“I’m so sorry about your dad,” I said.
“I was so sorry to hear about your mom.”
The long hug ended and I thanked her, grateful for the condolences and that she didn’t blame me, but not wanting to really talk about the circumstances of my mom’s death right then. It didn’t seem right to discuss how my mom was murdered by my great-grandfather and how I’d plotted but failed to avenge her death and how his clone now acted like he expected to still exert control over my life. You gotta save something for the second date.
When we had hugged, instead of my hands finding the small of her back, they’d found a backpack. I immediately recognized the blue-jean pack. The yellow Star of David and pink triangle were still there, though faded. Patches held the whole thing together.
“You still use the backpack?”
“Of course! I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away, and it’s a lot cheaper to patch it up than to buy things like purses and make-up bags.”
The vandals had meant to embarrass and demean her. But as the American soldiers had done when the British derisively sang Yankee Doodle after the Battle of Concord, she had turned their efforts around and wore their abuse as a badge of honor.
“Doesn’t the triangle put a crimp in your romantic life?” I asked.
Evelyn tossed her hair back with an over-the-top super-model flick. “Hasn’t been a problem.”
I laughed, but then felt a little sorry I asked. Either she was kidding, or plenty of guys had overlooked the triangle, or she was having a lot of fun as a lesbian. I was silent for a moment.
“But I’m not seeing anyone right now,” she added. I unsuccessfully tried to stop myself from looking overly pleased.
The hostess seated us and we began looking through the menu. “Looking” was an accurate description for what I did – there was definitely no reading going on. I couldn’t concentrate on the words. Fortunately I’d been to that Thai restaurant several times and I knew what I wanted. When Evelyn found what she wanted she closed the menu, grabbed one of my hands in hers, and pumped it up and down.
“So how have you been? I hear about you in the news every once in a while, but I want to hear about you from you.”
I told her about having to move into Great-Grandpa Lyle’s and not liking it, but I didn’t go into the details – only telling her that he was very controlling. Then there was Aunt Louise whom I adored. I mixed in some boring stories from college and my work at USCS, but how I enjoyed the most professional satisfaction by serving on the Genetics and Cloning Board.
“Do you still write your stories?” she asked, her eyes lighting up. I noticed for the first time a small scar over her right eyebrow. The only physical evidence from the day her father died.
“Not since grade school.”
“That’s too bad!” she cried. “Did you just lose interest?”
“Sort of.”
“That’s too bad,” she repeated more softly, frowning. “And so you’re engaged now?”
I shrugged as if the answer might be in a vague area between yes and no.
“To the clone of the woman your c-father was married to?” she continued, either ignoring me or taking my vague shrug as an affirmation.
“Ye—es,” I said. “Sort of.”
She raised the eyebrow below the scar.
“So, now tell me about yourself,” I said. “What brought you from Winter Wonderland to Farewell Dolly?”
She let me get away with it. “My two biggest desires – to be on stage and be a clone like you.”
“Come on,” I urged. “What happened after the second grade?”
“The minute one.”
I groaned and rolled my eyes.
“Okay. I loved Winter Wonderland so much I began to take a real interest in performing, so I began taking classes and performing with theatre groups like San Diego Junior Theatre downtown and J*Company in La Jolla, and then I became obsessed with it all and ended up applying to NYU as a theatre major. When I got my letter of acceptance, I threw my backpack in my little car and drove to New York.”
“And became a star,” I concluded.
“And became a waitress,” she corrected. “I got a few acting jobs and some national tours, and then broke into Broadway a couple years ago when I got in the ensemble of Sweeney Todd, and then last year the same director cast me as Rapunzel in Into the Woods.”
“Lots of Sondheims,” I noted.
“Yes! And Stephen-2 was involved in both revivals, which I think kind of helped when it came to auditioning for Dolly.”
The sweet smell of curry awakened me to our lunch. I wasn’t sure when it had been delivered.
“So this could become your first big Broadway lead,” I said.
She shrugged modestly, scooping some rice onto her plate. “If they keep me.”
“Oh, please. Didn’t you read the raves about you in the news?”
Evelyn blushed. “They’re probably just being kind to the local girl.”
“What did the New York critics have to say about it?” I asked. I already knew the answer; I’d read all the reviews about Evelyn, even digging up the ones from her previous credits in New York, the tours, and some from her San Diego performances in her youth. I hadn’t gotten much work done in the office that week.
“They had pretty positive things to say,” she admitted.
“They loved you!”
“I don’t want to talk about all that,” she said, growing more embarrassed.
“What do you want to talk about?”
“About you and what it’s been like for you. Your philosophy on life.”
“My philosophy on life?”
“Or to put it more poetically, who are ewe?”
I grinned and rolled my eyes again. “Well, I guess I don’t know the answer to that much better than you did in the show.”
Evelyn seemed surprised. “And whyever not? Don’t you think self-awareness is important?”
“I guess I don’t know if I think self-awareness is important or not.”
She processed the sentence, then laughed. “But seriously!”
But I found myself reluctant to answer seriously. Not because I couldn’t think of a response, but because I didn’t like the response that I was coming to. Here I was, following the same career path as my c-father and, like him, preparing to marry Lily.
