Yawning, he covered his mouth with the back of his hand. “I can’t believe how tired I am,” he said, dropping his wrist to look at his watch. “I tried to call you but you’re either out of minutes or your battery is dead.” His eyes met mine, annoyance in them. “Again,” he added.
I couldn’t bear lying to him, and I went to the fridge, pretending to get a glass of apple juice. I dumped out about a gallon of it every week. “Um, it’s probably the battery,” I said as I stuck my head in the fridge and breathed in the cold air. “I, uh, kind of loaned it to Barnabas.”
“Madison!”
The exclamation was like a whip, and I pulled back out of the fridge, my eyes downcast. “I’ll get it back tomorrow,” I promised.
“Use mine until you get yours back, okay?” he said as he handed me his. “Where did you and Josh eat?”
The heavy black phone felt funny in my grip, different from my slim pink one. The time was more than two hours off, but as soon as I looked at it, it magically shifted to the right time.
“Um, The Low D,” I said, scrambling to remember our cover story. “Nakita and Barnabas were with us. After Josh’s track meet stuff.”
“You ate, right?”
“As much as I always do.” Smiling, I got a glass out of the cupboard and poured myself some juice. He wasn’t saying anything, just looking at me with concern. “I might have something before I go to bed, though,” I added, and he seemed to lose much of his worry. “Can I go over to Nakita’s tomorrow? We took a lot of pictures at the meet and I want to help her organize them.”
“Sure, but get your chores done before you leave this time,” he said. “I might not be here when you get up. I’ve got to go in tomorrow to close out a trial. I hate those ten-day biological runs. Half the time you either have to start them on the weekend or end them on one. Don’t forget to empty the dishwasher. Take out the recyclables. And I want the porch swept before you leave. Front and back this time.”
It was the usual list, and I recapped the juice, hoping he would leave before I had to drink some. “Yes, Dad,” I almost groaned.
Again he yawned, looking at the clock over the stove. “I can’t believe how tired I am. I must not have had enough coffee today.”
“I’m going to bed, too,” I said, leaving my juice on the counter and going to give him a hug good night. His arms went around me in a blanket of security, and he kissed the top of my head.
“I’m serious about calling your mom tomorrow,” he said softly, still holding me. “She’s worried about you.”
“I will,” I promised.
He let go and I dropped back. Turning to leave, he hesitated. “You smell like smoke.”
I didn’t know if he meant from the fire, or the cigarette stench from the police station, and I fumbled, saying, “I got a ride home with one of Josh’s friends. The car stank.”
My dad accepted that, smiling faintly as he rubbed the top of his head, leaving his hair mussed. “Did you set your stops right?” he asked, meaning the photography stops.
“You know it!” I said cheerfully.
“I want to see the pictures when you’re ready,” he said as he turned and shuffled into the hall. “I know it’s the weekend, but don’t stay up too late!” he said from the stairs.
I exhaled, my faith in Grace increasing a hundredfold. Damn, she was good at keeping me out of trouble with my dad. She and Josh both. “Okay!” I called back to him, then stood there, listening to hear his bedroom door shut. Maybe I could get out of here sooner than I thought.
The house went quiet, and I dumped my apple juice, rinsed out the glass, then hesitated when I opened up the dishwasher. Sighing, I pulled the rack out and started to empty it. I was able to stop time, and here I was, emptying the dishwasher. It might not be a bad idea to sweep the porch, too, before I left.
The soft tap at the kitchen window shot through me like a pulse of fear, and my head snapped up, thinking it was Ron. But it was Josh standing between the house and the foundation plantings, his nose and eyes showing. Seeing my relief, he dropped from sight, but I was already on my way to the front door, swearing softly at him for having scared me.
“Josh!” I whispered as I opened the door. “I thought your mom grounded you!”
His gaze went to the stairway, and he whispered back, “You’re not the only one who can sneak out. What happened? Did you get in trouble? My mom tried to call your dad, but the call wouldn’t go through, and then the phone died.”
I exhaled, thanking Grace. She loved causing mischief if it would keep me out of trouble. I pulled him in, seeing the street behind him was empty and dark. He must have biked over so his car wouldn’t wake anyone up. “Come on in,” I said softly. “My dad’s upstairs.”
“No doubt.” Josh looked at his watch. “You’re going back to Baxter tonight, right?”
I nodded, not sure what I hoped to accomplish anymore, but knowing that it wasn’t over yet. “I’m going to have to. Josh, you won’t believe what happened.”
He followed me in, taking the plates from me as I pulled them out. Josh knew my kitchen almost as well as I did, and he slid them away, being careful not to make too much noise. “Did you get grounded?” he asked in a serious voice.
I looked up from stacking the bowls, blinking until I figured it out. “Oh! No,” I said. Grounding was the least of my worries. “Grace set the clocks back. My dad thinks it’s before midnight. No grounding.”
“Nice!” he said, glancing at the clock over the stove as I went to reset it. “What’s so awful, then?” His face went concerned. “Oh, no. Madison, they didn’t . . . die, did they?”
