Calandrino, Bruno, _and_ Buffalmaco, _all of them being Painters byprofession, travelled to the Plaine of_ Mugnone, _to finde the preciousStone called_ Helitropium. Calandrino _perswaded himselfe to have foundit; returned home to his house heavily loaden with stones. His Wiferebuking him for his absence, hee groweth into anger, and shrewdlybeateth her. Afterward, when the case is debated among his otherfriends_ Bruno _and_ Buffalmaco, _all is found to be meere foolery._
The Third Novell.
_Justly reprehending the simplicity of such men, as are too muchaddicted to credulitie, and will give credit to every thing they heare._
_Pamphilus_ having ended his Novell, whereat the Ladies laughedexceedingly, so that very hardly they could give over: The Queene gavecharge to Madame _Eliza_, that shee should next succeed in order; when,being scarcely able to refraine from smyling, thus she began.
I know not (Gracious Ladies) whether I can move you to as heartylaughter, with a briefe Novell of mine owne, as _Pamphilus_ lately didwith his: yet I dare assure you, that it is both true and pleasant, andI will relate it in the best manner I can.
In our owne Citie, which evermore hath contained all sorts of people,not long since there dwelt, a Painter, named _Calandrino_, a simpleman; yet as much addicted** to matters of novelty, as any man whatsoevercould be. The most part of his time, he spent in the company of twoother Painters, the one called _Bruno_, and the other _Buffalmaco_,men of very recreative spirits, and of indifferent good capacity;often resorting to the said _Calandrino_, because they tooke delightin his honest simplicity, and pleasant order of behaviour. At the sametime likewise, there dwelt in _Florence_, a yong Gentleman of singulardisposition, to every generous and witty conceite, as the world didnot yeeld a more pleasant companion, he being named _Maso del Saggio_,who having heard somwhat of _Calandrinos_ sillinesse: determined tojest with him in merry manner, and to suggest his longing humours afterNovelties, with some conceit of extraordinary nature.
He happening (on a day) to meete him in the Church of Saint _John_,and seeing him seriously busied, in beholding the rare pictures, andthe curious carved Tabernacle, which (not long before) was placed onthe high Altar in the said Church: considered with himselfe, that hehad now fit place and opportunity, to effect what hee had long timedesired. And having imparted his minde to a very intimate friend, howhe intended to deale with simple _Calandrino_: they went both veryneere him, where he sate all alone, and making shew as if they sawhim not; began to consult between themselves, concerning the rareproperties of precious stones; whereof _Maso_ discoursed as exactly,as he had beene a most skilfull Lapidarie; to which conference oftheirs, _Calandrino_ lent an attentive eare, in regard it was matter ofsingular rarity.
Soone after, _Calandrino_ started up, and perceiving by their loudespeaking, that they talked of nothing which required secret Counsell:he went into their company (the onely thing which _Maso_ desired) andholding on still the former Argument; _Calandrino_ would needs requestto know, in what place these precious stones were to be found, whichhad such excellent vertues in them? _Maso_ made answere, that the mostof them were to be had in _Berlinzona_, neere to the City of _Bascha_,which was in the Territory of a Countrey, called _Bengodi_, where theVines were bound about with Sawcidges, a Goose was sold for a penny,and the Goslings freely given in to boote. There was also an highmountaine, wholly made of _Parmezane_, grated Cheese, whereon dweltpeople, who did nothing else but make _Mocharones_ and _Raviuolies_,boiling them with broth of Capons, and afterward hurled them all about,to whosoever can or will catch them. Neere to this mountaine runneth afaire River, the whole streame being pure white Bastard, none such wasever sold for any money, and without one drop of water in it.
Now trust me Sir, (said _Calandrino_) that is an excellent Countrey todwell in: but I pray you tell me Sir, what doe they with the Caponsafter they have boyld them? The _Baschanes_ (quoth _Maso_) eate themall. Have you Sir, said _Calandrino_, at any time beene in thatCountrey? How? answered _Maso_, doe you demaund if I have beene there?Yes man, above a thousand times, at the least. How farre Sir, I prayyou (quoth _Calandrino_) is that worthy Countrey, from this our City?In troth replyed _Maso_, the miles are hardly to be numbred, for themost part of them we travell when we are nightly in our beddes, and ifa man dreame right; he may be there upon a sudden.
