CHAPTER 2
The next Monday started like any other Monday except it was hot. Super hot. Sweat was trickling down my back between my white cotton sports bra and the hideous synthetic uniform we all wore to school. The boys got to wear khaki pants and white or yellow golf shirts. Not too bad, right? The girls had to wear stiff white Oxford blouses tucked into a brown and yellow plaid skirt and a brown snap tie. Knee high brown socks and penny loafers completed this fashion disaster. Sr. Diane actually took a ruler out some days to check the hemline of our skirts. No more than one inch above the knee was tolerated. For many girls that meant a trip to the ladies' room to unroll their skirts, and for the rest, they had to tear out their too short hemlines and spend the morning in home economics to re-sew them. I never had this problem of course. My hemline came just past my knees, and I could care less. No one here noticed me anyway. Except for Julianna, and believe me, I could do without the notice.
Fourth period that day was Phys. Ed. Oh joy, oh rapture. Because they shifted my classes around so I could take English and Math with the juniors that meant I also had Phys. Ed. with them. I freely admit a complete lack of coordination and a general unease at the thought of all things sports-like. Let's just say that when it came to our high school physical education class, I was in my least comfort zone. The locker room was the worst. Especially when Julianna and the cheering squad came in. When they got changed, they weren't like the rest of us hurrying into our even more hideous gym uniforms. Ill-fitting brown shorts that again came to our knees and white t-shirts that were so cheap they were see through. The school logo was printed in brown across our chests. The logo was supposed to be a Zephyr, you know like a whirlwind, but it just looked like a splatter of mud.
So, there I was about to change into my mud shirt and shorts, possibly the most unbecoming outfit of all time, when I looked up to see the cheerleaders. Julianna was cheer captain. Quite an achievement for a junior, usually the position was reserved for a senior. The whole team was converged on the other side of the row of faded pink lockers. They wore matching hot pink and green leopard printed bras and practically nonexistent underwear. A bunch of them were pointing and laughing at the girl next to me.
Angela Tanner. She was a junior like them, but not like them. That was the point. Unlike her perfectly highlighted, tanned and size zero classmates, Angela's skin was so pale you could see her blue veins running through her arms and legs, except for the spots covered by orange freckles. They matched the short spiral curls that shot up all over her head. She was also a girl who appreciated food. Now when it came to eating I was not a slacker, I just never seemed to gain a pound. Angela would have been a total bombshell in the fifties, like a Betty Grable or Virginia Mayo, but nowadays starvation seemed to be all the rage. To Julianna and her cronies being anything over a hundred and fifteen pounds was the equivalent of being a leper. I had only spoken to Angela a few times, but she was a nice girl. She wrote for the school e-newspaper and took photos for the yearbook. Her dad was super rich, but she was down to earth. Sometimes we rode the bus together.
"Hey Angela, where do you get like panties that big? You shop at that fatty store, don't you? You know the one, Julianna, the old lady one that like my granny shops at?!" Jennifer, a petite blonde clone of my cousin's, high-fived another girl and laughed as Angela struggled to get her shorts and shirt on before turning her back to grab her sneakers. Her face was bright pink with humiliation.
"Hey, Angela need-to-get Tanner! We're talking to you!" Julianna laughed again and continued getting dressed. Angela kept her head down and ignored the bitchy comments the cheerleaders made. I tried not to notice as a tear rolled down her cheek. It made my stomach turn. I shot my cousin a dirty look which only caused her to focus on me. Normally, I wouldn't have drawn attention to myself. But I was not feeling great that day. It was just so hot, and I must have been getting ready for that time. Seeing them pick on Angela just rubbed me the wrong way.
"Knock it off, Julianna." I looked over while still in my sports bra and a pair of plain white boy-shorts.
"OMG ladies, do you see this? Hey freak, where did you get the boy's underwear? From a real boy? I didn't know you, like, knew any." More pointing and laughing. This time at me, as they donned their shorts and shirts they rolled them up and tucked them in until they actually looked good. Damn it.
"Leave me alone, clones," I said and turned to quickly get into my shorts and shirt. I tied my ancient Nikes and ignored them as, long limbed and golden tanned, the cheerleaders swept past me in a cloud of cotton candy perfume and makeup.
