Page 2 of The Graduate


  “Seriously,” she said, “the next phase.” They all shrugged and looked at each other.

  “Sex,” Terri said, “The next phase is sex.”

  The ladies thought about this. It seemed to make sense. Truly, one of the complaints they had all expressed about men was bad, selfish, sloppy, sex. A lack of true intimacy. The rushed exit from the bed post coitus. The aversion to holding, hugging, the dreaded snuggling. This could all be fixed, rectified. William could be trained, should be trained, to be a good, thoughtful, lover.

  “The sex,” Karen said.

  “Yes,”Amy said.

  “How could we forget about the sex?” Sandra said and then, they each slipped into a private reverie of what they were going to teach William. The silent reverie lasted quite a long time. They were all late getting back to work from lunch. There was much to be discussed. They met that evening at Sandra’s house, as usual and around the kitchen table, they set down the rules and the curriculum for the sexual training of William. After discussions of the how’s, the what’s and the why’s they then argued for an hour about the type of bed they needed to buy.

  “I need a headboard,” Amy had said, “something I can attach the cuffs to.” The others had taken this in, nodded and fought the urge to ask for details. In the end, a king-sized, pillow top mattress set with a four post frame was delivered and set up in the finished basement. William, who had been sleeping on the couch, welcomed the bed, not suspecting that it was not just a place to sleep, but it was to be his classroom as well. He slept well that night and, the next evening, Sandra started the next phase of his training.

  ***

  “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we have covered this and yet, we will cover this again. When this trial began, you were all warned that there would be some explicit material discussed here and you were all agreed that you were fine with it. I encourage you to remember that. I encourage you to put your own, personal, moral standards aside and remain open to this part of the trial. Keep an open mind and, understand, once again, that William has testified, under oath that he was not forced, tortured or bribed against his will to participate in this phase of his training. In fact, if you’ll recall, he sat on this stand, not two days ago and expressed the fact that he not only enjoyed this phase of his training, but that it served him well. What he learned from the hard work, the patience, the dedication of these women, he cites as one of the main reasons he is successful with women. He was not forced. He was not injured... unless he agreed to the injury. He, above all, benefited from this and admits fully that it has made him... and I quote now from the plaintiff here:

  ‘One mind-blowingly hot, thoughtful, thorough, perfect lover.’ That’s a direct quote. A response to William’s prowess in the bedroom that was a direct result of the work of these ladies.”

  ***

  The ladies began their training and kept at it for a solid month. They started with kissing. Kissing for the sake of kissing, Kissing not as a gateway to sex, but enjoying the slow, easy, intimate delight of kissing. At first, William was a little resistant, using the classic male excuses of, why start this if it’s going nowhere. And, you know, it hurts when it gets…excited…and you don’t do anything about it. All the cliches, all the usual tricks, the ladies slowly weaned out of him with long, deep, delightful sessions of kissing.

  “He’s got great hands,” Karen said one Saturday morning at coffee.

  “You’ve progressed to touching,” Amy asked, a little upset, “I thought we decided that we were going to progress to that stage together.” Karen apologized, saying she got caught up and had allowed him to move forward in his training. They all agreed that touching was the next step.

  When they met the following Saturday they were all able to agree with Karen's assessment again, William had good hands. Touching was the order of instruction, followed by fondling, fingering and then, undressing. The skill, the sexiness of a man undressing them, was something they all agreed on. They each had their own techniques, their own, individual likes and dislikes, but the diversity served only to make William a more well rounded, more responsive lover. He had learned, very quickly, never to compare the women to each other. It didn’t matter how Sandra liked something or what made Amy swoon. He needed to learn and he did learn, that each woman is different and that pleasing them was about listening, paying attention and taking time. He learned this quickly.

  “I’m moving to oral sex tonight,” Sandra told them when they gathered for a drink after work, “seems like a natural progression.” There was general agreement except Terri. She was silent. Sandra stared at her. “Did you already go there?” she asked and Terri assured she hadn’t. When they asked why she was behaving so strangely she made a confession.

  “I... I don’t like getting oral sex,” she said and the other ladies gasped. She explained that she had never had a good experience with it. Men had always acted like it was a chore and frankly, it had actually sometimes hurt. The others were shocked. Sandra said that she didn’t have to participate in that part of the training, but Karen disagreed.

