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I drained my tankard and reached for the keg’s tap.
“You might want to rethink that,” Sora Niabi suggested. “Or at least admit the reason for it. ”
The demonologist was standing close enough to talk, but far enough away not to get hit with anything I might possibly throw in her direction. Apparently she’d seen her share of mean drunks in her time.
I bristled. “Why?”
“Draining that keg isn’t going to make whatever’s wrong any better, and pickling your brain never helps anything. ”
“So you’ve never gotten pickled?”
She let out a snort of a laugh. “Plenty of times. I hunt demons for a living. ”
“Since you’re here, does that mean the demon hunt’s over?”
“It does. ”
“Wanna join me?”
“Love to. ”
I looked around, seeing nothing but my tankard and one keg. “We’ll have to get—”
Sora flashed a grin and pulled a dinted metal mug from her robes. “I always carry my own. ”
“That’s convenient. ”
“And ensures I never go thirsty. ”
Sora sat down on the deck next to the keg, filled her mug, and with a sore and weary sigh, slowly eased back against the mainmast.
“There’s plenty of room on the bench,” I told her.
“I’m good right where I am. ” Sora took a long drink and nodded appreciatively. “A fine brew. My compliments to your cousin. ”
I pushed on the tap and started refilling my tankard. “Phaelan thinks a happy crew is a loyal crew. ”
“This would certainly help. And you’re sitting here getting yourself happy because . . . ?”
“I’m scared and I’m confused, and I’m overwhelmed by what I’m scared of and confused about. ”
Sora’s brow creased in concentration. “That almost made sense. ”
“Thank you. ”
“And will emptying that keg make you any less confused, scared, and overwhelmed?”
“No, but—”
“Let’s see . . . One, you’re alive. And considering present circumstances, you used up half a dozen miracles making that one happen. Two, so you’ve got people after you. ” She dismissively waved her hand. “They’re all assholes. ”
“Powerful assholes,” I reminded her. I think my words were starting to slur.
Sora took another healthy swig. “All that means is they can blow more gas. ”
I had to laugh, even though it hurt my head. “I don’t think Carnades blows gas. ”
“You’re right. Too tight-assed. ” She paused with a knowing grin. “Third, and the main reason you’re trying to drown yourself in a keg, you’ve got man problems. ”
I saw no reason to deny it. “On top of all my others. And it’s not a man problem—it’s a men problem. ”
Sora nodded. “Ah. Let me guess—two men, one you, and a lot of confusion in between. Seen it before. ”
“Not like this, you haven’t. And it’s not like I’ve had time to sit around and make a list of pros and cons. ”
“You don’t need a list. What’s your gut tell you?”
I grimaced and burped. “That I should have stopped two tankards ago. ” I leaned forward and dropped my face into the hand not holding the ale. “And being anywhere near me is going to get them both killed. ”
“Both meaning Mychael Eiliesor and Tamnais Nathrach?”
“That would be them. ” My words were muffled against my hand.
“First of all, I’d like to congratulate you on some damn fine taste in men. ”
“Thank you. ”
“So you’re saying that you’re not interested in either one of them?”
I lifted my head and regretted it. “I’m saying that I can’t be. ”
“You can tell yourself that until you’re blue in the face. ” She indicated my ale mug. “Or in your case, throbbing in the head. All the ale on this island isn’t going to change how you feel here. ” She took the hand that wasn’t holding her mug and poked herself twice in the center of her chest. I think she was swaying, or maybe it was me. “I take it that’s the source of your confusion?”
“Uh-huh. ” I couldn’t tell her that it was also the source of my fear. Sora didn’t know about the Saghred’s foray into match-making, and it was safer for her if she stayed that way. Sometimes, ignorance wasn’t just bliss, it was survival. But I could tell her about Mychael’s excuses turning into intentions, and Tam’s lust turning into . . . well, serious lust and more. My love life had been mostly famine, but soon I might be confronted with a feast—and a choice.
I told her, and she listened.