"Yeah right! Next time keep out of our business. Oops!" Julianna walked past and knocked my bottled water under a locker. More snickering followed my cousin's latest display of teen bullying. Bravo to you Jules, you really take the cake.
"I have an extra," Angela held a bottle of spring water out to me though she couldn't quite meet my eyes.
"Thanks, and uh, I'm sorry about my cousin. You know what they say, you can't pick family."
"True." She shrugged her shoulders and pulled her wayward curls back in a glittery yellow headband.
"Anyway, she's just a little bit full of herself."
"Yeah, we'll if I looked like her I'd be full of myself too. You know where my mom sent me this summer? To fat camp! That's right, six weeks of dieting and exercising and, know what? I lost three pounds. Yup, that's right, three whole pounds. Mom was devastated of course, but it's not my fault. I have a hormonal imbalance, and it is really hard for me to lose the weight. They told me not to eat carbs! Don't eat carbs? I'm sixteen, of course, I want to eat freaking carbs!" Angela sighed and attempted to tuck her cell phone into her pocket, but it was a hopeless endeavor. She threw it in her locker and slammed the door.
"She's not perfect, you know. That's the benefit of being related to her. I know stuff. You know she'd kill me if I told anyone this but when she was in seventh grade, she was a hundred and sixty pounds and had acne. Like bad acne." I held up my hands to show the monster sized pimples Julianna had had all over her face and back.
"I'd love to get my hands on any pictures you have! For the yearbook! LOL" We both laughed. I guess having a common enemy does make friends out of strangers.
Because the weather was good albeit hot, we were going outside for class. We started running laps around the track that circled the new turf soccer field. Coach Vinnie timed us on his old digital stopwatch. He wore his usual royal blue matching running suit sans jacket and white golf shirt. Huge rings of sweat circled his armpits and chest. He kept chugging from an orange Gatorade bottle. I couldn't blame him, it was hot. Angela and I stayed to the back of the group, away from the star athletes and cheerleaders. My eyes kept flashing ahead though. To him. Sebastian De La Cruz, starting forward of the SHPS Zephyrs Soccer Team, state champs three years running, was leading the pack. Julianna was running close behind him. She was doing it mostly to get a look at his butt. She'd been hinting all summer that this year he'd be taking her to prom. In her world, the star cheerleader belonged with the star athlete. At our school that meant Sebastian or Sebby, as he was commonly known, and Julianna.
Sebastian was just about the most perfect boy I had ever seen. He was pretty tall, about five-foot eleven, which was even tall for me and I'm five-foot nine. Lean and muscular, a true soccer player's build. He must have been outdoors a lot during the summer because his clear skin was a gorgeous golden tan. His black hair was cut short and he ran with effortless grace. He was beautiful to watch. I had to agree with Julianna there. But he was far out of my league. I knew I'd never win a beauty contest and I was more likely to read a book than put on make-up and style my hair. I couldn't help it, nothing I did would change how I looked anyway. I was almost sixteen, but I looked about three years younger. My dark brown hair hung down my back in a single braid and my eyes were a boring brown. I was too tall to be cute and too bony to be really attractive, so I didn't try.
Sebastian held the lead with a few of his soccer buddies. Mike was sh
orter and stockier than Sebby. He had wavy blonde hair and freckles. He was a tough player, he held all sorts of goalie records in the state. Tyler was tall, dark haired and not very cute. He had a big nose and an acne problem, but girls still drooled over him. Probably because he hung around with Sebby. Julianna, Lizette, Jennifer and a couple of other cheerleaders would intermittently jog up to them then they would stop to stretch. Although who really needed to stretch every fifteen minutes while jogging laps? It was really just an excuse to stick out their chests in their push up bras and bend over to show off their legs and such. Whatever. Way to be subtle, ladies.
In the middle of my third lap, my head started pounding. The trees around the new turf field started blending into one another. The sun was so bright I couldn't look at the sky. I blinked several times, trying to clear my line of vision, but it was as if I could only focus on the most minuscule thing. Like the tiny pieces of rubber turf dotting the track or the piece of blue lint sticking to my shoelace. I blinked again and shook my head a little. The temperature was rising. I could feel my uniform clinging to me and my throat closing in. I tried to suck in more of the dry air, but it was as if the heat was pressing in on me. I slowed down and doubled over, struck by a cramp. My stomach was turning in on itself. I felt my heart pounding away inside of me. Thump, thump, thump. I had never felt such intense pain. As if my insides were trying to claw their way out.
