AT EIGHT, I was beginning to get tired. I saw Fritz Werner come in, waving to everyone and talking gaily. I started over toward him, but Charlie Frank caught me on the way.
Charlie stood half hunched over, with a twisted, painful expression on his face as if he’d just been stabbed in the stomach. His eyes were wide and sad. Altogether, it was quite a dramatic effect, but Charlie always looked that way. He wore an air of impending crisis and imminent tragedy on his shoulders, and it burdened him, crushing him to the floor. I had never seen him smile.
In a tense, half whisper, he said, “How is he?”
“Who?”
“Art Lee.”
“He’s all right.” I didn’t want to talk about Lee with Charlie Frank.
“Is it true he’s been arrested?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, my God.” He gave a little gasp.
“I think it will turn out all right in the end,” I said.
“Do you?”
“Yes,” I said, “I do.”
“Oh, my God.” He bit his lip. “Is there anything I can do?”
“I don’t think so.”
He was still holding on to my arm. I looked across the room at Fritz, hoping Charlie’d notice and let go. He didn’t.
“Say, John…”
“Yes?”
“What’s this I heard about you, ah, getting involved?”
“Let’s say I’m interested.”
“I ought to tell you,” Charlie said, leaning close, “that there’s talk in the hospitals. People are saying that you’re concerned because you’re mixed up in it yourself.”
“Talk is cheap.”
“John, you could make a lot of enemies.”
In my mind, I was thinking over Charlie Frank’s friends. He was a pediatrician, and very successful: he worried over his young patients more than their mothers and that comforted them.
“Why do you say that?”
“It’s just a feeling I get,” he said with a sad look.
“What do you suggest I do?”
“Stay away from it, John. It’s ugly. Really ugly.”
“I’ll remember that.”
“A lot of people feel very strongly—”
“So do I.”
“—that this is something to be left to the courts.”
“Thanks for the advice.”
His grip on my arm hardened. “I’m saying this as a friend, John.”
“O.K., Charlie. I’ll remember.”
“It’s really ugly, John.”
“I’ll remember.”
“These people won’t stop at anything,” he said.
“What people?”
Quite abruptly, he let go of my arm. He gave an embarrassed little shrug. “Well, you have to do what you think is best, in any case.”
And he turned away.
FRITZ WERNER WAS STANDING, as usual, by the bar. He was a tall, painfully thin, almost emaciated man. He kept his hair trimmed short, and this emphasized his large, dark, brooding eyes. He had a birdlike manner, a gawky walk, and a habit of craning his thin neck forward when he was addressed, as if he could not hear well. There was an intensity about him, which might have stemmed from his Austrian ancestry or from his artistic nature. Fritz painted and sketched as a hobby, and his office always had a cluttered, studiolike appearance. But he made his money as a psychiatrist, listening patiently to bored, middle-aged matrons who had decided at a late date that there was something wrong with their minds.
He smiled as we shook hands. “Well, well, if it isn’t poison ivy.”
“I’m beginning to think so myself.” ,
He looked around the room. “How many lectures so far?”
“Just one. Charlie Frank.”
“Yes,” Fritz said, “you can always count on him for bad advice.”
“And what about you?”
He said, “Your wife is looking very charming tonight. Blue is her color.”
“I’ll tell her.”
“Very charming. How is your family?”
“Good, thanks. Fritz—”
“And your work?”
“Listen, Fritz. I need help.”
He laughed softly. “You need more than help. You need rescue.”
“Fritz—”
“You’ve been seeing people,” he said. “I imagine you’ve met them all by now. What did you think of Bubbles?”
“Bubbles?”
“Yes.”
I frowned. I had never heard of anyone named Bubbles. “You mean, Bubbles the stripper?”
“No. I mean Bubbles the roommate.”
“Her roommate?”
“Yes.”
“The one at Smith?”
“God, no. The one from last summer, on the Hill. Three of them shared an apartment. Karen, and Bubbles, and a third girl who had some kind of medical connections—nurse, or technician, or something. They made quite a group.”
“What’s the real name of this girl Bubbles? What does she do?”
Someone came up to the bar for another drink. Fritz looked out at the room and said in a professional voice, “This sounds quite serious. I suggest you send him to see me. As it happens, I have a free hour tomorrow at two-thirty.”
“I’ll arrange it,” I said.
“Good,” he said. “Nice to see you again, John.”
We shook hands.
JUDITH WAS TALKING TO NORTON HAMMOND, who was leaning against the wall. As I walked up, I thought to myself that Fritz was right: she was looking good. And then I noticed that Hammond was smoking a cigarette. There was nothing wrong with that, of course, except that Hammond didn’t smoke.
He didn’t have a drink in his hand, and he was smoking rather slowly and deeply. “Say,” I said, “you want to watch that.” He laughed. “My social protest for the night.”
Judith said, “I tried to tell him somebody would smell it.”
“Nobody here can smell anything,” Hammond said. It was probably true; the room was thick with blue smoke. “Besides, remember Goodman and Gilman.”9
“Still. Be Careful.”