Surely Sir, said _Calandrino_, it is further hence, then to _Abruzzi_?Yes questionlesse, replyed _Maso_; but, to a willing minde, no travellseemeth tedious.
_Calandrino_ well noting, that _Maso_ delivered all these speeches,with a stedfast countenance, no signe of smyling, or any gesture tourge the least mislike: he gave such credit to them, as to any matterof apparent and manifest truth, and upon this assured confidence, hesaid.
Beleeve me Sir, the journey is over-farre for mee to undertake, but ifit were neerer; I could affoord to goe in your Company; onely to seehow they make these _Macherones_, and to fill my belly with them.
But now wee are in talke Sir, I pray you pardon mee to aske, whetherany such precious stones, as you spake off, are to be found in thatCountrey, or no? Yes indeed, replyed _Maso_, there are two kinds ofthem to be found in those Territories, both being of very great vertue.One kind, are gritty stones, of _Settignano_, and of _Montisca_, byvertue of which places, when any Mill-stones or Grind-stones are tobee made, they knede the sand as they use to doe meale, and so makethem of what bignesse they please. In which respect, they have have acommon saying there: that Nature maketh common stones, but _Montisca_Mill-stones. Such plenty are there of these Mill-stones, so slenderlyhere esteemed among us, as Emeralds are with them, whereof they havewhole mountaines, farre greater then our _Montemorello_, which shinemost gloriously at midnight. And how meanly soever we account of theirMill-stones; yet there they drill them, and enchase them in Rings,which afterward they send to the great Soldane, and have whatsoeverthey will demaund for them.
The other kinde is a most precious Stone indeede, which our bestLapidaries call the _Helitropium_, the vertue whereof is so admirable;as whosoever beareth it about him, so long as he keepeth it, it isimpossible for any eye to discerne him, because he walketh meerelyinvisible. O Lord Sir (quoth _Calandrino_) these stones are of rarevertue indeede: but where else may a man finde that _Helitropium_?Whereto _Maso_ thus answered: That Countrey onely doth not containethe _Helitropium_; for they be many times found upon our plaine of_Mugnone_. Of what bignesse Sir (quoth _Calandrino_) is the Stone, andwhat coulour? The _Helitropium_, answered _Maso_, is not alwayes of onequality, because some are bigge, and others lesse; but all are of onecoulour, namely blacke.
_Calandrino_ committing all these things to respective memory, andpretending to be called thence by some other especiall affaires;departed from _Maso_, concluding resolvedly with himselfe, to findethis precious stone, if possibly hee could: yet intending to doenothing, untill hee had acquainted _Bruno_ and _Buffalmaco_ therewith,whom he loved dearly: he went in all hast to seeke them; because,(without any longer trifling the time) they three might bee the firstmen, that should find out this precious stone, spending almost thewhole morning, before they were all three met together. For they werepainting at the Monastery of the Sisters of _Faenza_, where they hadvery serious imployment, and followed their businesse diligently:where having found them, and saluting them in such kinde manner, ascontinually he used to doe, thus he began.
Loving friends, if you were pleased to follow mine advise, wee threewill quickely be the richest men in _Florence_; because, by informationfrom a Gentleman (well deserving to be credited) on the Plaine of_Mugnone_: there is a precious stone to be found, which whosoevercarrieth it about him, walketh invisible, and is not to be seene byany one. Let us three be the first men to goe and finde it, before anyother heare thereof, and goe about it, and assure our selves that weshall finde it, for I know it (by discription) so soone as I see it.And when wee have it, who can hinder us from bearing it about us. Thenwill we goe to the Tables of our Bankers, or money changers, which wesee daily charged with plenty of gold and silver,
where we may take somuch as wee list, for they (nor any) are able to descrie us. So, (inshort time) shall wee all be wealthy, never needing to drudge any more,or paint muddy walles, as hitherto we have done; and, as many of ourpoore profession are forced to doe.