"Ms. Kelly? Come on, on your feet, kiddo. Kelly? Hey!" Coach Vinnie yelled, but I couldn't move. He blew his whistle, and I could feel everyone look at me. I could hear their whispers, but I couldn't make a sound. Like I was trapped in my own personal bubble of heat and pain.
"Omg what a freak!"
"Hey girl, that's your cousin, right?"
"So, what, it's not like we're like friends or anything." I could hear Julianna's stiff reply.
"Don't you, like have to live with her? It's so good of your mom and dad to let her live with you!"
"Yeah well, uh, my dad's a bleeding heart. Not my choice, believe me." I knew how being related to me wasn't something she openly shared. Must have ticked her off that someone put it all together. Right then I didn't really care, my stomach was in a vice grip.
"What's the matter with her? You know, besides the obvious."
"Little Orphan Annie, is trying to get sympathy points I guess, jeez Jules. She is such a loser."
"Yeah, you're so right, Jen! She is so jealous of you, Jules, look at her trying to get pity points or whatever."
"Ugh. Whatever." Julianna said through clenched teeth, I could feel her eyeing me with disgust.
"Ms. Kelly, you okay," Coach Vinnie was next to me trying to get me up. I couldn't move, I was in the grips of a pain I had never felt. "You're burning up. She's burning up gang, back up a few steps, please. Move it! Julianna, come here, this is your cousin, right?" He didn't wait for a reply which was a good thing, she might have denied it. "Listen up, I want you to go get the nurse. Tell her to come here right away and you might want to call home."
"Um, yeah I would, but-"
"I'll go," I think it was Tyler and he ran inside to alert Nurse Carol.
Their voices sounded foggy and unclear, as if I were underwater. I vaguely recall the nurse coming and taking my temperature. Someone poured water into my mouth. It was cold, it felt wonderful going down my burning throat. Strong, gentle hands helped me to my feet. My legs shook beneath me. Someone prompted me to walk. I recognized Angela on one side of me. She held my arm and looked worried. I stumbled as another cramp hit me. Someone else slid an arm around me. I inhaled, it was pleasant. Sebastian. His strong arm held me upright. The two of them walked me to the nurse's office. They helped me lay down on the tan pleather chaise. Sebastian waited while Angela fetched a cool washcloth for my head. I could smell the fresh laundry scent of him even as I clutched my stomach. I knew I would be mortified the next time I saw him, but right then I didn't care. It was all I could do not to be sick all over the floor in front of him.
"Hey, you're gonna be ok," he said with a quiet strength that comforted me. Angela returned and placed the washcloth on my forehead. It felt wonderful. Nurse Carol, a short, stocky woman in her mid-fifties with gray streaked blonde hair and a no-nonsense attitude, soon shooed them off to class.
"Ms. Kelly, I've called your house and your grandmother said your uncle is on his way, okay? Just hang in there, honey." Her voice was calm, but I could tell by the sound of her voice she was worried. Clearly, she had no idea what was wrong with me. I heard her whispering into the phone from the hallway. "Well, yes, she is burning up, but she also appears to have pain in her abdomen. No, not appendicitis. It's more centered. Yes, ok. No, her parents are deceased, no I'll tell her grandmother, ok. Thank you." By the time my uncle came to get me the pain in my stomach had started to fade. I still felt feverish and I could hardly move. I felt so tired. Used up. Like I had run thirty miles instead of three little laps.
"Hey kiddo, you okay?" Uncle Vito asked as we drove home in his pick-up truck. I nodded and laid back, eyes closed. When they were open it was like I could see every microscopic detail in front of me. A bead of sweat on my uncle's brow, a speck of dirt on the car mat that was actually a dead bug, a piece of a fry he must have eaten for lunch stuck between his teeth. It was all too much. I closed my eyes to get away from it, but the noise. Ouch. Uncle Vito had loads of gardening tools in the back, they clanged around as he drove. I tried to keep my breaths shallow, but the noise was intense. I could smell everything also. Soil, grass, fertilizer, coffee, hand sanitizer, my uncle's aftershave. Not bad smells. Familiar and even pleasant somehow. But they were strong.