  “Yes, she does,” Karen said, “William needs to know that he may come up against this kind of situation when he gets out into the real world. He needs to know how to handle it and he needs to be able to change a woman’s mind about oral sex. He needs to know how to do this because, frankly, it’s the best freaking thing in the whole wide world when you do it right.”

  ***

  “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I want to remind you now that Terri’s mind was indeed changed. That, after the other ladies had worked their magic, had put in the hours and the dedication, that Terri had a new take on oral sex. I will quote here from Terri’s testimony. Again, this is graphic. However, it needs to be heard to understand the full weight of the training. Terri said, and I quote, with expletives deleted, of course:

  ‘Yes, it’s true, I had bad experiences with oral sex. I did not like it. However, on the night when I went to William and he began to perform oral sex on me, my mind was... well, blown. The way he [explicative deleted] my [explicative deleted]. The way he took his time, knew exactly where to place his [explicative deleted], how to move it with the [expletive deleted] motions of my body. His precision. His consistency. His... well, his skill... I swear to God above, when he [explicative deleted] between my legs, when he [explicative deleted] with his [explicative deleted] on my [explicative deleted], after he [explicative deleted] me six times, I thought my head was going to fall off.’ End quote.

  Again, a woman who disliked oral sex. A woman who had almost a fear of it is now the woman saying that when this man [explicative deleted] her—no less than six times—she thought her head was going to fall off. That’s quite a turnaround. Quite an incredible turn around. And, ladies and gentleman of the jury, this turnaround was due solely to the work of the other three ladies. This turnaround, this opening up to the pleasures of oral sex came about because of the dedication of the ladies.”

  ***

  Terri beamed with delight the morning after her oral sex session with William.

  “I’m a believer now,” she said when she sat down at the table in the coffee shop, “you ladies are some seriously good instructors. I mean, you need to be teaching at Harvard or M.I.T... Seriously.”

  Intercourse was next on the list which William showed a remarkable proclivity for. He had a natural skill in that area. The next step was the post coital part of the training. As expected, this was the most difficult step. William tended to roll over and go to sleep. His body went rigid when one of the ladies tried to hold him. Tried to snuggle. He turned his back. He made excuses. All of this was slowly pared away and, after much time, much work, William himself initiated post sex snuggling. He was, the ladies decided, a completely reprogrammed, honest to God, good man.

  “So,” Terri asked, “what’s next?”

  “Field test,” Amy said and they all agreed. William was released and watched for a few nights a week. He went on dates and
one of the ladies watched. Just first dates. Dinner, coffee, nothing big. This progressed to second dates and then, to sex.

  ***

  “Now, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, it is very important to reiterate the fact that William was now free to go. There were no devices forcing him to return to the finished basement and yet, he did. He freely returned to continue his training. He returned and willingly engaged in debriefing his dates. He was working, with the ladies, to become a more complete, better man. He did this of his own, free will. He himself testified that, despite that fact that he was free, he did not feel completely ready to be out on his own. He, and again, here I quote:

  'I wanted to be the best man, the best person I could be. I wanted to make the ladies happy and proud of me. I had great respect and... well... love for them and I didn’t want to let them down.' End quote. William himself expressed his knowledge of their work and his respect for what they did for him. He admits that he would not be the man he is, not be the lover he is, nor be the man that the plaintiff knows, if it was not for the work of these four, selfless, dedicated women.”

  ***

  Then comes Brenda. They knew this day would happen. They had built the perfect man and they knew, deep inside, though none of them wanted to speak it aloud, that this day would come. He had a first date with her. It had gone well. A second date. A dinner date. A movie date, a gallery stroll, a foreign film, the wedding of a distant cousin. He was becoming involved with this Brenda.

  “He didn’t come back to the basement last night,” Sandra said and the ladies were silent. They had done their work well, maybe too well. But what had they expected, they asked themselves. Would they keep William forever?

  “We couldn’t expect him to stay with us,” Terri said, speaking their collective thoughts, “we knew that he’d go at some point, right?” None of them answered her. None of them wanted to answer her.