_Bruno_ and _Buffalmaco_ hearing this, began to smile, and lookingmerrily each on other, they seemed to wonder thereat, and greatlycommended the counsell of _Calandrino. Buffalmaco_ demaunding how thestone was named. Now it fortuned, that _Calandrino_ (who had but agrosse and blockish memory) had quite forgot the name of the stone, andtherefore said. What neede have wee of the name, when we know, and areassured of the stones vertue? Let us make no more adoe, but (settingaside all other businesse) goe seeke where it is to be found. Well myfriend (answered _Bruno_) you say wee may find it, but how, and by whatmeanes?
There are two sorts of them (quoth _Calandrino_) some bigge, otherssmaller, but all carry a blacke colour: therefore (in mine opinion) letus gather all such stones as are blacke, so shall we be sure to findeit among them, without any further losse of time.
_Buffalmaco_ and _Bruno_, liked and allowed the counsell of_Calandrino_, which when they had (by severall commendations) given himassurance of, _Bruno_ saide. I doe not thinke it a convenient time now,for us to go about so weighty a businesse: for the Sun is yet in thehighest degree, and striketh such a heate on the plaine of _Mugnone_,as all the stones are extreamly dryed, and the very blackest willnowe seeme whitest. But in the morning, after the dew is falne, andbefore the Sunne shineth forth, every stone retaineth his true colour.Moreover, there be many Labourers now working on the plaine, about suchbusinesse as they are severally assigned, who seeing us in so seriousa search:** may imagine what we seeke for, & partake with us in the sameinquisition, by which meanes they may chance to speed before us, and sowee may lose both our trot and amble. Wherefore, by my consent, if youropinion jumpe with mine, this is an enterprise onely to be perfourmedin an early morning, when the blacke stones are to be distinguisht fromthe white, and a Festivall day were the best of all other, for thenthere will be none to discover us.
_Buffalmaco_ applauded the advice of _Bruno_, and _Calandrino_did no lesse, concluding all together; that Sunday morning (nextensuing) should be the time, and then they all three would go seekethe Stone. But _Calandrino_ was verie earnest with them, that theyshold not reveale it to any living body, because it was tolde him asan especiall secret: disclosing further to them, what hee had heardconcerning the Countrey of _Bengodi_, maintaining (with solemn oathsand protestations) that every part thereof was true. Uppon thisagreement, they parted from _Calandrino_, who hardly enjoyed anie restat all, either by night or day, so greedie he was to bee possessed ofthe stone. On the Sonday morning, hee called up his Companions beforebreake of day, and going forth at S. _Galls_ Port, they stayed not,till they came to the plaine of _Mugnone_, where they searched allabout to finde this strange stone.
_Calandrino_ went stealing before the other two, and verilie perswadedhimselfe, that he was borne to finde the _Helitropium_, and lookingon every side about him, hee rejected all other Stones but theblacke, whereof first he filled his bosome, and afterwards, bothhis Pockets. Then he tooke off his large painting Apron, which hefastened with his girdle in the manner of a sacke, and that he filledfull of stones likewise. Yet not so satisfied, he spred abroad hisCloake, which being also full of stones, hee bound it up carefully,for feare of loosing the very least of them. All which _Buffalmaco_and _Bruno_ well observing (the day growing on, and hardly they couldreach home by dinner time) according as merrily they had concluded,and pretending not to see _Calandrino_, albeit he was not farre fromthem: What is become of _Calandrino_? saide _Buffalmaco. Bruno_ gazingstrangely every where about him, as if hee were desirous to finde him,replyed. I saw him not long since, for then he was hard by before us;questionlesse, he hath given us the slippe, is privilie gone home todinner, and making starke fooles of us, hath lefte us to picke upblacke stones, upon the parching plaines of _Mugnone_. Well (quoth_Buffalmaco_) this is but the tricke of an hollow-hearted friend, andnot such as he protested himselfe to be, to us. Could any but weehave bin so sottish, to credit his frivolous perswasions, hoping tofinde any stones of such vertue, and here on the fruitlesse plains of_Mugnone_? No, no, none but we would have beleeved him.