Uncle Vito was a big guy, tall and good looking. His dark hair was streaked with some gray and his brown eyes always twinkled with mischief. He was forever pulling gags like tugging Nonna's apron strings open while she cooked dinner or hiding behind the door to scare Rebecca when she came down the stairs. Stuff like that. Stuff that Julianna and Aunt Theresa no longer seemed to appreciate. His landscaping business was taking some hard hits with this drought, and I felt bad for him. I was determined not to be a burden. I could already feel the guilt Aunt Theresa would heap on me for making my uncle miss a job to come and get me. Not that she could miss her weekly hair appointment to get me herself. Before we pulled into the driveway I could see Nonna. She waited for me with a glass in her hand. Her medicinal tea, already iced and in my favorite tall blue glass. Her special blend of tea and herbs to make me feel better no matter what ailed me. I knew it would be sweet with honey and a little lemon. To brighten it, she always said. I asked her how to make it every once in a while, but she always waved me away. One day she would leave me all her recipes, she promised.
"Cara Mia, how are you feeling? Okay now?" The anxiety on her face a stark contrast with her usual quiet reassurance.
"I'm fine Nonna, I just have some cramps, and I think maybe a little fever." I took a sip of the iced tea and walked inside. I knew she would make me finish it all before I could go to my room so I sat down at the kitchen table and forced myself to drink it. The sweet familiar taste I expected was bitter and hard to swallow. I gagged a little only to be met with a cross stare from Nonna. She pointed at the cup, an indication for me to drink and continued talking to Uncle Vito in quick southern Italian dialect. I knew he was anxious to leave. Aunt Theresa would be back soon and he'd rather be gone. I didn't blame him.
"Thanks, Uncle Vito," He rubbed my head and said goodbye. He wasn't very demonstrative in his affections. A good pat on the head was like a declaration of love from him. I smiled.
"No problem, kiddo, just feel better," he smiled back at me and turned to put his worn-out Yankees cap on his head. He kissed his mother on the cheek and hurried out the door.
"Okay now, you finish your tea? Maria, drink it all. No wasting time. Please, cara."
It was the please that did it. Nonna rarely used that word. She didn't have to. She was the best cook in the whole state. There wasn't a drink or dish anyo
ne wouldn't gladly finish and ask for more. Maybe it was the fever, but for the first time I couldn't swallow another drop.
"Sure, I'm going to finish it." Another white lie for me to confess to Fr. Verrell next week.
"Good girl."
I watched as she walked to the stove stirring the big pot of what smelled like her famous chicken soup. She used fresh organic chicken breast, sweet onions, celery and fresh plump carrots. I could smell dill and parsley and the familiar olive oil she used in everything. It gave it flavor, she always said. I waited for her to start singing. Frank Sinatra this time, he was one of her favorites. Fly me to the moon.
It's not often I disobey Nonna, but I couldn't force another swallow of that tea down. I poured it in the small potted house plant that sat in its customary spot in the center of the scarred oak table. That table had been in my Nonna's kitchen since she moved here in the 1970s with my grandfather. He passed away years ago, I knew he built this table and she loved it.
"I'm gonna go upstairs and lay down. Thanks, Nonna," I said and hurried out of the room after placing my cup in the sink. I was a terrible liar. I knew she would sniff it out of me in a second if she asked me if I finished my tea again.
My head started to pound as I took the stairs slowly up to my room. My room used to be the attic and I had the whole floor to myself. Uncle Vito put in a large bay window and window seat overlooking the backyard. It helped me not to feel cramped. I had adequate space even though the ceiling sloped on one side. I was able to fit a small futon that served as a couch and bed for a guest and a full-sized bed for myself. Uncle Vito and I painted the walls a pale buttercup yellow and the ceiling was white. The colors helped make the room look bigger. Julianna and Rebecca shared a room and I was sincerely grateful for my own space. I had my own bathroom, complete with a full-size tub, rubber duck printed shower curtain and rug. I liked rubber ducks.