“Think of it,” he said, taking a deep drag. “No bronchogenic carcinoma, no oat-cell carcinoma, no chronic bronchitis and emphysema, no arteriosclerotic heart disease, no cirrhosis, no Wernicke-Korsakoff. It’s beautiful.”
“It’s illegal.”
He smiled and pulled at his moustache. “You’re up for abortion but not maryjane, is that it?”
“I can only take one crusade at a time.”
A thought came to me as I watched him suck in a mouthful of smoke and exhale clear air. “Norton, you live on the Hill, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know anybody named Bubbles?”
He laughed. “Everybody knows Bubbles. Bubbles and Superhead. They’re always together.”
“Superhead?”
“Yeah. That’s her bag at the moment. He’s an electronic musician. A composer. He likes things that sound like ten dogs howling. They’re living together.”
“Didn’t she live with Karen Randall?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. Why?”
“What’s her real name? Bubbles.”
He shrugged. “I never heard her called anything else. But the guy: his name is Samuel Archer.”
“Where does he live?”
“Over behind the State House somewhere. In a basement. They have it fixed up like a womb.”
“A womb?”
“You have to see it to believe it,” Norton said, and he gave a relaxed, satisfied sigh.
The fourth class, analgesics, was mostly that old standby, aspirin, synthesized in 1853. Aspirin is as much a wonder drug as any other. It is a painkiller, a swelling-reducer, a fever-breaker, and an antiallergic drug. None of its actions can be explained.
See Appendix V: Whites.
Injected amphetamines, such as methedrene, intravenously.
Psychiatrists have the highest suicide rate of all, more than ten times that of th
e GP.
Defined as a person who becomes more inebriated than his blood alcohol levels would explain. In the most extreme cases, a single drink may make a man a raving, destructive lunatic.
The Papp smear is the most accurate diagnostic test in all of medicine.
See Appendix VI: Arguments on Abortion.
See Appendix VII: Medical Morals.
Goodman and Gilman, The Pharmacological Basis of Therapeutics, the definitive text of pharmacology used by doctors. There is a discussion of the effects of marijuana on page 300 which has been widely quoted in recent legal proceedings.
TEN
JUDITH SEEMED TENSE ON THE DRIVE BACK. She sat with her knees together and her hands clasped around them. She was squeezing her hands hard; the knuckles were white.
“Something wrong?”
“No,” she said. “Just tired.”
I said, “Was it the wives?”
She smiled slightly. “You’ve become very famous. Mrs. Wheatstone was so upset that she missed a bid at this afternoon’s game, I understand.”
“What else did you hear?”
“They all asked me why you were doing it, helping Art. They thought it was a marvelous example of a man sticking by his friend. They thought it was heartwarming and humane and wonderful.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And they kept asking why.”
“Well, I hope you told them it’s because I’m a nice guy.”
She smiled in the darkness. “I wish I’d thought of that.”
Her voice was sad, though, and her face in the reflected light of the headlights was drawn. I knew it wasn’t easy for her to be with Betty all the time. But somebody had to do it.
For some reason, I remembered my student days and Purple Nell. Purple Nell was a seventy-eight-year-old former alcoholic who had been dead a year before she became our cadaver. We called her Nell, and a lot of other things, small grim jokes to help us get through our work. I remembered my desire to quit, to stop cutting the cold, damp, stinking flesh, to stop peeling away the layers. I dreamed of the day I would be finished with Nell, when I could forget her, and the smells, and the feel of greasy, long-dead flesh. Everyone said it got easier. I wanted to stop, to be finished and done. But I never quit until all the dissections had been completed, all the nerves and arteries traced out and learned.
After my initial harsh experience with cadavers, I was surprised to find I was interested in pathology.
I like the work and have learned to push from my mind the smells and the sight of each new corpse, each new postmortem. But somehow autopsies are different, in some strange sense more hopeful. At autopsy you are dealing with a man, newly dead, and you know his story. He is not a faceless, anonymous cadaver but a person who had recently waged a very private battle, the only private battle in life, and lost. Your job is to find out how, and why, he lost, in order to help others who will soon do battle—and yourself. It is a far cry from the dissection cadavers, which exist in a kind of sickening, professional death, as if their only purpose in their twilight, embalmed afterlife is to be thoroughly, inspectably dead.
WHEN WE GOT HOME, Judith went in to check on the kids and call Betty. I took the sitter home. She was a short, pert girl named Sally, a cheerleader at Brookline High. Normally, when I drove her home we talked about neutral, safe things: how she liked school, where she wanted to go to college, things like that. But tonight I was feeling inquisitive, and old, and out of touch, like a man returning to his country after an extended time abroad. Everything was different, even the kids, even youth. They weren’t doing what we had done. They had different challenges and different problems. At least, they had different drugs. Perhaps the problems were still the same. At least, that was what you wanted to think.
Finally I decided I had had too much to drink at the party, and had better keep my mouth shut. So I let Sally talk about passing her driver’s test, and nothing more. As she talked, I felt both cowardly and relieved. And then I thought that it was foolish, that there was no reason for me to be curious about my babysitter, no reason to get to know her, and that if I tried it might be interpreted wrongly. It was safer to talk about drivers’ licenses; solid, respectable, reasonable ground.