  “He’s free now,” Amy said, “so all we can do is hope he remembers the training, respects the women he dates and, maybe, passes on what he’s learned to other men.” Again, silence.

  “We should be proud,” Sandra said, “because we had the idea, we followed through and, we were really successful. We created, we taught and formed a good man.” Some nodding muttered agreements. “We did what we set out to do and now, he has found a partner and, really, there is nothing we can do about it.” Silence.

  ***

  “He’s gone,” Sandra said a week later when they all met for lunch. “His stuff is gone. He is gone. He’s moved on. He’s graduated.” They gave a weak toast to his graduation and lunched in relative quiet.

  “I don’t know,” Amy said at the end of lunch and she left the restaurant in a rush.

  ***

  “She wants it to be a monogamous situation,” Amy informed them two days later in the coffee shop. She had her detective’s notebook open on the table in front of her. “It’s her, she’s making some serious demands.”

  They all listened as Amy told them how she met him for coffee. He was happy, he was moving in with Brenda, he missed them all, but she wanted them to be exclusive. She was in love with him and she wanted him all to herself. They had done their job too well, was Amy’s assessment of the situation.

  “She’s right,” Sandra said, “we really did out do ourselves.”

  “It’s really flattering, if you think about it,” Terri said, “what we were able to do. I mean, we have done something for women all over the world.”

  “That’s true,” Amy agreed, closing her notebook, “we got what we wanted and now … there’s nothing we can do about it.” They were silent for a moment. All thinking about how well their plan had worked. All thinking there was nothing else to be done.

  “We could sue,” Karen said at last and they all looked at her, “we have a method, we have it written down, we have proof it works, he is our creation. We could sue for rights.”

  Because Karen was a lawyer, what she said made sense to the other ladies. Because they had a plan, she told hem, because it was written down, it was theirs so, in essence, William was their product. Brenda could not just take him. She had to have permission. She had to pay a fee or buy the product like you would any other product.

  “So, we sue to get him back,” Terri asked, “we don’t let him date anyone else?”

  “No,” Karen said, “we sue for the rights to him. We sue to have him be the face, the proof that our method works.”

  “Why?” Amy said.

  “So we can start our company,” Karen said and they all nodded. So, the Make A Perfect Man company was born.

  ***

  “That, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, brings us to the present moment. In a minute, you’re going to go into the jury room, you’re going to sit around a table and you’re going to have to decide what’s right here. Should William, trained, perfected and basically created by these four ladies, be returned to them, not as a slave, but as a valued commodity or, should Brenda have him all to herself? A simple question, really. Should humanity be allowed to experience the ground breaking work of the ladies or, should it be hidden, cloistered, wasted on one, selfish, narrow minded woman. The choice is yours ladies and gentlemen of the jury. I hope you vote with your hearts. Thank you.”

  ***

  “So,” Amy asked, her head between her hands, her face looking mushed and slouchy. The table in front of the ladies was covered with mugs. Empty mugs. Darren stepped to the table and asked if they wanted another round, informed them that happy hour was coming to a close.

  “Sure,” Sandra said, barely able to raise her hand, “one more round, why the hell not...” Darren laughed and left.

  “So,” Amy said again, “finish, what would the jury say?”

  “Well,” Karen said, stifling a burp, “they would go into the jury room, we would wait about an hour, get called back into the courtroom. The jury would file in. The bailiff would take the verdict from the foreman, hand it to the judge. He would read it. He would look at us. He would look at Brenda...”

  “Damned Brenda,” Amy said and they all laughed.

  “The judge would look at us,” Karen went on, pulling them all in with anticipation, “he would look at the jury, ask them if they had reached a verdict. The foreman would say, we have your honor. He would open the sheet of paper and he would say...”

  “Round six,” Darren said as he put the tray on the table, “martini mugs, this round is on William.” The ladies sat up and looked at Darren.

  “William?” Sandra said, “Who... Who is William?”

  “He’s the bartender,” Darren said, “he's buying this round and he wants to know if he can join you ladies when he gets off in a few minutes.” The ladies looked to the bar and William waved at them. They studied him for a moment, looked back at each other and laughed.

  “Sure,” Karen said, “tell him to join us and we’ll make a man out of him.”

  ***

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