He got up from the television long enough to make a sandwich. As he sat back down he couldn’t be sure if he wanted to continue watching sitcoms, but he couldn’t think of anything else that he wanted to do, so he remained glued to the television set. After another thirty-minute program he felt almost sure that he didn’t want to watch any more, but he still couldn’t bring himself to get up.
“I know I don’t want to do my reading for classes or any of my other homework assignments,” he thought. Neither did he want to call anybody or go out and do anything. He didn’t know if watching a television show that he didn’t really want to watch would ruin the experiment, he hadn’t anticipated that problem. In the end he decided that because he continued to watch television purely out of an instinctive laziness that it would be okay.
When he felt tired he thought about getting up to record his observations, but couldn’t get up to do so. He continued watching television until he fell asleep in the living room.
Chapter 4
When Thomas woke up in the morning he felt exhausted. He also felt sick, and as he walked into the bathroom he noticed that his dried out eyes were still red and irritated from staring at the monitor for so many hours.
“No more television,” he muttered to himself. He remembered that he still had an obligation to do whatever came most naturally to him for another day, and he resolved to go through with the experiment regardless of the consequences.
“I hope I don’t feel like watching any more television,” he thought as he brushed his teeth, wandered back into his bedroom, and collapsed on the soft mattress. Despite the prevailing feeling of fatigue, he couldn’t go back to sleep, so he lay there as time passed.
“I want to have a party,” he said out loud.
“What was that?” Julia asked from the hallway.
“Nothing.”
Thomas didn’t feel like asking Julia about having a party at their house, and he didn’t. He called Robert.
“We’re having a party at my house tonight,” Thomas said as soon as Robert answered.
“Dude, it’s only Wednesday,” Robert answered.
“I know but I don’t feel like waiting.”
“Okay. Do you think anyone else’s gonna come?”
“Invite whoever you want,” Thomas instructed. “This place is going to be packed.”
“It’s only the second week of class,” Robert cautioned.
“Who cares what week of class it is. That just means nobody’s going to have any tests or papers due.”
“I’ll call up Clint and invite the rest of the guys from the fraternity,” Robert said.
“Invite everyone.” Thomas hung up the phone and looked for another number to call.
* * *
“You’re not going to take your magic tricks to school are you?” Hannah asked. Lewis looked at her with hurt surprise.
“I wanted to show Tom,” Lewis finally answered.
Hannah didn’t know how to tell her son that she felt his magic tricks were a little juvenile for junior high.
“So can I take my magic kit?” Lewis asked when she didn’t respond.
“Of course. I just don’t want you to lose anything.”
“Do you want to see the trick I was trying to do yesterday? I can do it really good now.”
“Really well,” Hannah corrected. “And you can show me today after work. Now finish getting ready so we can leave.”
* * *
When Julia walked into her biology lab Maggie waved to her from one of the back tables. She wore a frilly pink shirt with a low cut that revealed an attractive figure. She also wore so much makeup that Julia couldn’t help noticing globs of eyeliner and mascara from across the room. Julia didn’t want to sit next to her, but she wanted to cause a scene even less. She walked past two boys who looked her over as she sat behind them, next to Maggie. The teaching assistant arrived fashionably late and instructed everyone to get into groups of four. Almost immediately, the two boys sitting in front of Julia turned around and suggested that they form a group.
“I’m James,” one of them said before Julia could think of a polite way to turn them down. He extended his hand to Maggie before turning to Julia.
“And I’m Tyler,” the other one said. “What’re your names?”
The girls introduced themselves and didn’t object as they boys sat down next to them. From the front of the room, the teaching assistant explained what everyone would be doing.
“Do either of you have the notes from yesterday?” James asked.
Julia continued to focus on the monotone voice coming from the front of the room.
“I’ve got them,” Maggie offered.
“Do you think we could get together sometime so I could copy those?” James suggested.
“Sure,” Maggie said.
The teaching assistant finished his instructions and left the room.
“Do you think we could get together tomorrow night?” James asked. “I know a little diner where we can meet, and I’ll get you something to eat in exchange for you helping me with the notes.”
“That sounds great,” Maggie said.
Julia refrained from rolling her eyes. “I guess you’ll need the notes too,” she said to Tyler.
“No, I’ve got them,” he answered.
“I see. Can we get to work now?”
At Julia’s suggestion the boys opened their notebooks and stared intently into them.
“So how should we start?” James finally asked.
* * *
“Hey Thomas,” Robert said over the phone. “I talked to all the guys and they’re stoked about having a party at your place.”
“So you’ll be over here tonight?”
“It’s just that everyone’s saying that Thursday would be better.”
“Thursday’s no good,” Thomas objected.
“I hear you, and if you want, me and Clint don’t have any problems with coming over today and Thursday, but all the other guys are saying they’ve got classes or something stupid like that.”
“Fine.” Thomas hung up the phone and sat back down in front of the television. He found the remote on the floor next to him and resumed flipping through the channels.