“I guess I’ve become my own grandpa,” I said.
I thought she might laugh because of the song I’d tried to sing at the talent show, but Evelyn frowned. “Well, I hope that’s not all you are. Unless that’s really what you want.”
I mixed my rice more thoroughly into my curry. “To be honest, I haven’t given it much thought lately. I’ve just been kind of going through the path I seemed naturally suited for. Is it really important to be different than my c-father?”
“Not if you don’t want to be. Did your clone-father have the life that you want to have?”
“Sort of.” I hesitated, tasting how ridiculous that lie was. “Well, not exactly.”
“What do you mean?”
This reunion with Evelyn was getting too complicated. Although I’d occasionally debated my relationship with my c-father after my failure with Lyle-1, the debate was infrequent and only with myself. Now here she was forcing me to publicly confront the fact that I was following the easy path and whether or not I was doing so out of happiness, laziness, or cowardliness. And this last question was most troubling of all. For when I thought about what my c-father did with his life, there was little I’d be proud to emulate beyond our mutual love for my mom.
“I think he did some important work at USCS that benefits lots of people,” I said.
“Yes, he did,” Evelyn agreed. “And you enjoy the work?”
“Sure, it’s fine. It’s something I can do.”
“Like waitressing,” she said, nodding. “Have you thought about trying something you like even more?”
“Truthfully,” I said, “I haven’t even
sat down to think about what I might like doing.”
Evelyn frowned. I could tell she was growing a little disillusioned, sensing how little I’d cared about my life and happiness. I couldn’t bear it. I had far too much admiration for her to be capable of handling her disappointment.
“But I’m going to start thinking about it now.”
She smiled – the same one I’d seen the first time I met her. “Good! Now, is there anything about your clone-father that you don’t want to repeat?”
“He married a woman he didn’t love.”
I blurted it out before I even knew what I was saying. Evelyn raised her eyebrows.
“Then I take it you like Lily-2 more than Adam-1 liked Lily-1?”
I shrugged. “He hated Lily-1. I like Lily-2.”
“But you don’t love her?”
I slowly shook my head. Once again I was getting a failing grade from the person I wanted to impress more than any other. And from myself. I clutched the napkin in my lap and felt sweat trickle down my underarms.
“Adam, what are you doing? I mean, it’s not just your life you could be ruining. What about Lily?”
“But I’d be hurting her by breaking it off,” I said. “You don’t understand. She’s lived her entire life believing that we truly are our c-parents, and that we’re basically already married. Her clone-mother killed herself so her clone could marry me.”
“So you’re going to spend your entire life married to a woman you don’t love because your clone-father did it and because it would hurt her feelings not to marry her?” She waited a moment for a response, but I didn’t have one. She put her hand over mine. “Adam, I seriously doubt if your clone-father would want you to repeat the mistake he made, and I’m also sure that Lily-2 can find another man if she has to. What you’re doing will just hurt you both.”
I had known that marrying Lily was impossible from the moment I’d heard Evelyn would be Dolly. The only hard parts were admitting to Evelyn my foolishness for being engaged to a woman I didn’t love, and then confronting Lily with the news.
One was now out of the way. The other was coming that night.
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Lyle-2 opened Aunt Louise’s front door as I reached for the handle. Lily-2 was sitting on the living room couch. She’d been crying.
“Sit down, Adam,” Lyle commanded. He closed and locked the door. He was thirteen years old, and his face and body were beginning to closely resemble the man I’d feared growing up.
“I’ll pass.” I stopped in the entryway.
“We know you had lunch with Evelyn Green today,” he said. Lily started wiping away fresh tears.
“It wasn’t meant to be a secret.”
“My c-father mentioned her in his notes. I’m afraid I can’t allow you to develop a personal relationship with this woman.”
I laughed.
“I’m quite serious,” he said.
“That’s why I’m laughing. I was going to ask who the hell you think you are, but it’s pretty obvious, isn’t it. You think you have the power to tell me what to do like your c-father did. And you’re wrong.”
“No, you’re wrong,” he said, pushing me into the living room.
I caught myself, grabbed him by the arm, and sent him sprawling onto the living room floor. One of his flailing hands knocked over a red glass tulip, and it shattered.
We were all frozen for a moment – me standing tall with adrenaline pumping and feeling stronger than I’d ever felt, Lyle-2 kneeling on the ground and looking up at me with stunned fury, and Lily-2 gaping as her eyes went from me to Lyle before finally settling on the shards of red tulip. She had stopped crying.
“I’m afraid, Lily, that I’ve come here tonight to end our engagement.”
She went even paler. She tore her gaze from the tulip and, for the first time, looked to Lyle-2 for help.
“This has nothing to do with Lyle,” I snapped, getting her attention back. “If you have something to say to me, you’d better do it yourself. Why are you looking to him?”
“Who else can help me?” she asked.
“You don’t need him anymore than you need me.”
“Yes, I do,” she said. “He’s my father. And he’s the only man who can stop you from leaving me.”