I have a collection of rubber ducks on an old wooden shelf in the corner of my room. My mom started it for me when I was a baby. I have football ducks, rock star ducks, ducks painted like dragons and fairies. Even the quilt on my bed had rubber ducks all over it. I didn't remember much about my parents, but I kept every duck they ever gave me. A small pink one was my favorite. My mom got it for me the day she found out she was going to have a little girl. Since then it's been a little tradition in the family. Every Christmas I get a duck in my stocking, every Easter one in my basket and last year for my birthday Nonna made me a cake in the shape of a giant rubber duck. Yellow buttercream and all. But that day my little ducks gave me no comfort.
I went straight to the air conditioner the minute I closed my door. It was on full blast, but I couldn't feel it at all. I peeled off my sweaty gym clothes and worked the shower till I stood under a sharp spray of cold water. Some minutes later, I'm not sure how many, I got out of the shower and put on my cotton bathrobe. I didn't even run a brush through my hair, I had no energy. Zero. Zip. I collapsed on my bed without turning the covers down or changing into pajamas.
That night as I slept I had the dream again. My mother was still fuzzy. I couldn't make out her face or her body. Only her hair when it tickled my cheek and her scent was clear to me. I wanted to reach up and hold her, but my arms were too heavy. I couldn't move them no matter how hard I tried. I started to call out, but it was as if my voice wouldn't work. My mind screamed for her to stay, to help me, but I couldn't make a sound. The next morning, I woke up to her shouting the same phrase at me over and over, "Run Maria, run! Run!" I felt completely unrefreshed and unsettled when I stumbled into my bathroom. On top of that, I was late. I looked at my haggard reflection and quickly washed my face and brushed my teeth. What the heck? How did I get leaves in my hair? I looked around and saw the window was open, no wonder it was so hot. I shut the window and hastily dressed. I could still make the school bus, but I had to skip breakfast which stunk because I was starving.
"Late today aren't you," Aunt Theresa said as she looked me up and down. My uniform shirt was wrinkled and untucked, and my socks were slouched around my ankles. I knew Julianna would be crisp and perfect, but what can I say. We had serious differences about what was important in life.
"You really don't care what people think of this family do you, Maria Graziana? Your poor uncle being dragged off of work to get you and you can't even brush your hair. I doubt you were even sick. You're never sick. Not even when we all had the flu last year. Just grasping for attention! You are spoiled rotten." My aunt's eyes raked over me, and I cringed. I knew how she saw me and she wasn't wrong. I haven't been sick since I was a little girl and I never tried hard with my appearance. What for? One look at my cousin as she appeared in the doorway and I knew it would never make a difference anyway. Julianna's hair was done in an intricate waterfall braid with perfect wisps framing her peaches and cream complexion. Her baby doll blue eyes were outlined with brown eyeliner and mascara and her pouty mouth glossed over in the faintest of pinks. Minimal makeup was allowed at our school, though some girls did go overboard. Not Julianna. She had personal appearance down to an art. Kudos to you, cuz.
My own hair was in a low ponytail and hung down my back since I didn't have time to do anything more than brush it. As for my complexion, it was clear and tanned from my time in the garden and maybe a little oily since I couldn't seem to stop sweating. No make-up though. Not now and probably not ever since I had no idea how to apply it. Julianna's hair was about a dozen different colors from brown to pale blonde. She had it highlighted every eight weeks. It was quite pretty. Even her little sister Rebecca was beginning to show what a beauty she would be. Big blue eyes like her sister and curly light brown hair. Of course, my hair was a dull dark brown, and wavy which meant it never curled or straightened completely. It was also too long. When I let it loose, it fell past my waist. Nonna wasn't one of those older women into getting her hair done every week. In fact, she hardly noticed her hair and got it cut at the same barber who cut my grandfather's hair once a month. When I was little I would wait to be asked to join my cousins and aunt on one of their salon trips, but I never was. It hurt me then.
Nowadays Aunt Theresa told me I should cut my hair almost constantly. Maybe that's why I refused to. I didn't have the time or the inclination that morning to care about the vast difference in beauty between my cousin and me. We had a test in Lit and I was sure I wouldn't do well since I slept all the previous day and didn't even start my homework. Crap. I hated that. Hated being unprepared.
"Good morning Aunt Theresa," was all I had said before Nonna walked in.