Then, for some reason, I thought of Alan Zenner. And something Art had said. “If you want to know about this world, turn on your television to an interview program, and turn off the sound.” I did, a few days later. It was bizarre: the faces moving, the tongues going, the expressions and the hands. But no sound. Nothing at all. You had no idea what they were saying.
I FOUND THE ADDRESS in the phone book: Samuel F. Archer, 1334 Langdon Street. I dialed the number. A recorded voice came on.
“I am sorry, sir, the number you have dialed is not in service at this time. If you hold the line, an operator will give you further information.”
I waited. There was a series of rhythmic clicks, like the beat of a telephone heart, and then the operator. “Information. What number are you calling?”
“Seven-four-two-one-four-four-seven.”
“That number has been disconnected.”
“Do you have another listing?”
“No, sir.”
Probably Samuel F. Archer had moved, but perhaps he hadn’t. I drove there directly. The apartment was located on a steep hill on the east slope of Beacon Hill, in a battered apartment building. The hallway smelled of cabbage and baby formula. I went down a flight of creaking wooden stairs to the basement, where a green light flashed, illuminating a door painted flat black.
A sign said, GOD GROWS HIS OWN.
I knocked.
From inside, I could hear screeches, whines, warbles, and something that sounded like groans. The door opened and I faced a young man in his twenties with a full beard and long, damp black hair. He wore dungarees, sandals, and a purple polka-dot shirt. He looked at me blandly, showing neither surprise nor interest. “Yes?”
“I am Dr. Berry. Are you Samuel Archer?”
“No.”
“Is Mr. Archer in?”
“He’s busy right now.”
“I’d like to see him.”
“You a friend of his?”
He was staring at me with open suspicion. I heard more sounds—a grating, a rumble, and a long, drawnout whistle.
“I need his help,” I said.
He seemed to relax slightly. “This is a bad time.”
“It’s urgent.”
“You’re a doctor?”
“Yes.”
“You have a car?”
“Yes.”
“What kind?”
“Chevrolet. Nineteen-sixty-five.”
“What’s the license?”
“Two-one-one-five-sixteen.”
He nodded. “O.K.,” he said. “Sorry, but you know how it is these days. You can’t trust anyone.1 Come in.” He stepped back from the door. “But don’t say anything, all right? I’ll tell him first. He’s composing, and he gets pretty wrapped up. It’s the seventh hour and it should be O.K. But he does flip out easy. Even late.”
We walked through what seemed to be a living room. There were studio couches and a few cheap lamps. The walls were white, and painted in weird, flowing designs in fluorescent colors. An ultraviolet lamp heightened the effect.
“Wild,” I said, hoping that was the right thing.
“Yeah, man.”
We went into the next room. The lighting was low. A pale, short boy with an immense head of curly blond hair squatted on the floor surrounded by electronic equipment. Two speakers stood by the far wall. A tape recorder was running. The pale boy was working with his equipment, twirling knobs, producing the sounds. He did not look up at us as we entered. He seemed to be concentrating hard, but his movements were slow.
“Stay here,” said the bearded boy. “I’ll tell him.”
I stood by the door. The bearded boy approached the other and said gently, “Sam. Sam.”
Sam looked up at him. “Hi,” he said.
“S
am, you have a visitor.”
Sam seemed puzzled. “I do?” He still had not noticed me.
“Yes. He is a very nice man. A very nice man. Do you understand that? He is very friendly.”
“Good,” Sam said slowly.
“He needs your help. Will you help him?”
“Sure,” Sam said.
The bearded boy beckoned to me. I came over and said to him, “What is it?”
“Acid,” he said. “Seventh hour. He should be coming down now. But go easy, right?”
“O.K.,” I said.
I squatted down so I was on Sam’s level. Sam looked at me with blank eyes.
“I don’t know you,” he said finally.
“I’m John Berry.”
Sam did not move. “You’re old, man,” he said. “Really old.”
“In a way,” I said.
“Yeah, man, wow. Hey, Marvin,” he said, looking up at his friend, “did you see this guy? He’s really old.”
“Yes,” Marvin said. “Hey, wow, old.”
“Sam,” I said, “I’m your friend.”
I held out my hand, slowly, so as not to frighten him. He did not shake it; he took it by the fingers and held it to the light. He turned it slowly, looking at the palm, then the back. Then he moved the fingers.
“Hey, man,” he said, “you’re a doctor.”
“Yes,” I said.
“You have doctor’s hands. I can feel it.”
“Yes.”
“Hey, man. Wow. Beautiful hands.”
He was silent for a time, examining my hands, squeezing them, stroking them, feeling the hairs on the back, the fingernails, the tips of the fingers.
“They shine,” he said. “I wish I had hands like that.”
“Maybe you do,” I said.
He dropped my hands and looked at his own. Finally he said, “No. They’re different.”
“Is that bad?”