be on the safe side, you do live in the valley of the twin waterfalls?’
‘No, I live at Dragoylia Castle. I’m a kitchen slave in the main kitchen that cooks for Lord Zanatos.’
‘Whistling wallababies,’ the wizard smacked his hand against his forehead, ‘Oww, of course it is, how stupid of me.’ He began chewing on a fingernail. ‘But, there’s been a mistake.’
Snorker stared, the wizard seemed to be chewing his fingers, he moved back horrified, the wizard was chewing his fingers, blood was dribbling down his beard. The wizard spat out a whole fingernail.
The old wizard looked at his fingers and shook his head. ‘I must leave now,’ his blue eyes invaded Snorker’s mind, he turned, then turned back, ‘and a word of warning, do not leave these chambers, do not wander, there are things beyond these rooms that will shake your sanity to its foundations. Come on my beauty, back to your perch.’ The little dragoyle flew off his shoulder and back to the shelf. ‘There is food and drink by the fire. I must go. Remember my warning.’ He raised his arms, fluttered his bleeding fingers and dashed out the door.
Snorker glanced over to Twinkle’s shelf, the little dragon had curled into a ball and he knew it was asleep instantly as little rhythmic puffs of smoke were ejected out of its long snout.
He thought perhaps it would be better if he lay back down and closed his eyes, then maybe this nightmare would end, and he would wake up on his straw bed.
He looked around and spotted three doors, he would explore them after having something to eat and drink, after all how can a person be in danger in a dream?
He went to the table and looked at the food, picked up a long thick yellow thing and sniffed it, then took a nibble. He didn’t like it, it was bitter and stringy, then realised that it was the skin. He broke the stalk and peeled back the skin to reveal a white inside, it smelled delicious and he ate it quickly. Then he sniffed a round orange thing, he liked that, biting through the skin, it tasted delicious. But there was some white meat, he didn’t like that, the thought that an animal had died to provide him with food sickened him, but he knew Muppy liked it and picked it up, took it to the bed and gave it to her, she began eating it immediately, without even sniffing it. And some white wine, he liked that also, and the bread was delicious.
After satisfying his hunger and thirst he decided to explore, choosing the first door on the right. It was built of boak, so massive he had trouble opening it, and when he did he wished he hadn’t.
The screams were spine tingling. He saw little people trapped in massive spiders’ webs, with the spiders going from strand to strand wrapping their prey in cocoons of silken thread, then moving onto the next hapless victim.
He quickly shut the door. What sort of nightmarish hell was he in? The second door was locked. He went back to the bed, where Muppy was flat out, full after her large helping of white meat, but he couldn’t stop thinking about all the little people being trapped by the spiders. He had to do something, he had to save them.
He went back to the first door, took a deep breath, pulled open the door and entered, determined to destroy the webs and save the little people.
Strange and unusual feelings invaded his mind, he felt as though he was falling, webs rushed past him, the screams of the little people became louder. Then it stopped and he was stuck to what appeared to be thick ropes that were smeared with large blobs of glue. He looked around as the little people were no longer little and their screams were loud and a gigantic hairy spider was slowly moving towards him. The realisation of what had happened struck him, he had shrunk, he had become one of the little people stuck in a spider’s web.
He struggled, trying to free himself as the enormous spider came closer and closer. But the more he struggled the more he became stuck. The spider was above him, its mandibles making the most fearsome clicking noise, its palpi investigating his head. One of its legs twanged a strand of web making Snorker vibrate until he thought he would shake to bits. He strained every muscle in an attempt to break free, but to no avail. Panic brought him to a frenzy, he screamed.
Suddenly, in a blur of movement, the colossal spider was in front of him, its legs spinning him around, then it turned sideways and Snorker saw, underneath and near the end of its abdomen, three pairs of spinnerets open and a thick stream of silk line spurted out and stuck to the side of his head. Again Snorker was spun around until he was completely encased in a sticky cocoon, unable to move. He could just see through as the spider turned and seemed to stare right into his face. Again he heard the fearsome clicking noises of the spider’s mandibles as they edged closer, its palpi investigating his body. He wanted to scream, but couldn’t open his mouth. He wished the Wizard would come back and rescue him.
Suddenly the spider moved in a flash of speed up the web and he saw a gigantic finger gently prodding it further away. But it wasn’t the Wizard’s finger; it was a long slender finger with Mother of Pearl-like nails, part of a feminine hand. Then the most beautiful face he had ever seen looked directly at him and smiled. It was a young woman with red and green eyes that seemed to sparkle like the millions of stars he had often watched as he lay upon the roof of the battlements. Her skin was perfectly smooth and shone like the white stones he had often picked by the waterfall. Her hands gently cupped him and pulled him from the web. He was in blackness, but had the sensation of movement. Light suddenly flooded in as the giant hands opened and he was gently lowered onto the bed.
Once again he had peculiar feelings, that he was rising, floating upwards from the bed. Then suddenly, he was normal size, lying on the bed, not wrapped in webbing. He stared at the woman who had rescued him, her long auburn, wavy hair, flowed over her beautiful cheeks and onto the shoulders of her elaborate flowing golden dress. Her eyes seemed to be made of rubies and emeralds that sparkled and glistened from within. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
‘You should not wander in here, it is dangerous.’
‘Who are you?’
‘I am Esme, and you are Snorker, but your real name is Elijah. He’s been waiting for you for a hundred years.’
Snorker moved his legs, sat up on the side of the bed, watched, as Esme seemed to glide with movements so graceful she did not appear to be walking at all, and sat next to him. ‘I don’t understand what’s happening. What was that room, why were there gigantic spiders in there?’
‘Concern yourself not with that Elijah. It’s a room created by Bagarnack to punish those that have maligned him. The spiders will not eat them, and Bagarnack will release them when he thinks they’ve been punished enough.’
Elijah nodded. ‘The Wizard also said he’d been waiting for me for a hundred years. Why me? I’m only sixteen years of age. Besides people don’t live beyond seventy.’
‘Maybe, but the Wizard’s a lot older than that.’
‘This is so confusing. Where am I?’
‘So many questions. Aren’t you going to thank me for saving you,’ she leaned over and opened her eyes wide and smiled, ‘from the spiders?’
Snorker had never seen such perfect teeth, she was so beautiful, practically a goddess. Suddenly he became tongue-tied, and his words seemed to tumble out. ‘I, I, I’m very grateful to you.’
She reached up and gently stroked his cheek, her touch was both calming, yet electric, he wanted her to keep touching him, to keep stroking his cheek, he’d never felt such tenderness before.
‘Your destiny is a great one Elijah, it’s been decided. Now you must sleep, and when you awake you’ll remember nothing of what happened. Sleep now.’
His limbs became heavy, his eyelids
felt like they’d weights attached to them, and he couldn’t stop himself from falling backwards onto the bed. Dreamily, he saw her lift his legs, then her face was over his, and she leaned down and gently, so lightly, like a warm breeze scented with honeysuckle, kissed him. Sensations of pleasure washed over him, if this was love he wanted more.
‘We’ll meet again Elijah, now sleep.’
His eyelids obeyed her command and shut, but he forced them open just to see her face once more. He saw her twirl towards the locked door, and as she turned she seemed surrounded in a blue light that grew in intensity, with coloured stars and balls of light dancing around her. Then she was gone and he was asleep.