And none of those choices were good, because none of them knew about Shy and me.
Shy and I had talked about it, and we’d decided that the best course of action was for us to get used to being an us before we sprung it on anybody.
This was easy considering the guys were used to Shy spending time with me, and he’d begun to hang at his apartment in the final throes of his relationship with Rosalie, so they were also used to him not being at the Compound.
Somehow, they missed the fact that we’d had a month apart but I suspected this was because the brothers didn’t really stick their noses into each other’s business unless it was invited.
Shy did share around the Club he’d broken it off with Rosalie, but that was as much as either of us shared.
Of course, we had to modify our behavior when we were at the Compound together. Though sometimes, I had to admit, we exchanged looks, he would touch my behind, I’d run the tips of my fingers along the back of his hand, but still, we kept up the charade.
As for my part, when I shared with Dad and Tyra that I wasn’t going to Cape Cod, they took it in stride, though they both looked happy that they weren’t losing me. I suspected they took it in stride because they suspected I was still trying to sort myself out in some ways after losing Jason, so, naturally, I would make decisions then go back on them willy-nilly. I didn’t want them to think this, seeing as it wasn’t true, but I had to go with it until it was time to tell them what was true.
With all that, it must be said, it didn’t take a lot of effort to get used to being part of an us with Shy. We slid into it naturally, likely because we were used to each other, we’d grown tight, the only changes were lots of sex, sleeping in the same bed and more cuddling and all of those were adjustments that came easy.
So, truth be told, at least on my part and Shy gave no indication he didn’t agree, I was used to us being an us about two days after that happened.
But we still kept it under wraps and didn’t even discuss the next step.
For me, this was because I was holding on to my happy. I woke up happy, I happily passed out on Shy after a variety of orgasms and all I had was happy in between. I’d even interviewed for my old job two days ago, got the call three hours after the interview that I was back so there was just all around happy.
Therefore, possibly injecting antagonism and aggravation into my life didn’t fill me with glee, so I was avoiding it.
I didn’t feel guilt about this, because I knew when I explained it to Tyra, she would get me. This was because she always got me. And if Tyra got me, she could explain it to Dad as well as Rush in a way they would get me. Also, Big Petey adored me, so even if he was angry at first, he’d come around.
Therefore, when the door opened and it was Natalie, that meant the worst possible scenario was about to play out.
I knew this instantly when she entered, her head swung to the kitchen, her eyes got huge, her mouth fell open, red suffused her face, and she yelled, “I saw his bike outside so I fuckin’ knew it!”
Not good.
“Nat—” I started but got no further because she slammed the door and stomped in.
“Same as with Jason, one minute I got my girl, the next minute she’s unavailable, but this time it’s worse. You’re hooked up with the dawg to beat all dawgs and hiding it from me!” she shrieked the last. “Tabby! What did I tell you about him? How could you be so stupid?”
That thunderclap coming from Shy I’d felt during our conversation nearly two months before slapped the room, but Natalie apparently didn’t feel it.
As for me, Shy took his STD test the day after his brother got home. He paid extra for a rush, it came in clean, so at that present moment, regardless of the uncomfortable situation confronting me, Natalie saying words I didn’t like all that much that needed to be addressed, the heavy air and the fury emanating from my man, I had on a nightie, no panties, and Shy sliding out of me.
Priorities.
I moved around Shy, got in between them, happy there was also a bar in between them and ordered, “Don’t you move, either of you, and neither of you speak. I gotta do something. I’ll be back in less than a minute and, I swear to God, you two lay into each other before I get back, it will not make me happy.”
Natalie, being Natalie, took one look at me, guessed the situation, and didn’t have any problems throwing it out there.
“Shit, seriously? Did I walk in on the aftermath of you gettin’ banged by a biker? Let me guess, you did it,” she leaned in, “dawgie style.”
Her meaning was clear and Shy actually growled low in his throat and I felt him begin to move. I put up a hand and planted it in his chest, keeping my glare pinned on Natalie.
