Despite the fear his words aroused, excitement also slammed hard through her. What he was describing sent her into a tailspin of confusion and need. She shook her head, trying to regain control of her spiraling feelings. She knew she should be afraid of what he was saying, she should be completely against it considering what she was; to have a vampire feeding from her should be the last thing in the world that she wanted.
But wanted it she did. Desperately.
“I also want to change you.”
Horror slammed through her, knocking away all of her desire. Nausea twisted in her stomach, the blood froze in her veins, leaving her hollow and cold. Mouth dropping, she tried to find words, but none would come out. Change her? No, never, she could never be what he was. She could never be a vampire, hunting animals, living on blood.
Living in the dark, being a monster, being one of the things that had killed her parents was not something that she could do. Ever.
Bile rose in her throat. She wanted to stand up, but her legs would not support her. His gaze was fierce on her, but he could not hide the brief flicker of hurt that flashed through his eyes. “Cassie…”
She held up her hand, not sure that she could hear anymore. She needed time to digest what he was saying to her now, never mind hearing anymore. “I can’t,” she managed to choke out. “I can’t.”
He closed his eyes, folding his hands behind his back as he rocked on his heels. He opened his eyes slowly, the stark pain in them nearly breaking her heart. Tears boiled up in her eyes, the anguish radiating from him was almost more than she could bear.
Taking a deep breath, he took a step closer to her, kneeling down so that they were on the same eye level. His gaze was steady on hers, hard, intense. “I either change you, or I leave when this is over,” he said softly.
Terror tore through her; she lurched to her feet, falling before him on the carpet. Reaching out, she grasped hold of him, her fingers digging into his shoulders, fear threatening to choke her. “You can’t,” she whispered, shaking her head forcefully. “You can’t.”
He gently brushed away the tears that spilled rapidly down her face. Tears she hadn’t even known she was shedding. “If I stay, I may change you against your will Cassie. I am unstable around you. You shake me to the very core of my being, rattle me; unravel me. I don’t want to hurt you Cassie, it’s the last thing in the world that I want to do, but I very well might.”
“No,” she breathed. “Never. You would never hurt me.”
He sighed, his hand wrapped around the back of her head, his fingers gently stroked her skull. “Today in the cafeteria…”
“I won’t do anything like that again!”
“So we don’t touch, we don’t kiss, we keep our distance? What kind of a relationship is that Cassie? You deserve so much better, you deserve someone who can love you completely without having to fear that they might snap and turn you into a monster.”
Her tears spilled more freely. His eyes were full of anguish as he continued to gently caress and comfort her. “I can’t lose you, I can’t,” she sobbed. “I didn’t come alive until I met you. I can’t lose you.”
“Shh love, please Cassie, please don’t cry. I’m so sorry; I don’t want to hurt you. I never want to hurt you.”
“Then don’t leave me!”
His eyes were tormented, wracked with pain and anguish. She could see the fierce battle waging within him, the absolute torture that she was putting him through, but she couldn’t stop herself. She couldn’t lose him, she would never survive it. She would die if she lost him, she knew that. He was her other half, her everything.
He nodded briefly, but his were still dark, distant. “Not now,” he promised. “Not with Julian around.”
“But after?” she asked worriedly.
He sighed softly. “After, you are going to have to make a choice. You should be with someone that can give you the life that you deserve. I am not that man Cassie; I am not even a man.”
Horror tore through her again, she tried to shake her head, but he had a firm hold on the back of her skull. His eyes blazed into hers, fierce with his need, anguish, and fear of rejection. She didn’t want to reject him and what he was; she would do anything for him, well almost anything. She simply could not give him that.
Her gaze ran over his glorious face, savoring every detail. He was everything that she had ever dreamed of, and more. No one else would ever make her feel like he did, she couldn’t imagine even kissing another man, let alone having them touch her. The thought repulsed her almost as much as the idea of becoming a vampire. “You are that person. I could never be with anyone else,” she said fervently. “Never.”
