I spent many hours awake in bed thinking about Caleb and our kiss. I knew I shouldn’t feel guilty because I was a single woman but I did feel like I had done something very wrong. After tossing and turning until 3 o’clock that morning I managed to fall asleep.
When I met Kevin for lunch I wasn’t doing much better mentally and it was written all over my face. “You read the letter?” he asked, assuming that was the source of my down mood. It was but not the only thing weighing me down.
“Yeah.” I fiddled with the napkin on my right side. “She told me about her upcoming marriage to Liam Mitchell.” I didn’t know the boy personally, I might’ve seen him around the compound but I couldn’t pick him out of a line up or anything. I did know his older sister Anna and their parents somewhat. They were decent people but apparently not the right people. “She doesn’t want to go through with it. I think she wants some advice.” I thought back to her written words, the ones I couldn’t shake from my head. I was sure my little sister wanted a lot more than some response telling her how to cope.
“I haven’t noticed anything off between them.” Kevin offered to ease my worry.
“Maybe it’s just pre-wedding jitters.” I highly doubted that but I couldn’t reveal too much to Kevin, he was still a loyal member of the Coven.
“You ever think about what would’ve happened if you had stayed? We’d be married.”
Shit, that wasn’t something I wanted to talk about. “What are you asking me?”
He smiled lightly and started to push the spoon around, I wasn’t the only one feeling awkward. “Did you run because of me? Because your father was going to announce our engagement that upcoming week?”
I looked at him and realized I owed him the truth. “Partly. I didn’t run because of you and who you are, I ran because I couldn’t handle the weight from all those commitments they were trying to put on us. We shouldn’t be married; Elissa and Liam shouldn’t be married.”
“Why, because it’s arranged and someone else made the decision? The choice was made after careful consideration and matching numerous factors. It’s worked for hundreds of years and they were happy.” He reached across the table and took my hand, causing me to look at him and see exactly what he was feeling. His belief was certainly not mine.
“No they settled and I couldn’t.” Tears sprung to my eyes as the passion of the words burned inside of me. “I don’t say this to hurt you. I couldn’t have my life run every minute of the day.”
He let go off my hand harshly and sat back in his chair. “Because what you have now is so much better? You work at some diner and hang out with a fifteen year old while completely abandoning your own sister.”
I inhaled deeply and reminded myself to keep a lid on my control. “Hmm tell me how you really feel.” I didn’t know how to forgive him, how to push the anger aside. “I’d rather be some loser bum than ever have been your wife.” I got up and walked away.
So much for us trying to be friends.
Oddly enough it was nice to get that off my chest, to finally say some of what drove me away from my home, my family. It wasn’t only the control I ran from, it was the cruelty I couldn’t stomach.
I skipped getting into my car and heading home. I kept walking and ended up at the park. No surprise I ran into someone.
“Hey.” She said from the bench she seemed to favor.
“You again.”
“Yup, me again.” Bess seemed to go with the flow; she never took anything I said personally. “Clearing your head?”
I shrugged and decided what the heck? I went and sat beside her. “Something like that. I realized someone I used to like and considered a friend is actually a world class jerk. I also made a pretty bad mistake last night.” There was something about her that left me confessing everything, like maybe she could understand, or maybe I was just sick of talking to myself about it.
“And what’s the mistake?”
“I kissed Caleb.” It felt strange to say it out loud, as if now it was real when it had been plenty real last night while it was happening.
“Oh.” She mulled that over. “Well there are worse people you could’ve kissed.” It was obvious she approved of his looks and whatever else she knew about him.
“I’m in love with Michael still.”
“And that makes this complicated. I’m really glad I don’t have these problems.”
“Are you in a relationship, in love with someone?”
“No and yes. No on the relationship and yes on the love part. I’m in love with a man in a committed relationship with the only mother his daughter’s ever known.” When she said it like that my stuff paled in comparison.
I started to think and oddly enough there were pieces that fit her puzzle. “Jake works on your group, are you talking about his brother Chase?” I knew Chase was her right hand with the SCF.
She chuckled, it was a sad sound. “I’m getting transparent.”
“Well you did give me a lot of clues.” I had no idea why I was trying to make the woman feel better. “If he looks anything like Jake then I could see why you’d fall for him.” Caleb really had some good looking wolves in his pack but of course there was something about Caleb that put him in a league all by himself.
“He’s gorgeous but it’s more than that. Man, I’m screwed.”
“How did you come to meet Chase and Jake?” I was curious and while I was talking to her I didn’t have to think about my own problems.
“Zoe Langston, know her?”
“Know of her, yeah.”
Zoe was a vampire hunter and best friends to Chase and sometimes Jake. He told me about how they all grew up together and how she used to tease him. After being turned into a werewolf Jake went from a lanky kid to a grown man dripping with sex appeal. I knew how Zoe and Jake’s relationship got complicated because of his turn. It was rather amusing until I helped him out of a bond they had accidentally created.
“She’s my sister, long lost fraternal twin actually. I came to town to investigate those vampire murders and she was the go to person. When I started putting the SCF together she mentioned the idea of using hunters as well as cops to create the team.”
“And there came Chase.”
“I had met him a few times before that but it wasn’t until we would spend all night together that I really got to see him, how amazing he is.” She was love struck.
“I have problems but I’m glad I don’t have yours.” I said it to be honest, not mean.
“Glad I could help.”
Chapter 20