“I love you, you know I do. But one more word, Nat, I’ll confiscate my key, kick your ass out, and you’ll never see me again. Are you feeling me?” I asked softly.
Her eyes bore into me, her jaw clenched, then she jerked up her chin.
I twisted my neck and looked up at Shy. “Darlin’, please? For me?”
That muscle ticked in his jaw, his eyes were locked on Natalie, but he also jerked up his chin.
I heaved a sigh of relief and dashed to the bathroom. I cleaned up in record time, snatched a pair of panties out of my drawer, yanked them up, and tripped on our clothes that were strewn all over the floor on my way out.
They were mostly Shy’s clothes, since his entire limited wardrobe was lying there considering his brother had been in Denver for two weeks before going back down to Fort Carson and he’d crashed at Shy’s pad, so Shy had crashed at mine and hadn’t quit crashing there even after Lan left.
Vaguely, it occurred to me it was time to do laundry and, considering his wardrobe was severely limited, go shopping.
I righted my feet even as I settled my panties on my hips and my nightie was still falling over my behind when I skidded to a halt in the living room to see my best friend and my guy in a scary staredown.
“Right, you’re back,” Natalie stated, not tearing her eyes from Shy. “Can we speak now?”
“You do, you watch that mouth of yours,” Shy shot back instantly. “You say somethin’ that pisses Tab off or hurts her, you answer to me.”
“Answer to you? Who talks like that?” Natalie returned swiftly with not a small amount of sarcasm.
“I do and you don’t, bitch, you’ll find your coked-up ass out in the goddamned breezeway.”
Uh-oh.
What did he mean?
My eyes narrowed on Natalie.
Oh crap.
Her eyes were bright. Too bright.
Crap!
“Fuck you!” she screeched.
Shy leaned slightly toward her, and he’d done that to me when he was angry, so I knew he was in the danger zone.
“Do not even think of comin’ into your girl’s house who, by the way, is my woman, high off your goddamned ass and spoutin’ your mouth, so stoked on blow, your brain is a fuckin’ whiteout,” he growled. “Calm your ass down.”
“Natalie,” I verbally pushed into the fray and then carefully asked, “Are you doing cocaine?”
Her eyes swung to me. “We’re not talkin’ about me. We’re talkin’ about you hookin’ up with Shy fuckin’ Cage when I warned you not to do that shit.”
Shy moved, my eyes went to him, and I asked, “Darlin’, please, let me handle this.”
His gaze cut to me, he took me in, rocked to a halt, gave me an unhappy look that I endured but fortunately cut his eyes back to Natalie and stood firm, crossing his arms on his chest.
I looked back at my friend. “Nat, are you doing blow?”
She ignored me and declared, “You said it wasn’t like that with you two when I fuckin’ knew it was and now he’s sayin’ you’re his woman, Tab, which means you didn’t listen to me. You listened to his bullshit lines and now you think you’re his woman when you’re just like any other woman he’s had, and there have been lots, Tabby, and you fuckin’ know it. You’re just pussy.?
??
“Tab, babe, she didn’t hear me,” Shy clipped his warning, but I didn’t move my eyes from Natalie.
“Natalie, maybe we can talk about what happened with me and Shy when Shy’s not around. Let’s talk about something important, and that’s the fact that I’m a nurse and I can see quite clearly you’re high.”
“How about we talk about the fact that not weeks ago I know he was bangin’ a bitch named Rosalie?” she returned.
More unhappy growling from Shy but I again ignored him. “I know. Now he’s with me.”
She threw up her hands as her eyebrows went up. “So he dumps that bitch and now you’re his woman?” She looked at Shy. “Congratulations, sport. Record time. One down, the other one set up, good to go. How long’s Tab gonna last?”
Considering more unhappy thunder was rolling off Shy, I knew he was about to lose it but I’d already lost it. I, however, did it a whole lot quieter which meant they both felt me. I knew it because the air in the room stilled and I felt both their eyes on me.
