“My situation is completely different,” he went on. “I have a hundred reasons to be discreet. I’m a busy guy and a business owner. I have kids and I don’t particularly want someone else’s kids, too. I hate fix-ups and that’s the first thing that happens when you admit you’re open to the idea of dating. I avoid complicated women... Should I go on?”
“All this time, you’ve had a sex life,” she said.
“All this time, for the last six or eight years, I’ve had a private life that sometimes includes sex, and not nearly as often as I’d like. What does this have to do with you? Have you been avoiding the opposite sex for me?” he asked.
“Of course not,” she said. “It’s just that...the first time I accept a date for a cup of coffee, I come clean! All this time you’ve been completely normal!”
“Normal for my situation, maybe. Not optimal but all right. Tell me about Dakota? Is he a nice guy?”
“Sure,” she said. “Yes. You know he is.”
“He’s new around here but he has good connections. What made you decide to take a chance on him?”
“It was coffee. I didn’t take that much of a chance.”
“I knew we’d have to have this talk eventually. Sidney, I think it makes sense for you to be cautious and go slowly after what David did to you, but if I believed the majority of men were like him, I’d lose faith in all mankind. Just take your time. But when I think you might close yourself off from life, I could cry.”
“There’s more to life than finding the next man,” she said.
“Way more, especially in your case,” he said. “You gave up so much. He cost you so much...”
“So now I’m finding the balance in life. And apparently you already found it. But hey—the next time you have a date or whatever it is you have, just tell me you’re going to the library and I’ll be sure to cover for you.”
Rob looked amused. “You should go to the library sometime, Sid. And I could cover for you.”
“I think it’s going to be quite a while before I need you for that.”
The family is one of nature’s masterpieces.
—GEORGE SANTAYANA
6
CONNIE BOYLE WAS on his twenty-four-hour shift but he took a little personal time to go home. He wanted to talk to Sierra right away. He didn’t think he should wait until his shift ended the next morning, although he did suspect it might be better if they slept together after having their talk.
“Well, isn’t this a nice surprise,” she said when he walked into the house they shared. She’d just been emptying the dishwasher. “Are you home for dinner?”
“I have a couple of hours,” he said. “And we have that leftover lasagna.”
“Let me make a salad to go with that and warm it up.” She stopped what she was doing and looked at him. “Is something wrong?”
He sat down across the breakfast bar from her. Molly immediately stuck her cold nose into his hand for a pet. “Yeah. It was a bad day. There was an accident. A fatal accident. But there was a survivor. A four-month-old baby boy. We don’t even know his name.”
“Oh, Connie,” she said. She walked around the breakfast bar and put her arms around him. “Sometimes I don’t know how you do what you do.”
“Sometimes I don’t, either.”
“Is he going to be okay? The baby?”
“Looks like it but he’s getting an extrathorough workup.”
“When did it happen?” she asked.
“This morning. There were three cars, out on the highway, but only one fatality. Plenty of injuries, though. And one car caught on fire. Everyone got out—just some minor burns. But the baby... There was just him and the mother and she died at the scene.” He shook his head. “They’re going to be looking for the family, but in the meantime, he’s in emergency foster care. Tonight Rafe will take him home.”
“Rafe?”
“Rafe and Lisa are certified foster parents.”
“Those two,” Sierra said. “Aren’t they just pure gold? Three kids of their own, living on a fireman’s wages, and they take in foster kids, too.”
“Well, it’s because they have three of their own that they’re only signed on for emergency foster care. That means just until permanent placement is found.”
“He probably has family, Connie. A dad at least. Grandparents. Aunties and uncles and cousins. If anything happened to Cal and Maggie, God forbid, I would raise Elizabeth.”
“You’re probably right. The county will be looking. Meanwhile, he’ll be safe with Rafe and Lisa. But it brought something to mind I want to talk to you about. I’m going to ask you a very hard question but you can take your time on the answer.”
“You really know how to scare me,” she said.
“Oh, honey, don’t ever be scared. Your answer is final with me, you know that. But here’s what I want to know. Would you consider being a foster parent?”
She was clearly flabbergasted. “Huh?”
“I understand your worries about having children with me—primarily your father’s mental illness in the gene pool. I am not worried about it, but I leave that up to you. I don’t want you to ever go against your best judgment to keep me happy. But foster care might be something we can do together. If you like being around kids, that is. I see you with Elizabeth and you’re so good with her. See, I’m already certified. And since I was single and working, I did what Rafe did—I was available for short-term coverage.”
“I didn’t know that,” she said. “How could you be? You’re not even married! Do they let single men be foster parents?”
He nodded. “And domestic partners and young couples and older couples and all kinds of unique situations. There’s a pretty serious evaluation process but things like gender or sexual orientation are not disqualifiers—there are much more important considerations. They want to be assured of home safety, dependability, knowledge, and there’s a background check. Then there are those home visits...”
“But you never had any foster kids...”
