I broke away, panting. “They’re going to wonder what we’re doing in here,” I said.
“I couldn’t care less.”
He brushed one strap off my shoulder and the entire dress fell to the ground, leaving me heated and flushed in my black lace underwear. “Nate!” I scolded.
He leaned in and kissed me again, this time slower and more delicate. “I can’t keep my hands off of you,” he said. “I’d stay in here all night if I could.”
There was something in his pleas and his voice that reminded me of my dream. Warmth rushed through my body and I could feel it from his as well. “I thought we were going to take it slow.”
He leaned back and narrowed his eyes before finally letting a smile peek through. “It’s so hard when I’m with you.” He kissed me near my ear. “Get dressed and we’ll go eat.”
Within a few minutes we were back on the road in Nate’s red truck, heading farther into town. We arrived at a quaint Italian restaurant of Nate’s choosing. Once inside, Nate held my chair out for me then ordered a bottle of cabernet. After the waiter left, he said, “I hope that’s all right with you. I realize I didn’t ask.”
“It’s perfect.”
“Good.”
I leaned forward and clasped my hands. “Thank you for the dresses.”
“You’re welcome, but I think I enjoyed the shopping more than you.” He smiled and let his gaze fall to my mouth.
“Do you think there’s more to this than what we’re feeling?” I asked.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I know it’s been a long time for both of us and I just wonder . . .”
I let my voice trail off.
“What? You wonder if this is about sex?”
I blushed instantly. “Well, yes, I guess I am wondering that.”
“Ava, do you think I would’ve quit my job and moved to Montana for sex?”
We both laughed and the atmosphere was instantly lighter. “Tell me about your family,” I said.
Nate and I spent four hours talking over dinner that night. He told me all about his life, growing up in Los Angeles, watching his father rise to the top of his profession. He spoke only positive words about his dad, and I thought his description sounded a lot like Dale. The Meyers men all had a quiet strength, intelligence, and confidence about them. They were never boastful or macho, which was refreshing, having spent so much time around men who were. At the same time, Nate often seemed very much in control of things, especially when I was timid, which I also liked.
When I pushed the last bit of fish around my plate, he forked it up and held it to my lips. “Open up.” His eyes focused on my mouth as I took the bite.
For dessert, we shared tiramisu. I ate most of it off of Nate’s fork. There were long pauses in our conversation but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable. I told him about my life in California and my parents and brother. He was surprised to learn that my brother had a graduate degree while I hadn’t even finished high school. He wondered if I still wanted to and I said no, which didn’t throw him at all. He moved on with the conversation, asking me about my future and whether I wanted to have a family. I told him I hadn’t thought about it since Jake. He reached across the table, took my hand in his, and smiled kindly.
“You have so much time to decide that,” he said.
“Do I?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want a family?”
He smiled. “Yes, I think so.”
That night Nate drove me back to my cabin, walked me to the door, and kissed me for a long time. He never asked for more; it was only enough to convey to me that his feelings were strong. I had a brief urge to pull him inside, but I quickly overcame it when he said he’d be back the next day.
“Would you like to see my place?”
“Yes. I can cook there if you’d like,” I said, always feeling the urge to offer something more.
He shifted his weight to his heels, put his hands in his pockets, and rocked back and forth. “How about I cook for you?”
“Okay.”
He was at my cabin at five p.m. the next day. We were both dressed more casually than the night before. He wore jeans and a tattered T-shirt, which I think was intentionally made to look worn. I chose jeans and a sweater with my hair down in soft waves over my shoulders. Instead of flowers he held a bottle of wine. “Trish just gave this to me. She said it’s your favorite,” he said with a laugh.
I took the bottle from his hand. “Did she mean for you to get me drunk?”
He shrugged and then pushed his hands deep into his jeans pockets, something he did when he was nervous. “I asked her what you like.”
“So you were the one with the less-than-honorable intentions?”
Smiling boyishly, he said, “Never.”
“Well, Nate Meyers, you’ve certainly had your opportunities, if those were your plans.”
He stared blankly at me for a few beats. I closed the door behind us, locked it, then turned back toward him. He braced the back of my neck and kissed me, pulling my bottom lip into his mouth. I thrust my hips against him and he growled deep in his throat. “The wanting hasn’t gone away,” he finally said, “but I’m trying to be respectful. You’re making it hard on me.”
“I feel it, too,” I murmured.
Nate was in control but very innocent in his reactions to me. I didn’t have a doubt that he was experienced in the bedroom but inexperienced with intimacy. I had a strong desire to show him how beautiful things could be when two people were comfortable with each other—comfortable enough to really let go.
He pulled me along to his truck and opened the door for me. We drove down dark country roads, making light conversation. The desire and pull we felt toward each other was palpable. Even small glances were sexually charged, carrying wordless promises for the night.
I explored the inside of the small house Nate was renting. He had very few furnishings, just the bare necessities. “Where’s all your stuff?”
“This is it.”
“Hmm. Maybe we can do something about that. When is your next day off?”