Anguish flashed across his face. “Cassie…”
“You can control yourself,” she whispered. “I know it.”
Resignation settled over his features, his thumb began to gently stroke her neck again. “For a little while yes, but I don’t know for how long Cass. You affect me too much, and my need for you grows every day. I know that it will only continue to grow. If I lose complete control, I could hurt someone, or I could force the change on you and that is the last thing that I want to do. But I feel that it might come to that if I continue on this way.”
She bit her bottom lip, trying hard not to start sobbing again. “You will have to make a choice Cassie.”
She closed her eyes as she nodded, unable to meet the hope and fear that radiated from his gaze. Even if it meant losing him, she didn’t think she could do what he was asking of her. In fact, she knew that she couldn’t. Her heart constricted, an ache bloomed throughout her body, seeping into her limbs. It felt as if a hundred needles were piercing her skin, driving the pain into the very marrow of her bones.
She shuddered, her blood having turned to ice, her heart labored to push it through her flayed veins. Slowly opening her eyes, she met his gaze, trying her best to hide the grief tearing through her. She didn’t want to hurt him, she didn’t want to lose him, but this was an impossible, shattering choice that she wasn’t capable of making now. If ever.
In his gaze she saw the realization, the hurt, but there was nothing that she could do to ease it. She could not assure him that he would be the one that she chose. She could not assure him that she would give up sunlight and life, for a cold existence of death and darkness. Not all vampires may be the monsters that she had once believed them to be, but she could not become the thing that had murdered her parents. She could not become the thing she had been birthed to destroy.
All she could do was hope that he was wrong, and that he would be able to keep control of himself. It was selfish of her to put him through such torture; it was so much to ask of him. Yet, it was also a lot to ask of her. She refused to let the knowledge that their relationship was doomed seep into her brain. If she did, she would completely break down, and she couldn’t do that. Not in front of him. Not now.
For now she was still able to hold him, be near him; love him. Right now she had to cherish every moment they had together, for they were far more limited than she had realized.
Reaching out, she gently stroked the face that she loved so much. Beneath her hand she could feel the fine bristles of his stubble. “I love you Devon.”
Light and hope bloomed in his eyes; they glowed with warmth and love. Though she knew he did not hope for her to change her mind, the hope nearly unraveled her. Pulling her gently forward he dropped a soft, lingering kiss on her forehead. “I love you too. I’ll love you forever.”
Tears slid down Cassie’s face as she leaned into him, savoring in his strength, his warmth, and the eternal love enshrouding her.
CHAPTER 8
Cassie studied the crowd crammed into the restaurant of B’s and S’s. A few diehards remained settled around the picnic tables outside, but for the most part the crisp mid October air had chased everyone else inside. The heat from all the bodies, and the noise was almost more than she could tolerate, but unfortunately they had to be here. Vampires were drawn to
the crowds, drawn to the fresh blood of the youth within the walls.
The loud ringing of the pinball machine behind her caused her to wince involuntarily. A headache had been bothering her all day, tensing her shoulders and back. It was the kind of headache that no amount of aspirin could cure, and noises and stress were best avoided. She couldn’t avoid either of them right now.
Devon leaned closer to her, his hand gently massaging the back of her neck. She leaned forward, closing her eyes as he attempted to ease the tightness lingering there. There was far too much on her mind right now. A loud shout rang out as the pinball machine went crazy. Sliding lower in her seat, she fervently wished that she was anywhere but here.
“Do you want me to take you home?” Chris inquired.
Opening her eyes Cassie focused on his bleary figure. She would love nothing more than to go home, but she couldn’t leave the three of them on their own tonight. If anything happened… She refused to finish the thought as she shook her head slightly. “No, that’s ok. I’ll be fine.”
