“When you’re a little older, maybe she’ll tell you what they do,” Tom suggested with a grin.
“I don’t think I want to know,” Jackson said. “I only care about secret things she feels like doing with me.”
“Feel like a beer with your old man? Out by the fire?”
“You’re not going to lecture me about sex again, are you?”
“I’ll try not to,” he said, grabbing a beer for his son. “Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you. About Lola.”
“Everything is all right with Lola, isn’t it?” Jackson asked.
“Yeah, Lola is great. Isn’t she great?” Tom asked as they walked outside. He stooped to light the fire. Pinecones, which were plentiful, made great starters.
Jackson laughed at him. “Yeah, she is. What’s up?”
“Well, Jackson, we’ve been talking about getting married. But between us we seem to have a lot of kids...”
“Mostly grown,” Jackson said. “We’re not going to stop you from getting married.”
“We’d like to live in the same house.”
“Dad, I’m not going to be here much longer. Nikki’s looking to move to a dorm with a couple of girls as soon as they can afford it. We can stack in here when we’re all home. Can’t we? Cole and Trace cool with that?”
“Lola’s talking to them.”
“This is easy. Double up Nikki and Brenda—it won’t be for that long. Nikki’s mostly gone all the time, anyway. I’ll share a room with Zach, as soon as I can find a footlocker with a combination lock so he doesn’t just help himself to everything... Cole and Trace should be able to share a room—isn’t Trace heading out into the world pretty soon, anyway? And Cole’s at the community college. Isn’t he looking at universities for a degree? Most of us just need a place to flop sometimes...”
“It’s nice to know you don’t have any issues with me and Lola living together. But there’s something else I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Okay.”
“About your mom,” he said. Then he ran a hand over the back of his sweaty neck and muttered, “Damn.” Tom took a breath. “Listen, this could go down hard. Your mom didn’t have what we’d call a conventional lifestyle.”
Jackson just lifted his eyebrows, beer in hand, waiting.
“It was a long time after we were divorced, of course. I don’t know why I said of course. I honestly don’t know how long. She has a job but she also has a second job. She calls herself an escort. She entertains men.”
“Oh?” Jackson said.
“She’s a good person,” Tom said. “I found out a couple of years ago because she got in a little trouble. She might call herself an escort but the police called her something else. Cal was her lawyer—that’s what his experience is, criminal defense. I don’t think of your mom as a bad person and I don’t want you to, either. But I also don’t want you to find out like I did and—”
“Dad, I know.”
“Know what?” Tom said.
“I know what she does. I don’t like it. I don’t think it’s safe and I can’t let myself think about it, but I already know and she’s always going to be my mother.”
“How do you know?” Tom asked.
“She told us, me and Nikki. She was afraid you were going to tell us and she said your version would make her sound dirty, like some cheap hooker. And she’s not.”
“Apparently she’s not in any way cheap,” Tom muttered.
“They could make a movie out of her,” Jackson said. “She’s like the happy housewife with this sideline. She said she was dating a few men, just a few, and they weren’t local. Businessmen, she said. Then, when she kept explaining, she described it as ‘seeing’ a few men. Nikki was a little nuts at first.”
“I never noticed anything,” Tom said.
“I know. Mom is single and beautiful and she’s really like the nicest person I know. One of these days she’s going to settle on one rich old bastard with a big bank account and a bad cough because if there’s one thing my mother likes it’s to live like she’s got money. And that’s what she’s doing. If she wasn’t getting paid for it, she’d be just your regular independent woman, doing as she pleases.”
Tom stared at Jackson in amazement. “So you’re okay with it?”