“I’m off tomorrow,” he said as he followed me down the short hallway to his bedroom. His bed was well dressed in a fluffy, expensive-looking white down comforter and oversized pillows. The sun had gone down but the sky was still light enough to fill the room. There was a warm breeze wafting from the open shutters. The air held the scent of wildflowers and sycamore. Through the window I could see a wide-open pasture and a small corral behind the house. The room, although bare, was very inviting. The bed called to me, even if just for a nap, but I knew there were better uses for it.
I noticed a book sitting on Nate’s nightstand. I didn’t recognize the title but I could tell it was science fiction. “So you do read for pleasure?”
He stood in the open doorway, leaning against the jamb with his hands in his pockets. He was clean-shaven but his hair was mussed up sexily. “It helps me sleep.”
“This is a nice room. If you want, I can help you fill the place out tomorrow. So it feels more like home.”
“Things don’t make a place feel like home. People do.” He prowled toward me. I moved backward toward the bed. “Wouldn’t you agree?”
I nodded. We were mere inches apart. When I looked down out of shyness, he used his index finger to tip my chin up, bringing my gaze up to his. My hands seemed to move of their own accord into his hair. As I ran my fingers through it, I kept my eyes locked on his. He studied me. His expression was warm, like he was cherishing me. “You don’t know how beautiful you are, do you?”
The question wasn’t meant to be answered. His skilled hands found their way to the top buttons of my sweater. My chest rose and fell dramatically but I forced myself to be brave. After all, I had basically stripped for him twice before, not to mention I begged him to take me while I was drunk. That night, though, in his room, there was a sense that what we were doing held a much bigger promise than before because our intentions
were real, honest, and sober.
“Are you as nervous as I am?” I whispered.
“Yes,” he said.
“It doesn’t seem like it.”
He bent his head and kissed me, letting his tongue tease mine for just a moment. “I have steady hands,” he said near my ear. And it was true. I was feeling doctor hands, precise, warm, and deliberate, moving up my back. He traced an index finger down my spine to the top of my jeans as his kisses became more urgent. When we pressed our bodies together, I could feel him hard against me. I pulled away, sat down on the bed, and looked at my hands.
He stood still over me and when I finally looked up I could see that his eyes were searching mine for answers. “Are you okay, Ava?” His green eyes were still bright in the fading light. I wanted him and I knew he wanted me, but I wanted what I had felt before—the playfulness before things had become serious and full of meaning.
A few awkward moments passed and then I laughed. He broke into a grin. “I thought you were upset. Geez. Why in the world are you laughing?”
“I was thinking about how adorable you were when we were in the hot spring and I was making up that ridiculous story.”
I could tell my abrupt mood change threw him for a loop but he tried to recover. “Is that what you were thinking about just now when I was kissing you?”
He took a seat next to me on the bed and I took his hand in mine. “Well, I was just thinking how much fun I have around you and how things have been so serious since you came back.”
As though he could read my mind and knew where I was going with the conversation, he stood up and pulled me toward the kitchen. “Come on, Ava, I want to feed you.”
He poured us generous glasses of wine, and within half an hour we were joking playfully and easily, moving around the kitchen casually as he prepared dinner, warming up dishes he had made ahead of time. He put on music I wasn’t familiar with but loved. I had only really listened to country music because that’s what Jake liked. “Who is this?”
“It’s Ray LaMontagne.”
“I like it.”
“Me too. Ta-da!” He handed me a plate of lasagna over the counter. I took it and sat down at the breakfast bar.
“Tell me what you think.”
I took a bite. “It’s really good, Nate.” I lifted one eyebrow. “It tastes very similar to Bea’s lasagna.”
He grinned. “Well, she offered.”
“You said you were gonna make me dinner, cheater.”
He grinned as he sat next to me at the bar with his own plate. “How’s the wine?”
“Excellent.”
“The wine is good, the food is good, and the music is good. What’s missing?”
“Dessert?” I offered.
“Chocolate?” He took a sip of his wine, watching me over the glass mischievously as I shook my head back and forth very slowly. Leaning toward me, he whispered, “Let me have your mouth, Ava.”
I leaned in and let him kiss me. He pulled me closer, almost off my seat, and that was it—that was all it took.
All bets were off. I finally surrendered.
He reached down and pulled me up from the chair and then backed me toward the hallway, his lips never leaving mine.
CHAPTER 18
Murmur
Nathanial
She made small whimpering sounds inside of my mouth as I moved down the hall, kissing her hard as I pushed her toward my bedroom. Instead of fumbling with the buttons on her sweater, I lifted it from the bottom and pulled it over her head, then I held her away from me so I could look at her. There was a tiny pink bow in the center of her lace bra. I kissed the swell of each breast. She smelled like she always smelled, sweet but flowery. I pushed my hand into the cup of her bra and toyed with her nipple before pulling her breast out over the top of the material. Her breathing came fast and hard.
“I want you,” I said near her ear, and then I picked her up. She wrapped her legs around my waist as I pressed her against the wall. My mouth went to her breast and her hands found my hair.
She let her head fall back and closed her eyes. “Oh god, Nate. Let’s go to your room,” she whispered through heavy breaths. I carried her to my bed as I kissed my way up her neck. Setting her on her feet, I reached for the button of her jeans.