But I only had eyes for Natalie.
When I had her attention, I said only one word:
“Don’t.”
“Tab—”
I shook my head, she processed the look I knew I had on my face, and she shut her mouth.
I carried on talking.
“You put me in the middle of you and Jason. He did too but he’s dead now, so he can’t right that wrong. You’re alive and you’re doing it again. Don’t.”
I saw her jaw flex.
I kept going. “Jason and you rubbed each other the wrong way. This time, starting right out of the gate, you are makin’ it impossible for Shy to like you, much less eventually be able to forgive you for the stuff coming out of your mouth. You know him, who he is, what he is. You go head-to-head with a brother of Chaos MC, you won’t come away unscathed one way or another. Don’t do that either.”
I watched her swallow then kept right on talking.
“He means something to me, you already know that, but what he means to me has changed. The reason you don’t know how it’s changed is demonstrated precisely with how you charged in today and behaved.”
“Right,” she hissed.
I ignored that and kept going. “If you’ll calm down, we’ll plan a time when we can talk like adults about what went down with Shy and me. Once we do that, it’s up to you to decide if you feel me or if you feel I’m making a mistake.”
I gave that a moment to sink in and when Nat made no response I kept right on going.
“You also gotta be you, so be you and tell me then, rationally and without being a pain in the ass, why you feel that way. But I expect you to respect my decision, since I’ll warn you now you won’t change my mind. I’ll also expect you to suck it up and get along with my man instead of putting me in the middle. You pull that crap on me again, Nat, like last time, you know you’re gonna lose. And this is not because I don’t adore you. You’ve never had a man”—I powered through her flinch—“when you do, you’ll get it. If you have a partner who grows to mean the world to you, I’m sorry, girl, but he’ll win every time. The thing you gotta get is, a sister’s any sister at all, she stands by her sister’s side or takes her back no matter how she feels about her sister’s man or the shit that goes down between her sister and that man. You have got to learn that but learn it now. I’m not going through that bullshit again.”
I watched her pull in breath and her eyes slid away.
“Nat,” I called quietly, “look at me.”
Her eyes slid back to me.
“You have got to pull yourself together,” I whispered, her shoulders went straight and I lifted a hand. “Hear me out.”
She stared at me, her eyes slid to Shy then they came back to me, and she jerked up her chin.
I took her invitation but kept at it gently.
“You’re in free fall, Natalie, and you know it. You have been since high school. Right now, I’m telling you and I want you to listen to me, you need to reach out and catch hold of the hand I’m extending and let me help you pull yourself out.”
“I’m cool,” she returned, and I shook my head.
“You’re coked to the gills. That doesn’t indicate cool to me.”
“It’s recreational,” she spat.
“Recreational?” I asked. “Coked to the gills at ten in the morning?”
“I’ve got it under control,” she retorted.
“Jeez, Nat!” I threw up my hands, suddenly exasperated. “Listen to yourself! They all say that!”
“I live my life the way I wanna live my life and you live your life jumpin’ from man to man ’cause you can’t seem to live your life without clutchin’ on to some dick that makes you feel complete. Your dad ruined you, controlling your every move, so now you can’t exist without findin’ some guy who will do the same.”
“Tabby, I’m losin’ patience,” Shy warned in a low voice, as I suspected he would when she pulled Dad into it. Something, incidentally, I didn’t much like either.
“Nat, that isn’t true and you know it, but I’ll point out you’re turning the focus on me so we won’t focus on you.”
“It’s my life, under my control,” she fired back.
“I’m Chaos,” I reminded her. “We were at that party and you know that I know that those dudes were not good dudes. I had to climb out a freaking window, they flipped me so bad.”
“They’re fun to party with,” she returned.
“Booze, drugs, and stockpiles of firearms right out on display for all to see is not a good combination, and you don’t have to have a college degree to know that’s just the God’s-honest truth,” I shot back.