“Oh, hell, no, I hate it,” Jackson said. “But Nikki was ready to go nuts so I had to think fast before the whole town knew. So I asked a lot of questions to calm Nikki down—I asked her if she was safe, if she was hanging out with bad people, if she was out on the street, if there was any chance of her going to jail or getting hurt. That kind of stuff. Mom tried saying she’s given up that activity but I called bullshit on that. I just wanted to know what kind of people she’s hanging out with. I think she’s got clients she calls friends and she’s known them all a long time.” Jackson shook his head. “She’s grown up, not hurting anyone and she’s gonna live like she wants. But Nikki and Mom aren’t close now. Nikki can’t help it—it makes her angry and embarrassed. But I convinced her she doesn’t have to broadcast it, especially because of the younger kids. Face it—nothing we can do about it.”
“Is she okay? Nikki?” Tom asked.
“She’s okay,” Jackson said. “We’re not traumatized. It’s pretty obvious why she left us, isn’t it? This kind of life wasn’t going to be enough. And you know what? That makes me feel really sorry for her.”
“Are you sure you’re only twenty-one?” Tom said.
Jackson didn’t answer. “That’s why I’m taking things slow with Shelly,” he said. “I love her like mad, but I want both of us sure, going forward, what kind of life we can commit to. I don’t want to end up alone with four little kids.”
“Jackson, regardless of your mom changing her mind and going her own way, you four kids are the best thing that ever happened to me. I don’t regret one thing. I wouldn’t give one of you up.” He took a slug of his beer. “Except maybe Zach,” he said. “He’s kind of a pain in the ass.”
Jackson laughed. “Yeah, you could’ve done better on that one.”
* * *
Dakota and Sid drove to Colorado Springs together on the Saturday nights they worked at the soup kitchen and it had quickly become one of his favorite parts of the week. He was indebted to the group of volunteers who had come to Denver to help him look for Sedona and he was a great admirer of Sister Mary Jacob.
But the ride alone with Sid was a pleasure. That was where they did much of their talking, learning about each other. He told her all about Hasnaa, how they met, how fast they fell in love, how they ignored the differences in their cultures, how she died. “How ironic that a Muslim woman whose life’s work was about peace should die at the hands of terrorists,” he said. “I was a long time getting beyond that.”
“Are you beyond it?” she asked.
“It was a process. I did a little acting out.”
“Ah,” she said. “Acting out?”
“That’s how I got in some trouble in the Army. I was pretty angry. But I had some time to think about things, then I went to Australia, where I had even more time to think, and then I came here. By the time I got here I realized Hasnaa had changed me in a very short time. I’d always been determined to have no real ties, and after Hasnaa, I wanted real ties. I came to my family. For the first time. I met you. I have a niece and, I think, a nephew. Domestic matters like family struggles used to bore me, used to seem so pointless to me. Now I look at my brother and sister and admire them. Sedona used to irritate me. Now that I know how fallible and vulnerable she is, I’d like to see her get whatever help she needs.” He paused. “I used to want to be alone. Now I want to be connected.”
“All that came out of tragedy?” Sid asked.
“Only sort of. Remember, for as much as Hasnaa meant to me and as hard as it was to lose her, we were together barely a few months. For just a little
while I had a view of what life could be like. And it can be so good.”
Sid laughed uncomfortably. “I’m not here to fulfill your fantasies.”
“But you do, just the same. I’ve been wanting to ask you about your husband.”
“Ex,” she clarified. “What about him?”
“Tell me about him. Whatever you think is important. Like, how’d you end up with him?”
“I’m not entirely sure,” she said. “I suspect he handpicked me as someone who would work hard for him. On my part? Probably lack of experience. I never dated much. I was dorky and clumsy and introverted, very comfortable with nerds and computers. He was handsome and funny and all the girls wanted him. I didn’t even bother taking him seriously when he hit on me. He was a student—a medical student—and I had a good job at UCLA. But I didn’t have much social confidence. I was awkward.”
“You’re sure not awkward anymore,” he said, squeezing her hand.
“A lot has changed since nine or ten years ago. But when I was a kid that car accident drove me inside and I turned to books and science. I didn’t have a lot of self-confidence.”
“You’re certainly at full function now,” he said.