"Maria, you don't go to school today, you were sick yesterday, remember?" Her housedress was streaked with dirt where she rubbed her fingers after picking something from the garden. She held purple flowers with dark green leaves and a piece of root in her hands. I didn't recognize any of it. Weird, considering I had worked the garden since I could hold a trowel.
"I have to, Nonna, I have a test today," I kissed her cheek and headed out the door. Julianna was there already and promptly ignored me as we took seats on opposite sides of the bus. I found Angela on the bus and sat down next to her. I opened my school bag to take a sip from my water bottle only to find Nonna had replaced my usual iced water with that weird tea from yesterday. I choked down the gulp I took and quickly closed the cap. I'd throw it out at school.
"Hey girl, so, how are you? I was worried after you keeled over like that in gym yesterday." Angela moved her backpack off the seat next to her and I slumped into the chair. Today she had a big purple headband holding her bright orange curls at bay. It was cute in a fairy-punk sort of way.
"Yeah, that was weird. I don't know, I like slept for ten hours, but I'm fine now." I shrugged.
"Really? Wow! When I'm sick, it takes me days to recover!" I listened to Angela go on about her latest bout with seasonal allergies and tried to ignore the giggling coming from Julianna and her friends.
"Hey Maria," said Lizette, a short dark-haired version of my cousin, complete with waterfall bra
id and perfectly applied make-up. "You should like buy some Midol for those super cramps of yours. That is if you're old enough to get your period. You do know what that is, sweetie, don't you?"
"Sure, she gets her period, just started last week in fact."
"Well, maybe she forgot how to be a girl under those guy clothes she wears," more laughter.
"Hey Grazi, where do you get your underwear? My little brother wants to know!"
I wanted to disappear. My cousin was such a jerk. Julianna knew that I had only gotten my period the previous summer. Three years after she had hers. Apparently, she thought it was cool to blab about it to her clones. My head started pounding, and I closed my eyes. I could hear my heart beat, perspiration was beading on my forehead. I took a tissue out of my backpack and wiped it quickly. Trying to ignore the sounds behind me. Angela gave me a sympathetic smile, but ducked her head and pretended to read something on her cellphone before anyone could see her. I couldn't blame her. She was being harassed enough on her own. The cheerleading squad was the Sacred Heart Preparatory School's own personal torture squad. Their job was to flaunt themselves and their physical perfection in front of us lesser mortals, to berate, humiliate, and embarrass us. So basically, they were designed to just make us all sick. Julianna discussing my personal life shouldn't have surprised me, but still it hurt.
I was sensitive about my lack of development. Even Rebecca, who was barely eleven, was starting to wear training bras. Nonna took me to the pediatrician after my fourteenth birthday came and went and still no period. He said I was fine. A picture of health. In fact, he attributed my late menstruation to the fact that unlike most children I was raised on a mostly organic diet since birth. Especially meats and dairy. He said that the hormones in regular products caused the early onset of menstruation and physical development in most young girls these days and that I was not abnormal at all. My mom always bought organic and after I had moved in with Nonna, she did too.
Aunt Theresa liked to cook her own food and she didn't believe in it. She thought Nonna was just spoiling me. After I turned fifteen my menstrual cycle started and, seriously, a year has passed and I still don't see what the rush is. I could have gone a few more years without it. I mean who the heck wants to start their cycle anyway? I understand it is necessary for the propagation of the species, but it is uncomfortable if not downright painful. Cramps, bloating, mood swings, ugh. Having your period sucks. I can only imagine what childbirth will be like if this is the precursor to it. Nonna said that was why we're the stronger sex because if men had to do it they simply wouldn't.
"Jeez," Angela said and peeked over at my cousin, "How can you stand living with her?"
"No choice."
"Yeah well, at least she'll be gone in two years, right? College."
"Yeah, college." Not very likely. Julianna had other aspirations. She was determined to be the next Teen Idol. Rumor had it the show was headed to New Jersey for auditions in a few years. Her big chance. Go, Julianna! Seriously, go.
As soon as I got through homeroom, I headed for the cafeteria. My stomach was rumbling loudly and I was more than a little embarrassed. Especially after the whole period thing on the bus. I got on the small line and chose a bowl of oatmeal, an organic banana, and because I hadn't had any dinner the night before I swiped a side of Cherry Blossom Farms organic turkey bacon too. I felt better after the bacon and managed to get through the rest of my day.