“Oh—” she leaned back, waving a hand out in front of her in a wide sweep—“now you’re better than me because you got your degree?”
I shook my head and looked to Shy, wanting to find a hint of calm so I could keep dealing with her. From all appearances, I was looking in the wrong direction. Shy looked happy to rip her head off.
No help there.
Crap.
I looked back at Natalie and pulled in a calming breath.
Then I said softly, “I’m with you, thick and thin. I’ve proved it. I’ll keep doing it. You’re a beautiful person, Natalie, you deserve better. But the person who has to believe that is you. No one can give it to you, especially if you won’t let them. Stop doing this to yourself, realize your beauty, quit treating your body like shit, hanging with people that could get you in trouble or worse, and find your better.”
“Maybe I should rub up with Chaos. Get myself invited to a threesome, like Shy here likes so much.” She flicked a hand out to him as my breath caught at the unwelcome, long-ago memory her words brought crashing back. “Maybe I’ll get lucky, perform like a prize pony, get noticed and get myself an old man for a spell. That work for you, Tabby?”
I powered through the painful memory and shot back, “Any of the brothers of Chaos wanted to take your shit on, Natalie, and you didn’t put it out that you’re no more than ass to tap when they got a hankering for empty pussy, then yes. That would work for me great, Natalie.”
She leaned in to hiss, “You’re unbelievable.”
I didn’t hiss, I whispered, “And you’re in denial.”
She glared at me and I took it.
Finally, she spoke. “You can take your thick and thin and fuck yourself with it, Tab. We’re done.”
My heart lurched but my mouth pleaded, “Don’t do that either, Natalie.”
“Too late, bitch, it’s done,” she declared, sent an acid look to Shy, turned on her foot, and stormed to the door. She stopped there, twisted my key off her ring but was smart enough to throw it at the couch and not me when Shy was standing two feet from me.
Then she slammed out.
I stared at the door for about a third of a second before Shy curled his arm around and pulled me close.
I deep-breathed into his chest.
“Babe, your best girl is a fuc
kin’ bitch.”
I closed my eyes.
Then I mumbled into his chest. “That didn’t go well.”
“Nope,” he agreed.
“That also doesn’t fire me up to tell Dad, Tyra, and the rest.”
“Nope,” he again agreed and my shoulders slumped. “Though, sayin’ that, sugar, none of them are cokeheads with a life complex, so at least we got that going for us.”
I chuckled but it didn’t hold a lot of humor.
Shy’s other arm closed around me tight so I wound mine around him.
“Fuck,” I whispered in his chest.
“She loves you, Tabby. She just doesn’t love herself. She’ll come back.”
God, I hoped he was right.
Then he muttered forebodingly and not helpfully, “Let’s just hope when she makes that call to mend fences, she isn’t in a situation where she’s fucked one way or the other and we gotta save her ass.”
“Maybe you should stop talking,” I suggested, still speaking into his skin.
Shy was silent a moment, his arms tight around me, then he murmured, “I’ll give you that, sugar.”
I sucked in a deep breath and let it go.
Then I tipped my head back, saw him tilt his chin down and caught his eyes.
“I need coffee.”
Shy’s hand slid up my back, my neck, into my hair. He tipped my head down, I felt his lips at the top of my hair, where he whispered, “Then I better get my girl some coffee.”
I liked it like that.
He kissed my hair, his arm gave me a squeeze, I returned the favor, and he let me go.
Then he got me coffee.
And, it must be said, I liked it like that too.
Chapter Twelve
Goin’ Through the Motions
One and a half weeks later…
We were at FlatIron Mall when it happened.
And we were at FlatIron because it was far enough away, it was unlikely we’d run into anyone we knew. Not that bikers went shopping, but their babes did.
We were leaving because Shy had had enough of shopping. I knew this because after I tried on my third pair of high-heeled, kick-ass, sexy-as-all-heck boots, as much as he appreciated the show, he didn’t have a lot of patience with my indecision.