“That scar does nothing for my bathing suit look.”
He chuckled. “Remember, I’ve seen you naked. Believe me, that scar does not detract. You’re beautiful.”
“You have to say that,” she said.
“No, I don’t have to say anything,” he said. “I have a few scars of my own, and don’t pretend you haven’t noticed. The Army hands ’em out.”
“Scars on a handsome guy don’t—”
“Tell me about the accident,” he said.
That took her mind temporarily off scars and feeling awkward. “It was entirely my fault and I’m lucky to be alive at all. I was on my bike, shot out into the street from between two parked cars without looking and bam! Got hit by a nice lady who was driving the carpool. If I hadn’t been wearing that ugly God-awful helmet...”
“Aw, man. That must be a parent’s worst nightmare.”
“It changed my life. I don’t know what I’d be like if that hadn’t happened, you know? It made me self-conscious and kind of shy. So I was not exactly savvy when this good-looking guy came around. I dated him, married him in less than a year and worked while he went through med school and surgical residency. He was tied up so much—if he had time off, he was studying, so I worked a lot of overtime. It wasn’t long before we didn’t have much of a relationship. Then he left me.”
“I bet there was a lot more to it than that,” Dakota said. “You must have been so lonely.”
“I enjoyed my work. It might’ve been boring to most people but to me... Well, it was very important. I wasn’t just some techie. I was writing code.”
“Programming?” he asked.
“Sometimes. Analyzing. My work was with software.”
“Do you miss it?” he asked, giving her hand a squeeze.
“Sometimes,” she said. “But it was consuming and isolating and then when David... I suddenly realized I was much too alone. And I collapsed from within.” She shook her head. “I don’t know if my work ruined my marriage or my marriage ruined my work. I had such a terrible identity crisis. I’m never going to let myself get in that place again. From a shy and awkward girl to an abandoned wife with no one, with nothing. I had to start over.”
“You run that bar like a drill sergeant. And you’re animated. Outgoing. You have lots of family and friends now.”
“That was a really smart move for me, staying with my brother, helping with the bar and the boys. The bar is a social place—if I’m happy, the customers are happy, they look forward to coming in, they leave tips, they bring friends. And I’m getting that empty bubble inside filled with good people. My life has changed so many times—with the accident, with a marriage I couldn’t have been prepared for, to coming here. Thanks to Rob needing my help and pushing me, I became a much more confident person. But I’m not confident about making another marriage, Dakota. You’re going to have to understand.” She bit her bottom lip. “I’m sorry if I misled you into thinking I was some techie. It was more than that.”
“I have no trouble believing you’re smart, Sid. I knew that from the beginning. And I understand why you’re a commitmentphobe right now, after what you went through,” he said. “But I bet I’m not anything like him.”
She laughed. “There’s no question about it.”
“I do have secret ambitions, however,” he said.
“Oh? Do tell?”
“I’m having a good experience here, too. I don’t hate the garbage truck. I’ve had worse duty, believe me, and I love working with Lawrence. But I’m weighing some other options. Maybe the fire department. And I’m still interested in that teaching certificate.” He laughed. “Two important fields guaranteed to keep me from getting rich. Lucky for me, getting rich was never one of my major goals.” He pulled into the parking space at the soup kitchen. “We have lots of time, Sid. Would you like coffee and cake tonight when we’re done here?”
“I think so, yes,” she said. “You never asked me about my husband before.”
“We did a lot of our best talking while naked,” he reminded her. “I didn’t want to know anything about him then.”
“Wise,” she agreed.
* * *
Summer was full on the land as the Fourth of July weekend arrived. Dakota worked hard by day and had perfect evenings. He had dinner at the bar at least a couple of times a week, dinner with Cal, Maggie and Sully at least once a week, dropped in on Sierra a couple of times a week if he didn’t have dinner with her, and most nights Sid drove out to the cabin for the night. More and more of her personal items took up residence in his cabin: her shower gel, toothbrush, hairbrush, lotion, a few extra clothing items. He even drove back to Denver to briefly visit with Sedona in the hospital. She had wisely chosen to go back to the hospital where she had originally been diagnosed and was making progress.