“Not in a while, but before we moved in together I had a few temporary kids. The longest was two weeks until his relatives were located. The youngest was four—what a pistol he was. Lisa helped out while I worked. I had a teenager once. A girl. That was the most complicated. I was obviously the only resort—they don’t usually place a teenage girl with a bachelor but she was out of options. It was me or juvenile detention. Lisa and Rafe went to bat for me and promised they’d be around daily, and they were. It was only a few days. They found her a good permanent foster home almost right away. She’s doing great.”
“Oh my God, I’m totally stunned,” she said.
“I’m sorry, I never thought of it. For no particular reason, the county hasn’t called me or Rafe and Lisa in a year. Since we met, it hasn’t come up.”
“Oh God, did it come up today?”
He briefly hung his head. “I had this little regret seeing Rafe hanging around the hospital waiting to take the baby home. And I thought, Why didn’t I talk to Sierra about this? Because you love taking care of Elizabeth and we both wish we could have kids around but you don’t think we should have them. And he’s so... He’s in good hands with Lisa and Rafe and their brood...”
“He’s so what?” she asked.
“He’s so vulnerable,” Connie said. “This makes no sense but I asked myself, what if that was me? What if I had no parents? What if I lost everything in one second and my whole future depended on if a conscientious, reliable family took me in?”
“Oh my goodness, you’re reeling me in... We’re not even married!”
“We should probably do that one of these days, Sierra.”
“We will!”
“Okay,” he said. Because he never pushed her. Too much. “Will you think about it?”
“Connie, why are you doing this?”
br /> “Well, obviously I can’t bring home a kid without you being on board—you live here. This is your home.”
“I mean, why are you a foster parent?”
He sighed and raked his hands across his chest. “You know, every now and then there’s a kid. Maybe he was pulled out of a bad home situation, maybe there was a fire or accident, maybe a kid was abandoned. About ten years ago a guy took his son into a diner and left him in the booth to go out to his car to get his wallet and never came back. A little kid. Who does something like that? Anyway, every once in a while, there’s a kid who needs a place to stay. I just like to help out. Want me to put that lasagna in the microwave?”
“Let me do it,” she said.
* * *
When Sierra first moved to Colorado a little over a year ago, she stayed in a little one-room cabin at Sullivan’s Crossing. Sully had the coffee going by around five in the morning and Sierra would join him in the general store for her early-morning coffee. A few days a week she’d go on to work at the diner in town. That coffee wasn’t all that gave her a good start on the day; she was also fortified by her conversations with Sully. He had a way of zeroing in on her issues and making her think. Because of that, she’d occasionally still get up extra early and drive out to the Crossing just to have coffee with him.
She could see the light was on in the back of the store so she parked back there and gave a couple of warning knocks before opening the unlocked door. “Morning,” she said. “You ever think about locking that door? I mean, it’s dark as pitch and you’re here alone...”
“And didn’t you just bring your best sunshine into the room,” Sully said. Molly rushed to him, wagging her tail madly. “And I suppose this freeloader wants breakfast, too?” he said, bending to give her a robust rub.
“If you wouldn’t mind,” Sierra said. “I’m working today so I’ll swing by the house and drop her off on my way.”
He poured her a cup of coffee. “Connie working?” he asked.
“He gets off in a few hours. He was on all night. Sully, did you know Connie was a foster parent? I mean, a certified one?”
“Hmm, I don’t believe I did. I know he helps out with kids all the time. I knew he’d had a couple stay with him just because he was helping out. I didn’t know he was any kind of official foster parent.”
“Rafe and Lisa take in foster kids—short-term. They have a four-month-old baby at the moment—his mother died in a car accident.”
“That big one? Over on the freeway?”
She nodded, sipping her coffee. “Connie wanted to bring him home but he didn’t want to do that to me. He asked me to think about signing up for that—to be a foster parent. I don’t feel particularly qualified.”
“What would qualify you?” Sully asked.
“Experience, for one thing.”
He laughed. “Not very many regular parents start out with experience. I certainly didn’t. I imagine they have a program. And probably a test,” he added with a chuckle. He waited for her to say something. “I suppose you’re about to tell me why this bothers you.”
“It’s personal,” she said. “I’d like it to be between us. I mean, I talked to Connie but no one else. Do you still want to know?”
“I ain’t gonna beg, but I don’t usually find the need to talk about personal things. It’s up to you.”
“Well, it’s like this. I know Connie loves kids. He’s always helping out with the kids when they come to tour the fire department. He takes them on hikes and helps some learn to rock climb. But I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to have kids because, well, you know. Because of my dad. He’s mentally ill. I worry about that gene running loose inside me. What if I passed it on?”
“There’s any number of things you can pass on,” Sully said. “Not to mention all the things you might just end up with on account of fate or accident. Speaking of accidents—those happen all the time. You might have a perfect child and then lightning could strike him. But if it worries you, it’s your right to play it safe. Is Connie giving you a hard time about it?”
“Oh, not at all,” she said. “He totally understands. And so he came up with a possible solution—foster kids. But what if I fall in love with one and they have to move away?”