_Calandrino_ (who was close by them) hearing these wordes, and seeingthe whole manner of their wondering behaviour: became constantlyperswaded, that hee had not onely founde the precious stone; but alsohad some store of them about him, by reason he was so neere to them,and yet they could not see him, therefore he walked before them. Nowwas his joy beyond all compasse of expression, and being exceedinglyproud of so happy an adventure: did not meane to speake one word tothem, but (heavily laden as hee was) to steale home faire and softlybefore them, which indeede he did, leaving them to follow after, ifthey would. _Bruno_ perceiving his intent, said to _Buffalmaco_: Whatremaineth now for us to doe? Why should not we go home, as well as hee?And reason too, replyed _Bruno_, It is in vaine to tarry any longerheere: but I solemnly protest, _Calandrino_ shall no more make an Asseof me: and were I now as neere him, as not long since I was, I wouldgive him such a remembrance on the heele with this Flint stone, asshould sticke by him this moneth, to teach him a lesson for abusing hisfriends.
Hee threw the stone, and hit him shrewdly on the heele therewith; butall was one to _Calandrino_, whatsoever they saide, or did, as thusthey still followed after him. And although the blow of the stone waspainfull to him; yet he mended his pace so wel as he was able, inregard of beeing over-loaden with stones, and gave them not one wordall the way, because he tooke himselfe to bee invisible, and utterlyunseene of them. _Buffalmaco_ taking uppe another Flint-stone, whichwas indifferent heavie and sharp, said to _Bruno_. Seest thou thisFlint? Casting it from him, he smote _Calandrino_ just in the backetherewith, saying. Oh that _Calandrino_ had bin so neere, as I mighthave hit him on the backe with the stone. And thus all the way on theplaine of _Mugnone_, they did nothing else but pelt him with stones,even so farre as the Port of S. _Gall_, where they threwe downe whatother stones they had gathered, meaning not to molest him any more,because they had done enough already.
There they stept before him unto the Port, and acquainted the Warderswith the whole matter, who laughing heartily at the jest, the better toupholde it; would seeme not to see _Calandrino_ in his passage by them,but suffered him to go on, sore wearied with his burthen, and sweatingextreamly. Without resting himselfe in any place, he came home to hishouse, which was neere to the corner of the Milles, Fortune being sofavourable to him in the course of this mockery, that as he passedalong the Rivers side, and afterward through part of the City; he wasneither met nor seen by any, in regard they were all in their houses atdinner.
_Calandrino_, every minute ready to sinke under his weightie burthen,entred into his owne house, where (by great ill luck) his wife, beinga comely and very honest woman, and named _Monna Trista_, was standingaloft on the stayres head. She being somewhat angry for his so longabsence, and seeing him come in grunting and groaning, frowningly said.I thought that the divell would never let thee come home, all thewhole Citie have dined, and yet wee must remaine without our dinner.When _Calandrino_ heard this, & perceived that he was not invisible tohis Wife: full of rage and wroth, hee began to raile, saying. Ah thouwicked woman, where art thou? Thou hast utterly undone me: but (as Ilive) I will pay thee soundly for it. Up the staires he ascended intoa small Parlour, where when he hadde spred all his burthen of stoneson the floore: he ran to his wife, catching her by the haire of thehead, and throwing her at his feete; giving her so many spurns andcruel blowes, as shee was not able to moove either armes or legges,notwithstanding all her teares, and humble submission.
Now _Buffalmaco_ and _Bruno_, after they had spent an indifferentwhile, with the Warders at the Port in laughter; in a faire & gentlepace, they followed _Calandrino_ home to his house, and being come tothe doore, they heard the harsh bickering betweene him and his Wife,and seeming as if they were bu
t newly arrived, they called out alowdto him. _Calandrino_ being in a sweate, stamping and raving still athis Wife: looking forth of the window, entreated them to ascend up tohim, which they did, counterfetting greevous displeasure against him.Being come into the roome, which they saw all covered over with stones,his Wife sitting in a corner, all the haire (well-neere) torne off herhead, her face broken and bleeding, and all her body cruelly beaten; onthe other side, _Calandrino_ standing unbraced and ungirded, struglingand wallowing, like a man quite out of breath: after a little pausing,_Bruno_ thus spake.