His family was settled and he had a fantastic woman in his life. Things had not been this stable and hopeful in his memory. He’d even been kicking around the idea of a brief visit to Iowa to check on the folks, not so much because he thought they wanted him to visit, but it seemed like a good time to try to make peace with his childhood.
Then a very strange thing happened to remind him life was never uncomplicated. While he was in the bar having dinner, his car parked across the street right in front of the beauty shop, someone emptied a pile of hair clippings in the front seat. At first he couldn’t make out what it was but soon recognized it to be many colors of finely cut hair. By the time he discovered it, the salon was closed, lights off.
“Crazy,” he muttered. He suspected Alyssa, but he hadn’t seen her in weeks. Well, he saw her at a distance. He had no reason to think she was malicious, but who else had hair clippings to toss in a car?
He walked down the block and across the street to the police department. He found Officer Paul Castor holding down the fort. “How you doing, Paul?” he asked.
“Not bad,” he said.
“Let me ask you something—you have an issue with vandalism on the main street here?” Dakota said.
“Nah. It’s well lit, lots of business owners around, stores open. Why? You have a problem?”
He shook his head and laughed. “Someone dumped a pile of hair clippings on the driver’s seat of my car.”
Castor lifted his eyebrows.
“I know—pretty strange, isn’t it?”
“You have a fight with a barber?”
Dakota shook his head. “I guess you never heard that one before, huh?”
“Any damage?”
“No, just a slight mess. I’m going to have to take the car somewhere to get it vacuumed out.”
“You’re in luck. I have a rechargeable
minivac I can loan you.”
“That would be great!”
Dakota took the minivac to his car, vacuumed the hair, then drove down to the police department to return it.
He didn’t say anything to Sid, though he weighed that decision heavily. It was that old nagging insecurity. He didn’t want to seem like he had a lot of trouble following him to a woman who was already trying to keep life simple. But he did go to the beauty shop immediately after work the next day.
“Alyssa?” Maria said. “She’s not here but we can fit you in for a trim.”
“Actually, I wanted to talk to her.”
Maria’s smile was instant and wide. “She’ll be so disappointed to have missed you! She’s on a little trip with a couple of girlfriends. She’ll be back on Monday morning.”
“But she was here last night?”
“She’s been gone since Tuesday night—a long weekend in Vegas. Girls’ trip.” She clicked her teeth, but smiled. “Nothing but trouble.”
“Then never mind—it’s nothing. I, ah, parked in front of the shop last night while I went to the bar across the street and someone got in there and went through my stuff. Glove box and console. Nothing was stolen. I just thought I’d ask her if she noticed anything. Anyone.”
“Well, I was here and I didn’t see a thing,” Maria said. “It was light until after closing. That’s a nervy thing to do in broad daylight.”
“Kids, probably,” he said.
“Kids around here aren’t perfect, but they’re not dumb. If they go through a car, they usually find something to take. Did you have CDs or anything in there?”
He just smiled. “That’s the point—there wasn’t anything to take. Unless they were interested in my AAA packet and an owner’s manual. No worries. But thanks. I appreciate it.”
The whole family spent the Fourth of July at the Crossing with Sully and a full park of campers. Elizabeth and Sam were content in their swings in the shade by the lake, Cal and Dakota grilled the food, Connie threw the ball for Molly and Sully’s dog, Beau. The only person missing for dinner was Sid. She was with her brother and nephews because the bar was open. She worked until six and then left the bar in the hands of one of the other managers to go home for a backyard picnic with Rob and the boys. At nine she brought the boys to the Crossing to watch the fireworks at the lake. The dogs were a hit with Sid’s nephews and Dakota thought a couple of dogs in the family might help him reel in the boys.