* * *
After enduring two hours with James and Tyler, Julia tried to escape the lab as soon as they finished their report.
“Julia,” Maggie called out.
Julia pretended not to hear her and picked up her pace. She wanted to help people like Maggie, but now that the opportunity presented itself, she couldn’t see past the woman’s frivolity and neediness. But she felt something for the poor woman, and that emotion that so closely resembled pity caused her to slow her step.
“Julia,” Maggie said again, this time from much closer.
Julia fixed her eyes straight ahead, but her legs stopped moving altogether.
“Hey Julia,” Maggie said a third time. She’d managed to catch up and now stood alongside Julia.
“Oh, hi Maggie. What do you need?”
“Did you notice what was going on during lab?” Maggie said. “I think James is interested in me.”
“Really?” Julia tried to sound incredulous.
“I think that’s the real reason why he wants to meet me tomorrow night.”
“Maybe,” Julia said dryly.
“He’s pretty good looking, don’t you think?”
“Yeah.” Julia tried to sound distant, and at the same time she felt a twinge of sympathy for Maggie. “You know I’ve got another class, so I’ll see you next week I guess.”
“Wait, I wanted to ask you if you knew of a babysitter,” Maggie interjected.
“A what?”
“I just need someone to watch Jimmy.”
“Jimmy?”
“Well his real name is James. He’s my son,” Maggie explained casually. “So do you know any babysitters?”
“Why would you think that I would know any babysitters?” Julia asked defensively. “I’m sorr
y,” she added, “I didn’t mean to come across like that. But I don’t know any babysitters.”
“I just need someone who seems reliable. I’m new here, and I haven’t found a reliable babysitter. That’s the most important thing you know.”
“What?” Julia had no idea what Maggie was trying to tell her.
“That a babysitter be reliable.”
“I don’t know anyone.”
“Do you think that maybe you could watch him,” Maggie asked sheepishly. “I mean just for this Thursday, until I can find a permanent babysitter. I mean you seem like you’d be reliable.”
“I’ve got something to do on Thursday,” Julia said instinctively.
“Maybe I could give you my phone number just in case.”
Julia started to explain why that wouldn’t be necessary, but Maggie had already begun to scribble on a small piece of paper that she’d torn out of her notebook.
“Thanks so much,” Maggie said as she handed Julia the number and hurried off.
* * *
Lewis entered the cafeteria with his head up, surveying the rows of tables for Tom. He didn’t find his friend but noticed Summer sitting by herself. They hadn’t spoken in months. Lewis hesitantly took the seat across from hers. She looked up and smiled sheepishly. Lewis tried to think of something to say. When nothing came to mind he alleviated the awkwardness of the situation by stuffing his hamburger in his mouth and taking an abnormally large bite.
“Do you think we’re still going out?” Summer asked.
Lewis chewed slowly to delay having to respond. When he’d swallowed he thought about filling his mouth again. He didn’t know why he felt the urge to avoid the conversation.
“Well?” Summer asked.
“I guess,” Lewis said.
“I didn’t know because we never did anything, and you didn’t call me over the summer or anything, and we haven’t even talked once.”
“What are we supposed to do?” Lewis asked.
“I don’t know, something.”
“Maybe we could go to a movie. I can ask my mom to take us.” The response came more naturally than Lewis had anticipated, and he felt that he might have breached the unknown barrier that had held him back for so long.
“Lewis, I didn’t know we were still together. I met another boy over the summer at the swimming pool. You never talked to me after you became my boyfriend. And when you didn’t call, I thought it was okay.”
“Oh,” was all Lewis could manage to say. He looked back at his cafeteria tray and took another large bite.
“And I was kind of saving that seat for him,” Summer continued.
Lewis finished his bite. “Should I go?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” Summer answered. “I guess you should.”
Lewis slipped back into his old familiar awkwardness as he picked up his tray and pushed his chair back from the table. He scanned the cafeteria again for Tom, and then for anyone who looked familiar. He realized that Summer was still sitting in front of him, and he almost tripped over his chair as he took a step back. He scanned the cafeteria again, this time looking for any open seat. He glanced back at Summer one last time. Her confused eyes seemed to be saying, “I’m sorry,” or “I don’t know what else to do,” or some combination of the two. Lewis tried to forget them as he rushed to an open chair and sat down at the crowded table, surrounded by strangers.
“Can I sit here?” Lewis asked one of the older boys.
“Don’t bother me none,” the boy said emphatically.
Lewis sat down and tried not to make eye contact with anyone at the table.
“What’s your name?” one of the girls asked.
Lewis shifted in his chair before answering her.
“Are you a seventh grader?” another boy asked.
Lewis told them that he was.
“So you’re new here?” the girl asked.
“Yeah.”
“Why don’t you hang out with us after school,” she offered.
One of the boys put his hand on her shoulder and whispered something in her ear. Lewis couldn’t tell what he’d said, but by his grave expression it seemed to be something of the utmost importance.