He frowned at her, but didn’t push further. Devon pulled her closer to him, his arm wrapping gently around her head as he rested it against his chest. Some of the pain eased from her as his touch soothed the pounding in her temples. Closing her eyes, she wrapped her arms around his waist, clinging tight to him as he stroked her hair lightly. He blocked out some of the noise, making it easier to breathe as she opened her eyes once more.
Her gaze drifted across the students that gave their table a wide berth. Not long ago their table would have been flocked with people vying for their attention. Now there was no one, and she found that she didn’t miss them. Glancing around the too bright, too loud restaurant, Cassie ignored the sideways looks she received. Sighing heavily, she took a sip of water, hoping the cool liquid would help ease the pain in her body. It didn’t.
Fresh air would though, she was certain of that. “I’m going to step outside for a minute.”
“I’ll come with you,” Devon said instantly.
She shot him a look, shaking her head slightly, afraid to move it much more. “No, I’ll be fine, I’m not going anywhere.”
“Cassie…”
“Devon, I just need some fresh air.”
His eyes were dark and turbulent as he studied her carefully. His glance toward Chris and Melissa set Cassie’s hackles on edge. She was just getting some fresh air for crying out loud, she was not a two year old, and she did not need a babysitter. “I don’t need their permission either,” she said sharply.
His gaze came guiltily back to hers, his shoulders slumped slightly. “Alright, but don’t go anywhere.”
She frowned fiercely at him, but did not argue further. Besides, she was not fooled into thinking that at least one of them wouldn’t be keeping an eye on her, making sure she didn’t get herself killed. Devon slid out of the booth, letting her escape from her cramped corner and the endlessly annoying ring of the pinball machine. “I’ll be back,” she muttered.
He squeezed her arm gently as she made her way past. In the old days she would have had to push her way through the crowd, stopping every few feet to talk with someone. There had been times that it had taken her a half an hour just to make it to the door. Not any longer. Now the crowd parted for her as if she were a highly contagious leper they wanted no part of.
Cassie kept her face impassive, and her chin high. It was only high school, she continuously told herself. She only had a little over seven months left, and she still had her best friends, and Devon. Though that thought helped to ease some of the hurt, it did not make it go away. She would never get used to being hated. She would never get used to people that she had considered friends turning against her so quickly, and so easily. It was like a knife to the heart, and especially to the back.
Shoving through the double glass doors, Cassie greedily inhaled gulps of the refreshing, crisp air. The doors closed behind her, blocking most of the ringing and voices, leaving her in the near blissful silence of the outdoor eating area. The two tables of people still outside glanced up at her, surprise and amusement crossed their features before they turned back to each other.
Cassie turned to ignore them, but her attention was snagged by one of the girls with blood red hair, tinted at the ends with neon green. Eyes narrowing, she tried to place the girl, knowing that she had seen her before. Her mind tripped along, going over features and memories. Then, it locked into place. She had been one of Dani’s smoking friends the day Cassie had first met Dani in the bathroom, and she had been one of the girl’s that Dani had joined in the hallway.
But where was Dani?
Cassie scanned the crowd again, but she did not see the tiny girl amongst them. Turning back to the restaurant, she searched the packed, bright interior. If Dani was more than ten feet in there, Cassie was not going to see her. Maybe she had decided not to come out tonight? Or perhaps she was in the restaurant. Though she tried to assure herself that both of these things were possible, Cassie could not shake the feeling that neither explanation was right.
Narrowing her eyes, she scanned the dark night. The roads winding through the center of town were empty of all but a few souls mingling outside of the bars, smoking or talking loudly. Cassie watched them for a moment, knowing that they would be prime targets for Julian, though she suspected that he wanted to do more damage than they would offer. Julian wanted to attack Cassie, Chris, Melissa, and Devon. Going after high school students would be the best way to do that.
A shiver ran down Cassie’s spine, the hair on the nape of her neck stood on end as her thoughts returned once more to Dani. Turning in the other direction she studied the darkened sidewalk that led to the outskirts of town, the cemetery, and the woods. Her eyes narrowed as she strained to see as much as possible through the thick night.