I touched the digital clock, and the numbers jumped to the correct time. I jerked my hand back as if stung, staring at it. That was weird. “No,” I said. “The apartment caught on fire. Tammy and Johnny are okay, but she told the cops that I set it. I spent most of the night in some cop’s office watching Grace short out my phone’s battery so they couldn’t call my dad.”
Josh made a noise of disbelief, and I turned, shrugging. “Barnabas and Nakita got me out and I learned how to stop time and change Tammy’s aura.”
“That’s great!” Josh said, his pleased expression fading when I didn’t smile back. “Isn’t it?”
“The seraphs sent a dark reaper to scythe Tammy,” I said, feeling the hurt of that all over again. “They’re giving up on me. So of course Ron sent a light reaper to stop him. It was a mess. He stopped by tonight. Ron, I mean.” I looked toward the front door as if I could see through the walls. “Trying to figure out what I was doing.”
Eyes wide, Josh fumbled for a clean glass. “So what is he going to do?”
“I don’t know,” I said, the open dishwasher between us. “At least he admitted he doesn’t think I’m trying to kill her.” No, he just thinks I’m being stupid. “I did manage to stop the dark reaper the seraphs sent out. His name is Demus. He’s a redhead,” I said, my focus blurring as I remembered how good he looked.
“What, do you like him?”
Josh’s voice had risen in pitch, and I jerked my attention to him. “He’s an angel,” I said, hiding a quick smile when I realized he was jealous. “You’re not worried, are you?”
“Of an angel? No,” he said, but his motions as he stacked the bowls said otherwise.
“Josh . . .” I said, worried that he felt like he didn’t belong and might leave. “Angels are pretty, but they are kind of intense, you know?”
“Yeah, but they can fly.”
“Oh, stop it,” I said, giving his shoulder a little push as I leaned across the dishwasher between us and grabbed the silverware. “I like you, okay? Not an angelic serial killer.”
“When you put it like that . . .” he said, smiling, and I turned away, suddenly uneasy. Angelic serial killer, and I was the boss. As soon as Josh figured out how true that was, he might be gone, and then I’d be a bigger freak than before. Puppy presents, this sucked.
Silverwar
e in hand, I yanked the drawer open with my pinkie. Tonight had been a disaster. I couldn’t plug the holes fast enough, and the water was almost up to my chin. Frustrated, I gave up sorting the forks from the spoons, and just dumped them in and shut the drawer. Arms over my chest, I stood at the counter and stared at the wall.
“You’ll make it work. I know you will,” Josh said softly.
The dishwasher was empty, and feeling numb, I sat at the table and put my head in my hands. I couldn’t do this anymore. The lies, the sneaking around. I was trying to change something that no one else wanted to change—no one else saw anything wrong with. Except Barnabas. Barnabas believed I could do it.
Head down, I exhaled, feeling my breath leave me and my lungs collapse. I didn’t have to breathe again, and that bothered me. I wanted to be normal, damn it. What guy wants to date a superhero who never needs rescuing? He had his pride. Besides, the seraphs didn’t believe in me. Tammy hated me. Nakita was upset. My eyes grew warm, and I wasn’t surprised when a tear brimmed and fell. I don’t have to breathe, but I can still cry? How unfair is that?
“Madison?”
Josh’s hesitant touch on my shoulder made me even more depressed, and I sniffed, not looking up.
“I’m sorry,” I said, sitting up and wiping my eyes. “I’m not crying,” I said as if trying to convince myself, because I sure wasn’t convincing him. “It’s only that nothing is going right anymore.”
Smiling faintly, Josh sat down beside me. “It’s going to be okay,” he said, finding and holding my hand.
“That’s not why I’m crying!” I said, head down and tears leaking out no matter how hard I tried to stop them. “I mean, Tammy is important, but . . .”
I couldn’t say the words. They sounded so lame next to the problem of Tammy being hunted by a dark reaper. One of my dark reapers.
“Then what?” Josh asked, and I looked at my hand in his. He was holding it protectively, and it hit me hard.
“I-I found my body,” I whispered, looking at our hands on our touching knees. “When I was in the police station. I almost had it, almost managed to slip into it completely and make it mine again, but Barnabas came in, and I lost it.”
“Your body?” Josh said, then glanced at the hall. “Madison, that’s fantastic!” he said, his voice softer. “Why are you upset? If you found it once, you can find it again. You can be fully alive again! That’s great!”
“It’s not great,” I said, miserable. “No one else was happy about it. They all want me to stay as the dark timekeeper. I don’t know why! I’m not good at it. Barnabas thinks I can change things, but he used to be a light reaper. Nakita thinks it’s a waste of time. Now the seraphs are mad at me. They think I’m not taking this seriously or that I don’t understand what’s at risk.” Miserable, I wiped my eyes again and sniffed loudly.
“I’m happy,” Josh said as he leaned forward.
At that, I let out a barking sound of a sob, dropping my head and letting go of his hands so I could wipe my face. “I’m tired of it all,” I said, feeling it hit me hard as I admitted it aloud. “I’m tired of lying to my dad. Tired of fighting to make myself understood. Tired of not being able to sleep or eat. I just want to come home and be normal!”