“Being a demonologist gives you a certain perspective on life,” Sora told me. “I went up against I don’t know how many demons in that dark hall, with nothing but a handful of backup and half a dozen old and overused demon traps. By the way, that backup was some of your uncle’s crew. ”
“I saw. ”
“When you and Captain Benares went missing, the commodore went to Mychael and demanded to help find you. The paladin and I knew where you were by that time, and with the Guardians protecting the students, I needed some strong backs to haul in my big-ass demon traps. ”
“Looked like a coffin to me. ”
Sora flashed a grin. “For a demon, that’s what they are. My own invention. Once we got them spaced out around the Assembly outer hall, we opened them up and sucked the bastards right off the face of the earth. ”
“So what kept us from getting sucked in?”
“Shields and the fact that you’re not a demon. ”
I chuckled and shook my head, slowly this time. “Some would say that’s open for debate. ”
“Earlier models couldn’t tell the difference between demon and mortal. ” She paused and looked a little embarrassed. “Design flaw. ”
“That’s some flaw. ”
“Especially to the poor demonologist who got sucked in there with them; I had a hell of a time getting him out. Your uncle’s crews hauled the traps in and then stayed to pose as lunch to lure the demons into range. Your Uncle Ryn and his officers took on a pack of Volghuls that arrived before we were ready to start the party. ” Sora smiled fondly. “The demons were actually afraid of your uncle. He and his crew are a fine bunch of men. ”
Now that was something Uncle Ryn and his crew had never been called. But I had to agree with Sora, any man who’d act like demon food, even for a few seconds, was worthy of any and all kinds of admiration.
“Your family’s good people, Raine. ”
“They’re pirates. ”
“Doesn’t mean they’re not good people. ”
I smiled. Sora was good people, too. “All of your students are okay?” I asked.
Sora’s smile spread into a grin of fierce pride. “Every last one of them. And after what some of my grad students did in the Assembly, they’ll be graduating with honors. Two of them didn’t have the best grades in their class, but exam scores don’t mean shit when you’ve got a ten-foot-tall demon trying to have you for a snack. It’s what those two kids did to that demon that mattered. I’m proud of my students. ” She looked me squarely in the eyes. “And having demons trying to eat you reminds you real quick what’s important and which things just don’t matter. It seems that our fine paladin’s acknowledging that he has some strong feelings for you. And I gather that you’ve known for some time how Nathrach felt. And you telling them that you can’t be with either one of them won’t do a damned thing to change their minds once they’ve made them up. ” Her dark eyes sparkled appreciatively. “In case you haven’t noticed—and I’m sure you have—our paladin is a grown man. ”
I raised my tankard in salute. “Noticed that many times. ”
“And before Talon enrolled in the college, Tamnais Nathrach dropped by my office for a talk. Likewise, a grown man—a very we
ll-grown man. And since they’re both big boys, they don’t need anyone to protect them from their choices—especially the woman it seems they’ve set their sights on. ”
“No one’s set their sights on me. ”
“I study demons, Raine. But deep down, I’m a hunter. I recognize my own kind. Mychael and Tamnais are hunters to their core. ” She smiled slowly. “From what you tell me, and from what I’ve heard on my own, they’ve deemed you worthy of pursuit. ” Her dark eyes twinkled. “Girl, you’d better watch your back. Though you might have more fun if you didn’t. ”
“Sora, I’m trouble to my core. I don’t want them to die because of me. ”
“Because you love them, or at least that’s the direction you’re heading. If you won’t say it, I will. ”
“I don’t know what I—”
“Yes, you do. You’re just too stubborn—or afraid—to admit it yet. ”
I didn’t answer. I didn’t have to; we both knew what that answer would be.
“Your not wanting them to die because of you won’t change how they feel,” she said. “The only thing you have to decide is what you’re going to do about it. Personally, when a class twelve demon finally catches me with no spells, no trap, and no hope in hell, I don’t want to have any regrets. How about you?”
I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees, letting my tankard dangle loosely from my hand, and stared down at the deck. As paladin, Mychael faced death every day. As a former member of the Mal’Salin family, Tam knew that death was hot on his heels right now. Both of them lived their lives like that, and they enjoyed living. I knew for a fact that Tam didn’t let anything get in the way of his having a good time. Yes, knowing me could get them both killed; it could get us all killed. But if they could live like that, so could I.