“Wait, you first.”
“Fine,” I said quickly before stripping off all of my clothes in five seconds. “Your turn.” I smirked. She stood still, staring at me. The light from the hallway filled the room just enough so that we could see each other. She moved her hand over my chest and down to the indentations of my lower abdomen, where she let her fingers play, tracing and swirling. She looked up at me, smiled, and said in a giddy voice, “This is nice.” And then she reached down farther and took a hold of me.
“I believe you have me at a disadvantage, miss,” I said.
“Oh?” she said, playfully. “What would you like me to do then?”
“Take off your clothes . . . now.”
She arched her eyebrows.
“Please,” I begged.
For at least ten seconds we stood perfectly still. She let go of me and dropped her hands to her sides. I finally broke the silence and spoke up. “If you think there’s any chance that you don’t want to go through with this, tell me now, Ava, please. I want you so fucking bad that I don’t think I’ll be able to stop. Do you want me to stop now?”
She shook her head slightly. “No. Never.”
With that, I reached behind her and with an easy flick her bra came undone. She tossed it aside. I dropped to my knees, undid the button on her jeans, and yanked them down, kissing her stomach and thighs. I pulled her black lace panties down to her ankles and helped her step out. I fisted them into a ball and threw them out the open window.
She gasped, “Nate!”
We were both naked and laughing. “You’re never getting those back. Some animal has probably run off with them by now.” She giggled. “I love that sound,” I said and then my mouth was on her as my hand moved lower.
“Oh god,” she said.
“No, just Nate.”
She laughed again but then the heat from our bodies finally consumed us. I tossed her onto the bed and kissed my way up her body until I was hovering over her. She took me in her hand and pulled me down while her hips came up off the bed toward my body, trying to coax me to enter her.
“Uh-uh, not yet.” She stroked harder while I kissed and sucked and nipped at her jaw. I bit her neck lightly and growled near her ear, then I pulled her hand from me and clasped both her wrists above her head. With my other hand I traced the curve of her hip and found my way farther down. She was wet and responsive. When I moved my fingers inside of her she bucked against my hand, wanting it deeper.
I rolled her on top of me and she sat up, her hands pressed against my chest. “Not like this,” she whispered.
“Yes. I want to see you.” Her hair was hanging over her shoulders, covering her breasts. I pushed the wavy locks behind her so I could look at all of her. The faint light shining on her illuminated her skin, making it look soft and smooth. She sat very still as I moved my hands down her body. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” My voice was strained.
She shook her head slightly and looked away. I gripped her hips and lifted her just enough for her to guide me inside of her. She came back down slowly, making the sweetest sound. Her body was tight around me.
“Ahh, Nate.”
My name on her lips sounded like music. Her movements were gradual but deliberate. I felt enveloped by her. I got lost in her.
CHAPTER 19
Blank Slate
Avelina
Moving above Nate, I let all of my insecurities go and just allowed myself to feel everything. He told me I was beautiful countless times. He seemed taken by me, and I by him. As the waves of emotion came crashing over me, I sat up, arched my back and let my head fall. Nate gripped my hips, pushing himself into me, deeper. Just when I thought everythi
ng would break away into tiny particles of ecstasy, he rolled me over quickly without breaking our connection and thrust himself into me two more times, much harder than we had been going before. I strained to get closer and then a second later I was crying out. Nate tensed above me as silent quakes rocked him. He shivered, feeling his own release. My body pulsed and tightened everywhere around him. I could hear the blood rushing in my ears as my vision filled with light.
The next moment of awareness I had must have been minutes later. Nate was next to me on his side, holding me as I lay on my back. His body was lower and his mouth was near my breast, his face resting on his own arm extended above him. There was a sheen of cold sweat coating our bodies but I wasn’t chilled. Still heated from the inside out, I was comfortable and sated.
There was something vulnerable about the way Nate held me as he dozed off that night. His position, below me and embracing me like a treasured gift, was so heartwarming.
Sometime later, he stirred. I awoke, looking down at him. “Why aren’t you sleeping, baby?” he said, his voice low and soothing.
“I didn’t know if you were going to take me home.”
He sat up quickly and flipped on the small light on the nightstand. “Take you home for what?” His eyes were open wide now.
“I didn’t know if you wanted me to stay.” I pulled the covers up to my neck and peered up at him. He glanced at the clock, which read 1:10 a.m., then looked back and crooked a smile. He yanked the covers back, exposing me. Without hesitation he slid toward me and pulled me tightly into his chest. His hand caressed my back. “Will you stay with me, Avelina? I want nothing more.”
“Yes.” Somehow a couple of sentences made it feel right.
“Sleep, baby.”
In the morning I snuck out of bed and tiptoed into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I looked at Nate’s things. He was very organized and tidy. His toothbrush was in a metal rack. I grabbed it then opened the drawer below the sink, searching for the toothpaste. The moment I looked up, I felt hands on my bare hips. He watched me in the mirror as I sucked in a breath through my teeth. We were both completely naked in the bright light as he pressed up behind me.