“It’s all right,” the girl answered. “He’s cool.” Then looking at Lewis she asked, “You’re cool right?”
“Sure,” Lewis answered.
* * *
After her lunch break Hannah hurried back to the office, despite having ample time. Due to constant distractions she hadn’t left for lunch until well after two o’clock. Now the wall clock indicated that it wasn’t quite three.
“I still had plenty of time,” she thought as she briskly walked down the hall and into the small room where she spent most of her life.
The hurry had become a pattern, ingrained into her psyche after so many years of deadlines and schedules, but in recent months she needed it. The flashing light on her answering machine greeted her. She pressed the button and listened as she organized her desk.
“Mom, I’m going over to a friend’s house after school,” said Lewis’s voice. Hannah deleted the message and slipped out of her high heels.
“Hannah, it’s Andy again. I don’t know why you haven’t been returning my calls. I really thought that we had something going for us, some kind of a connection, and, well, I guess you don’t want to talk about it, but if you do, or if you need anything, I’d love to talk with you. So you can call me at . . . but you have the number. So have a good day, and I really hope to hear back from you.”
* * *
“She was such an idiot,” Julia explained to Thomas who sat in the living room watching television.
“I thought you were going to live your whole life helping people like that,” Thomas retorted.
“But she’s,” Julia began.
“You don’t have to explain,” Thomas interrupted. “I just remember when you came back from Mexico you went on and on about how you were going to always help people when they were in need.”
“Don’t rub it in.”
“From what you’ve told me, it’s not hard to imagine how she got knocked up in the first place,” Thomas said. “So it’s not like she really deserves help. It’s not like someone who got pregnant from rape or whose husband left her. What was it you said about that? ‘You’ve got to love people who are the most unlovable.’ That of course means unlovable people who aren’t idiots.”
“It’s not like you’ve got any room to talk,” Julia fired back. “You used to go on and on about bettering society and now you’re just a,” she paused. “Well look at you.” Julia turned to leave, upset with herself for having gotten so defensive and furious at Thomas for being right.
“Don’t get upset,” Thomas answered as Julia stormed out of the room. “You can give up and be just like me,” he called out. “It’s really not so bad once you get used to it.”
“Julia barely heard this last comment as she pulled out her cell phone and the scrap of paper that Maggie had given her.
“What are you doing now?” Thomas asked as she walked back into the living room.
“Everyone always goes back on their convictions,” Julia answered as the phone rang.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’m not going to be like you.”
“I’m telling you, once you realize that it’s all pointless, that horrible burden to always have to ‘do the right thing’ goes away and life gets so much easier.”
“Hello, is this Maggie?” Julia asked into the phone. “I was just calling to say that I would be able to watch your son on Thursday night.”
“Thank you so much.” Maggie almost squealed from excitement. “I promise this will be the only time. Oh I’ve got to decide what to wear. What do you think I should wear?”
“What time are you going to bring him over?” Julia asked.
“Do you think you could come over here to watch him at six?”
“You need me to go to your house?”
/> “I would bring him over, but my car’s in the shop because, well that’s a long story, but if you can’t come to my house I can try to find someone to drive him over to you.”
“No I can make it,” Julia said. She wrote down the address and hung up the phone.
“So how’s the whole sacrificing yourself to help other people working out for you?” Thomas asked from his chair in the living room.
“Shut up,” Julia answered.
“Do you feel like a martyr yet?”
“Not yet.”
“Well just wait a little while. It’ll come.”
“You know, lately you’ve been a real,” Julia started.
“A real what?”
“Forget it.” Julia slammed the door to her bedroom and collapsed on the soft mattress, completely exhausted.
“I see your friend Sara finally convinced you that there is a mystical spiritual being out there governing this meaningless universe,” Thomas remarked.
Julia heard the remark and came back into the room
“No. You did,” she said.
“How do you figure?” Thomas asked. He felt a little uncomfortable initiating such a conversation, simply because he didn’t know if he really wanted to talk about such a sensitive subject with his sister. He wondered if continuing would be considered a violation of his experiment. But it was too late.
“You convinced me with all of your preaching,” Julia answered. “You convinced me that as bad as all of us are, there’s still some goodness, and there has to be some reason for that.”
“You still don’t understand the basic concept of social,” Thomas began.
“I understand.” Julia raised her voice to cut him off. “What you don’t understand is that if there wasn’t a reason for all of these ‘social constructs’, then nobody would have ever survived long enough to invent them.”
“Unless they evolved as innate instinct,” Thomas objected. He wanted to end the conversation for Julia’s sake. He knew she couldn’t win and that going any further would only push her away. He didn’t want that, he wanted to apologize and find some way to make up for everything he’d ever done to her. But his instinct overrode his real desire. He paused long enough to observe this new paradox, the inner war that he’d never noticed before that moment, but that must have always existed.
“I don’t know what I believe,” Julia said. “But I know that you’re wrong. I just know it, and I don’t know how, but I know it. I know it.”