Her vision blurred slightly from the pounding in her head, then suddenly snapped into sharp focus. At the far end of the sidewalk, moving slowly along, she could just barely make out the form of someone taking a right into the dark woods. A perfect target for Julian. Cassie’s heart leapt into her throat, her chest constricted as panic tore through her.
Spinning back to the restaurant, she was not surprised to see Melissa lurking by the door, trying to look preoccupied with the gumball machine. It was a machine Melissa hit up every time they left B’s and S’s, but they weren’t ready to leave. In fact, Cassie was willing to bet their food hadn’t even arrived yet. However, she could not find the energy to be annoyed. She was far too relieved to see Melissa for that.
She banged swiftly on the glass, gaining more attention than she wanted. Melissa’s eyes darted to her, widening slightly and then narrowing sharply. Cassie pointed toward the sidewalk, but didn’t wait to tell Melissa more. Turning, she sprinted past the group gathered by the picnic tables, heading swiftly toward the road.
“Hey, stay away from her you freak!” one of the boys yelled after her.
Cassie fought back a bitter laugh, they weren’t worried enough about Dani to stop her from walking home on her own, but they were worried that Cassie would bother her. She reached the sidewalk; she skidded around a corner as her sneakers briefly lost traction on the dew dampened surface.
Regaining her balance, Cassie kept her eyes locked on the woods, trying to pinpoint the exact spot where Dani had entered. A small path made its way into the forest; a few freshly broken branches snagged her attention. Bolting into the forest, Cassie tore down the path, shoving branches out of her way as she easily avoided obstacles.
A chill of apprehension raced down her spine causing goose bumps to break out on her flesh. She had placed herself in danger, she knew that, but she needed to get to Dani. She had to find the girl, she had to protect her. She had to make sure that Dani was safe before Julian arrived.
And he would arrive, she was certain of that.
***
Devon sat stiffly in the booth, agitated that he could no longer see Cassie. Melissa had volunteered to keep an eye on her, citing tha
t her favorite gumballs were by the front door so it might not look as obvious if she went. Chris had added that Cassie would be angered and upset if she felt she was being babysat. Devon hadn’t wanted to care about that fact, her safety did come first after all, but he found himself unwilling to upset her in anyway.
So in the end he had relented, but he was not happy about it. They had sent Melissa up with two dollars and seventy five cents worth of quarters, plenty to keep her occupied for a little while. Slipping her first quarter in, Devon watched as the red ball made its way through a series of ramps, dips, traps, and holes in the intricate machine. He had to admit it was interesting to watch and he could see why Melissa liked it.
If it had been at any other point in time, he wouldn’t have minded watching the thing for awhile. But right now all he wanted was Cassie back at his side, where he knew that she was safe. He shifted uncomfortably, his gaze darting briefly to the window at his side, but he couldn’t see her from this angle. He could see a group of teenagers gathered around two tables. They were dressed in dark clothes; their hair was dyed different colors, and they had an array of piercings covering them.
The group glanced back toward the doorway, confirming that Cassie was still there as they bent close to each other, whispering softly before glancing at her again. Devon sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair as he fought the urge to stand up and storm out after her. If she wanted to be outside, fine, but he wanted her within eyesight, and where he was within arm’s reach of her.
“She’ll be fine,” Chris said softly.
Devon shot him a look, not relieved by his reassurances. He knew Cassie, she didn’t think before she acted. She just reacted. It had almost gotten her killed a couple of days ago, and he was not willing to take that chance again. Chris chuckled softly, drawing Devon’s ire and agitation back to him. “What?” he asked irritably.
Chris lifted a dark blond brow, his sapphire eyes twinkled with amusement. “It’s a relief to have someone else helping to watch over her, and to share in my frustration. I’ve been watching over her for the past seventeen years and it hasn’t been fun.”