CHAPTER 21
When I awoke I was relieved to find that up was still up and down was still down. And from my ability to identify the bleep of a heart monitor, I was relieved to also determine that my brain functions worked correctly.
The downside was that, number one, my head felt as though it was recovering from the single greatest hangover in history, and number two, I craved coffee so badly it was unbearable.
A moment later a young nurse stepped into the small glaringly-white room.
“Oh, Mister Clarence! You’re awake!” Her expression was one of surprise, tinged with fear.
Since I guessed seeing conscious patients was likely a regular thing in her line of work, the fear had to be attributed to something more significant. Whatever the reason, I hoped word of my illegal activities had not bubbled to the surface while I slept.
How long exactly had it been…?
“Where am I?” I muttered, holding my throbbing head.
“You’re in East Central Clinic,” she replied, clutching a clipboard to her chest and eyeing me nervously, “You have been for some time now.”
“How long?”
“Nearly three months.”
Three months? Well, at least what had happened was done with, whatever it might have been. No point in worrying now. Though, as I glanced around, it did not seem I had been detained or was under arrest.
Furthermore, East Central Clinic was a place of notorious upper class reputation. I assumed it had been by some kind of error that I had ended up here.
“It’s been a very unusual time,” the nurse continued, “There has been some speculation about when you would awaken.”
“Really? Why is that?”
“Well… an Enforcer has been visiting you. We’ve assumed you were a person of some importance.”
“Ah.”
“He’s also been paying your expenses.”
It seemed Benny had been finding some use for the stolen money, though this hardly seemed a subtle way in which to do it.
“Well, that’s nice of him,” I replied, “Don’t look so nervous. I promise I’m not anyone important.”
“Of course, Mister Clarence.”
“Could I get some coffee?”
She hesitated. “I’m not sure it’s the best beverage for you in your current state, Mister Clarence.”
“Please?” Without really thinking about it I called my Spirit and pushed out my desire for coffee. The unspoken demand washed over the nurse and her eyes glazed for a second.
“Yes sir, right away.” She turned and hurried out of the room.
Justified in this case, I told myself. After all, I had not been forcing her to do anything terrible. And if I had not had my coffee it would have worsened her day a whole lot more.
I lay back in the crisp white bed sheets and took a moment to come terms with my situation.
For starters it was rather remarkable to see scars on my wrists where what seemed only moments ago had been bleeding wounds. I was not sure what kind of surgery went into fixing severed tendons, but my fingers seemed to be working well enough, if a little sluggishly.
The nurse returned with a cup of black coffee and I accepted it, taking stock of the fact that my arms were heavy and weak.
“I’ve informed Mister Kingston you are awake,” the nurse said, staring at me as if I might explode her head for such insolence, “I was ordered to do so.”
“Thank you,” I said, trying to sound gentle, but the words had barely left my mouth before the door was closing behind her.
I sipped my coffee and moaned as waves of pleasure and satisfaction rippled from my stomach. It was the most magnificent thing I had ever tasted. It was instant and probably scraped from a tin that declared itself as “The Budget Taste Sensation”, or something similar, but at that moment it was heaven.
Something began to dawn on me.
Despite the fact that my head and body still ached, I could not remember my mind being so clear. Which was unexpected, since the last thing I could recall prior to the hospital was…
Being swallowed by insanity… and dying…
I had given up, called it quits, and vanished into the heart of the dark depths of my own mind, a place that had terrified me to the very pit of my soul.
Only, it had not been insanity. Can’t have been… could it?
Or… was this insanity? This room? This hospital…?
The truth was that it had never been “insanity” that sat lurking inside my head. It had been something completely different, something I had incorrectly identified; declared as dangerous when it had not been.
Acceptance… it had been my acceptance. I had been running from, holding back and fighting against my own salvation.
It had, in the end, taken death for me to finally surrender.
And it had also been worth it. My mind had been completely flushed out – a detox. Where there had been clutter was now clarity, where there had been anxiety was now calm.
In essence, the feeling was akin to clearing out an old piano from a room, only to realise the area was twice as big and three times as sunny as you recalled prior to the invasion of the space stealer.
And yet…
I glanced down at the cup of coffee in my hands.
And yet one monster still remained, lurking in the dark recesses of that same room, keeping itself warm in the glow of the flame. It was no longer as imposing as previously. But still present. Still waiting.