Why how now _Calandrino_? What may the meaning of this matter be?What, art thou preparing for building, that thou hast provided suchplenty of stones? How sitteth thy poore wife? How hast thou misusedher? Are these the behaviours of a wise or honest man? _Calandrino_,utterly over-spent with travaile, and carrying such an huge burthenof stones, as also the toylesome beating of his Wife, (but much moreimpatient and offended, for that high good Fortune, which he imaginedto have lost:) could not collect his spirits together, to answer themone ready word, wherefore hee sate fretting like a mad man. Whereupon,_Buffalmaco_ thus began to him. _Calandrino_, if thou be angry with anyother, yet thou shouldest not have made such a mockery of us, as thouhast done: in leaving us (like a couple of coxcombes) to the plaine of_Mugnone_, whether thou leddest us with thee, to seeke a precious stonecalled _Helitropium_. And couldst thou steale home, never bidding us somuch as farewell? How can we but take it in very evill part, that thoushouldest so abuse two honest neighbours? Well, assure thy selfe, thisis the last time that ever thou shalt serve us so.
_Calandrino_ (by this time) being somewhat better come to himselfe,with an humble protestation of courtesie, returned them this answer.Alas my good friends, be not you offended, the case is farre otherwisethen you immagine. Poore unfortunate man that I am, I found the rareprecious stone that you speake of: and marke me well, if I do not tellyou the truth of all. When you asked one another (the first time) whatwas become of me; I was hard by you: at the most, within the distanceof two yards length; and perceiving that you saw mee not, (being stillso neere, and alwaies before you:) I went on, smiling to my selfe, toheare you brabble and rage against me.
So, proceeding on in his discourse, he recounted every accident asit hapned, both what they had saide and did unto him, concerningthe severall blowes, with the two Flint-stones, the one hurting himgreevously in the heele, and the other paining him as extreamly in thebacke, with their speeches used then, and his laughter, notwithstandinghee felt the harme of them both, yet beeing proud that he did soinvisibly beguile them. Nay more (quoth he) I cannot forbeare to tellyou, that when I passed thorow the Port, I saw you standing with theWarders; yet, by vertue of that excellent Stone, undiscovered ofyou all. Beside, going along the streets, I met many of my Gossips,friends, and familiar acquaintance, such as used daylie to conversewith me, and drinking together in every Tavern: yet not one of themspake to me, neyther used any courtesie or salutation; which (indeede)I did the more freely forgive them, because they were not able to seeme.
In the end of all, when I was come home into mine owne house, thisdivellish and accursed woman, being aloft uppon my stayres head, bymuch misfortune chanced to see me; in regard (as it is not unknowneto you) that women cause all things to lose their vertue. In whichrespect, I that could have stild my selfe the onely happy man in_Florence_, am now made most miserable. And therefore did I justlybeate her, so long as she was able to stand against mee, and I know noreason to the contrary, why I should not yet teare her in a thousandpeeces: for I may well curse the day of our mariage, to hinder andbereave me of such an invisible blessednesse.
_Buffalmaco_ and _Bruno_ hearing this, made shew of verie muchmervailing thereat, and many times maintained what _Calandrino_ hadsaid; being well neere ready to burst with laughter; considering, howconfidently he stood upon it, that he had found the wonderfull stone,and lost it by his wives speaking onely to him. But when they saw himrise in fury once more, with intent to beat her againe: then they steptbetweene them; affirming, That the woman had no way offended in thiscase, but rather he himself: who knowing that women cause all thingsto lose their vertue, had not therefore expresly commanded her, not tobe seene in his presence all that day, untill he had made full proofeof the stones vertue. And questionles, the consideration of a matterso availeable and important, was quite taken from him, because suchan especiall happinesse, should not belong to him only; but (in part)to his friends, whom he had acquainted therewith, drew them to theplaine with him in companie, where they tooke as much paines in searchof the stone, as possibly he did, or could; and yet (dishonestly) hewould deceive them, and beare it away covetously, for his owne privatebenefit.
After many other, as wise and wholesome perswasions, which heconstantly credited, because they spake them, they reconciled him tohis wife, and she to him: but not without some difficulty in him; whofalling into wonderfull greefe and melancholy, for losse of such anadmirable precious stone, was in danger to have dyed, within lesse thena month after.