“Lyle-2 isn’t a man at all,” I said. Lyle-2 stood back up. “He’s a little boy who thinks too much of himself. If he was your father, I’d kill him for the murder of my mother.”
I heard Lily gasp, but by that time I was already locked up with Lyle-2. He seemed to know exactly what I was talking about, and he didn’t look pleased that I’d informed Lily-2 about his c-father’s sin.
“He’s lying,” Lyle said. “I risked my life to try to save Sarah and killed her murderer. This new Adam just wants to tear our family apart. I didn’t think he’d stoop to claim that I killed your daughter. Set the record straight, Adam.”
“I was there. Lyle-1 murdered Sarah.”
Lily clasped her hands together and stared at me for a moment in silence. “Am I supposed to believe my father or the man who just broke off our engagement?”
“I’m breaking our engagement because I’m not in love with you. I like you and care about you as a friend, even a sister, but I’ve never been in love with you.”
“You wouldn’t have slept with your friend or sister.”
I couldn’t think of a response.
“No,” she continued. “That’s not true. That woman turned you against me.”
“No, Lily. Don’t you remember Suzie Kandel? There were others in college as well. Do you think I’d have been sleeping around if I really loved you?”
“Suzie made all that up. You told me so yourself.”
“I’m sorry I lied about that,” I responded, softening a little. “It was wrong to string you along all these years. If you want to forgive me, we can continue to be friends. If not, then…” I shrugged, “then I guess that’s it.”
Her knuckles turned white as she clenched them tighter. “Fuck you.”
“Okay,” I said. “Goodbye, Lily. I’m sure you’ll find someone else. Meanwhile, don’t let little Lyle here run your life. You’d be miserable.”
I turned to leave. Lyle’s voice stopped me.
“You walk out that door, and you’re a dead man.”
I tried to give him the most condescending expression I could muster. “All that extra intelligence, and you couldn’t think of anything more original than that.”
He went scarlet with rage while I tried my best to look bemused by his anger. I was a little bemused, but I also knew what his c-father was capable of, and I supposed Lyle-2 was capable of the same thing – or would be. I turned for good, unlocking and opening the door. For a moment I considered slamming it shut behind me, but instead left it wide open. Partly out of the puerile desire to leave him the inconvenience of having to close it himself, and partly to show Lyle that I was unconcerned about his death threat. If he was so eager to kill me, I wasn’t going to close the door behind me to try to protect myself. Let him come.
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35
I called Evelyn the next night to tell her that I’d ended my engagement, but that perhaps we should keep a safe distance. Gossip columnists could completely overshadow her reviews and ruin her chance to star on Broadway.
“Do you think I care that much about what people say?” she asked.
“I’m sorry. I guess that’s not the real reason I think we shouldn’t see each other.”
“Which is?”
I paused. “I know it sounds crazy, but I’m truly afraid they may try to hurt you.”
There was silence. I thought of her father.
“Then now I definitely have to talk to you,” she said.
“It’s too big a risk.”
“Adam. I don’t care about that.”
So we got together again. That Thursday was Evelyn’s birthday. I took the day off from work and met her at the en
trance to the San Diego Wild Animal Park. She called it research for her role. The Wild Animal Park had long used cloning to preserve endangered species by keeping their DNA in what they called their “frozen zoo.” They had successfully created a protocol to ensure genetic diversity in severely endangered and extinct gene pools and had brought back several species that had become extinct earlier in the century like the Iberian lynx and the Sumatran rhino. Not to mention, of course, the first birth of a mammoth in more than 4,000 years.
One of the administrators of the cloning department graciously offered a private tour of the facilities. We spent a couple hours learning about the various programs, taking photos with the staff, and playing with a couple of cloned Bengal tiger kittens not three weeks old.
After that we took the tram around the wide savannahs that represented Asia and Africa, and then walked through the park, eventually ending up on a lookout point deep within a savannah. It was connected to the main walkways by a long bridge raised above the grasslands, giving you a 360-degree view of the land where herds of rhinos, giraffes, and elephants roamed. Evelyn said that it had been one of her favorite spots growing up, and I could see why. As the sun began to set and a breeze ruffled our hair and the Eucalyptus trees, I felt a serenity that eased out the clump of tension left over from the confrontation with Lyle and Lily. We leaned on the railing for a long time in silence.
“So, did you want to talk about it?” she asked after a couple other visitors strolled away and left us alone at the lookout.
I had managed to avoid the topic for hours, but soon Evelyn would have to get to the theatre for her next show. I told her everything about that night, realizing as I was doing it that it was the first time I’d ever given anyone so wide a look into the warped relationship I had with Lily-2 and Lyle-2. It was a tremendous relief.
“And why do you think they may actually respond violently?” she asked. “I mean, most people who get angry or spurned by lovers don’t respond with violence.”
“Lyle threatened me as I left.”
“How old is he?” she asked.
I paused. “Well, just thirteen.” I shook my head at how silly that seemed. “I know, sounds stupid.”
She shrugged.
“I guess I’m just still that scared of his clone-father.”
“Do you know of anyone who Lyle-1 physically attacked?”
I didn’t know what to say. I thought telling Evelyn could put her in more danger. Or that’s what I told myself.