I looked up at him through my wet eyes to see sympathy but no understanding. “But,” he started, and I shook my head, stopping him.
“Nakita is depressed because I might leave and forget about her. Barnabas is disappointed that I want to give up on something he’s believed in for thousands of years but was too afraid to try for until now. I’m actually starting to figure things out, and somehow it’s making things worse, not easier. I changed Tammy’s aura today,” I said, finding no joy in it. “And I stopped time. I stopped time, Josh! And I don’t even care.”
“Yes you do,” he said, and I shook my head, but at least I was able to stop crying.
“For the first time,” I said. “For the first time I feel like I can make a difference, but the seraphs won’t give me a chance. I could do this timekeeper thing if they would just let me do it!”
Suddenly I realized how close we were. He had taken my hands again, and his knees, where they pressed against mine, were warm. He was listening to me, and it almost started me crying again. “I miss not being able to eat dinner with my dad,” I whispered. “I miss waking up and looking at the sun on my wall and wondering what the day is going to be like.”
I blinked, and a tear brimmed and fell. Josh wiped it away, and his hand taking mine again was damp.
“I miss being normal,” I breathed, feeling drained and thinking about Paul, the rising light timekeeper. Sure, there was the icky factor of having Ron as a teacher, but he did have a teacher, and a life, and probably a girlfriend who didn’t know he was someday going to be a friggin’ timekeeper in charge of angels. He could pretend he was the same as everyone else. “Most timekeepers get to live their entire life before the old one dies and they have to set everything aside and be more than normal. I’m going to miss everything.”
Okay, so maybe I was being a little drama queen, but Josh was the only person who I could tell this to who might understand.
“You’re not going to miss everything,” he said, and before I knew what he was doing, he leaned in and gave me a kiss.
A spark lifted in me. My hands tightened on his, and I shifted my head so our lips met more fully. My eyes closed, and I leaned in just a bit, feeling the space between us. Electricity spun down to my toes, and I pulled him closer.
It was awkward, sitting the way that we were, but it was the first time all day that I felt something other than confusion and desperation. I didn’t want the kiss to end, but he slowly pulled back. The memory of my heartbeat thumped and my eyes opened. I felt breathless, though I knew I couldn’t be. Josh was smiling, and his eyes flicked to mine and held, making me feel warm again.
“You want your body, right?” he asked, as if he hadn’t just made every part of me come alive. I nodded, and he added, “So go get it.”
I pulled back, worried. “You mean you think I should give the amulet up?” I said, feeling a ping of alarm ring through me. “Just walk away from being the dark timekeeper?”
“No, of course not.” He shifted, and our knees parted. “But Ron still has his body, right? He’s alive and he’s still the light timekeeper. So what’s the big deal? You want it. Go get it. Being alive doesn’t mean you have to give it up, does it?”
“No,” I said hesitantly as I recalled my conversation with a seraph on that Greek island when I accepted the position. I had asked if I could take the amulet until I found my body, then return it, and the seraph had said I could if that was what I chose to do. If I chose now to have both, wouldn’t that count for something?
Josh leaned in, surprising me when he kissed me again, lightly, almost teasingly as he took my fingers in his. “Just go get it. Let the rest figure itself out.”
I looked at the hallway, thinking of my dad. “Now?”
Josh stood, grinning down at my reluctance. “Why not? If it had been me, I would have made Barnabas stop so I could have taken it when I first saw it. They live forever, Madison. What do they know? Go get your body, and I’ll make you a sandwich. We can eat it and be normal. And when we’re done being normal, we can call Barnabas and you can go back to saving the world. Jeez, Madison, even superheroes have real lives.”
It was exactly what I wanted, what I’d been thinking about all day, and I sat at the table, unable to stop my fake heart from pounding. He made it sound so simple. I wanted it. To agonize over what everyone else thought I might do because I had my body was a stupid thing to do. “I’m going to do it,” I said, and his smile grew wide.
“I knew you would.” He gave me a soft smack on the shoulder. It wasn’t as nice as that kiss, but I smiled back at him. Doing this felt right, for a change. Heaven be damned, if they didn’t want to do things my way, then I’d just give the amulet back and to hell with th
em all.
Excitement zinged down to my toes, almost as potent as that kiss had been. I settled myself more firmly in the chair, setting it square to the table with my back to the hallway arch.
Josh made a sound of surprise. “Here? What if your dad comes in?”
He had moved to stand beside the coffeepot, concern in his expression, and I put my hand out, hoping he’d come sit beside me. “I want you with me when I do this,” I said, my foot jiggling under the table. “You in my room after midnight isn’t going to happen. Talk about my dad having a cow! The roof is out, too. Ron might still be out there.”
“Okay, but we could go somewhere else,” he said, arms crossing in front of him as he looked out the black window to the street.
“Barnabas is going to be here in an hour,” I said impatiently. “There’s nothing open. It will be fine, Josh. The first time I did this, I was in a cop’s office. Besides, what do you think is going to happen? I slip into my body, and it’s done!”