Sully just looked at her. “You been up all night trying to figure out all the bad things that could happen?” he asked her.
“I did toss and turn a lot,” she admitted. “It’s just that there was something I didn’t tell Connie.”
“Aw, now, don’t be telling me secrets between a man and woman...” he whined.
“I didn’t tell him that I’d love to have kids more than anything. I’ve always wanted kids. I love Elizabeth so much sometimes it aches in me. And I don’t think I could have a child and live through something awful happening to him. And I don’t think I can take care of a child, especially a baby, and give it up. But wouldn’t it be selfish and wrong of me to have a child if there’s a chance it could inherit a disease?”
“Lord above, girl. I didn’t know you even knew how to think that much! You must be exhausted!”
“I am a little tired...”
“If I thought that much I’d have to sleep for a month!”
“You must have had some thoughts about children when you were having Maggie!”
“The problem was it never once crossed my mind. One day, real early in my marriage, Phoebe said, ‘Congratulations, genius—you got me pregnant!’ From that moment on is when I thought about it. By the way, no one was a worse parent than I was. Ask Phoebe sometime. And look at Maggie now. I suspect there are special angels assigned to the children of terrible parents.”
“Drunks and children,” Sierra said.
“How’s that?”
“As the saying goes, God takes care of drunks and children. Some would argue they’re practically one and the same.”
“Sierra, you better talk to an expert about this,” Sully said.
“You mean like someone in genetic counseling?” she asked.
“I was thinking more along the lines of someone familiar with your alcohol disease. Because I think this might be a symptom, this thinking till you pass out.”
She sighed. “Of course you’re right,” she said. “It’s one of my character flaws. I tend to create these complex scenarios in which I’m the star. Not usually in a good way.”
“I’d say talk to your sponsor, Moody, but if he ain’t even more impatient than me...” Sully let Beau and Molly out the back door for a little run. “If you like kids, maybe you should try something that puts you in touch with them but you can’t keep ’em even if you want to. Here’s what I think—one week working in a day care should cure you of that notion.”
“There’s a thought.”
“And here’s another thought. You in this with Connie for real?” Sully asked.
“Oh, yes,” she said. “We’re going to get married. We just haven’t planned anything yet. There’s been so much going on with Elizabeth coming and everything.”
“I doubt Elizabeth has been standing in your way, but if you’re in this with Connie for the long haul, for the love of God talk to him! Not some old man with a heart condition!”
She smirked at him. “Your heart is fine,” she said.
“But I am old,” he argued.
“No, Frank is old. You’re just ornery.”
* * *
Sierra knew she could get like this sometimes, get obsessed about something and work it like a hangnail. This thing about kids was doing it to her. Or maybe she was doing it to the thing about kids. Why she felt a desperate need to come to a decision, a conclusion, she couldn’t explain. But Sully was right, it was one of her “issues.”
By nine in the morning, the breakfast rush at the diner was nearly over. Connie stopped by on his way home. He sat at the counter. “Hi, babe. Will
you buy me breakfast?”
“I will. What’s it gonna be?”
“I want what you want me to want,” he said.
She just smiled and shook her head. “I am the luckiest woman alive. Today you should have the breakfast burrito. Then you should go home and sleep.”
“Last night wasn’t bad. I got some sleep. I’m going to swing by Rafe’s and see how the little guy is doing. Then I’m going to check on Sully and see if he needs help today. Then a good nap. Can you decide on dinner? If you bring home the groceries for it, I’ll cook.”
“You’re going to see the baby?” she asked.
“I’m more going to see how Rafe and Lisa are doing. They might be in need of a nap themselves.”
When she put his breakfast burrito in front of him, she said, “Just be sure you rest, Connie. You’re always thinking about everyone else.”
He gave her a flirty grin. “I think about you, that’s for sure. And it doesn’t make me feel like sleeping.”
“I have a feeling you’re going to be like a frisky pup when you’re ninety,” she teased.
“That’s my plan,” he said, grinning.
“Well, it’s my plan, too, so you better take care of yourself. Nap, Connie. And I can make dinner.”
When he’d finished his burrito, he put enough tip on the counter to cover its cost and make her smile. Then he kissed her goodbye and left, smiles all around the diner.
Sierra knew she could have talked this situation over with Cal. In fact, she could have talked it over with Cal and Maggie—if she remembered correctly, Maggie was off today. There was always Lola, who would be working in the diner this afternoon, and Lola was so wise. She could call Moody, her AA sponsor, or just go to a meeting and bare her soul. But she did none of these things. Instead, when she was off work at about two, she went to the Vadas house. She was relieved that Connie’s truck was nowhere in sight. But there was a chance they were resting so she gave the door a couple of light raps.
Rafe opened the door. “Sierra! We weren’t expecting you.”
“I know. Connie told me about the baby and I thought I’d come by and see how you’re doing.” She lifted a take-out bag. “I brought you a cheesecake and some cookies for the kids.”